Gisele And Bridget, Why Don’t You Two Kiss And Make Up? And Then Kiss Some More?
Gisele, Bridget. I wanted both of you to be here tonight because I think we need to clear the air. Bridget, when Gisele said that our son was 100% hers, she certainly didn’t mean it in any sort of possessive way. She just wants to love and help care for John as if he were her own. And Gisele, I think we have to be sensitive to Bridget’s feelings as a hard-working mom. I know this isn’t the easiest of situations, but I think we can turn it into something really beneficial if we’re just open and honest with one another.
I’d like us to all bury the hatchet, and put our personal arguments aside for the sake of John. Gisele and Bridget, I’d like you two to kiss and make up.
Yes. Get closer. Don’t be shy.
Yes, that’s it.
Wow.
Bridget, could you maybe let your hair down? I know you have your hair up in a ponytail after going on your run wearing nothing more than a sports bra and a pair of tight black spandex boy shorts. But if you could just let it fall, and cascade down around your shoulders… yes, just like that. Now kiss and make up again.
Oh yeah, I mean REALLY make up. Make up far more than is necessary. God, that’s amazing. Not so deep with the tongue, Gisele! This isn’t a race. This is an important family bonding moment for us. I want us to savor it. I want us to wallow in it. Just sort of open your mouths and let them hover. Tease each other with your tongues. Oh, yes. That rules. Gisele, arch your back more, like you did in that Ipex ad. I mean, really stick your tits out. Oof. Incredible.
Now Gisele, let’s take Bridget’s sports bra off. SLOWLY! Again, no need to rush here. We want to be gentle with each other, and sensitive to each other’s needs. For example, I know Gisele likes having the top of her asscrack tickled. Bridget, could you…?
Damn.
This is incredible. I mean, this is just such a special moment for all of us. I think we’ve made a real breakthrough here today. I want you two to think of each other as friends, even sisters. Really, really smoking hot sisters who can’t keep their hands off one another. Gisele, strip down to nothing but your denim cutoff thong.
Good golly.
I’m so proud of you both. I think we’re all showing great maturity in dealing with this situation. You know, not every family has to be a regular nuclear family these days. I think we’re part of a new trend of American childrearing. Now Gisele, if you could just slowly peel off Bridget’s boy shorts while she bends over and gently massages your churrascaria, that would be awesome.
Holy shit, that IS awesome. Okay, that’s the fuckiest hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I could watch a thousand pornos and bang a thousand chicks and I still would never get a mental image that incredible. I mean, HOLY FUCK. Honestly, I’d rather masturbate to you two than have actual sex with a lower tier of woman. This is that fucking sweet.
What a moment. Lemme get my camera. And a strap-on. Bridget, do you know how to use a strap-on? Yep, it goes around just like that, then you buckle it. Now, come behind Gisele. Yes, that’s right. Now grab her hips. Like this, almost like you’re pushing a breakfast cart around. And you just want to thrust your hips forward into her. Just bring the hips forward. Now, just keep doing it, sort of get a rhythm…
Yes.
Yes, that’s it. Just bury it to the goddamn hilt.
Good fucking God. That is so fucking hot. I’m taking my pants off. THE PANTS ARE OFF, PEOPLE.
Here’s what I’d like to do, FOR OUR FAMILY. Bridget, I’d like you to sit on my face. Now Gisele, come over here and ride me cowgirl style. Now make out while both of you straddle me. I call this the Holy Trinity.
Mmmff! Mmmmmmphfff! Frnnnff!
Oh, man.
Sweet Lord Jesus.
I am a lucky man, girls. Hang on, let me get my goat. What the…
(door flies open)
Tommy: Holy shit! It’s Gisele Bundchen and Bridget Moynihan with Tawmmy Brady! AND THEY’RE-AH ALL FACKIN’ EACH OTHAH! MY CAWK JUST BLEW APAHHHHHT!
This is the fackin’ hawttest threesome EVAH! And we, the legendary fans of Celtic Nation, made it happen! OW-UH SPART HERO THREESOMES AHHH HAWTTAH THAN YAR SPART HERO THREESOMES! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
You think Jetah would have a fackin’ threesome this hawt? He’d prawbably just head to Jersey and go fack Mariah Carey and Jordana Brewstah! THIS IS WHAT I IMAGINED THE SUPER BOWL FARTY TWO AFTAH PAHHHTY WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF THAT DAHHHHKIE HAD CAWLED A FAY-UH GAME! Keep fackin’ those two, Tawm! DON’T LET ME CAWKBLAWK YAH!
