Kickoff Weekend Features Stompy Matchup. The cowardly Ravens get their wish to avoid Heinz Field in primetime, meaning the Titans will visit the Steelers for the opening Thursday night game, during which the LenWhale towel-stomping incident will no doubt never be referenced. Meanwhile, the Boston Globe reports the first Monday Night Football game will be the Bills and the Pats, opening the door for a thousand “JAWS, HOW SIMILAR ARE THE CAREER ARCS OF T.O. AND RANDY MOSS? IT’S LIKE THEY’VE FOLLOWED THE SAME PATH! CAN YOU BELIEVE THE PARALLELS!?” comments from Kornheiser. Loverly.
Update: The first Sunday night game is Bears at Packers, because historically fierce rivalries between presently mediocre teams are exciting. The second of the Week 1 Monday night games has King Laserface’s army of super soldiers doing battle with Al Davis’ undead army of the suck. And the NFL is determined to make you bored on Thanksgiving before dinner is served by scheduling the Lions and the Pack at 12:30, followed by another Oakland-Dallas yawner at 4, then Cutler and Eli having a sulk-off in the night game.
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It could be worse. You could have to root for the Browns.
As a Titans fan this probably means Haynesworth will not only play injury free for the season, but in the playoffs during a crucial defensive stand, he will turn the other cheek after an O-Lineman blatantly holds him and throws him to the ground thus securing the win for the Redskins.
I honestly can’t understand why Kornheiser is such a panting sycophantic star-fucker on MNF. I used to listen to his radio show and he was nothing like this. Does being on T.V. change people this much?
“Guhhhh as a Redskins fan I am obligated to concede this point.”
I apologize for inadvertently kicking you while you were down. I’m just happy the Redskins got him and not the Giants.
A-Rod is gonna gun down the Bears just like they did last year at Lambeau..
It’s great to see everyone bitching, but at least you guys have A wide receiver. We, the Jags, have none. You ever sucked dick for a receiver man? That’s an addiction!
As a Chargers fan, I still can’t decide whether I hate Elisha Manning or Cutlerfucker more.
I’m tempted to favor the Steelers in the Revenge For The Towel Game but who knows how many more rule changes specifically designed to screw Steeler players will be passed between now and then. I’m pretty sure if the Rooneys are asleep at the wheel, they NFL Rules Committee will try to make it illegal for any wide receiver with a penis longer than 10 inches to catch a touchdown pass in the last two minutes of a playoff game.
I hope Dan Snyder has to sell one of his yachts to afford Haynesworth.
YOU HEAR THAT SNYDER? YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO CATCH SWORDFISH IN THE 54-FOOTER INSTEAD OF THE 60-FOOTER!
/kills self
@ Stu – Don’t worry, it wouldn’t be very stompy with him, since this season he’ll be on the DL for about 14 of the 17 weeks now that he has a nice big contract.
Guhhhh as a Redskins fan I am obligated to concede this point.
long live king philp the laserfaced
There’s gonna be Football again? Cool.
fuck kyle orton i want to see “fuck it im throwin it deep” sex cannon……….the real mvp of SB XLI
Neckbeard will take them to the Super Bowl…. and win it all. 2010 MVP! Super Bowl MVP! All around nice guy! Featured on Jimmy Fallon!
The first Sunday night game is where it is at! Kyle Orton is the most talented QB in the League. And he’s got facial hair just like his father!
Go Kyle! 2010 MVP!
What’s this about Cutler and Eli having a suck-off? I woulda went with Eli before Cutler went all emo bitch this off-season. Now I say Cutler wins, nine dongs to seven.
@Pirate Sloth: Maybe someone can make a bet that Kornholer can’t be silent for an entire year. If all goes well, it will turn out like the Twilight Zone episode where the guy had his vocal cords removed.
…then Cutler and Eli having a sulk-off in the night game.
So it’s Jets v. Giants on Turkey Night? Not bad.
TONY KORNHOLER MUST DIE!!!
Can we just put an open bounty on TonyK now and hope that it gets fulfilled in the upcoming months? Something non-life threatening, but causes him to miss being in the booth. Like knee-capping, or tonsil removal, or vocal cord removal. Anything to get that fuckhead out of the booth.
i await the start of the season with bated breath. go steelers!
(though i am not awaiting what is probably a right-on prediction about t.k.)
Has Ben started his diet yet? I heard he might be moved to left tackle. MMM, MORE CHOCO TACOS.
@ Stu – Don’t worry, it wouldn’t be very stompy with him, since this season he’ll be on the DL for about 14 of the 17 weeks now that he has a nice big contract.
Titans-Steelers? I’m ok with that.
Bills-Pats? Fuck you ESPN. No, really, FUCK YOU.
If you want to see every single player in the NFL at his best, watch him versus the Bills.
You’re welcome.
Kickoff Weekend Features Stompy Matchup.
It’s just not as stompy without Haynesworth around.
Two games that will get the finger from me. Unless I’ve got LenWhale as my goalline back. The big dog loves me some TDs. Yeee Haaaaaawww.
Or is that the Double-J? I’ve been so confused since week 17.
Great another primetime game to bang my head against the wall.
At least it won’t be gut punching last second loss.
More the 30 point blowout, that the Patriots hand the Bills every year.
If you want to see Brady at his best, watch him versus the Bills.
Thanks, Nest. I hope you don’t boycott this game because the Ravens suck and life isn’t fair or whatever you wrote in that screed on your site after the Super Bowl.
But Lenwhale will have plenty of hunger to go around!
/sees self out
//not before flipping Ape off
Titans win. The Steelers won’t be hungry. Also its looks like Ward can’t crack back, so he’ll actually have to hit someone when they can see him. Sounds like we’ll see Ward finishing his career out with Al Davis in 2 years.