KSK Mock Draft: Selecting a Funeral Playlist
Welcome to the first mock draft of the 2009 off-season. Once again we’ll be holding a weekly mock draft each Friday between now and the actual NFL draft during April’s final week. Now if you’re new to the site you should probably know that these mock drafts have absofuckinglutely nothing to do with football. You see, actual football mock drafts are fucking worthless, so instead we come up with totally random shit to draft between the six of us. Feeling left out? Worry not, Nancy, because you can play along in the comments. Plus, during the time between the draft and the Hall of Fame Game we’ll be holding similar weekly drafts for the commenters.
Today we kick things off in morbid fashion with a draft compiling our ideal funeral playlist.. We go for three rounds in a snake format, once a artist is selected the rest of their catalog is off limits.
1. Ape
2. Ufford
3. Flubby
4. Drew
5. Maj
6. Punter
And away we go.
Ape: “They Reminisce Over You” Pete Rock & CL Smooth
Drew calls it a solid pick, and I cross one off of my list. Fucker.
Ufford: “Taps“
I’m going to forego an explanation.
Flubby: “Here Comes A Regular” by The Replacements
Drew: “Highway to Hell” AC/DC
No fucking regrets. I go down, I go down HARD.
Maj: “Tears in Heaven” Eric Clapton
My goal for this pick is to make people cry right off the bat to remind them how much they miss me already. This one tends to do the trick. Drew calls it hokey and Flubby calls it a hack song. While I don’t necessarily disagree, fuck them in the pants just the same.
Punter: “Amazing Grace“
On bagpipes, a la Star Trek II and Tommy Boy.
Punter: “Angel” Sarah McLachlan
Because my vision of heaven is waking up with my head in Sarah McLachlan’s lap and having an exchange similar to this one:
Me: Wh-where am I?
Sarah: You’re in heaven, Josh.
Me: You mean…I’m –
Sarah: I’m sorry, but yes. Your time on earth is over.
Me: Oh…
Sarah: All the pain, all the sadness you had in that world is gone. And you had a lot of sadness, Josh.
Me: I know.
Sarah: In fact, you were kinda fucked up.
Me: Yeah.
Sarah: But that’s all over now.
Me: It is?
Sarah: It is.
Me: Can I lay on your lap for a little longer?
Sarah: Sure.
Me: Thanks.
Indeed.
Maj: “Life’s A Bitch” Nas
Because I want everyone to know that life is in fact, a bitch, so they might as well go get high and think about me while nodding along.
Drew: “Big Poppa” Notorious BIG
Kind of mandatory, given my screen handle.
Dagger. This means “Miss U” and “Ready to Die” are off the board.
Ape: Flubby needs a My Morning Jacket/Grateful Dead swing.
Flubby: Actually, I fail to see the point in picking songs simply because I like them if I’m not going to be there to hear them.
Drew: Even when dead, I’d still like to impose my taste on others.
Ape: Very true. I picked They Reminisce in part because hip-hop would put off some of my relatives
Flubby: “I Saw the Light” Hank Williams
I’m not even a slightly religious, but like I said a minute ago, the music isn’t for me anyways
Such a mensch for a gentile, this one is.
Ufford: “Tom Traubert’s Blues” Tom Waits
Not only is it brutally depressing, but it has the tune and chorus of “Waltzing Matilda,” which is the official song of the 1st Marine Division in which I served.
Ape: “Last Goodbye” Jeff Buckley
Because I’m gay like that. And I’ll probably end up drowning in a river somehow.
Ape: “How to Disappear Completely” Radiohead
Despite being kind of dirge-like, it’s a wholly inappropriate funeral song, which I kind of like. And I get to go out super pretentious.
Drew: “Videotape” is the money Radiohead funeral song. /snob
Ape: Fuck you and your easy tinkly piano bullshit.
Drew: Hey, if I wanted to be doubly gay, I would have said “Fake Plastic Trees.”
Ufford: Pfffft…. “Fake Plastic Trees” was on the Clueless soundtrack and thus isn’t even discussed among REAL Radiohead snobs.
/would have gone with “Lucky” as Radiohead funeral song
//entire draft could have been Radiohead songs to play at your funeral.
The fuck’s a Radiohead?
Ufford: “Party Pit” The Hold Steady
Has absolutely nothing to do with death, but it builds to a climactic singalong of “Gonna walk around drink some more!!!” that makes it impossible to not want to get hammered immediately. And really, if all my friends (and enemies) are going to get together in one place, it makes no sense for them to be sober the whole time.
Flubby: “No Depression” Carter Family or Uncle Tupelo version
Either one works for him, so he gets Uncle Tupelo.
Drew: “Celebrated Summer” Husker Du
Played live by the reunited band on a beach in front of my funeral pyre. Then everyone must scoop up my ashes and toss them in the Atlantic. Then enjoy lobsters and Yuenglings.
“Don’t Fear the Reaper” Blue Oyster Cult (with Will Ferrell on the cowbell)
First they cry, then they get high, and finally they laugh. Quality funeral, now let’s go get drunk.
Drew: Mad World (Gary Jules), The Rising (Bruce), Reckoner (Radiohead), A Minor Incident (Badly Drawn Boy), Sunspots (Bob Mould), Theme from Glory, Theme from Unforgiven, and Dust In the Wind (Kansas)
Maj: Good Mourning (Talib Kweli), In My Life (Beatles), Ready to Die (Biggie), Another One Bites the Dust (Queen), The End (The Doors), Miss U (Biggie), The Crossroads (Bone Thugs-N-Harmony), All Eyez On Me (2 Pac)
Add your thoughts in the comment section, including your own selections if you’re so inclined.
Tags: Fun With Mock Drafts, photoshop by Ufford, Unsilent Majority
February 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Prince – Purple Rain. Not exactly lyrically fitting, but I want that kind of bombastic sound when people mourn me.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
“Grind”, Alice in Chains – Could have gone with anything from the AIC catalog, but for some reason, the opening to Grind always felt like what you will probably hear when the apocalypse comes and the sun goes dark for good.
Honorable mention – “Rain When I die”, for obvious reasons.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Lay Me Low is my pick. Tongue-in-cheek, plus it gives me indie cred in death. Score.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Also, good to see Sarah McLachlan isn’t looking so dykey anymore. Great start to Sexy Friday.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Wait, is this done by “High Fidelity’ rules in which “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by the Stones is automatically disqualified?
Fuck it, I’ll take “Many Rivers to Cross” by Jimmy Cliff.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:20 am
“Happy Birthday” – anonymous
February 6th, 2009 at 10:21 am
cicatriz by mars volta. not the 12:30 one from deloused, but the 43:00 long one from scabdates. why? because fuck you, im dead, listen to this song and mourn for me
February 6th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Home Sweet Home – Motley Crue
Cry for me, you fuckers! Cry!
February 6th, 2009 at 10:24 am
See A Little Light – Bob Mould, just a great fucking song
Fall into a dream
Wake up and everything is the same
A second older
But alone
Just like a child
If you just give me a sign
To leave and not to die
February 6th, 2009 at 10:24 am
First person to take “Imagine” gets my fist in their chest.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:25 am
“Bury Me in Smoke” by Down off of classic album NOLA.
When I die… bury me in….. smmmmooooooke”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:25 am
“Hallelujah”, by just about anyone, but the Buckley version is extremely good, as is Rufus Wainwright’s. I want everyone sobbing, dammit.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:26 am
“No Quarter” by Led Zeppelin is my pick.
Also, if you go with a Radiohead funeral song it has to be “Life in a Glasshouse”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:26 am
“The Bright Side of Life” – from Monty Python..terribly obvious but you might as well have a sense of humor about the whole thing.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:26 am
“Laura’s daddy died..Oh what a night it really was…!! Jack Black was awesome in this movie.
