There Can Be Too Much of a Choco Thing?
Ben Roethlisberger: UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
TOO MANY… CELEBRATION… CHOCO TACO
NOT REMEMBER TO TAKE SENSIBLE BITES
[Slumps over on chair]
CAN’T… MOVE…
XBOX JERKSTICK…OUT OF REACH…
UUUGGGGGHHHHHH
SO THIS HOW THE BEN ENDS
Chris Kemoeatu: You aren’t gonna be able to finish all those in one sitting, Ben. Let me grab one.
Ben: HI FAT POLAMALU! NOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN’T HAVE! MY SPECIAL PRIZE FOR BRINGING HOME SOOPER BOW’
[Splays himself over progressively melting pile of Choco Tacos]
CHOCO TACO PILE MELLLLLTINGGGGG. MELLLLLTTTIIIINNNGGGG. OH WHAT A WORLD
HARF HARF HARF THAT’S CLEVER REFERENCE
[Kemoeatu takes one from the side of the pile and walks out]
HMMM. OKAY. MAYBE JUST ONE MORE
SNARF SNARF SNARF
UUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH DIDN’T HELP
[Beat reporter walks in]
Reporter: Whoa. Ben, you all right?
Ben: FRONTSPOT… BIG HONKIN’ OWIE
UUUUGGGHHHHHH
Reporter: You have an injury? Where exactly?
[Waves arm over torso area]
Reporter: Your ribs?
Ben: UUGGGGHHHHH CAN’T THINK OF RIBS TOO
Reporter: Winning a Super Bowl with a rib injury? Damn. That’s incredible. I knew there was something to those X-ray rumors. Appreciate the candor.
PLEASE PRAY FOR THE BEN [Passes out on pile]
[Reporter leaves, files story, accepts buyout]
Tags: ben rongrastname, xmas ape
February 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
No wonder the Steelers seemed surprised by the rib injury!
February 10th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
pacman had too many choco tacos one night too and it wasn’t his stomach or ribs that were hurting the next day when he peed
February 10th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
A new best line: “HI FAT POLAMALU.”
February 10th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
pool reporter Peter King of Sports Illustrated
Lies. Peter King is far too fat to swim.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Peter King swims, I’ve seen it on Animal Planet, he also filters plankton out of the ocean with his baleen…
What do you mean that wasn’t Peter King…
February 10th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
[Reporter leaves, files story, accepts buyout]
This would be funnier if it wasn’t so true.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
“PLEASE PRAY FOR THE BEN”
also, Pray for Mojo
February 10th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
SOOPER BOW’
Does that kill the injuns faster or just piss them off? C’mon ape, stalk some people so we can get these questions answered.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
“We are unaware of any problems with his toes, OK?” Cowher said.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Not sure about the rest of you, but I’m TOTALLY fooled by Kemoeatu’s aggressively-landscaped facial hair into thinking that he has bone structure. That mighty chin! Those swooping cheekbones! That chiseled jaw! Why, he’s the Tongan* Clark Gable!
*yes, I had to Wiki that. Apparently Tonga is home to the world’s fattest population, by the way. Who knew?
February 10th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Bloken lib? Dat nothing! Hines pray wiff no MCR!
February 10th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
“Apparently Tonga is home to the world’s fattest population, by the way.”
They don’t have Wikipedia in Houston?
February 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I wouldn’t go so far as to call the brother fat, I mean he got a weight problem. What’s a nigga gonna do? He’s Samoan.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
What is facial hair for, if not for making one seem less fat?
February 10th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
How the Ben Ends – The story of the 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
+1 Spum.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Don’t let Peter King know those Choco Tacos are melting. You know how melted chocolate pisses him off.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Good thing it was chocolate, I thought Ben might be trying to make his own “2 Girls, 1 Cup” video.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Jesus Christ this was the best Ben Ronrastname post to date.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Yeah, what is it wit some a those Islanders weighing 450 large. What Mamma put IN dat Poi, boy?
February 10th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Nice Spum, nice.
‘I’ll get you and your little dog too!’
February 10th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I think that fat guy was at a Wizards game the other night, wearing a really expensive gray hoodie.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
“also, Pray for Mojo” – I also thought this one had a Simpson’s feel too it as well.
Excellent description of the Ben “spay[ing] himself over the progressively melting pile,” Ape.
This would have made my day better than payday if I had a job!
February 10th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
+1 for Fat Polomalu
+1 for Terrible Photoshopping.
Ben Rongrastname posts are the highlights of my days.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Does Kemoeatu eat like a dozen hard-boiled eggs before every game & then puke in the huddle?
February 10th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
HARF HARF HARF THAT’S CLEVER REFERENCE
That’s exactly what my Deadspin commenter t-shirt says.
February 10th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
LaFarve’s retirement – I gotta admit, I harfed out loud when I read that. +1
February 10th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I think Hifat was actually Troy’s dad’s first name
February 10th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Between the title and the Steelers fetish, I was sure this was going to be about Santonio Holmes’ wang.
February 10th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Fat Polamalu = Win. Ape wins, everyone. Log off now.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Another vote for the Fat Polamalu…fuckin priceless…now I need more beer…
February 10th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Good lord; did a retarded baby photoshop that?
February 11th, 2009 at 9:17 am
http://cgi.ebay.com/ICE-CREAM-STORE-SHOP-SIGN-KLONDIKE-CHOCO-TACO-AD_W0QQitemZ350165040814QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item350165040814&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318|301%3A1|293%3A1|294%3A50
FOR MY WALL. HARF HARF HARF
February 11th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Peter King swims, I’ve seen it on Animal Planet, he also filters plankton out of the ocean with his baleen…
That’s such bullshit. Everyone knows Peter King spends most of his time grazing on Mangrove leaves in shallow Florida waters, and that he greatly fears boat propellers.
February 11th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
fat polamalu… i just pissed a little, thank you.
February 15th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
One thing I’ve always loved about the simpsons is that it is a show that is not afraid to push the envelope in an intellectual way.