Peter King Will Single-Handedly Improve Your Coffee
It’s Monday. That means it’s time once again to take a trip into the gigantic white void that is Peter King’s psyche. I hope you’ve had your coffee. And by coffee, I don’t mean coffee-flavored water. I mean, the kind of deep, robust, Colombian brew that places like the Omni Penn Hotel have yet to perfect. THE KIND OF COFFEE MADE BY PEOPLE WHO RESPECT THE FUCKING SUN. All it takes is one sip to know if your java was crafted by a true land baron.
The draft is in the air, yes. But it’s 61 days away, and when you get the coaches and general managers together in one place, as they were this weekend here at the Arctic Circle, you can just tell they’re in first grade in 2009 Draftology 101.
Unlike Peter King, who is in seventh grade in 2009 Draftology 424: Advanced Value Charting. Oh, I’m sorry. Were your college courses not divided into separate grades, like a grade school? Because that’s how they did it at Ohio U.
So how cold was it?
It was so cold, Brett Favre couldn’t work the land! Ha! It has to be really cold to keep Nobody Brett away from his prized earth!
Friday morning around 7, Jim Mora and the Seattle staff were getting ready to open the front door of the downtown Marriott, and they all buttoned up and pulled their collars tight, and Mora said, “Get ready for an Arctic blast!” And they all hustled outside, on their way to Lucas Oil Stadium and the Combine.
Yes, folks. Here’s how cold it was in Indianapolis. It was so cold, a group of men bundled up and moved quickly to keep warm. HOLY FUCK, THAT IS FRIGIDNESS ON THE KELVIN SCALE. I’m surprised their legs didn’t shatter!
I think Ray Lewis will seriously consider leaving the Ravens. Will he go? Don’t know.
I think the moon might explode this evening, sending giant, flaming moon rocks hurtling toward Earth, destroying entire cities and creating giant tides that could swallow us all whole. Will it happen? Don’t know.
But my guess — and it’s an educated guess, nothing more…
How educated? Are we talking a second grade sophomore year Guessology 203 level of education?
Wouldn’t that be amazing: Ray Lewis with the star on his helmet.
Well, stars are pointy. So I can see the appeal to Ray Lewis.
I think Jerry Jones would view Lewis as the solution to all the me-first stuff plaguing his team.
Indeed. What better way to bring stability and selflessness to a highly volatile locker room than to add a murderer who calls attention to himself on every play and will almost certainly go into shutdown mode after getting a new contract? FINALLY, THE PAGE WILL TURN.
Nnamdi Asomugha and Larry Fitzgerald are going to be the kind of quasi-Lebronish millionaires this game has never seen, other than at the quarterback position, before they retire.
Indeed. They make even reach pseudo-Jordanesque levels of riches. I was just having a semi-argument with Matt Millen about this the other day.
Last week, Asomugha inked one of the more incredible contracts in NFL history (more about that later, in Stat of the Week); it’s either going to be a two-year, $28.6 million contract or a three-year, $45.3 million contract.
Why, he’s just like a lot of unemployed people in America right now, other than having a job and $28.6 million in guaranteed salary.
Having a couple of cold ones in Jillian’s, a sports bar in downtown Indianapolis, has become a Friday night tradition at the scouting combine for a few scribes. We were there Friday night, a smaller group than usual, when one of the managers walked over and thanked me. “You remember last year?” the guy said. “You wrote about how bad our coffee was. You called it ’swill.’ And I was so glad to see that, because our coffee was awful. It caused us to change our coffee and brew better coffee in here. I just wanted to say thanks.”
That’s right, folks. Peter King will magically improve your restaurants coffee through the technological marvel of petty online bitching. Sometimes, it takes one brave, courageous soul to step forward and complain truth to power. To think, if Peter King hadn’t blown the skin whistle on Jillian’s, they would have just kept POISONING THEIR CUSTOMERS WITH THEIR TOXIC SWILL.
Say, what did Peter write anyway to shine a light on this hidden injustice?
For years, Jillian’s has been our sports bar of choice in downtown Indy. Huge TVs, fun place, good staff. All those are still true. But the coffee. Wow. That’s some awful swill. I might be the only sportswriter on the planet who wants a good cup of coffee after beers, chips, salsa, more chips and more salsa and dinner, but I can’t change my stripes now. And the coffee-flavored water there … Sheesh. At least make an effort.
