You’re drafting a mode of vehicular transport (as in a device – no dragons, unicorns or wyverns Jack), real or imagined (though it has to be based in established fiction, not something you’re making up on the spot).

 

Order: Ufford, Ape, Drew, Jack, flubby, MMP

Uff: Any further restrictions?  Like, if I say “Gulfstream V” is Maj going to be allowed to select the Gulfstream IV?  Different kinds of cars, etc?

Maj: Yeah, once a jet is chosen that should eliminate all other jets.

Ape: No variations on the same model of vehicle. But if you take the Back to the Future Delorean, Knight Rider should still be available.

Drew: Oof, I don’t think my #1 pick will last to the three slot.

Maj: Wait, we’re allowed to draft time traveling devices?

Drew: Quick Maj!  Go back in time to when Gilbert wasn’t an injured cap liability!

CAVEMAN

1. Back to the Future DeLorean.

It looks cool, it goes fast, and it travels in time.  It also required very little thought on my part, which I appreciate.

Maj: gay

Drew: Fool!  You should have taken the Delorean from BTTF2!  It runs on banana peels!

XMAS APE

2. The Death Star

It’s liable to getting blowed up occasion, but since in our constructed reality Jedis don’t exist, I think I’m okay. (Downside: immense staff of lackeys to attend to).

/Drew drafts Mega Maid

Maj: Seriously, the early model Delorean will wind up getting you stuck in the middle ages.

LARGE FATHER DREW

3. ST: The Next Generation’s Starship Enterprise

Let’s see.  It has kickass weaponry, plenty of lodging room, and a chair with excellent back support on the main control deck.  PLUS, I can beam anywhere I want at any time.  FUCK TRAFFIC.  And it’s got a holodeck where I can go to any imagined scenario I wish.  Beach waterfalls, tstrip clubs, etc.  So in my alternate utopiaverse, I can walk into an even BETTER alternate utopiaverse. I win life.

Maj: You sci-fi loving nerds make me ill.

Ape: “So in my alternate utopiaverse, I can walk into an even BETTER alternate utopiaverse. Yet the Vikings still can’t win in that one, either.”

UNSILENT

4. The SS Heart of Gold. Because the Infinite Improbability Drive would provide infinite amounts of entertainment. See, I can play nerd too!

/waits for somebody to call me an idiot

Ape: Idiot Jew!

/TBL commenter

EL FLUBBARINO

5. The motherfucking Batmobile. 

I wouldn’t fight crime or any of that shit.  I would just drive around town and blow the horn and wave at people.  They would be all “Damn, is that flubby driving the motherfucking Batmobile?” And I would be all “You know it, motherfucker.”

Drew: “TO THE BEEMOBILE!”

Maj: Punter selects the RapeMobile

PUNTE

6. VH-71 Helicopter. If the president doesn’t need it, I’m happy to take it off his hands.

7. The Millenium Falcon. I understand it made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.

Maj: Damn, I was going to take that chopper in the first round before ape went and made the rules all crazy.

Drew: You take the Falcon over the big Carillian ships?

FLUBBY

8. The EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle. 

I would tour the country from tailgate to tailgate like some sort of weird hybrid of John Madden and Mad Max.  It has flamethrowers, red missiles and a periscope.  I would treat Czechoslovakia like it was`Wisconsin.

Drew: This flub is just the kind of go-getter I’m talking about.

Maj: That is a first-rate pick right there.

UNSILENT

9. Ironman’s flight suit. It counts because he flies.

Ape: That was actually my next pick

Maj: WOOHOO!

/kills Jeff Bridges

finally, i take somebody else’s pick

DREW

10. Back to The Future 2 Hoverboard.

I remember before the Segway came out, there was great speculation about what IT was.  Remember that whole WHAT IS IT? business?  I really, genuinely hoped someone had invented a hoverboard.  Then it turned out Dean Kamen had invented a fucking gay scooter.  What a fucking letdown.  Sometime, a thousand years from now, they will invent hoverboards, and I will be dead, and I will be very pissed I wasn’t around for the Hoverboard Times.

They should have given Ali G has patent.

Ape: another pick off the board

Drew: I was THISCLOSE to picking something else, but I’m praying it falls back to me.  I’m not optimistic.

CHRISTMAS APE     

11. Rush — Mega Man series.

He can function as a jet you can ride around like a Hoverboard or even an underwater submersible. And when he’s not doing all that, he’s an adorable robot dog, which brings in the ladies. With Iron Man off the board, The Rocketeer or Gizmoduck suits were appealing, but I got a triple threat here.

UFFORD

12. AH-1W SuperCobra. 

I honestly want a helicopter to get around New York City and the Eastern seaboard more easily.  And if it has 20mm cannons, 2.75 inch Zuni rockets, and Hellfire missiles, all the better.

13. The 1967 purple GTO from xXx. 

Ridiculously bad movie?  You bet.  But I’ll take this muscled bitch with weapons cache, flame throwers, Stinger missiles, and exploding hubcaps over some faggoty Aston Martin that James Bond’s got.

APE

14. The Gadgetmobile — Inspector Gadget.

Endless array of abilities and just executing the commands is fun. The only drawback is its lack of style.

DREW

15. ROTJ Speeder Bike

*won’t use in forests like a moron

Maj: Ah fuck, I’d been planning on picking the Gadgetmobile this whole time. How does this shit keep happening?

PUNTE: Tough shit

Maj: Damn, I really wanted to get Penny in the backseat to inspect her gadgets.

UNSILENT

16. Alas, I’ll take Roman Abramovich’s newest yacht, Eclipse.

Bonus points because it comes equipped with helicopters and a submarine. Yo dawg, we herd you liked different types of vehicular conveyance, so we put different types of vehicular conveyance in your vehicular conveyance so you can convey while you convey.

Matt Ufford: That is an EXCELLENT pick, Maj.  Wish I’d thought of it.

Maj: “Now Zoidberg is the popular one!”

Drew: Mock the Enterprise all you want.  I’ll be on the holodeck nailing Bar Rafaeli.

flub: None of that Christopher Nolan tank shit for me…

Drew: Then you don’t get the Batpod!

Ape: flubby be rollin’ with Spideybaby

flubby: I call him Supe.

FLUBBY

17. 1964 Chevy Malibu from Repo Man

Punter: I select Darren McFadden.