Nasty Fetish Tournament Regional Semifinal — Christmas Ape Regional No. 9 vs. No. 13
In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Regional Semifinal action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.
9. Vore
Literal Meaning: “This is arousal by the thought of being eaten by someone, eating someone else, or watching someone eat somebody else. It is called “vore” for short. Perhaps this is related to cannibalism, but how someone develops a fetish like this, I really could not even speculate upon. It involves pure fantasy (at least hopefully it does), since it would be very difficult to make any of the aforementioned situations reality.”
The Intarwebs says: They worry for the fate of digested goldfish.
Notable Advocates: Mark Stepnoski, Benicio Del Toro, Tony Jaa
13. Stoma Fucking
Literal Meaning: “One who fantasizes about penetrating a surgically creating orifice, either in the in the colon or the esophagus.”
This pamphlet says: “The simplest problem facing the ostomist is of the appliance impeding easy movement and getting in the way. If the appliance is emptied before intercourse it can be folded up and trapped down with some tape. Keep a nice cotton cover over the appliance at all times as wearing a cover stops it rubbing on yours and your partners skin. If you use a transparent bag the cover hides the contents.”
Notable Advocates: Topher Grace, Zach Braff, Phil Hellmuth
Tags: Nasty Fetish Final Four
March 30th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
This can’t be Round One action, still. I swear to god, I’ve voted for stoma fucking at least ten times already. Unless we’re in next year’s tournament already, that’s gotta be a typo.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
is there any way we could get an updated bracket. im having a hard time keeping track of stoma fuckings victories. plus i need it for my pool
March 30th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
What does stome fucking have to do with emptying the dryer when the clothes are done?
March 30th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Ape – opening paragraph.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Fixed it
March 30th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
the pic on the left looks to possibly be a combo of vore and golden shower
March 30th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
I always, ALWAYS, seek to aoid messing with Phil Hellmuth, so i vote vore…
And ZOMG, this is a one surprising blowout…
March 30th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I thought Vore was weird until that picture up above. That is one sexy throat hole. I’m surprised you would post it without a NSFW tag.
March 30th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
How in the hell is that Vore still in the tourney?
March 30th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
I’ve run out of jokes about having sex with surgically created orifices.
I never thought this day would come.
March 30th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
How is Stoma Fucking a #13 seed? Sounds like a top 3 in my brackets…. Vore should have been gone along time ago…
March 30th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Nut sure about you guys…but I got in my “futures bet” on Stoma Fucking as soon as the odds came out. The line has since dropped considerably. I think Stoma is going all the way….
March 30th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Man, I’ve been expecting vore to make the finals, but stoma fucking is making this one difficult. Horny zombies or would fucking? Gotta go with stoma. Vore, I hope, is largely theoretical. If the tutorial up there is accurate, it appears stoma fucking is something sick motherfuckers actually do. They must bust a nut any time they get within 200 yards of a hospital.
March 30th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I completely fucked that up.
March 30th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
stoma
bear in mind that this shit is probably happening in a hospital or nursing home environment
more than likely by the caregiver
“my name is buck…” in the emphysema ward
March 30th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I’ll vote for vore when they fucking put their money where their mouth is. Stoma fucking actually happens, and that gives it the edge.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Even though cannibalism is definitely taboo, vore is just a fantasy.
Stoma fucking however, I’m sure, is all too common. Does it even feel good for the receiver/stoma owner?
March 30th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I’m hesitant to ask. But how/why would there be a surgically created orifice in colon, and how in God’s name would one penetrate it?
March 31st, 2009 at 1:17 am
@georger: 1) if you have colon cancer and the part they remove is at the end, and 2) with your dick if you’re into that sort of thing.
March 31st, 2009 at 2:45 am
There is nothing good nor bad but thinking that makes it so…how can thoughts go up in this now?
March 31st, 2009 at 3:32 am
@ Carrie … you know, in hindsight, that seems really obvious. Yet at the same time, I’m still really really pleased with myself that I couldn’t make that leap of logic.