“Jillian’s, you run a great restaurant. Unfortunately, I have to chide you to a giant audience because of one tiny detail, a detail only I care about because I’m a weird asshole. I HAVEN’T BEEN THIS OUTRAGED SINCE SHAMPOOING AT THE MARRIOTT MARQUIS.”
I shook the guy’s hand and thanked him for coming over.
No need to thank Peter, young manager! Better coffee is his reward.
After three rounds of beers and appetizers, I had to take off for a pre-arranged dinner. The next day, my buddy John Czarnecki of Fox Sports came up to me with Don “Donnie Brasco” Banks and handed me the $40 I’d left on the table the previous night. Seems the manager comped us.
“World’s luckiest man continues hot streak,” said Brasco.
HO HO HO! Can you believe it? WHAT AN INCREDIBLE TALE OF REDEMPTION. Peter King, who already makes hundreds of thousands of dollars, was able to save $40 just by openly bitching about a restaurant! DOES LIFE GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS, FOLKS?
Yes I am. And yes it does. Thank you, Jillian’s. We’ll be back next year — same table, same time.
NOW FIX YOUR FUCKING QUESADILLAS.
Mark Sanchez looks like Johnny Damon.
It’s true. Look at the pictures.
THEY BOTH HAVE BROWN SKIN! IT’S AS IF THEY SHARED THE SAME DYNASTIC WOMB.
“Really?” he said. “I’ve gotten the guy from Entourage, but not Johnny Damon.”
Probably because you don’t look like Johnny Damon.
Well, you’ll get it now. You look like Johnny Damon.
“YOU LOOK LIKE JOHNNY DAMON, AND IF I HAVE TO CUT YOU TO MAKE YOU LOOK MORE LIKE HIM, I WILL. Don’t underestimate me, Sanchez. Ask the staff at Jillian’s if I’m a powerful man or not.”
Actually, you know who Mark Sanchez looks like? Omar Epps.
I’ll tell you who looks like a man. Brian Orakpo.
He’s got a cock and balls and everything.
Rey Maualuga. Ray Lewis Jr.
Does he use a letter opener?
So none of the running backs ran under 4.4. Big deal.
So this running back class is clearly inferior to last year’s historically productive group. Who gives a shit? It’s not as if you read this article for football reasons.
Pitt running back LeSean McCoy sounded like he was as sick as a dog here, and he revealed to reporters: “When I was flying here, I vomited on the plane. Embarrassing moment. But that’s life.”
Plane vomit is life. Maybe the “Life is Good” people can put that on their summer line of T-shirts.
Good plane vomit. GREAT plane vomit.
I don’t care one bit about Michael Crabtree’s stress fracture in his foot. He’s been playing with it…
That means it cannot ever be damaged further!
…and it can be repaired perfectly with the implantation of some screws.
All it requires is foot surgery!
I think if you want to know why the Atlanta Falcons whacked safety Lawyer Milloy on Sunday night, all you need to know is this: He was a gigantic pain in the rear end. Clubhouse lawyer, yakker, complainer.
Get this: the asshole even bitched about the fucking COFFEE they served at the team facility. What a dick.
I think I know these two things don’t go hand-in-hand, but the Carolina Panthers just laid off 20 employees. Let’s say in salary and benefits, that’s an annual savings of $1 million, or $50,000 per employee. You’re telling me in a week you commit $60 million to Jordan Gross for six years, and $16.5 million for one year to Julius Peppers, that you’ve got to whack 20 employees? I don’t like this one bit, and the Panthers are not the only team to do this, obviously. The NFL is a profitable venture, and in times of economic stress, teams need to show loyalty to the people who’ve worked hard for them — people not at the top of the salary foodchain.
What Peter doesn’t know is that Jillian’s just fired Pepe, their dishwasher. His wages? $40 a day.
I hate it when journalists make points like this. So they should adjust their salary cap to include all salaried employees? This is such a fucking lazy way to look like a socially-conscious asshole. “I can’t believe, in a recession, that a business would have the gall TO SPEND MONEY! WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?” Yeah, it sucks that people got laid off (they’re just like Brett Favre now!). But to assume there’s an even corollary between paying players, who are essentially the product you’re selling, and paying employees, who are there to support the sale of the product, is idiotic. That’s first grade Economics 101, Peter.