I’ll go with Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. It’s my all time favorite song; yep I have a pretty sunny outlook on life.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:27 am
If I wanted to really piss off the more uptight side of my family, I’d pick a Frank Zappa song with alot of filth and profanity. Something from Joe’s Garage, maybe.
In reality, I’d probably pick several songs by Lush. Their harmonies can sound so damned angelic. And if Punter gets to enter heaven with his head on Sarah McLaughlin’s lap, then I damned sure get to enter heaven being comforted by Miki Berenyi. Actually, if I knew for certain that that is what would happen when I die, I’d reach for the shotgun right now.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Thriller. Futuremrs is not going to be pleased that Ufford took The Hold Steady off the board.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:28 am
“Dopesmoker” by Sleep would be crucial. after all 63 minutes of lulling, droning, boring doom metal, if anyone is still around, I’ll know that they mattered
February 6th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Danny Boy – By the dude that sings during Yankee games.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Warren Zevon’s “Keep Me in Your Heart”. He wrote and recorded it during the period after he was informed he was not going to beat the mesothelioma he contracted.
Ladies and gentlemen, start your tear ducts…..
February 6th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Mothers of the Disappeared – U2
Getting the crying done with quickly so people can go get drunk and talk about how awesome I am…was
February 6th, 2009 at 10:30 am
November Rain-GnR because the guitar solo will take my soul to heaven
February 6th, 2009 at 10:30 am
“The Final Countdown” by Europe.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:30 am
“Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life”
Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
February 6th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Another on Bites the Dust -Queen
February 6th, 2009 at 10:31 am
I can’t believe I forgot Castles Made of Sand. I think I’m going to go hang myself now.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Creeping Death – Metallica
just to keep the death theme going and the song kicks ass
February 6th, 2009 at 10:32 am
“You Can’t Kill Me” by Mojo Nixon. It’s set to the tune of Amazing Grace, but it’s all about rock and roll. Then Mojo does one of his usual redneck rants about how the government and corporations are all against us. Last line (shouted) “You can fill my body full of holes but you can’t kill the spirt of rock and roll!”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:32 am
i ment Another one bites the dust- Queen
i suck
February 6th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Sleep Long by Operation Ivy. Glad the draft/extreme unproductiveness at work is back.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:34 am
That Smell -Lynyrd Skynyrd
February 6th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Anyone taking Stairway gets a cockpunch
February 6th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Mannish Boy — Muddy Waters
February 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Rubber Biscuit – Blue Brothers
Just to confuse everyone
February 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Funeral for a Friend – Elton John
February 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Notre Dame Alma Mater.
And fist bump to Ape for an excellent #1 pick.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Reason to Believe by Bruce Springsteen
Lots and lots of Bruce will be played at the celebration of my demise. Reason to Believe is my favorite. (Honorable Mentions don’t take the artist off the board, right?)
February 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
This draft needs a My Morning Jacket song. I pick “Dondante.”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
I take Stairway! (I totally want a cockpunch.)
Oh, and if I could’ve taken a Hold Steady song, it would’ve been “Stay Positive.” Everyone would’ve been in a good mood.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
“In This River” by Black Label Society. If it’s good enough for Dimebag, it’s good enough for me!
February 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Also, Drew knocked it out of the park with “T.R.O.Y.”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
That’s Life – sung by Frank Sinatra
February 6th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Van Morrison’s ‘Caravan.’
/wonders if anyone gets the reference
February 6th, 2009 at 10:39 am
“Black Sunshine” – White Zombie. And to Upstate Underdog, you could do an entire funeral parade to Metallica songs.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:40 am
“Oh, Death” – Camper Van Beethoven
My eyes are aching and I cannot see
I feel the sheet pulling over me…
Because I want my funeral to be uplifting.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:40 am
UU: Damn you for taking Frank off the board! I wanted The Best Is Yet to Come. Sigh.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Long Black Vail – The Band
What’s not to like about taking the rap for a murder because your alibi is that you were sleeping with your best friends wife.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Mountain Jam by the Allman Bros. simply because it would move my 2 song funeral to 96 minutes and counting
February 6th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Power of the Gospel – Ben Harper
Not a dry eye in the house
February 6th, 2009 at 10:42 am
‘My Ride’s Here’ Warren Zevon
February 6th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@smurphette, In that case I’ll take the David Lee Roth version. Sinatra is all yours. happy Friday.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Dust in the Wind, performed by Will Ferrell as per Old School.
Drew will you leave Mrs. Drew for me???
If not, will you at least keep posting Jamboroo in the offseason, please???
February 6th, 2009 at 10:43 am
One More Notch by Murder by Death
@smurphette. Manti Te’o. Yay.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:43 am
“I’m Feelin’ Good” — Nina Simone
Because I’ve got a twisted sense of humor and I like the refrain “It’s a new dawn/It’s a new day/It’s a new life/For me/And I’m feeling good”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:44 am
like a stone by audioslave
February 6th, 2009 at 10:44 am
The Needle And The Damage Done – Neil Young
let ‘em KNOW
February 6th, 2009 at 10:45 am
and now that I think about, Old Man by Neil Young, also on Harvest, is just as priceless. probably the whole album at that
February 6th, 2009 at 10:46 am
“Waltzing Matilda” performed by the Pogues.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Nessun Dorma by Paul Potts. You’re fucking made of stone if you don’t tear up at least.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
@UU: You are a prince among men. I take Frank and The Best Is Yet to Come.
@shinons: My excitement is somewhat tempered by the fact that he’ll be on a 2-yr mission in the middle of college. Still, any time we beat out Southern Cal for a recruit is cause for celebration.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Rainbow in The Dark – Ronnie James Dio
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
I’ll go with “Lucky Man” by the Verve. If that doesn’t bring the tears, I don’t know what will.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
It’s Alright Ma (Live) – Bob Dylan & the Band
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Tool – Eulogy
Death Cab For Cutie – I Will Follow You Into The Dark
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Orion by Metallica. A perfect song for the memory of Cliff Burton and to my future demise.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Can I really cheese out and take “Alone” by Heart? Everyone loves Heart and if you say you don’t you’re a lying sack of shit.
Second pick would be “Spirit In The Sky” by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
The entirety of Thick as a Brick by Jethro Tull, moving the Funeral setlist to 2 hours and 19 minutes
February 6th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Nice call with the Zevon pick, Larry. Anyway, I’ve gotta go with the Grateful Dead, “Brokedown Palace.”
Fare you well,
Fare you well,
I love you more than words can tell,
Gonna listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:48 am
W.A.S.P. – Fuck Like A Beast
February 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am
If I’m out of turn, fuck it, but I can’t believe no one picked “Hurt” by Johnny Cash
February 6th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I will also take -
Revival by the Soulsavers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp1rL7DI_D4
February 6th, 2009 at 10:50 am
And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda by the Pogues. Because between my death and this song, the afterlife will not be very lonely for long. I think they included razorblades and bath salts in the original packaging of Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:50 am
“Funeral” – Band of Horses (obvious, but I’m not too bright)
“Streets of Laredo” – Johnny Cash’s cover (fuck, that entire cover album could be this playlist; I was going with “Danny Boy” until it was taken above me)
“Sounds of Silence” – Simon and Garfunkel
February 6th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Where is my Mind? – Pixies
February 6th, 2009 at 10:51 am
@devang – I’m all for Johnny Cash, but fuck, that version of Hurt is sacrilege. Much like the third Terminator movie, I try to pretend like it never happened. Trent Reznor is rolling over in his grave and the guy isn’t even dead yet.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:51 am
I want candy – mc pee pants
February 6th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I’m also taking “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness” by Smashing Pumpkins
February 6th, 2009 at 10:53 am
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly
February 6th, 2009 at 10:53 am
“Take Me with You” by Morphine from the Night album.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:54 am
@smurphette – Agreed that the mission trip is rough, but having our kickass Hawaiian linebacker going on a Mormon mission trip at our Irish Catholic school just kinda rocks.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:55 am
“Princes of the Universe” – Queen, just to be ironic (moronic). Alternatively, Queen’s “Who Wants to Live Forever”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:55 am
“The Past is a Grotesque Animal” by Of Montreal
Leaving on a 12-minute glam rock ballad would be a fun way to head out
February 6th, 2009 at 10:56 am
“St. James Infirmary” — Louis Armstrong
@ Smurphette: I’m not ashamed to say I did the Haka in celebration of Te’o’s wise decision.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Damn. I really wanted “Whipping Post,” but I see the Allman Brothers are long gone. I guess I’ll go with “Love, Reign O’er Me” by The Who.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:56 am
And speaking of Irish, May the Living Be Dead by Flogging Molly.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Fuck it – Nobody’s taken “Tears Of Heaven” by Clapton.
