I’ve Seen This Movie Before
So this morning I woke up to news that the Redskins have inked both Albert “Stubblefield 2.0″ Haynesworth and DeAngelo Hall to long-term contracts worth a combined $155 million, $64 million of which is guaran-damn-teed.
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME, ASSHOLES? HAVE WE NOT BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE? ARE YOU FUCKING SCHMUCKS TRYING TO FUCK US IN THE ASS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS? COULDN’T YOU HAVE JUST BOUGHT ANOTHER FAILING THEME PARK? DOES IT EVEN BOTHER YOU THAT EVERY VETERAN IN THE LEAGUE LOOKS UPON YOUR FRANCHISE AS A PLACE TO COME GET PAID BEFORE TANKING FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS? WHY DON’T YOU FUCKERS GO TAKE A FEW DOZEN SPINS ON THE BATMAN RIDE AT SIX FLAGS OVER GEORGIA?
With all that being said, WE HAVE THE BEST D-TACKLE IN THE GAME AND WE’RE GOING TO THE FUCKIN’ SUPER BOWL, WOOOOOOOOO! WHO’S WITH ME?
“I’M WITH YA, MAJ! BOOK THE PLANE TICKETS, MA, WE’RE PLAYIN’ ON SUPER SUNDEEEEEEE!”
Kill me.
Update: My man Wale weighs in on the overnight signings via Twitter: “i love hall…i think hes great…i just feel like we need an effective reciver to go with moss..randel el isnt whats hot in the streets”
So very true.
Tags: Albert Haynesworth, dan fucking snyder, DeAngelo Hall, London Fletcher will hit the 200 tackle mark, Off-Season Champions, Unsilent Majority, Vinny Cerrato, Washington Redskins, We will never regret this decision!
February 27th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..hahahahahahahaha!
/stroke from Redskin idiocy
February 27th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Bruce Smith wears his Off-Season Champions Ring almost as proudly as his four AFC Champions rings.
February 27th, 2009 at 9:40 am
So this increases Double J’s desire for Stabby McStabalot, yes?
February 27th, 2009 at 9:41 am
glad he’s signing a bunch of strong character guys
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
February 27th, 2009 at 9:41 am
With all that being said, WE HAVE THE BEST D-TACKLE IN THE GAME AND WE’RE GOING TO THE FUCKIN’ SUPER BOWL, WOOOOOOOOO! WHO’S WITH ME?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO ONE CAN FUCK WITH US ON SUNDEE, ESPECIALLY DURING THE OFF-SEASON!
February 27th, 2009 at 9:42 am
That being said, they will definitely win the super bowl this year
February 27th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Please keep Redskins fan away from Sexy Friday, thank you.
February 27th, 2009 at 9:54 am
This deal has disaster written all over it
February 27th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Just because he’s new to the team doesn’t mean they should make haynesworth wear a basketball jersey.
and I’m calling it right now: haynesworth and portis will end up fighting during training camp.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:07 am
GOOD MOVE, COOCH!
February 27th, 2009 at 10:11 am
From now on, Haynesworth’s only stomping faces with shoes made from solid gold.
This is going to end so badly. And by that, I mean congrats, Redskins fans. This is your high-water mark for 2009. But you knew that already.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Damn, and the ‘Skins were so fun to watch at the beginning of this past season. Sigh.
And phew, is it Sexy Friday already in here? That Warrshington fan is quite the studmuffin.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:18 am
What are you complaining about Maj? Drew’s team just signed Sage fucking Rosenfels to compete with Tarvaris Jackson and Gus Frerotte…
February 27th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I’m likely going to be busy during today’s commenter draft, so let me make some pre-emptive picks:
1. Goldfinger
2. Laetitia Casta
3. Greenskeepers, “Lotion”
4. Supperclub in Amsterdam
5. Knob Creek
6. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
7. Derrick Thomas
8. “Lisa the Vegetarian”
Hopefully, one of those will work.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Need more of the basketball tank top guy. Gets me every time.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Florio hacked again?
February 27th, 2009 at 10:23 am
The Supperclub, really?
February 27th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Moss is an effective receiver? How many passes last year hit him in the fucking numbers that he dropped? Homeboy can only catch lofty Favre/Rivers passes. He can’t catch a Campbell bullet with horse glue on his hands.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:28 am
+1 Otto for the Greenskeepers song. For the mock draft of “Songs to make love to”, right?