I think Josh McDaniels was being far too modest here when he said of Matt Cassel: “I was a small part of his success. He was a big part of my success.” Coach, coach. The next 346 times you and Cassel go to Capital Grille, he’s picking up the check.
Unless you bitch about the coffee. THEN YOU CAN EAT FOR FREE ANY TIME YOU WANT. Capital Grille, you define classy.
I think Marvin Harrison simply can’t go back to the Colts, because Bill Polian does not give scholarships for longer than one year.
In fact, I’m quite sure he doesn’t give scholarships at all.
And Harrison was on scholarship last year. That’s it.
I honestly can’t make fun of this sentence, because I don’t know what it means. This must be another PK Word of the Week gone horribly wrong. Was sabbatical the word he was looking for? I think that might have been the word he was looking for. Except that this is Peter King, so perhaps the word he was looking for was “mandible”.
Kate Winslet is so real.
Not like Melissa Leo, who is merely a hologram.
I’m glad she won Best Actress.
Good for you, Kate. You’ve got Stump’s courage. You’re quasi-almost-Streepish.
Was that one of the great Oscar speeches you’ve ever seen?
No.
Frank Langella, you got robbed.
I agree. The man did play Nixon AND Skeletor.
I understand how great Mickey Rourke was in The Wrestler, and I realize Sean Penn is our Bogart. But Langella was the real-life biggest villain of our political lifetime.
I know Mickey Rourke and Sean Penn were both amazing. But Langella played a dick! A REAL DICK! The stature of a character should factor into an acting award!
Oh and how the fuck is Sean Penn anything like Humphrey Bogart? KATE WINSLET IS OUR MARYLIN.
Coffeenerdness: Shula’s, I’ve got to congratulate you on your coffee. Other nice restaurants should take a page from your quasi-dark-roast and brew good, honest coffee, not coffee-flavored water.
Someone just earned himself a $40 gift certificate!
You had a chance, A-Rod. You had a chance to do the honorable thing and say you either made a mistake or flat-out lied about Selena Roberts breaking into your home and stalking you and your children, which is patently wrong. You didn’t do it.
Also, you look like Johnny Damon.
Anyone tell you that? Yeah well, get ready for it.
I got the Blackberry Storm. Phones are never going to be the same again.
I CAN PLAY COLDPLAY ON THIS PHONE. AND STARE AT THE TOUCH SCREEN WHILE DRIVING ON 95. THE FUTURE HAS ARRIVED AND IT IS MORE INCREDIBLE THAN I EVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, FJM style, fun with peter king, he reads at a third grade retard 101 level, quasi-lebronish, soon he'll get free coffee anywhere he goes
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:09 pm
“And the coffee-flavored water there …” , “coffee-flavored water”
Nothing raises my urge to kill more than King’s use of the term “coffee-flavored water.”
Water flavored like coffee is coffee, douchebag.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
peter king enjoys semen in his coffee
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
There is only one thing better than coffee flavored water, beer flavored water.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
in pk’s meager defense, i’ve heard this use of scholarship here. basically it means you’re paying someone to do little work, or poor work. i’ve heard it used for sportswriters before, back in the day when papers could carry an excess of writers.
in prosecution of pk, how does lesean mccoy’s explanation of being sick…
“When I was flying here, I vomited on the plane. Embarrassing moment. But that’s life.”
…become “plane vomit is life?” Maybe he’s drinking too much coffee flavored schnaps and is writing this drunk.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Peter King just realized that cell phones are an evolving technology. He did it with a phone by the same makers as the phone that half the world has (Blackberry) that was made to compete with the phone that the other half of the world has (iPhone).
/cell-phone-nerdness?
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Peter King, who already makes hundreds of thousands of dollars
I know that’s true, but I still can’t help asking. Seriously? How? For what? I’ve always known that the world is a fucked up place, but man, the world is such a fucked up (and totally fucked) place
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
After reading about his coffee habits, I wonder just how much of PK’s like/dislike for a place’s coffee is influenced by how drunk he is when he has it.