Huge pick.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Seasons in the Abyss – Slayer
Also, Ufford’s right. Lucky would be the Radiohead funeral song.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Sorry, “Tears In Heaven”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Innamorata (true-love) – Dean Martin
This song would be dedicated to my wife
February 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am
youre dumb hammer it was taken it the real draft
dying is fine- ra ra riot
February 6th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Meyton_Panning wins.
Mine would be: Hear My Train A Comin’- Jimi Hendrix (the live version)
Tasty Guitar Licks!
February 6th, 2009 at 10:59 am
“Dig Up Her Bones” by the Misfits. It’s not inappropriate.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Gone for Good-Morphine
February 6th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Wow i’m surprised, no Freebird…I guess in that case, i’ll pick Let’s go Crazy, by Prince. It’s pretty catchy, and i’m sure it has something to do with death
February 6th, 2009 at 10:59 am
“The Sky is Crying” – Stevie Ray Vaughn
“Life by the Drop” – Stevie Ray Vaughn
“Victory” – Biggie Smalls/Puffy
February 6th, 2009 at 11:00 am
The Hero – Amon Amarth
“Now, here I lie
In my own blood
And strangers cry for me
I’m prepared to meet the gods
I wish they’d let me be
I don’t deserve
Their sympathy
I know who I am
My soul is death and misery
I am an evil man”
February 6th, 2009 at 11:00 am
I think I’m going to end at three: “It’s a Living Thing” by ELO.
Oh, and BTW, I_Hate_Usernames, Waltzing Matilda was already off the board (via me).
February 6th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Who ever picks a song since the year 2000 is a pussy-wussy faggoat.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:01 am
“The Sky is Crying” — Elmore James
February 6th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Wow, I cant believe I could get Bitter Sweet Symphony this late!!
February 6th, 2009 at 11:01 am
“Gone to Stay” – Freakwater
Depressing. Trust me.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Will ye no come back again? faded into Auld Lang Syne
on bag pipes
Bitches
February 6th, 2009 at 11:02 am
My goal when I die is to piss off the most amount of people in the most efficient way. To that end:
Eiffel 65 – Blue
February 6th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Ecstacy of Gold – the original movie version since Metallica’s off the board
Are we not waiting ten picks anymore?
February 6th, 2009 at 11:03 am
I can’t believe no one has taken anything by the Truckers so here it goes –
God Damn Lonely Love – Drive-By Truckers
February 6th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Fire and Rain, James Taylor.
@Tracer: The Haka is badass.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Oh, I just realized what I need to finish things off – “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. Giving me:
1. “Waltzing Matilda” – The Pogues
2. “Love, Reign O’er Me” – The Who
3. “It’s a Living Thing” – ELO
4. “Hallelujah” – Leonard Cohen.
Good draft. I can rest in peace.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:05 am
MOCK DRAFT FAIL
February 6th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Minstrel Boy — the Joe Strummer & the Mescalero’s version. May be more appropriate at the Irish wake though, not sure.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:05 am
“The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” – Gordon Lightfoot
February 6th, 2009 at 11:05 am
On Eagles Wings written by Michael Joncas
Catholic guilt got the best of me on this selection
February 6th, 2009 at 11:06 am
@punchrock: didn’t see Morphine up there, and your song is better
February 6th, 2009 at 11:06 am
and for my 3rd and last pick, no one knows by QOTSA
February 6th, 2009 at 11:07 am
I’m takin’ more picks, fuckers!
“Piece of Mind” – Boston
“Take it Easy” – Eagles
February 6th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Pixies – Monkey Gone To Heaven
Fitting.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:08 am
I’m leaving now, so the rest of my funeral would go
Phish- Tweezer
Umphrey’s McGee- Der Bluten Kat>Glory
and lastly, to end things of in a somewhat legitimate matter, The entirety of Shine on you Crazy Diamond
which brings my list of funeral songs to roughly 4 hours of epicness in 7 songs
February 6th, 2009 at 11:08 am
“Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac” — Dizzy Gillespie. I have to do something to make the proceedings a little less grim.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:08 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I27ORf6nTKE
Hoodoo Gurus – Death defying/ cause im old like that
February 6th, 2009 at 11:08 am
And for shits and giggles …
“Live and Let Die” – Wings
February 6th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Only God Can Judge Me – Tupac
February 6th, 2009 at 11:09 am
See A Little Light – Bob Mould
Creeping Death – Metallica
That’s Life – sung by David Lee Roth
Rainbow in The Dark – Ronnie James Dio
Innamorata (true-love) – Dean Martin
On Eagles Wings written by Michael Joncas
And I’m done
February 6th, 2009 at 11:09 am
One more…
“My Name is Jonas” – Weezer
February 6th, 2009 at 11:10 am
The Replacements – If Only You Were Lonely
I’m OK – You’re Fucked – The Queers
February 6th, 2009 at 11:11 am
My first two picks were morbid and depressing (”Grind”, “Oh Death”), so let’s finish on an uplifting note and turn those frowns upside down: “I hate myself and want to die” by Nirvana.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:11 am
“You and Me” by Danzig from the Less than Zero soundrack.
But how can you bring back the dead
And try to tell them you’re sorry
February 6th, 2009 at 11:12 am
No song; I just want that sound from The Price is Right when the contestant loses. You know that five-note, fake horn thing they play when the lady picks up the wrong shell or something? Play that as soon as the casket closes.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Valhalla – Tyr
February 6th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Open with TI – “Bring em out” as they bring the casket in (yes, there will be a procession)
then roll into Jeremy – Pearl Jam midway through just to fuck with everyone. And make them look at each other confused as hell.
/yes, it’s wrong
February 6th, 2009 at 11:15 am
And did those feet in ancient times.
Yeah, it’s a hymn, but I’m dead, so sing for me.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:16 am
“Cuban Crime of Passion”—Jimmy Buffett
February 6th, 2009 at 11:17 am
“Scene’s from an Italian Restaurant”-Billy Joel. Just to drag it out, and helicopter sounds at a funeral would be pimp.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Dance Floor Dale bitches!
http://www.dancefloordale.com/
February 6th, 2009 at 11:17 am
That’s not Sarah McLachlan, that’s Sela Ward. Fuxorz. It should be what Sara McLachlan looks like though, in a better world.
