The Continuing Adventures of Tony and Jess
Ext. Golf Course
Michael: Nice drive, kid.
Tony: Thank you very much, Mr. Jordan.
[cellphone rings]
Tony: Oh no.
Michael: You gonna get that?
Tony: I really don’t want to.
[cellphone rings]
Michael: Could be important.
Tony: I doubt it.
[cellphone rings]
Michael: Answer the fucking phone before I toss it in the lake.
Tony: You got Romo!
Jess: Hey baby, where are you?
Tony: Oh, hey Jess. I’m out…running errands.
Jess: Oh good, I need you to buy me some medicine.
Tony: What’s wrong?
Jess: I’m sick.
Tony: Yeah, I assumed as much. What specifically is wrong?
Jess: I keep puking.
Tony: How long has that been going on?
Jess: Every morning for the last [vomits] few days.
Tony: Okay, do you have any other symptoms.
Jess: Not really, but I have been gaining some weight, and my boobs feel all big and swollen.
Tony: …
Jess: You there?
Tony: Yeah.
Jess: What’s wrong?
Tony: Uh Jess, have you been keeping up on your birth control?
Jess: On what?
Tony: Your birth control, Jess. Aren’t you on the pill?
Jess: Oh I don’t believe in that stuff, why?
Tony: What the fuck do you mean you don’t believe in it? Don’t you know you can get pregnant without taking the pill?
Jess: Don’t be silly Tony, I can’t be pregnant.
Tony: Why not?
Jess: Because I’m not married, silly.
Tony: What’s that supposed to mean.
Jess: Well daddy always told me that a good Christian girl like me can’t get pregnant unless she’s married. It’s science.
Tony: Oh Jesus Christ!
Jess: Amen!
Tony: No Jess, this is bad. You misunderstood what your dad told you, and now I think you may be pregnant.
Jess: Amen?
Tony: No. No amen.
Jess: Hang on, I’m going ton conference daddy in on the call.
Joe: GO FOR PAPA JOE!
Jess: Daddy, Tony thinks I’m preggers!
Joe: Is this true, son?
Tony: Well considering that your daughter’s idea of birth control revolves around church attendance I’d say it’s a distinct possibility.
Joe: WOOOOOOOOO DOGGIE!
Tony: What are you so excited about.
Joe: Are you kidding son, my baby ain’t fat, she’s just pregnant!
Tony: And this is a good thing?
Joe: Hell, boy, don’t you have any idea how much People is gonna pay to see them baby pictures?
Jessica: [vomits]
Tony: [covering the moutpiece] Mr. Jordan, does your offer still stand?
Michael: Of course.
[Tony hands Michael the phone]
Michael: Over the birch tree, off the starter’s booth, over the putting green, and in the lake. [Throws phone]
Tony: [smiling] Nothin’ but net.
Michael: That’s my line, asshole.
Tags: Boobs, Tony and Jess, Unsilent Majority
February 17th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe takes on a whole new meaning here……
February 17th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Except for Jordan, I refuse to believe any these people can for this many complete sentences.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Geez her tits are ginormous in that picture!
February 17th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Amen!
February 17th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Those blue veins on her boobies look they are going to burst
February 17th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
@ UU: You said boobies, heh eh heh.
I think they only look big becuase of the really small circular earrings she has hanging in the same direction as her milk bags now that I think about it.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Precisely how many illegitimate children have to be spawned from the talent-hole that is the Simpson family before the government steps in and fills their wombs with cement? I voted for change, dammit!
February 17th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Great. Can you force women with IQs smaller than their bust size to get abortions? Or is it the law in Texas that your child’s IQ must not exceed the square footage of your trailer bathroom? I’m not up on these things.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Now, now, susie. Leave big boobs out of it.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
I especially like the blue veins on her tittays!
February 17th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
GIT-R-DONE!
/sorry got carried away from the last post…
February 17th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
That raises another question, Deux. The bigger the boobs, the higher the IQ? I’m a genius then! Yay, me! Now, excuse me while I get back to my job stocking shelves at the Kwik-E mart. (I got promoted!)
February 17th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
“Except for Jordan, I refuse to believe any these people can for this many complete sentences.”
I love unintentional internet humor.
I’m just hoping that Jerry and Fatback Phillips will stop in to comment on this development.
February 17th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I’m just hoping that Jerry and Fatback Phillips will stop in to comment on this development.
New installment idea: Which Cowboy is Jess’ baby daddy?
I vote for MBIII.
February 17th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
As long as she keeps wearing black and shows off that unbelievable rack, people will forget about the mom-jeans photo, right? Ok, well maybe not, but I can stare at those 38Ds all the live long day.
/will be freaked out if Joe’s the baby’s daddy/granddaddy
//god-damnit Romo wipe that fucking grin off your face and win a fucking playoff game already.
February 17th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I would jump Jessica quicker than a pedophile in a school full of mute children.
February 17th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Romo’s got no seniority. Romo is a pussy. He’ll never win a playoff game until he becomes a man. Taking his girlfriend to Mexico before a playoff game? His girlfriend? He needs to get some hookers and some pow-pow up in a hotel room and shine. Oh he need to shine. Then maybe he’ll win a big game.
What a dickless little bitch.
February 17th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Michael Jordan H-O-R-S-E reference? Beautiful…
Jessica’s tits are nice, but the I wouldn’t be surprised if the babies not Romo’s.
You know what they say, the bigger the hoop (earrings), the bigger the whore.
February 17th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Don’t you guys read the tabloids? Tony and Jess are on the outs. Once that fat bitch is dead, the Super Bowl is ours!
/Takes off Titans starter straightjacket
//Puts on Cowboys starter straightjacket
February 17th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
This would be funny if Tommy from Quinzee got involved somehow.
February 17th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
i’d still fuck her chunky ass
February 18th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
stick it between her tits
February 18th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
so this is what they mean by sacred vessel.
leave it to ksk to give us the pictorial primer.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:35 am
Now Jordan owes both Romo and Charlie Sheen new cell phones.