Jeff Reed to paper towel dispenser: “YOU GOT KTFO, MAN!!!”
Pittsburgh Steelers kicker Jeff Reed was cited for criminal mischief and disorderly contact this morning in New Alexandria, Pennsylvania after he totally kicked the ass of a gas station paper towel dispenser.
According to a state police press release, Reed damaged a towel dispenser inside the men’s room at a Sheetz gas station on Route 22 in New Alexandria after he became infuriated that it did not contain towels.
Store employees told state police that they heard Reed “banging on something and that it was really loud.” The employees said Reed then left the bathroom “using profane language in a loud manner” and stating that there were no towels in the restroom.
It’s just like the liberal media to make a huge deal out of this, but where were they the time when Reed came out of the restroom and distracted an armed robber long enough to allow the clerk to throw hot coffee in his face? He was a hero, man.
[ WTAE ]
Tags: drunken kickers, jeff reed, omitted from article: towel dispenser was 12 year old Haitian girl named Fatima
February 14th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Why don’t you get a job, Spiccoli?
February 14th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
“Authorities have released footage from a security camera from earlier in the day that shows Reed and a friend becoming enraged after being unable to determine how to use a computer.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWcb2TFJWcc
February 14th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Jeff Reed: Great kicker or greatest kicker?
February 14th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Hmmm. What to do in the offseason. Especially after winning the Superbowl and people might know who you are. I know, hang at the Sheetz!
I have not figured out why I need to giggle everytime I see that name. Oh, yea, it is like a nasty word, I am not supposed to say! And it is a public facility! He he hee..
February 14th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
More trash talk fodder for Greatest Raven of All-Time Matt Stover!
February 14th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Typical Reed move. Probably was drunk. Wearing a sash. Likely needed to wipe the Jaeger off his chin.
Its Sheetz’s fault for not having stocked the damn dispenser. Jeff was a hero man.
February 14th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
You know what kind of guys hang out in gas station washrooms?
Kickers.
February 14th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Seriously? A towel dispenser? This is who wins our Superbowl?
This makes me hate the Steelers even more.
February 14th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Ramon the pool boy gave all the towels to Casey Hampton because Reed snubbed him at the bar.
February 14th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
“Likely needed to wipe the Jaeger off his chin.”
Jeff Jaeger?
/kicker nerdgasm
February 14th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
You can get arrested for this? Like, how mad are you allowed to be before you’ve broken the too-mad law? Or is breaking the dispenser the issue?
February 14th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I have a goal to get Janikowski, Reed, and a gallon of Wild Turkey together and watch them destroy a major American city.
February 14th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
@H.C.–
Throw in Todd Sauerbrun and it’ll be like a game of Rampage. With kickers.
February 14th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Laugh if you want. Skippy has two SB rings. Spiccoli has none. Case closed.
February 14th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
We’re actually supposed to believe that Jeff Reed washes his hands?
February 14th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
This is what happens when you don’t put out for Jeff Reed.
February 15th, 2009 at 1:17 am
@Kimbo Gash +1
February 15th, 2009 at 3:38 am
How wide is his stance?
February 15th, 2009 at 4:01 am
I wonder if he could have succeeded -without- going Super Saiyan?
/Over 9000
February 15th, 2009 at 9:11 am
I think Reed was just pissed it was a towel dispenser and not an air dryer. How the hell is he supposed to style his ‘do without the jet force winds, bro?
February 15th, 2009 at 9:43 am
I’d expect this kind of crap from 7-11, but Sheetz? I thought they were better than this.
February 15th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Maybe the paper towel dispenser will drop the charges if he just tells it that he still loves it.
February 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I am a big fan of the Steelers. I also work PT at a differentsheetz as well as another ft job. I am appalled that Jeff Reed one of my heros would do something this stupid and vulgar. Yes Sheetz is supposed to keep their bathrooms clean and neat and stocked. But at 3 am or thereabouts they are inundated with drunken fools who destroy everything, and are feeding their alcohol inflamed faces. They are sometimes funny, but as was just told about Jeff Reed they can be very nasty and dangerous. I would suspect that some other drunken fool had taken the last paper towel, and not told anyone. Besides there is always an air dryer in there that eh could have succesfully used in its place, and then told the clerks that the towel dispenser was out. That is the polite, normal, adult way of dealing with an empty towel dispenser. How crass and unprofessional.
Jeff Reed was probably on his way home from my town, the party town of the Steelers who want to get out and about and meet young college girls.
I think he should be made to work as a Sheetz facilities person or cashier for one entire day to see how hard the job really is compared to his once in a few times getting out in a game to kick for like what 3 seconds and earn millions. Sheetz employees are hard working, trying to be friendly, low paid workers who have to deal with crappy, constantly unhappy, belligerent customers.
February 15th, 2009 at 11:05 am
WTF? I work at a third, location as yet undisclosed, Sheetz store. I think Jeff Reed should forced to wear a shirt and sip selter at a juice bar while enjoying a quite moment of self-reflection as his hair returns to it’s natural color….
also – I sincerly hope this tag gets a whole lot more use:
omitted from article: towel dispenser was 12 year old Haitian girl named Fatima
Is Steelers Fan really Dennis DeYoung, lead singer of Styx? Come clean man.
February 15th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Hey, man. It was self-defense<. That paper towel dispenser was totally coming after him, brah.
February 15th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Are we sure that isn’t former WWE superstar Scotty 2 Hotty?
February 15th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
judging by the hair (and all the recent pictures), i probably would’ve called it bro or brah, not man.
February 15th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
*he would have, not i.
February 15th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
“banging on something and that it was really loud.”
And this was in the bathroom? Dang I wanna make a joke but can’t think of where to start.
February 15th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Why the hell is his shirt off in the picture? Probably normal drunken stupor Reed-like behavior.
February 15th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
A nearby Super Bowl official threw a flag at the scene, calling roughing the kicker on the towel dispenser and giving the Steelers a first down.
February 15th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Read this story last night. Laughed hard.
Took my 5-year old to Burger King today. He ran into the same lack of paper towels.
Needless to say, my 5- year old, a Roethlisberger fan, dealt with the problem much better (he waved his hands in the air ’til dry). Of course, my instinct was to follow Skippy’s lead.
February 15th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Does the fact that Jeff Reed lost his cool in the crapper mean he no longer defines CLUTCH?
February 16th, 2009 at 9:27 am
I heard he asked for American cheese on his Shmuffin and they gave him cheddar. What would YOU do? Or more specifically: W.W.J.R.D.?
February 16th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Jeff Reed has bitch tits.
February 16th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Don’t be a hater. This guy, despite looking like a cupie doll, is a good kicker and is getting tail like nobody’s business…He’s pleasin’ all those ladies that like the Heat Miser outfit it bed. HH@showoffsports.com
February 17th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Steeler kicker forced to use ‘Terrible Towel’ after soiling himself in convenience store restroom
http://wineandexcrement.com/steeler-kicker-forced-to-use-terrible-towel-after-soiling-himself-in-convenience-store-restroom/561/
February 18th, 2009 at 1:25 am
New Alexandria’s actually pretty damn far from Pittsburgh. It’s pretty much the point where all the city lights disappear, and you’re 100% certain you are now in the middle of nowhere.
And there is only one reason to be in New Alexandria: the titty bars there are total dives!! The kinda places where you stand a decent chance of getting some head.
Of course, I’m sure the entirely wholesome Jeff Reed wasn’t cruising for ass at all.