“My Hero” Foo Fighters…that’s how i roll.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:19 am
My last pick is Haha You’re Dead by Green Day.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
I know some of the songs have been taken already, but I think it would be really appropriate to just put on the albums “Ready to Die” followed by “Life After Death” and throw in Ride of the Valkyries in between the albums as well as Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture and finish off with Orff’s Carmina Burana.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Whiskey Lullaby – Brad Paisley
Everyone else will want to join me in the casket.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
The “sad” version of the Rocky theme FTW
February 6th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Robert Johnson–Hellhound on My Trail
February 6th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Farewell – Falkenbach
Now light my pyre and go forth and drink and eat for 24hrs, it is my command.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Fly Away, by whomever, but I prefer Emmylou Harris.
ghey, but effective. I want people BAWLING at my funeral.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:24 am
someone took Nirvana, I’m sure… but “All Apologies” is worth breaking some rules for.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:24 am
If my boss comes to the funeral – Take This Job and Shove It – Merle Haggard
February 6th, 2009 at 11:25 am
It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday – Boyz II Men
February 6th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Funkadelic–Can You Get to This?
February 6th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Can’t Stop-Red Hot Chili Peppers
February 6th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Oh, and if Nirvana truly is off the table as an option, I go with Faith No More’s “Surprise – You’re Dead!”
February 6th, 2009 at 11:26 am
sad walking away song from the Incredible Hulk would also work
February 6th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Kiss the Devil – Eagles of Death Metal
February 6th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Jesus Christ, the rules mean nothing in these drafts, do they?
February 6th, 2009 at 11:30 am
George Harrison–My Sweet Lord
/it’ll confuse the family with all the “Hari Krishna” stuff
February 6th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@ Wayne Chrebet: DAMMIT! I was just about to pick that.
“Get Busy” — The Roots. Might as well go out hard.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:32 am
“Trouble of the World” by Mahalia Jackson. Old school.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzd4Xu_cwTo
Scotch and soul food for everybody.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:32 am
8 Full Hours of Sleep – Against Me!
February 6th, 2009 at 11:33 am
As I’m coming late into the draft, my 3 makeup picks:
What a Wonderful World by that fat Hawaiian singer Israel TooManyLettersInHisLastName
Looking for Space by John Denver – remember how deep I was, you fuckers.
Theme From Indiana Jones – Because I was a badass and I want people to remember that. I also want the song to be stuck in their head for at least the rest of the day.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:33 am
“End Titles” from the “Grey Fox” soundtract by the Chieftains.
Where we see how many Angels can dance on the strings of a violin.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:33 am
The entrance music to when Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out. The glass breaks and the music starts is kick ass. Also have a video montage of my life while the music is playing and at the end just one middle finger because I will probably hate most of those hypocritical pricks sitting there anyway.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Anything off of Funeral by the Arcade Fire. So probably Tunnels.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:35 am
“Company of Fools” – Great Big Sea.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Man of the Hour-Pearl Jam
February 6th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Pantera: Cowboys from Hell. Why? Because that song kicks ass that’s why. And because I want people to slam dance each other to death at my funeral.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Invasion of the Flat Booty Bitches by Too Short. Just to confuse the shit out of pretty much everybody there.
Blow Job Betty would work too.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:37 am
” Push the Little Daisies” – Ween
February 6th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I’m putting Led Zep back on the board, this one is too obvious:
“In My Time of Dying”
Oh, I did somebody some good. somebody some good…
Oh, did somebody some good. I must have did somebody some good…
February 6th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Tonight by TV on the Radio, just so I can take them off the board.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd. I know I will be, and hopefully everyone at the funeral will be too.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:41 am
I’ll go with this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaBMmg-hdcc
Because I want people to laugh at my funeral just as they laughed at me in life.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Metallica – Orion. Then shoot me out of the canon.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:44 am
“Wurlitzer Prize (I don’t want to get over you)” –Waylon Jennings. Did someone lift the “once an artists has been selected the rest of their catalog is off limits” rule?
February 6th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Metallica – Fade to Black
February 6th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Or some of these:
http://withleather.uproxx.com/?p=14606
Messy Marv, The Jacka, Lil Webbie, Lil’ Boosie, Clyde Clarkson, Hustler, J Stylin, Keak The Sneak and da Farmboyz, Killa Tank, Lee Majors, Mistah F.A.B., 2Pac, Sleepy D.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Dead Man’s Party – Oingo Boingo
February 6th, 2009 at 11:46 am
“Body of an American” by the Pogues.
And I’d want Jay Landsman’s fat ass to do my eulogy.
Sly, when you were good, you were the best we had.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:47 am
The Cool – Lupe Fiasco
February 6th, 2009 at 11:47 am
See the Sun – Dido
Tear Stained Eye – Son Volt
Moonlight Mile – Rolling Stones
February 6th, 2009 at 11:48 am
fuck it. 7 nation army.
“I’m goin’ to Wichita / far from this opera forever more…”
February 6th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Returning To The Fold – The Thermals
February 6th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Cartoon by Soul Asylum
February 6th, 2009 at 11:52 am
I am ignoring JS using Brad Paisley: When I Get Where I’m Going with Dolly Parton
I’m gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he’ll match me step for step
And I’ll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I’ll hug his neck
If my family doesn’t cry then, well. Poop.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I’m super religious, so it’s got to Minstry’s “Jesus Built My Hot-Rod.”
February 6th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Two things, I want Bobby Knights kiss my ass speech in the background, and Oh, yes, The “Hey” Song……. 4 Non Blondes.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Theme from Last of the Mohicans
WINNAR.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Dammit!! Has the whole world gone crazy?? Am I the only guy who gives a shit about the rules! This isn’t Nam, this is a mock draft of songs you would like to play at a funeral!! You can only pick songs by artists who haven’t already been used!!!
/Walter
/somebody picked a verve song before i did…whatever
February 6th, 2009 at 11:55 am
“I’ve Seen It All” Bjork/Thom Yorke..this song is depressing as hell and although not about death, adapts well to the theme.
February 6th, 2009 at 11:57 am
And if I wanted to play by the rules I would pick Mike and The Mechanics, In the Living Years. Angst is great.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Zack, I hate you for taking the Pogues off the board. I would have taken “Free Born Man of the USA”.
Since noone’s taken it yet, I’m going with “Fields of Athenry” by The Dubliners (Not the crappy Dropkick Murphy’s version).
I want people drunk and crying, then drunk and laughing and fighting at my funeral.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
My goal for a funeral is just to make people feel as uncomfortable as possible. I want to replace the sadness with awkwardness. No tears, just squirming.
So… Number on on that playlist:
Pussy Control by Prince
Nothing shows respect for the dead like the line “Pussy got bank in her pockets before she got dick in her drawers.”
February 6th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
SAY HELLO 2 HEAVEN – TEMPLE OF THE DOG
February 6th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I am very sorry I broke the rules earlier, I won’t do it again.
Space Oddity by David Bowie
February 6th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Mobb Deep: Quiet Storm. I like dark songs, so fackin what!!!
“I spent too many nights sniffin’ coke, gettin’ right
wastin’ my life, now I’m tryin to make things right”
February 6th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I want to be on a blazing funeral pyre on a dragon headed longboat far at sea while the Mormon Tabernacle Choir chants this catchy ditty from “The Thirteenth Warrior”…
Lo, there I see my father.
Lo, there I see my mother and my sisters and my brothers.
Lo, I see the line of my ancestors back to the beginning.
Lo, they do call to me, and bid me take my place among them,
In the halls of Valhalla,
Where the brave shall live forever.