(sits backwards on nearby chair, whips out tin of Kodiak)
Brady: Shit. I need to lock the door next time we spend quality family time together.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, photoshop by Ape, that’s why penthouse pays me the big bucks, Tom Brady straight porn, Tommy from Quinzee
March 31st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Fortunately, I finished before Tawmmy showed up.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:09 pm
MY CAWK JUST BLEW APAHHHHHT!
That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen here in a while.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:11 pm
best post ever? best post ever.
The whole time I was reading this I was hoping there would a strap-on involved. The image of Bridget pounding Giselle’s Brazilian waxed pussy and then the Tommy appearance put this post over the top.
Bravo, Drew, bra-fucking-vo.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:15 pm
“Family time;” I’m clearly doing it wrong.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:15 pm
“I call this the Holy Trinity” – Fucking Classic
As far as Tommy showing up….I must say, it took me back to when I was 13 and my younger sister opened my bedroom door and walked in unannounced – catching me just about to release. I had supressed that memory for 26 yrs, until now. Fucking Tommy. Just another reason to hate everyhting about Boston !!!!
March 31st, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Drew,
You have just maximized your potential. I don’t think you can go any higher.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Jeter/Minka Kelly/Jordana Brewster 3-way > Tawmmy/Gisele/Bridget 3-way
Besides, we all know Tom is a “sweet and naive boy” according to Mrs. Brady. Translation: he’s a bottom.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Anyone remember the scene in The Sopranos where Janice was sticking the dildo up her husbands ass? That’s what I think of Tom Brady. Gisele wears the strap-on. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
March 31st, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Apex – Base, Zenith – Nadir. Penthouse Forum – Nasty Fetish Tournament.
Brilliant work Drew, abso-fucking-loutely brilliant!
March 31st, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I could watch a 1,000 pornos and bang a 1,000 chicks and I still would never get a mental image that incredible.
“A one thousand”? Was this written in Italian and then translated into English?
Hey, Drew! How come-a you no use-a your accent no more?
March 31st, 2009 at 1:27 pm
And now we know: Otto Man is Gregg Easterbrook.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:30 pm
(ESPN Announcer Voice)
Here’s 55 more words Tommy from Quinzee would have said but is too full of himself to remember that sponsors pay his overpriced, $750k salary…
March 31st, 2009 at 1:32 pm
And now we know: Otto Man is Gregg Easterbrook.
Them’s fightin’ words! Why don’t you two kiss and make up? Oh, wait.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Damn. You know how to hurt a man, Drew.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
No…keep going! KSK does have female readers, ya know.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Slow clap. Well done sir, well done.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Even I found that to be hot!
March 31st, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I can assure you that Tom Brady does NOT like gay sex when it’s women.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Did I mention that Tom Brady is a robot? ‘Cause that’s kinda important. Yeah, a robot – sweet…
/Can not contain space hornyness
March 31st, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Featured in this week’s mailbag…….Hi guys, I was wondering that if my dick moved a little while I read something that Drew wrote makes me gay? I mean, I didn’t get a full boner or anything like that, but it sure as hell moved about the time Gisele took of Bridgett’s boy shorts. As for football, do you know if Gisele and Bridget will be attending any of Tom’s games this season?
March 31st, 2009 at 2:06 pm
So you guys have something ridiclously epic planned for Sexy Friday right? Tuesday can’t be more boner-inducing than Sexy Friday.
March 31st, 2009 at 2:07 pm
You have just maximized your potential. I don’t think you can go any higher.
The gauntlet has been thrown down. Who will be the blogger to pick it up?
/Almost gave myself a stroke suppressing my laugh reading the Tawmmy pahhht
March 31st, 2009 at 2:10 pm
“MY CAWK JUST BLEW APAHHHHHT!”
after reading that i had to evacuate my desk. I sit about 3 feet from my boss/owner of the company and i think hysterical laughter might arouse her suspicion. And she isnt someone you want aroused. Yuck.
