Ben Roethlisberger: UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
TOO MANY… CELEBRATION… CHOCO TACO
NOT REMEMBER TO TAKE SENSIBLE BITES
[Slumps over on chair]
CAN’T… MOVE…
XBOX JERKSTICK…OUT OF REACH…
UUUGGGGGHHHHHH
SO THIS HOW THE BEN ENDS
Chris Kemoeatu: You aren’t gonna be able to finish all those in one sitting, Ben. Let me grab one.
Ben: HI FAT POLAMALU! NOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN’T HAVE! MY SPECIAL PRIZE FOR BRINGING HOME SOOPER BOW’
[Splays himself over progressively melting pile of Choco Tacos]
CHOCO TACO PILE MELLLLLTINGGGGG. MELLLLLTTTIIIINNNGGGG. OH WHAT A WORLD
HARF HARF HARF THAT’S CLEVER REFERENCE
[Kemoeatu takes one from the side of the pile and walks out]
HMMM. OKAY. MAYBE JUST ONE MORE
SNARF SNARF SNARF
UUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH DIDN’T HELP
[Beat reporter walks in]
Reporter: Whoa. Ben, you all right?
Ben: FRONTSPOT… BIG HONKIN’ OWIE
UUUUGGGHHHHHH
Reporter: You have an injury? Where exactly?
[Waves arm over torso area]
Reporter: Your ribs?
Ben: UUGGGGHHHHH CAN’T THINK OF RIBS TOO
Reporter: Winning a Super Bowl with a rib injury? Damn. That’s incredible. I knew there was something to those X-ray rumors. Appreciate the candor.
PLEASE PRAY FOR THE BEN [Passes out on pile]
[Reporter leaves, files story, accepts buyout]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/haleysteelers-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/redskins_thin_man1-150x150.jpg)
One thing I’ve always loved about the simpsons is that it is a show that is not afraid to push the envelope in an intellectual way.
fat polamalu… i just pissed a little, thank you.
Peter King swims, I’ve seen it on Animal Planet, he also filters plankton out of the ocean with his baleen…
That’s such bullshit. Everyone knows Peter King spends most of his time grazing on Mangrove leaves in shallow Florida waters, and that he greatly fears boat propellers.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ICE-CREAM-STORE-SHOP-SIGN-KLONDIKE-CHOCO-TACO-AD_W0QQitemZ350165040814QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item350165040814&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318|301%3A1|293%3A1|294%3A50
FOR MY WALL. HARF HARF HARF
Good lord; did a retarded baby photoshop that?
Another vote for the Fat Polamalu…fuckin priceless…now I need more beer…
Fat Polamalu = Win. Ape wins, everyone. Log off now.
Between the title and the Steelers fetish, I was sure this was going to be about Santonio Holmes’ wang.
I think Hifat was actually Troy’s dad’s first name
LaFarve’s retirement – I gotta admit, I harfed out loud when I read that. +1
HARF HARF HARF THAT’S CLEVER REFERENCE
That’s exactly what my Deadspin commenter t-shirt says.
Does Kemoeatu eat like a dozen hard-boiled eggs before every game & then puke in the huddle?
+1 for Fat Polomalu
+1 for Terrible Photoshopping.
Ben Rongrastname posts are the highlights of my days.
“also, Pray for Mojo” – I also thought this one had a Simpson’s feel too it as well.
Excellent description of the Ben “spay[ing] himself over the progressively melting pile,” Ape.
This would have made my day better than payday if I had a job!
I think that fat guy was at a Wizards game the other night, wearing a really expensive gray hoodie.
Nice Spum, nice.
‘I’ll get you and your little dog too!’
Yeah, what is it wit some a those Islanders weighing 450 large. What Mamma put IN dat Poi, boy?
Jesus Christ this was the best Ben Ronrastname post to date.
Good thing it was chocolate, I thought Ben might be trying to make his own “2 Girls, 1 Cup” video.
Don’t let Peter King know those Choco Tacos are melting. You know how melted chocolate pisses him off.
+1 Spum.
How the Ben Ends – The story of the 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers.
What is facial hair for, if not for making one seem less fat?
I wouldn’t go so far as to call the brother fat, I mean he got a weight problem. What’s a nigga gonna do? He’s Samoan.
“Apparently Tonga is home to the world’s fattest population, by the way.”
They don’t have Wikipedia in Houston?
Bloken lib? Dat nothing! Hines pray wiff no MCR!
Not sure about the rest of you, but I’m TOTALLY fooled by Kemoeatu’s aggressively-landscaped facial hair into thinking that he has bone structure. That mighty chin! Those swooping cheekbones! That chiseled jaw! Why, he’s the Tongan* Clark Gable!
*yes, I had to Wiki that. Apparently Tonga is home to the world’s fattest population, by the way. Who knew?
“We are unaware of any problems with his toes, OK?” Cowher said.
SOOPER BOW’
Does that kill the injuns faster or just piss them off? C’mon ape, stalk some people so we can get these questions answered.
“PLEASE PRAY FOR THE BEN”
also, Pray for Mojo
[Reporter leaves, files story, accepts buyout]
This would be funnier if it wasn’t so true.
Peter King swims, I’ve seen it on Animal Planet, he also filters plankton out of the ocean with his baleen…
What do you mean that wasn’t Peter King…
pool reporter Peter King of Sports Illustrated
Lies. Peter King is far too fat to swim.
A new best line: “HI FAT POLAMALU.”
pacman had too many choco tacos one night too and it wasn’t his stomach or ribs that were hurting the next day when he peed
No wonder the Steelers seemed surprised by the rib injury!