[Tinkly piano bullshit]

My mother used to say always keep your legs open

It’s the only way to give and receive love

But sometimes you have to jam those legs shut to get the chintzy jewelry you want for Valentine’s Day.

That’s the inspiration behind my Open Legs collection at Kay Jewelers

I worked with Kay because it’s a chain of mall jewelers and only they would carry something so tacky that will appeal to high school juniors buying trinkets for their fuck buddies

My hope is that my Open Legs design becomes a universal symbol of relationship prostitution and lowered expectations. Because I’m a narcissistic cunt who thinks a doodle I made in five minutes can capture the imaginations of billions.

Because when your legs are open, love will always find its way in.

[Annoying sound signature]