Yeah, I want the choir on the boat.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
@wayne chrebet, I would have gone with Ashes to Ashes by Bowie. Can’t believe no one picked that
February 6th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Stupid Pacific Time Zone. Ok…
Peter Gabriel / Kate Bush – “Don’t Give Up” (just to get the tears a-flowin’)
Billie Holiday – “Don’t Worry Bout Me” (I’ll still hear her while I’m in purgatory)
February 6th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@UU – fuck, didn’t think of that. I spent a minute deciding between Life on Mars and Space Oddity. I was surprised david bowie fell this late though
February 6th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
+1 santo. “Drop out of life with bong in hand, Follow the smoke to the riff filled land”
Aphex Twin – Windowlicker, complete with extremely obscene/disturbing video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IApCp2Pl8k
February 6th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
No Pullout Says:
February 6th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Messy Marv, The Jacka, Lil Webbie, Lil’ Boosie, Clyde Carson, Hustler, J Stylin, Keak The Sneak and da Farmboyz, Killa Tank, Lee Majors, Mistah F.A.B., 2Pac, Sleepy D.
thanks, that’s half my client list. we will wave all fees
February 6th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
If it’s Frank, it’s gotta be My Way, for my money, the best song ever recorded. Or Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse to piss off my fundie family
February 6th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Ben Folds–Smoke
February 6th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Fuck missed the beginning!!!
For my first pick, and I’m guessing some Wire fan already took it, I’m going with “The Body of an American” by The Pogues. Nothing would make me happier than my body to be laid out on the felt and for one of my friends to eulogize me Jay Landsman style. And then everyone screams “I’m a free born man of the U-S-A!” and gets shitfaced.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I’m super religious, so it’s got to Minstry’s “Jesus Built My Hot-Rod
with the inclusion of Gibby Haynes on that one, you are surly going to hell
February 6th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
As Long As I Can See The Light – Creedence Clearwater Revival
February 6th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
@Slyfinger
I knew someone would take it! Damn you! Fuck the rules, I’m dead and I’m playing what I want.
Another band that I know has been taken, but I am taking a song of theirs anyway is Queens of the Stone Age, “Mosquito Song.”
Swallow and chew, eat you alive
All of us food, that hasn’t (has) died.
Perfromed by Homme and Troy on acoustic.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
How has nobody picked the best ever funeral song: Long May You Run by Neil Young. When I die — and it may be soon if I keep smoking the sheeba 22 hours a day — just throw some dirt on me and fire up the tunes. But please make sure to bury me with some good Afghan Bonanny or Strawberry Cough, a nice I/S blend…..
February 6th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Alabama Thunderpussy – Bear Baiting
I think it would only be appropriate if Casey Kasem was there to introduce the song. “Ladies and gentlemen, Alabama Thunderpussy.”
February 6th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
On the Wings of Love- but only if Dwight Schrute is on recorder.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I decided I wanted another Flogging Molly song-”Fuck You I’m Drunk.” Yeah, I’m breaking the rules, but fuck you I’m dead.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Down- Pillars of Eternity
Massive Attack- Angel
Killing Joke- Missing Friends
And I hope it’s not for a long, long time
February 6th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
If it’s going to be Bowie, I’d prefer “Heroes.”
And Hammer of Shiancoe is a fucktard idiot. Trent Reznor himself loves Cash’s version of Hurt better than his own: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/7378167/in_other_words_trent_reznor
February 6th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Will the Circle Be Unbroken
February 6th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I’m gonna go with “Heaven” by Warrant
/(complete sarcasm)
February 6th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
since Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and Allman Brothers are already taken, I’ll make it Will the Circle Be Unbroken, as sung by Aretha Franklin at the funeral for King Curtis.
Or if that’s against the rules, Procul Harum-Whiter Shade of Pale
February 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
@ Lovie Smith:
Sarcastic or not, Warrant would gladly play that at your funeral for 20 bucks and free shots at the cold cuts platter.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Iced Earth – Watching Over Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jGw3QXsnTY
February 6th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Faded – Afghan Whigs. Just a complete downer of a song with somewhat uplifting lyrics. Suck it friends! I’m dead now!
February 6th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Fett’s Vette by mc chris
/not taking this seriously
February 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
“When Your Number Isn’t Up” from Bubblegum album by Mark Lanegan
February 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
To give the proceedings a little more morbid feel, I’ll go with “Possum Kingdom” by Toadies.
“DO YOU WANNA DIE!!”
February 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
@Grimey: That “Last of the Mohicans” theme rocks.
“Seasons” by Chris Cornell.
I was also thinking about “Il Fortuna,” aka the opera music from the Gatorade commercials, but only because I think my ashes would fuse with the electrolytes for increased deathly awesomeness.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I’d have to go with something wholly inappropriate. So lets go “Last Caress” by the Misfits
“i got something to say
i killed your baby today
and it doesn’t matter much to me as long as it’s dead
well i got something to say
i raped your mother today
and it doesn’t matter much to me as long as she’s spread
sweet lovely death
i am waiting for your breath
come sweet death, one last caress”
February 6th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
“Last Dance for Maryanne” Tom Petty. Somebody’s getting laid at my funeral.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Seeing as how I’m about to head out to a funeral (not mine), this list is quite appropriate. I will be listening very critically to the playlist selected.
And I take Mama, I’m coming home – Ozzy.
How did he slip this far?
February 6th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Like Suicide- Soundgarden
preferably the acoustic version off Sounds from the Superunknown
February 6th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
“Lake of Fire” by Meat Puppets just for the hell of it.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@ricky mcjones
I can’t think of a more appropriate voice for a funeral than Mr. Mark Lanegan.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Nothing Compare 2 U- Sinead O’Connor
this song plays as everyone shaves their heads…
February 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Dammit, Drinker, I was going to take Boingo. Would have chosen “No One Lives Forever”.
With that being said, “Straight to Hell” by The Clash.
/Lest anyone forget how hard I tried to get there
Aw the hell with it, if we’re being serious “Sometimes Salvation” by The Black Crowes.
//still serious about the Hell thing
February 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I think I’ll go with “Rocket Man” by William Shatner. Although “Mr. Tambourine Man” is tempting, particularly for the grand finale.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
@ Limpy: I prefer “Last Dance With Ginger”
@ Xmasnvegas: I was THIS CLOSE to using “Over the Mountain”, but Misfits raping mothers logically won out
February 6th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Rolling Stones – Play With Fire
And since this isn’t an official Kommenter draft, fuck anyone that picked some other equally useless Stones song.
“The Offseason is better known as Chafing Season”
February 6th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Family Reserve by Lyle Lovett or People who died by Jim Carroll (on the basketball diaries soundtrack for those not familiar)
Also, for fun, Peaches by the Stranglers…..because everybody loves tits….
February 6th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I’ll remember you Skid Row
February 6th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
“Rivers of Babylon” – the Sublime version at the end of 40 Oz’s…
February 6th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Sigur Ros – Hoppipolla
also, while “Fake Plastic Trees” is pretty fucking gay, Jeff Tweedy just did a nice cover of it
February 6th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Walk All The Days – Black 47.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
By the way, for a six-pack, I’ll gladly sing “Old Shep” at any of your funerals.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Save Yourself – Stabbing Westward
February 6th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
also, Louis Armstrong–La Vie En Rose, or Gone Fishing.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
What, 200+ comments and nobody picked any Maiden? For shame. I select the Rock in Rio version of “Fear Of The Dark”
February 6th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
no Trent Reznor fans, huh?
Okay, with my next pick, I’ll take nine inch nails’ “Hurt”.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
The Ghost of Tom Joad – R.A.T.M.
Another great value pick to slip this far.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
welp. I’m fucking way late to this party so I’m kinda fucked in the pants on song selection.
Just to fuck with everyone at my funeral (which will be a church now matter how much I tell family NOT to do that) I’ll take “Eaten” by Bloodbath. This is the heaviest band I own.
[CHORUS]
Carve me up, slice me apart. Suck my guts, lick my heart. Chop me up I like to be hurt. Drink my marrow and blood for dessert.
