Mini Fun With Peter King: Dutch Oven Edition. Commenter Slothrop points out this breathtakingly sycophantic and idiotic letter in today’s MMQB mailbag: From Stefan van den Abeelen of San Luis Obispo, Calif.: “I was curious if you, or any of your colleagues, have ever been offered a job with any NFL franchise or the NFL itself. It seems that with the dedication to the game and the seemingly endless knowledge you have, teams would be eager to have a person like you in some kind of front office or scouting position.” Holy Jesus. I just seized up and hallucinated Peter King hiring Mitch Puin as head coach, stocking the Gatorade coolers with Chock Full O Nuts, and typing up plays on his Macbook Air.
King’s ‘bag also contains this awesome sentence: “I think (Matt) Leinart would have played well this year had he gotten the chance. How well, no one knows.” Now there is a man with seemingly endless football knowledge. Matt Leinart defines chemistry.
Tags: fun with peter king
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
The halftime pep talks would be pretty awesome, though. “You guys gotta get more chemistry out there!”
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Holy fuck are the people that e-mail PK fucking stupid. Here is my favorite, “Does Bart Scott have any idea that $7.5M a year in the Baltimore area gives you a much higher standard of living than $8M a year in New York?”
I’m no economist, but I’m pretty sure one’s family could still live very comfortably in NYC or the suburbs of NYC on a salary of $8M a year.
The people that e-mail PK might have lower IQ’s than the poepl featured on espn.com “featured comment of the day”
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:35 pm
“That Sean Taylor would have had a great season, if he wasn’t murdered. How great? No one knows. Except God. And Brett Favre’s duck blind…”
/gets struck by lightening
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:39 pm
She wears underwear with dickholes in them.
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:55 pm
PKWOTW – Douchebag
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I read it as breathtakingly sarcastic.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:03 pm
“I think (Matt) Leinart would have played well this year had he gotten the chance. How well, no one knows.” – Peter King, ESPN Featured Commenter
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I think Marquise Cooper and Corey Smith could drive a boat well if they had a chance. How well, nobody will ever know.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
that’s right people, Peter King, Seer of Truths, he’s like Nostradamus
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
What did we do to deserve a Rosie O’Donnel picture today? Have our comments not been good enough? We wil try harder!
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
PK Is he perfect fit for Detroit. The first order of business will be five-year contracts for Favre and Ray Lewis. That should take care of the Lions’ pesky chemistry problems.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
rosie o’donnell defines fat dike.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Rosie looks like PK wearing a dykey wig.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
i’ve never known for sure if it’s “dike” or “dyke.”
can we get a consensus?
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I don’t know UU, Peter King’s wig is pretty dykey. And stripey. Pete, dude, dye that fucking Pepe le Peu thing.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
good point Slothrop
bk, i vote for dyke
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
HHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:32 pm
What kind of a name is Puin, anyway?
Comanche Indian.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Puin.. must be Dutch. Dutch Oven
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I’m almost tempted to give some benefit of the doubt on this “letter”. Is Stefan van den Abeelen just an Idiotic PK worshipper, or was he (she?) actually being sarcastic and calling out PK as a know-nothing asshat?
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:39 pm
SLOTH LOVE CHUNK!
Perfectly good NFL players get dumped at sea while Peter King and Rosie are safe on land. Then again, whales can swim…so scratch that.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Alright, I’m going to try to get into PK’s column this week with a sarcastic e-mail. Who’s with me?
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Stefan van den Abeelen defines clutch among letter-to-the-editor writers.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:44 pm
@ Tice_Tice_Baby
Score. Even that pederast Hanrahan agrees.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Steve, I wondered the same thing. I actually considered the possibility that a coimmenter of KSK might be responsible for that “letter.” But then I realized that coming up with the name Stefan van den Abeelen was beyond most KSK commenters mental capability. Just kidding guys. Or am I?
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
PK would never, ever fill anything with chock full o nuts. not even the omni penn would serve cfon. cfon is what they serve to iMac users who talk on blackberry 8770’s.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Hmmm, that link didn’t seem to rick roll anyone. Sorry bout that.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I’m offering a fifty dollar bounty to anyone who fucking obliterates the entire shithole that is San Luis Obispo, California.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
My cyncial view is that Peter King will never get a harsh letter because unfortunately they will be filtered out. Instead just sycophantic bullshit from people who are a. that stupid, or 2. asshats
I hope for a III. KSK commenters that can get sarcastic letters through the filters and provide some intentional hilarity.
Good luck stuscottbooyahs!
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Yeah, good luck Stu. But you need to give us the fake name that you will be using now so we can know what to look for.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
i’ve never known for sure if it’s “dike” or “dyke.”
In the case of Rosie O’Lard, it’s dyke. Ie, a female of lesbian persuasion. A dike is something you stick your finger in to keep it from leaking.
Wait… Let me try that again.
A dike is something that keeps Dutch homes from being under 24 feet of water. A dyke is a any lesbian who is not also a smoking hot college chick that likes to fuck other smoking hot college chicks. (the proper term for those girls would be “awesome”).
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Listen, even when a reader writes in something that needs no correction, PK finds the need to correct them, even though his correction is nothing more than an affirmation of the writers opinion. With that in mind, it appears:
i. His mailbag must have slim pickings
3. for him to be reduced to confirming an emailer
*. while giving himself a pat on the back for answering a letter
w. and doing this with one hand shoved into his anus and Favre’s cock in him throat
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Puin.. must be Dutch. Dutch Oven
Puin is actually a Dutch word, yeah. It usually means debris.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:57 pm
“you need to give us the fake name that you will be using”
Everyone should use the name Kolber somewhere in the name/city. I would be using A.M. Kolber for example.
March 3rd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I sense a KSK version of JoeBait coming on.
March 3rd, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Yeah, good luck Stu. But you need to give us the fake name that you will be using now so we can know what to look for.
How about Stuart from Scottsdale?
March 3rd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
PK would never, ever fill anything with chock full o nuts.
You really think, given his love of chain restaurants, he really knows good coffee even if he claims to?
March 3rd, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Stefan van den Abeelen is on Facebook
March 3rd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
PK would never, ever fill anything with chock full o nuts.
Incorrect. As it turns out, his coffee pot and his asshole have something in common.
March 3rd, 2009 at 5:28 pm
“Van Den Abeelen” is Dutch for “of the anus”.
March 3rd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
It’s just not that hard to imagine R.O.D. eating a whole jar of pickled eggs and then spending the rest of the day locked up like the Gimp.
March 3rd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Stuart, good luck buddy!
I’m gonna take up your challenge, I’ll try Bill Riggle from Gary, Ind. Now I just need a good topic… Maybe my last trip to Indianapolis…
March 4th, 2009 at 8:01 am
I’m in………I’ll go Jaguars…..do you think they are making the right moves to improve…..Jack from Jacksonville….nah….uh….Frank from Fernandina Beach….yeah man.
March 4th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Here it is……
Hi Pete, love your column. Long time reader, first time emailer. My question is regarding the Jacksonville Jaguars. Yes, they are making a few moves here and there, but do you think they are doing what it takes to turn last year’s deplorable season around? Also, what should we expect from them draft wise?
Thanks Peter!
March 4th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Matt Leinart defines chemistry by forcing his brahs’ to take a long bong hit and then saying “dude, that hit is gonna fuck you up – it’s simply chemistry”