The night is very cold
I’m feeling kind of weak
I think I’ll make myself a cap from your right buttocks cheek
And then I will go walking with my little dog
And then I’ll bury you underneath a log
February 27th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Haynesworth’s ACL is trembling in anticipation of all that sweet sweet bling.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Danny’s getting ready for the uncapped year that’s about to happen. He’s gonna gamble it all two seasons from now. You think this offseason is nuts, just wait and see what happens next offseason.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Great response Skye. Allow me to add on:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (deep breath) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (another deep breath)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh god, oh god, oh god (wipes tears from face)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. (blacks out from lack of oxygen)
February 27th, 2009 at 10:37 am
I demand you take my picture down. That was taken before I became the sit-up champ of the beltway! Just because it was on twitter doesn’t mean I want it spread around.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:40 am
I would make a snarky comment right now but I’m still in disbelief that the Eagles shit the bed twice against this team last year
February 27th, 2009 at 10:42 am
black guys with Italian last names for first names always make me laugh.
as always Otto, you are ahead of the curve.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Mike Lupica Says:
February 27th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Haynesworth’s ACL is trembling in anticipation of all that sweet sweet bling.
I figured it was his big fat ass that made his ACL tremble
February 27th, 2009 at 10:44 am
You know who is hot in the streets? Ike Motherfuckin’ Hilliard
February 27th, 2009 at 10:47 am
You know who is wild in the streets? Circle Jerks
February 27th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Who gives a shit when the ‘Skins give a truck full of cash to an overrated one year wonder?
It happens every year. That is how I know that spring is on it’s way.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Day 1 of the Offseason Bowl and the Redskins are already ahead of everyone on the “Largest and Dumbest Amount of Money Thrown Around” as they usually are.
The one that gets me is 6 years/$54 mil for Hall. You mean you couldn’t have gotten him for a Subway $5 footlong and a the promise of maybe making the team? Who else was bidding on his services?
February 27th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Now I’m waiting for news on the Redskins signing Pacman Jones to a 3 year deal worth 22 million. This would be the ultimate trifecta and would put the over/under on time before the first suspension of one of the three at 5 months.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Next up: 12 year contracts for Marvin Harrison, $15 million guaranteed for Vick, singing Derrick Brooks and Warrick Dunn which Cerrato explains being for his great affection for country-western performers Brooks & Dunn, trade Carlos Rogers for Shaun Rogers so that Haynesworth has a Golden Corral buddy…
February 27th, 2009 at 11:11 am
FRED TAYLOR IS THE NEW COREY DILLON.
Is it bad that I’m really fucking excited about this?
February 27th, 2009 at 11:18 am
@ UU:
+1 handful of Valiums
February 27th, 2009 at 11:29 am
So overpaying for Randle El was a bad idea now?
/reflects on ‘Skins fans bleating in 2006
February 27th, 2009 at 11:30 am
FMRA – I’m not sure why you would be. I mean, if my starting All-World QB were coming back from major knee surgery, and basically spent the last year banging a Brazillian supermodel while sitting on his ass, I’d be pretty damn concerned.
As a Colts fan, I can say this: Fred Taylor is not Corey Dillon.
Regarding Haynesworth, when will Redskins fans learn that you can’t buy chemistry?
February 27th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Except Corey Dillon was three years younger when he joined the Pats.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Soooo, I’m lost here. Washington fans don’t want Haynesworth? Or do they? I’d love to see him stay with the Titans
February 27th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Fred will be a good pickup if they can time his injuries so they don’t coincide with Kool Aid’s and Moriss’s.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
awb- WE’RE FUCKING CONFLICTED!
February 27th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Monkey Business:
Peter King can buy chemistry. And concrete cyanide.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Whoops! My bad. I just saw that the ‘Skins are paying him $100M over 7. Knowing the Titans there was no way in hell they were going to pay that. Well good luck to you guys. I think he’s a great player, maybe a little injury prone but man he’s fantastic against the run. And I seriously doubt that he is going to stomp on anyone’s face anymore, but give him a break, o-line men usually get away with murder.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
In all seriousness, I kind of like the signing of Haynesworth. Why he’d sign DeAngelo Hall, though, is beyond my understanding, unless Snider and Al Davis had a bet and Snider lost.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
SSB, I think Cerato just signs every deal he’s a part of “disaster”. He should legally change his name to “Walking Disaster”.
February 27th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
“Those that know how to succeed know how to not make the same mistake over and over again. That’s how you succeed, and that’s something I’ve done all my life.”
Dan Snyder, Feb. 25, 2001, just before free agency opened that year.
February 27th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
+1 Otto
Thank you for Greenskeepers, “Lotion”
February 27th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Ahahahah………No way this doesn’t blow up in Dan Snyder’s face. He should have “Craftsman” tattoed on his forehead, he is a tool guaranteed for life.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Sadly Dan Snyder has Al Davis and Jerry Jones to make him look intelligent and actually knowledgeable about football. And those 2 idiots have three rings each, yet still are a laughing stock.
February 28th, 2009 at 10:55 am
As a Steelers fan who purchased his SB XLIII ticket off of a Skins fan, I can only say this: I look forward to further opportunities at the same endeavour.
February 28th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
No one falls for a double move with as much grace as DeAngelo Hall.
February 28th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
you just handed out 150+ million to “Toast and the Fat Man.”
Good Luck with that.
GO COWBOYS!!!