I just downed 6 Deliriums and a buffalo burger, time to get me a mocha. WHAT???
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:27 pm
These are the non-Peter King is a douchebag things I think (I think):
a. There are still some questions as to whether PK is familiar with how bullet points work.
2. For example, Frank Langella didn’t merit two of them.
III. Neither did LeSean McCoy.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I live about an hour west of Indianapolis in Champaign, IL, so our temperatrues are fairly similar to those in Indy. After reading this I just have to say that Peter King is the biggest fucking pussy in the world if he was comparing this past weekend to the Arctic Circle. It was cold, but not that fucking cold (high 20’s-low 30’s), and certainly not cold enough to warrant the writing of the most inane paragraph I have ever read to describe how cold it was.
Fuck you Peter, you boring, boring asshole.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
The average AP recap of an NBA game from a no-name, underpaid writer covers more football territory than this literary vomit.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Ok…so he drinks 3 beers and gets appetizers…BEFORE HE WADDLES HIS FAT ASS TO DINNER SOMEWHERE ELSE. Good holy damn it all, Im pretty sure hes Rosie O’Donnell.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Elite flyers should be served their plane vomit first…and it better not be fucking melted.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:31 pm
What is Peter’s infatuation with The Capital Grille?
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
I might be the only sportswriter on the planet who wants a good cup of coffee after beers, chips, salsa, more chips and more salsa and dinner
You also might be the only sportswriter that farts Sarin
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Drew how has there not been any Sage Roflcopter talks outta you… trying not to jinx the trade?
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:39 pm
“second grade sophomore year Guessology 203″
Only class I got an “A” in, in five years of college.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
What Peter doesn’t know is that Jillian’s just fired Pepe, their dishwasher. His wages? $40 a day.
+1, that sentence defines funny
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:45 pm
FIX YO COFFEE!!!
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
@ devin hester’s speech coach — Can I have the name of the radar detector you use that lets you drive to Indianapolis from Champaign in an hour (as in half the time as the rest of us)?
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Maybe he is oldschool AND a fuckin pussy so after he SIPS on 4 beers for 6 hours at a sports bar he drinks coffee to sober up.
/how can 4 beers get you even a buzz period, much less after inhaling manatee sized portions of chips and salsa along with cheese fries and tater skins.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Im pretty sure hes Rosie O’Donnell.
Nah, Rosie is more of a man than he’ll ever be.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@ Green St. – About an hour sounds way cooler than a couple of hours. NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!!
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Never had coffee. If it smells like potpourri, it probably tastes like dick. You deserve the after taste.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
@Green St.
A little bit off on my time estimation, my apologies. It’s at 2 hours on mapquest, but that wasn’t my point at all. I was just stating that Champaign and Indy basically have the same weather, and it wasn’t “Arctic Circle” cold this weekend.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:56 pm
PK was really bitching about the cold?? IT WASN’T EVEN THAT FUCKING COLD HERE ON FRIDAY! I hope he fucking dies, I really do.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
@ Grimey:
You owe me a new keyboard, fucker.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Dev Patel looks like Apu. There are PICTURES!
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I hope that Jillian’s manager teabagged PK’s coffee. No wonder he noticed an improvement – more balls!
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
3 beers and appetizers, and he only leaves $40? cheap, fat bastard. next time he’s there the manager will come over and say “you know, I’m glad you haven’t ever left a tip here for anyone. our service has sucked, and your actions finally made me do something about it. we no longer accept tips. and we no longer have a wait staff. you’re the greatest, PK!”
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Penn is our Bogart? What a fool. He’s drink something alot stronger than swill
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
I am very curious about this man’s salary; first, if he can Time-Life to pay him whatever he gets, good on him. And I suppose that someone must write the kinds of stories that PK files in order for SI to claim that it covers the NFL. But I fail to see how this guy is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars per year. Does anyone anywhere ever say, ‘I have got to get a copy of the new SI with Peter King’s new article’? Because if there is, that person is a freaking moron.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Wait till PK finds out about Dance Dance Revolution in the upstairs part of Jillians…
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Hating King Dickwich is the only thing that sustains my work week.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Is there any limit to his douchebaggery? I think not. The fact PK remains employed and makes a ton of money, can only signify the end of days. peter King os probably the reason Jillians left Philadelphia. Douche.