March 31st, 2009 at 2:11 pm
“Now Gisele, let’s take Bridget’s sports bra off. SLOWLY! Again, no need to rush here. We want to be gentle with each other, and sensitive to each other’s needs.”
After I read this, I wrote in my notebook, “game over”.
March 31st, 2009 at 2:26 pm
almost perfect
except
“Bridget, do you know how to use a strap-on?”
I just can’t believe Tom Brady didn’t already know the answer to that question
March 31st, 2009 at 2:27 pm
NO ONE DENIES THIS!
March 31st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
That passage of amazing erotica literature is banned in 29 states.
March 31st, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I feel like I’m at the premier of “Casablanca” or attending a Prince concert in 1984. Rarely do we get to see an artist at the the very top of his game. Kudos, to you, sir. And kudos again.
March 31st, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Say Tom, me and the boys were wondering if we could go family style on ‘em?
March 31st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
/befuddled
March 31st, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Best. Post. Ever.
And it provided a nice mental escape from the nasty fetish images burned into my eyeballs
March 31st, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Speaking of Massholes, from today’s Simmons mailbag:
Q: Who wins a Smile-Off between Larry Fitzgerald and Dwight Howard?
– Andrea B., Boston
Sterrpid Amelican whole no incrude numbel one smaltest leceivel in Smirre-Off? Unberievabre!
March 31st, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Guh. A picture of Gisele and Bridget about to make out- right above the nasty fetish pictures.
I, too, have a fetish- a fetish for naked, attractive young women.
March 31st, 2009 at 3:33 pm
JAWS, DIDJ’A EVER THINK YOU’D SEE A THREESOME LIKE THIS?!!! IN A MILLION YEARS, DIDJ’A EVER THINK YOU’D SEE A THREESOME LIKE THIS?!!! IS THIS HOT?!!! IT’S HOTTER THAN THE HOWARD COSELL, FRANK GIFFORD, DON MEREDITH THREESOME OF YOR!!!! DON’T'CHA THINK SO JAWS?!!!! DON’T'CHA???!!!!
/sorry for the deflationary comment
// still need umlauts
March 31st, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Entertaining, though in reality, Bridget would probably sooner French kiss an Ebola-ridden corpse.
March 31st, 2009 at 3:44 pm
this starts out as a mildly disturbing narrative. it reads like the homemade porn made by Bishop Rushman in Primal Fear.
//ejaculates on yet another brand new keyboard
March 31st, 2009 at 4:01 pm
At “MY CAWK JUST BLEW APAHHHHHT!” I was laughing so hard I went into a coughing fit and then puked on my desk.
Well done, Drew. Well done indeed.
March 31st, 2009 at 5:51 pm
“almost like you are pushing a breakfast cart around”
Leave it to Drew to bring food into this
March 31st, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Easily the funniest thing ever posted here. Mel Kiper Jr. just moved KSK up to a potential top-5 pick with that performance.
March 31st, 2009 at 6:06 pm
This is how I picture my three ways except, I never proclaim that “The pants are off, people”.
March 31st, 2009 at 6:11 pm
@TF88
Maybe you should? Great line.
March 31st, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Hang on, let me get my goat.
That was fucking hilarious.
March 31st, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Leave it to Drew to bring food into this
In truth, when Drew says “the Holy Trinity” he’s referring to a breadwich.
March 31st, 2009 at 7:19 pm
In truth, when Drew says “the Holy Trinity” he’s referring to a breadwich.
Not only that, but don’t ask what Drew means when he talks about “taking Communion”.
March 31st, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I’m surprised Tommy didn’t try and get behind Brady!
March 31st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Now write one of these with Rivers and Cutler.
March 31st, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I never got past that dreamy picture of Brady… you mean there was more to this story?
April 1st, 2009 at 5:43 am
I guess that is what drinking Smart Water will do for you.
April 1st, 2009 at 9:13 am
“Ass ta ass!”
/chomps on wet cigar
April 1st, 2009 at 11:35 am
This got me hot. I won’t lie.
April 1st, 2009 at 11:47 am
I agree with NMC – “Let me get my goat…” was the best line in this whole thing. And there were a lot of good lines.
April 1st, 2009 at 12:23 pm
…the fuckiest hottest
Ahh, brings me back to 4th grade when I would call kids ‘fuckey assholes’.