UPDATED NASTY BRACKET: For those following along, here are the updated results of the Nasty Fetish tourney (click on thumbnail). Punte’s got a little catching up to do on his side of the bracket on his site, but he insists he’ll get up to date by tomorrow. For those who hate the tourney and await our return to tangentially covering the NFL, but really using it as an excuse to make rape jokes, here are your football headlines of the day: Plax’s trial adjourned until June! Career put off until forever! Cato June visited the Texans! Probably whilst intoxicated! Jonathan Vilma owns murder scene! Ray-Ray jealous! Larry Johnson open to the idea of continuing to suck in KC! Carson Palmer is a liar! Ryan Moats forgives people easier than I!

Gisele, Bridget. I wanted both of you to be here tonight because I think we need to clear the air. Bridget, when Gisele said that our son was 100% hers, she certainly didn’t mean it in any sort of possessive way. She just wants to love and help care for John as if he were her own. And Gisele, I think we have to be sensitive to Bridget’s feelings as a hard-working mom. I know this isn’t the easiest of situations, but I think we can turn it into something really beneficial if we’re just open and honest with one another.

I’d like us to all bury the hatchet, and put our personal arguments aside for the sake of John. Gisele and Bridget, I’d like you two to kiss and make up.

Yes. Get closer. Don’t be shy.

Yes, that’s it.

Wow.

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In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Regional Semifinal action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

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In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Regional Semifinal action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

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[Int. NFL Combine]

Mike Singletary: Great workout, Matt, you sure are putting on quite a display.

Matt Stafford: Thanks coach, so what’s next? Want to watch me do some more keg-lifts?

Singletary: No, I think we’ve seen enough of your physical abilities. What we’re going to do is have you sit down with a friend of mine for an informal chat. How does that sound?

Stafford: Uh, sure, that sounds fine.

Singletary: Very good, follow me this way, son.

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When we last left NFL gadfly and human landfill Peter King, he was pitching a terrible fit about the Marriott Laguna Cliffs refusing to serve him free coffee before 7AM, despite having a perfectly functioning coffee maker IN HIS ROOM. He also found out the shocking truth about Mexican drug cartels (they’re coming for us!), and insisted we all give cops a little more respect. I know Ryan Moats certainly feels likewise!

What fascinating tidbits will we glean this week from King’s bloated, festering sense of self-entitlement? Hint: It has something to do with coffee! Join me as I again delve into this week’s missive of Peter King tardsauce.

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In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Regional Semifinal action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

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Gisele Bündchen sat down for a revealing interview with Vanity Fair, and the super model was not shy about her feelings for her step-son, John.

I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that’s important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine.

Continue after the jump for Bridget Moynahan’s impassioned response to Gisele’s comments.

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In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Regional Semifinal action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

(more…)

Never ever play golf with Colt Brennan. The third string quarterback spent four holes on the phone, probably asking COOCH Zorn for some playing time on SUNDEES. [Chris Cooley via Mr. I]