Oh, and Grimey…you win.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:11 pm
As a Bobcat alumnus, I hasten to point out that King attended Ohio University when it was an open-admissions school, meaning that you could get in if you had a pulse and a check.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:13 pm
One comparable trait with Damon and Sanchez is that both are equal parts douche. Peter King? He’s all douche.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:19 pm
The only similarity between Sanchez and Damon is King wants to fuck both of them.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Mora said, “Get ready for an Arctic blast!” And they all hustled outside, on their way to Lucas Oil Stadium and the Combine.
That’s nothing: Wade Philips said, “Get ready for a surprise!” And then his head exploded.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Sean Penn is fucking Kathryn Hepburn?
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
@Tracer: Sean Penn is fucking Princess Buttercup. But not thanking her.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:52 pm
I’m not sure what it is our if it matters, but Kate Winslet defines range.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Gotta say… Lawyer Malloy must be an uber-dick to get a critical comment from PK. Or did Malloy steal a cup of PKs coffee or something?
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:07 pm
@Slothrop: I, for one, think the only reason PK still gets articles published is because everyone enjoys BDD’s skewering of them.
If I’m wrong about that, however, then whoever is responsible for his douchebaggery seeing the light of day needs to die in a fire.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Golly, do you have to be so mean?
He only mentioned Brett Favre twice!! What do you want from him??
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:17 pm
That’s nothing: Wade Philips said, “Get ready for a surprise!” And then his head exploded.
The Martians love Kuato. They think he’s fuckin’ George Washington.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:22 pm
So any potential -kakking we could do tonight? I’ll host of course, BYOB
/shameless threadjack
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:28 pm
The second I reading that article, I knew Drew was going to have a field day.
Are we quite certain that Drew and PK aren’t the same person yet?
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I was hoping for a “Concrete Cynanide” mixed-metaphor this week. How about “a shark with a gun for a mouth”?
And why hasn’t PK praised Juan Valdez for his 100% Colombian Coffee? Even though he works the land, he’s no Land Baron.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHQAAfVvvOU
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:33 pm
I was hoping for a “Concrete Cynanide” mixed-metaphor this week. How about “a shark with a gun for a mouth”?
And why hasn’t PK praised Juan Valdez for his 100% Colombian Coffee? Even though he works the land, he’s no Land Baron.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHQAAfVvvOU
P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
I don’t know how that became a double comment or where the post script came from.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
And also, of all the stuff on the SI site, the two things that piss me off most are both PK productions: the word “coffeenerdness” and referring to Don Banks as “Donnie Brasco”. Hell, it’s not even just that, it’s Don “Donnie Brasco” Banks, and that’s even stupider.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:49 pm
If I have to listen to another one of my friends remark that “Peter King knows his shit!!!” I’m going to murder a Favreian land baron on behalf of Rigoberta Menchu.
http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/eviscerating-peter-king-nfl-insider
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
@ Gino: Maybe you just have another personality who likes to praise KSK anytime they can.
I dunno just my theory.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
@ Coolwhip
Personal retardation, office computer server’s retardation and substance abuse all conspire against me. I always have such bad luck when I’m drinking!
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:06 pm
There’s also this in PK’s article:
By Saturday night, the wind was howling at 20 or 25 mph, and it was snowing sideways, and it was 5 or 10 degrees wind-chill, and I walked by a delegation of Jaguars in their leather Jag jackets, and they looked like walking, tanned ice cubes.
…and I’m a rambling and bumbling and annoying and bitchy and pussified fat fuck and my understanding of sentence construction is about as good as my understanding of bullet point use
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Nothing about traffic? I DEMAND COMPLAINTS ABOUT TRAFFIC IN THE MIDWEST!!
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:42 pm
From PKU.EDU – in order to receive the annual Marvin Harrison Scholarship you need to be at least a 3rd grade Deuchology major.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
…who owns land
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:51 pm
The second I saw PK’s column linked to on CNN I thought: “Oh fuck, I need to check KSK (for the fourth time today)!”
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:53 pm
The real question is whether Jillian’s coffee is clutch.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
@Ron in WI: You really don’t know how to get Peter King to criticize you? It’s simple: be a Black guy.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Anyone else picturing PK’s bloated form sprawled out on top of the covers at a mariot, his computer and a half empty bottle of cuttysark teetering on the edge of that lap-desk thing as he snores…. loudly.