EATEN… My one desire, my only wish is to be–
EATEN… The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
EATEN… I would do anything to be–
EATEN… My one desire, my only wish is to be–
EATEN…
February 6th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Only In Dreams- Weezer.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
The Road Goes on Forever — Robert Earl Keen
/live version
February 6th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Happy Boy – Beatfarmers
Praise You – Fat Boy Slim
Too Fast Too Live – Robert Gordon
February 6th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
“The Sound of Sounds” – Gomez
February 6th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
@ BDD/B — thanks a lot for taking ac/dc off the board right from the start. jackass
/It’s A Long Way To The Top (if you wanna rock and roll, that is)
February 6th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
its “Last Dance for Mary Jane.”
February 6th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
one bourbon, one scotch, one beer-george thurgood
February 6th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
“Man in a Box” – Alice in Chains (just for the name alone, but I like the song too)
“Enter Sandman” – Metallica (people will think they went to Mariano Rivera’s funeral, which means sports stars show up)
“Going Home” -the song they play on bagpipes during Leo’s funeral in The Departed (because I’m part Irish. Fuck you)
February 6th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
OK I came in wayyyyyyyyyy late for this (getting taxes done and thanks to everyone for giving me a refund!!)
Vince Gill – Go Rest High on That Mountain
February 6th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Shut up and Let Me Go – The Ting Tings
Just for the looks on everyone’s faces when the needle drops on that.
@Bill Brasky – That is an inspired pick.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
2Pac: Hellrazor. Since Pac got an honorable mention, I assume he wasn’t actually drafted and is still on the board. SUCKAS!!!
Mama raised a hellrazor, stress gettin major
Lord be my savior
Mama raised a hellrazor
Dear Lord can ya feel me, Stress gettin major
That’s that shit right there.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I will stick to my favorite genre of music for my funeral cuz What the Fuck do you care I’m daed assholes!
1.Planet Caravan- Black Sabbath
2.Like Castillo to a Star in Heaven- Trivium
3.To Live is to Die- Metallica
February 6th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Kyuss – Lick Doo
February 6th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Queen is off the board, so I can’t pick “The Show Must Go On.” So I’m going to go with “Monster Mash.” That way, the mourners can take solace in the prospect of my reanimated corpse frolicking merrily with the denizens of the underworld.
Alternatively, I’d go with that “na na na na hey hey hey goodbye” song. Really, any song they play at an NBA game when someone fouls out would work in this situation.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
AZ – Wanna Be There
February 6th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Jesus Christ Pose – Soundgarden
February 6th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
to make a pick that is actually with the rules – Ruby Falls by Guster. Beautiful and appropriate, what with lyrics about the afterlife and all that, even if nobody has ever heard of it.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
“Six Feet Deep” — Geto Boys
February 6th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Ahh. Lunch caused brain cells to come on back.
God’s Own Drunk, Jimmy Buffett Live album, ‘79
February 6th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Echo and the Bunnymen: “Bring on the Dancing Horses” because what’s a funeral without a) 80s Merseyside music, and b) dancing horses.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I’ll take “End of the Tour” by They Might Be Giants.
Somber, yet hopeful.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Glad I got here bright and early. Sheesh.
Oh well, Ape and Flubby stole my top two (”TROY” and “Here Comes a Regular”), and the third (”Videotape”) was clumsily cockblocked by Ape later on.
Fuck. What’s left? “Angel Band” by the Stanley Brothers?
February 6th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Oh wait…forgot:
“Fade Into You” – Mazzy Star (that way, most of the attendees will kill themselves, providing me with company)
February 6th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
No stairway to heaven huh? Too highschool dancey? or how about when the man comes around? No?
At least give props to one of the grave diggas songs….
February 6th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
I want candy – mc pee pants
That’s the pick of the draft right there. Drive ‘em insane, Carl-style.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
I really stopped following this after comment 180 or so, but I don’t care if this one was already picked:
“Goodbye Horses” — the song that Buffalo Bill was dancing naked to in Silence of the Lambs… I want everyone to be sufficiently weirded out after I got my indie-cred back with the first song.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Is Snoop Dogg’s “Ain’t No Fun” off the board?
February 6th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
“Sinkemlow” – Clutch
This song is so fucking heavy, and every time the chorus comes around, you get to scream ‘Hallelujah!” This one would be my final send-off.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
“Rocks Off” – Rolling Stones
WAKE UP YOU MOTHAFUCKAS !!!!
February 6th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
“Sheep Go To Heaven” by Cake
“Pepper” by Butt Hole Surfers
“Life is Beautiful” by Nikki Sixx
And I’m out….literally
February 6th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
has anybody picked “Black” by PearlJam?
February 6th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Oh yeah and that fucking annoying ass “Closing Time” song by Semisonic when it’s time to shut my coffin. Assuming that shit can actually be open at my funeral.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
No, Ropethrower, I don’t believe so. And in that vein, I’ll take “Around the Bend” by Pearl Jam.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
After the Eulogy:
“See You In Hell” — Monster Magnet
”’it’s a long way dooooooooooowwwwwwwnnn….”
February 6th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Dylan is gone, but I’ll still go with “Tombstone Blues” for obvious reasons. Although “Simple Twist of Fate” and “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” (Freewheelin’ version) are close seconds.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Fanfare For The Common Man
Full Orchestra performance followed by an absolutely fucking amazing pyrotechnic display that will make the end of the world look lame by comparison
February 6th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
The Band is already gone, but gone with a cover; that shouldn’t count. So: “It Makes No Difference”
February 6th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
If Otto Man gave a fuck about a bitch, he’d always be broke /
He’d never have no muthafuckin’ endo to smoke
February 6th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
“Load Out”– Jackson Browne
February 6th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@Ricky – great pick, though personally I would specify The Last Waltz version.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
A change is gonna come: Sam Cooke. This can be sung as folks are leaving.
It’s been too hard living but I’m afraid to die
Cause I don’t know what’s up there beyond the sky
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
2Port has this shit on lockdown with the correct choice. Funeral for a Friend by Elton John
February 6th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
@ K.P. – Yeah, you’re right. Danko’s ridiculous in that version.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
If we’re going with a “Last Waltz” theme, I’ll throw in “Dry Your Eyes” by Neil Diamond.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
If Otto Man gave a fuck about a bitch, he’d always be broke /
He’d never have no muthafuckin’ endo to smoke
Precisely. Though it might be better to have the song read as a spoken word poem by an elderly relative.
“So back up bitches, because I’m strugglin’ /
Just get on your knees, and then start jugglin’ /
These muthafuckin’ nuts in your mouth /
It’s me, Grandpa, the wigga with the clout.”
February 6th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
And I’ve got a song that will depress half of the attendees and piss off the other half.
(No One Cares if I) Live or Die, by Mark Eitzel.
February 6th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
“Life’s been good” Joe Walsh
February 6th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
“Juice” by Rakim.
Guess I didn’t know the ledge…
February 6th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
The Frames – Red Chord
It’s getting hard at this point to find unclaimed bands.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Oh snap. We’re not even to the pro bowl and they brought back the commentator drafts. God bless America.
I Wanna Be Sedated – Ramones.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Third Pick, to continue the hyper-religious theme: Wesley Willis, ‘They Threw Me Out of Church”
February 6th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
John Butler – Ocean (Live At the Sydney Opera House):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xZw9D9c18E
February 6th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I’ll go mad gay and say ‘All Is Full of Love’ by Bjork with two robots of myself fucking each other. Cry, you fucks.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I’ll also go with the famous church hymn “In The Garden Of Eden” by I. Ron Butterfly.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Maybe taken, I haven’t read this whole damn thread…
“Ball and Chain”, Social Distortion
/hell, any Social D works, really
February 6th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Almost 300 picks and John Prine is still available??? What country are you people from???
