Ext. Golf Course
Michael: Nice drive, kid.
Tony: Thank you very much, Mr. Jordan.
Tony: Oh no.
Michael: You gonna get that?
Tony: I really don’t want to.
Michael: Could be important.
Tony: I doubt it.
Michael: Answer the fucking phone before I toss it in the lake.
Tony: You got Romo!
Jess: Hey baby, where are you?
Tony: Oh, hey Jess. I’m out…running errands.
Jess: Oh good, I need you to buy me some medicine.
Tony: What’s wrong?
Jess: I’m sick.
Tony: Yeah, I assumed as much. What specifically is wrong?
Jess: I keep puking.
Tony: How long has that been going on?
Jess: Every morning for the last [vomits] few days.
Tony: Okay, do you have any other symptoms.
Jess: Not really, but I have been gaining some weight, and my boobs feel all big and swollen.
Jess: You there?
Jess: What’s wrong?
Tony: Uh Jess, have you been keeping up on your birth control?
Jess: On what?
Tony: Your birth control, Jess. Aren’t you on the pill?
Jess: Oh I don’t believe in that stuff, why?
Tony: What the fuck do you mean you don’t believe in it? Don’t you know you can get pregnant without taking the pill?
Jess: Don’t be silly Tony, I can’t be pregnant.
Tony: Why not?
Jess: Because I’m not married, silly.
Tony: What’s that supposed to mean.
Jess: Well daddy always told me that a good Christian girl like me can’t get pregnant unless she’s married. It’s science.
Tony: Oh Jesus Christ!
Tony: No Jess, this is bad. You misunderstood what your dad told you, and now I think you may be pregnant.
Tony: No. No amen.
Jess: Hang on, I’m going ton conference daddy in on the call.
Joe: GO FOR PAPA JOE!
Jess: Daddy, Tony thinks I’m preggers!
Joe: Is this true, son?
Tony: Well considering that your daughter’s idea of birth control revolves around church attendance I’d say it’s a distinct possibility.
Joe: WOOOOOOOOO DOGGIE!
Tony: What are you so excited about.
Joe: Are you kidding son, my baby ain’t fat, she’s just pregnant!
Tony: And this is a good thing?
Joe: Hell, boy, don’t you have any idea how much People is gonna pay to see them baby pictures?
Tony: [covering the moutpiece] Mr. Jordan, does your offer still stand?
Michael: Of course.
[Tony hands Michael the phone]
Michael: Over the birch tree, off the starter’s booth, over the putting green, and in the lake. [Throws phone]
Tony: [smiling] Nothin’ but net.
Michael: That’s my line, asshole.
I want more like this!
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