Just me? fine, fuck you. But seriously- he was at least half in the bag when he wrote this, and that comment about Lawyer Milloy was ridiculous.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:28 pm
I just found out Johnny Damon is half Thai on his mom’s side. He looks like Tiger Woods.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:31 pm
This reminded me of a poor man’s KSK: http://youcanneverbehappy.wordpress.com/2009/02/11/one-night-stand/
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:44 pm
He used the “quasi” prefix twice in that article? What a smegma pastry.
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I don’t post here often, but I just wanted to say that I look forward to your Peter King MMQB breakdowns more than I look forward to just about anything else on the internet. You never want a guy like Peter King to stop doing what he’s doing because it’s like a bottomless diamond mine that just keeps producing. Drew, I hope you never stop doing these breakdowns. thanks.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
It’s amazing how many running gags there are at this point. Sometime in the very near future, Drew’s entire piece is going to consist of references to old PK articles.
That said, the bright spot of every monday is coming home and reading this. Fuck and yes.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:11 am
gotta admit I’m jealous of a tool like peter king getting his dinner comped at Jillians
February 24th, 2009 at 12:36 am
My favorite part is how PK loves to name-drop lame restaurants. Shula’s is a shitty, overpriced attempt at being classy and masculine. The Capital Grille, while respectable, is about the least extraordinary place in the world to go eat a steak. And Jillian’s is an ESPNzone-like national chain, not some great discovery these assholes made in downtown Indy. Peter King, take your cheap ass and your complete lack of taste back to Jersey and leave my hometown alone. And stay the fuck away from DC, while you’re at it.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:19 am
RE “HOLY FUCK, THAT IS FRIGIDNESS ON THE KELVIN SCALE.”
Yeah, I was watching a PBS show last month on the attempt to achieve absolute zero, and I vaguely recall them saying that Lord Kelvin established his theories by having a bunch of tubby white men milling around outside when it was cold.
That part about about pointy stars appealing to Ray Lewis was also fucking awesome.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:48 am
Peter King is our Fatty Arbuckle.
And try something besides a chain restaurant for once.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:48 am
Jesus, it still cracks my shit up that he refers to himself as a “scribe.” I wonder if he refers to lawyers as “solicitors” and politicians as “solons.” Probably.
Speaking of celebrities who look like each other, Paris Hilton and Gwyneth Paltrow. Am I right? They could be twins!
February 24th, 2009 at 2:53 am
Two completely unrelated bullet points:
1) I wonder if I could duplicate Peter King’s writing style, if I could offer to write for SI for $50k/year, and they would hire me and fire PK as a result?
b) Does anyone else get pissed off at other bloggers promoting their shitty blogs in the KSK comments? It defines douche.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:39 am
PK,
has anyone ever told you that you look like a bull-dyke?
a. Well, you do.
b. And……
c. You better get used to hearing it.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:53 am
Peter: “That guy is a pedophile that defines “touch”.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:04 am
And try something besides a chain restaurant for once.
I can’t wait for the day Peter King discovers this mom-and-pop restaurant in Dallas called “Denny’s.”
They give their dishes such delightful names! “A Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity”? Marvelous!
February 24th, 2009 at 7:05 am
Goddammit, that’s IHOP isn’t it? Well, it’ll never happen then.
King will never eat at an International House of Pancakes. It’s too foreign, and Brett wouldn’t approve.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
As far as Denny’s goes, PK looks more like a Moons Over Mi-Hammy guy if you ask me.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Peter King is like the guy you know who doesn’t watch football but pretends to know what the fuck he’s talking about.
Brett Favre? I’ve heard of him. He’s great!
Ray Lewis? i’ve heard of him. He’s great!
Tavaris Jackson? I’ve heard of him. He’s great!
February 24th, 2009 at 10:51 am
So, THREE rounds of appetizers, then dinner, then coffee? PK’s emergency airline shit suddenly makes a lot of sense.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
KSK vs. PK. Big Daddy Drew vs. Peter King. Master vs. Student.
February 24th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
…and I realize Sean Penn is our Bogart
I thought Bogart was our Bogart.