SAM STONE by JOHN PRINE
That’s it, I win.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
GT11: I heard Ball&Chain this morning and thought, damn I should have taken that in the draft. Good call.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Give em Hell – Talib Kweli
Double birds to organized religion as I go? Sweet.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
The Blood of Chu Chulainn – Mychael Danna/Jeff Danna
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TezgCpPuys
(it’s the theme from Boondock Saints)
It’s a toe tapper and it’ll get all the irish drunks at my funeral sobbing.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Cu Chulainn, whatever, i’ll be dead.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
“Can I Kick It?” A Tribe Called Quest
February 6th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
O Death – Ralph Stanley.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpkdOA1LU5I
And if you’re taking a Metallica song…it’s not Creeping Death, it’s For Whom the Bell Tolls or Fade to Black.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Ready 2 Die – Andrew WK
February 6th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Probably a technicality on the rules since Clapton and the Allmans have already been used – Derek and the Dominos “Layla.” It accompanies the greatest death montage on film in “Goodfellas” although I probably won’t go stuck on a meat hook.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
If one of the goals of a funeral song is getting people to unleash water works, how is this not selected yet?
“Roads” by Portishead.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
“At Last” – Etta James
February 6th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
My first pick, very very late is Breathe Me by Sia. If you watched the show it was the song at the end of the final episode of Six Feet Under. Accompanying the montage of everyone’s passing
February 6th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I will lso go with
2. Last Breath – Hatebreed
and as I am interred in to the ground within 24 hours of my passing like the good Jew I am I wouldl ike them to play the theme from Crimson Tide.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Imperial Death March.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Welp, I’d be late to my own funeral. I know the Pogues are long off the board, but The Pogues & The Dubliners aren’t. So, I’ll take their version of “Whiskey in the Jar”. I want everybody good and drunk at my wake.
If that’s an illegitimate pick, then I’ll sub it with Shane MacGowan & the Popes’ “Nancy Whiskey”. There’s going to be a whiskey them here.
Also, I think that’s Sela Ward up there, not Sarah McLachlan.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
John John, the rimson Tide theme is a beast of a song and would be great. Also kudos to dick_gozinia for the Imperial March pick.
I saw Kyuss’ “Lick Doo” picked earlier, which is an inspired choice. But if I’m going out to some Kyuss, let the hate reign and give me “Supa Scoopa and the Mighty Scoop” or “Thumb.”
“You don’t seem to understand the deal, I don’t give two shits for how you feel!”
That is the message I want to send as I’m going out.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Freebird.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
The live version of Misunderstood by Wilco off Kicking Television just so everyone can hear “I want to thank you all for nothing” over and over again.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
@Jim Sorgi:
+.5 for picking a Funkadelic song. But the discussion begins and ends with Maggot Brain. Saddest.Solo.Ever.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
“Who Do You Love?” by Bo Diddley, Muddy Waters & Little Walter (with Buddy Guy on one rhythm guitar) from the “Super Blues” album.
RIP Bo, Muddy, Walter.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Fourth and final pick, my recommendation on what to do when the liquor runs out: Fishbone’s ‘Bonin’ in the Boneyard.’
February 6th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
I will also pick Death March by Fishbone. Fuck the rules I will continue to pick as my stream of consciousness reminds me. of songs that are death songs.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Hey, has anyone taken the “Sesame Street” theme song yet? If not, mine. Everyone in attendance has to sing it and skip around while they do it. If someone could find a Big Bird costume and wear that, I’d really appreciate it.
Sunny Day
Sweepin’ the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street
Come and play
Everything’s A-OK
Friendly neighbors there
That’s where we meet
Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street
It’s a magic carpet ride
Every door will open wide
To Happy people like you–
Happy people like
What a beautiful
Sunny Day
Sweepin’ the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame street…
How to get to Sesame Street
How to get to… Sesame Street…
February 6th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
We’re past 300 selections, so I’ll pick again:
The Dubliners’ version of “Tim Finnegan’s Wake”.
It’s about an Irishman’s wake that errupts into a brawl. When a whiskey bottle breaks against the wall and scatters over Tim, he wakes up and says “Tunderin’ Jaysus! Didje tink I was dead?”
When I get buried, I want a barrel of porter at my feet and a bottle of whiskey at my head, just like Tim Finnegan.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
‘Prey for Eyes’ by the red chord. Absolute brutal/prog/death metal. Make noise in death as I do in life. Tawmmy has probably heard of em, they’re from Bawstahn.
February 6th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
@ Slash
Great call on “Sesame Street”. I love that show and that song. We make a lot of dick jokes here, but that show can remind us all of an innocent time before life crushed us and turned us into embittered social misfits.
When I was little and watched “Sesame Street”, my asshole cousins tried to convince me that the lyric went “Friendly niggers there/that’s where we meet”. I didn’t believe the pricks, but I still think of that whenever I hear the song.
February 6th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Search and Destroy – Iggy and the Stooges
or maybe
In God’s Country – U2
February 6th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Wait – nobody picked
Birth, School, Work, Death – The Godfathers….
February 6th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
The Smiths – Asleep
February 6th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
“Rex’s Blues” townes van zandt (or jay farrar version)
February 6th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I’m dead, so I don’t see why everyone else at my funeral shouldn’t be miserable. Therefore, I’m gonna subject them to “Tiptoe Through The Tulips” by Tiny Tim.
That’ll teach them to live longer than me.
February 6th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
I just want the Bushwhackers (WWF) theme song playing as the Pual Bearers bring me in. I want to leave to Hulk Hogan’s “I am a Real American” before they toss me in the ground.
February 6th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
*Paul Bearer* pun
February 6th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I’ll choose “The Weight” by The Band. (Note, if your name is NOT Levon Helm) and you attempt to sing this song, I will have your head on a pike.
Then we’ll shift over to a nice 16 minute bootleg of Springsteen doing “Lost in the Flood”. Just some people can spend 24 minutes looking at each other and mouthing “‘The fuck?”
February 6th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
I’ll stick with the whiskey-sodden Irish theme of my future wake with:
“Up Against the Buachalawns” by the Chieftains. It’s a wild Celtic reel that DEMANDS you have another drink.
I also want everybody at my future wake nice and blazed, so here’s a late-round supplemental Reggae pick:
“Iron Lion Zion” Bob Marley.
By the way, happy birthday, Bob Marley.
February 6th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Help, I’m a Rock.
Kinda fitting for all you living bastards
February 6th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
“Asleep” – The Smiths
/apparently the only emo kid on the block, sigh
February 6th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
You’re not the only emo kid on the block, Mrs. Spidey. Public Enemy just made that pick.
New pick: “25 Miles” Edwin Starr. “Twenty-five miles from home, girl/My feet are hurtin’ mighty bad….”
February 6th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Traffic “Dear Mr. Fantasy”
February 6th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
just to terrify everyone
justice – stress (and i want the video playing on loop in the background)
and i guess my normal pick would be ulrich schnauss – monday/paracetamol
February 6th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum. Because the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band didn’t record this song.
February 6th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
“Fuck Dying” by Ice Cube
You people do realize that dying is bad, right?
February 6th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Final pick for myself – Richard & Linda Thompson’s “Wall Of Death.”
Seems appropriate and only 3 or 4 of my other loser friends would get/appreciate it.
February 6th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Smurphette – I was at Manti’s signing that morning. He totally looked like he was going to grab the USC hat. It was gut-wrenching.
February 6th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Since Smurphette took Notre Dame Our Mother, I’d have to go with the theme from Rudy…
Damn It Feel Good to be a Gangsta by the Geto Boys…
February 6th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
“Ed is Dead” – Pixies.
February 6th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Titus Andronicus – “Titus Andronicus”
AND THERE’LL BE NO MORE CIGARETTES, NO MORE HAVING SEX, NO MORE DRINKING ‘TIL YOU FALL ON THE FLOOR!!
YOUR LIFE IS OVER!
February 6th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Run – Snow Patrol
February 6th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Wilco – Theologans
Elliott Smith – Can’t Make A Sound
Tool – Wings for Marie (pt 1)
Tool -10,000 days (wings pt 2)
ending it with…
Alone Down There – Modest Mouse
February 6th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
“The Lapdance Is So Much Better (When The Stripper Is Crying)” — Bloodhound Gang
February 6th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
In-a-gadda-da-vida by Iron Butterfly….just to make them sit there for even longer
Workin’ Them Angels by Rush
I Know it’s Over by The Smiths…..very depressing song
Beechwood Park by The Zombies
Love Gun by Kiss
The Court of the Crimson King by King Crimson
February 6th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
“Whoops, I OD’d” — NoFX.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Last Kiss — Pearljam
I want a lot of crying women at my funeral. Seriously, all of them must be tearing up. and those who don’t cry are clearly cyborgs.
Cherry Pie — Guitar Hero 2
Because who the fuck likes Warrent?
SoundTrack for 28 Days Later
Music in that movie rocks. Also, it’s on right now, so it’s distracting me from trying/caring.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Ok so I’m real late and I got tired of reading all the picks so I will bypass rules and just present my picks
Wheel In The Sky – Journey
The River – Garth Brooks
Carolina In My Mind – James Taylor
Desperado – Eagles
and finally…
Life Goes On – 2Pac
“y
February 6th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Damn you to the darkest pits of hell for taking Ministry, Slothrop. I was going to use their long version of “What A Wonderful World“. (Stick with it, it’s worth the time.)
Instead, I’ll pick Moby’s “God Moving Over The Face Of The Waters”, which many of you might remember for playing over the closing credits of “Heat” (as witnessed here).
February 6th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
the rules…they mean nothing
February 6th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Can’t believe neither of these bands yet.
After Forever by Black Sabbath, followed by Epitaph by Judas Priest.
Take that, all you raptards.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:15 am
…
Well, fifteen minutes later we had our first taste of whiskey
There were uncles giving lectures on ancient Irish history
The men all started telling jokes and the women, they got frisky
By five o’clock in the evening, every bastard there was pisky!
…
That sounds like a wake.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Welcome to the Terrordome: Public Enemy
That’s right bitches. Come get some.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Since I’m way late to the party here. . .
“The Spirit Carries On” by Dream Theater
“You Never Even Called Me By My Name” by David Allan Coe
“Rise Above” by Black Flag
February 7th, 2009 at 12:31 am
holy shit, I got drunk and realized I needed another pick.
Since I want to be cremated, with the fifth pick, I take the Dead Milkmen, ‘If you Love Someone, Set them on Fire.’
Thank you Bill Samuels, you magnificent bastard.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:59 am
I’m really late to this, but what the hell:
Now You’ve Got Something to Die For by Lamb of God
February 7th, 2009 at 1:52 am
I’m waaay late to this, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to submit. Cemetery, Silverchair. Strings, accoustic guitar, Johns, EPIC
February 7th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Pantera’s off the board, but I was going to suggest anything off of Trendkill… instead I’ll go with Deathmask Devine by Black Dhalia Murder. Quite fitting.
+1 Mooby on the Lamb of God pick
February 7th, 2009 at 2:57 am
Ron Santo’s Legs
God I hate hippies
Jam bands at your funeral? To borrow from BDD, FUCK and NO
Homo
February 7th, 2009 at 7:26 am
“Code Blue” – TSOL
February 7th, 2009 at 7:59 am
See You On the Other Side…Ozzy
February 7th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Watching Scotty Die by The Dead Milkmen
February 7th, 2009 at 11:36 am
The tune that the cosmic key played in “Masters of the Universe” on a loop
February 7th, 2009 at 11:46 am
One of you people really recognized Sela Ward?
February 7th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
+2 to Phil Simms, ESPECIALLY if you can dig up that dude who played it on the keyboard in the movie.
February 7th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
@Grimey – Damn you for taking Against Me! I was going to take “Pints of Guiness makes you strong”
Instead, since almost everyone is sleeping on country:
Uncloudy Day – Willie Nelson
Manifesto #1 – Shooter Jennings
“Let your hair down,
Get out of that skirt,
Oh but leave them high heels on.
I’ll be in the back of my black Cadillac
When Jesus finally comes to call his children home”
Manifesto #2 – Shooter Jennings
“If I get too drunk tonight,
Jesus gonna drive me home”
February 7th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I can’t get shut out of the first draft! Some solid value picks still here on the drafts second day, I hope my Cowboys are as fortunate (sigh)
In Order:
Birdman – What Happened to that Boy?
Fleetwood Mac – Landslide
REM – Everybody Hurts
Common – G.O.D.
Nappy Roots – Po’ Folks
Fleet Foxes – White Winter Hymnal
Incubus – Nice to Know You
The Police – Every Breath You Take
Sean Price – Bye Bye
John Legend – Heaven Only Knows
Honorable Mention: Steppenwolf Magic Carpet Ride, Three 6 Mafia I Gotta Stay High, Nick Lachey What’s Left of Me
February 7th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Knockin On Heaven’s Door-Bob Dylan
Life Goes On-Tupac Shakur
I’ll Be Missin You-Diddy
Still Not a Playa-Big Pun and Joe
I Wonder If Heaven Got a Ghetto-Tupac
And to keep it light…
Party and Bullshit-Notorious B.I.G.
February 7th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Dress Sexy at My Funeral – (smog)
Because my wife’s a little too shy to follow through, so I’ll let the music say it.
February 7th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
since no one followed the rules, i wont either
the likes of you again- flogging molly
heres to life- streetlight manifesto
last flowers to the hospital- radiohead
if we never go inside- alkaline trio
either way this is irrelevant cause the guy who took mc pee pants wins
February 7th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
You know how I know you’re gay? they played Coldplay at your funeral.
for me:
Slayer “South of Heaven”
And while it’s playing the pastor has to make the devil’s sign, stick his tongue out, and shout “Fucking, Slayer!”
February 7th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Obligatory late comment/
Salvation- Rancid
No Beer In Heaven- Polkaholics
Far Behind- Candlebox
February 7th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Since I’ve already stated in my will I don’t want a funeral, people can hang out in a bar and get loaded in my name.
“Someone Else?” by Queensryche to make them cry
“Asche Zu Asche” by Rammstein to make them dance
February 7th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
I’ve looked over the comments and have done the CTRL-F thing and I haven’t seen James Brown, Sly & The Family Stone, Curtis Mayfield or George Clinton of Parliament (though Funkadelic was taken) drafted from the board. That’s the Mount Rushmore of Funk. I’ll take them all in a Second Day Late Round Bargain-Bin Steal. YOINK!
“World of Soul”- James Brown
“Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Again)- Sly & The Family Stone
“Move On Up”- Curtis Mayfield
“Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucka”)- Parliament
Come to my wake- it’ll be jumpin’.
February 7th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
http://www.sarahmclachlan.com/photos.html
clearly not the same person
February 8th, 2009 at 3:53 am
Because I’m out of my fucking mind I’ll take…
Ghost Riders In The Sky – Johnny Cash
Black Muddy River- Grateful Dead
and to end it all
Don’t Stop Believin – Journey… and i’ll make sure that shit cuts out to leave everyone unsatisfied.. just like the sopranos..
*still bitter*
February 8th, 2009 at 4:05 am
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
February 8th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Much too late, but
Song and Emotion – Tesla
February 8th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
2pac unconditional love. game over i win
November 8th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Great love your blog