‘I Freed The What?!’
02.12.09
Abe Lincoln would have been 200 years old today. You know, if no one had shot him in the back of the head.
UPDATE: By popular request…
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Abe Lincoln would have been 200 years old today. You know, if no one had shot him in the back of the head.
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There are 49 comments about:
“It’s a good thing these tickets were free, Mary. This play is the shittiest thing I’ve ever se-”
@bfizzle
you forgot:
Abe: Well I guess it won’t kill me to go to the theatre one night.
Lincoln shot first!
That 5 flubby bill is Legal Tender- in Liberia.
That 5 Dolla Beel is phenomenal. Good Photoshop/MS Paint work outta you.
There should be a beaker tag here. :)
Beep! Beep!
What?
Beep! Beep!
What are you saying General Beaker?
BEEP! BEEP!
*gunshot*
and to think, it could have all been stopped had Lincoln only spoke Muppet.
*shakes head, walks away with hands in pocket and head bowed*
@Otto
I think we all can agree that Kansas sucks…..well except for Dodge City, that is if you enjoy the smell of cow shit and tacky western towns…and I DO!!!
SEMPER FIDELIS TYRANNOSAURUS!
You just said, “Always faithful terrible lizard”
Nah, Abilene failed geography.
You’re three hours from the nearest thing even resembling a city? Go get fucked.
Me fail geography? That’s implotable!
@Otto: Abilene? That’s in Tixas, right?
Nope, smack dab in the center of Kansas. It is quite literally in the middle of nowhere.
I hope repee gets rapeed by Roberto….and gets FBA.
@slothrop: And lots of ghetto-ass high schools.
@Otto: Abilene? That’s in Tixas, right? WHOOO BOY! MY ROMO NEEDS TO GET DOWN THERE AND LEARN TO BE A LEADER! GET HIM A LOOK AT IKE’S STARS!
@slothrop: Any of us here would be lucky to get a goddamn tree.
@slothrop: And a big fucking boat that carries nuclear weapons. And a turnpike.
@slothtrop: The tree, and, you know, the gigantic Eisenhower Presidential Museum and Library in Abilene.
I think I speak for everyone in saying I hope repee becomes a rapee.
let’s not forget that Lincoln wore a kick ass stove pipe hat.
@Warthog
The monkey denies that.
You think the wife felt guilty for nagging him until he finally took her to the theater?
Mrs. Lincoln: “Oh Abe, are you ashamed of me? Why don’t we ever go out anymore? The war is over, relax a little.”
Pres. Lincoln: “Jesus tap dancing Christ and Mary fucking Joseph, nag nag nag, I’ll take you to the goddamn theater, alright!”
Mrs. Lincoln: “Oh Abe, it’ll be so grand!”
Pfft, popular Presidents. Eisenhower was popular and look how we remember him: a fucking pine tree at Augusta National. Oh, and for destroying National Socialism, creating NASA and the Interstate Highway system, and predicting the rise of the Military Industrial Complex. But honestly, a tree!
Couple years ago? That was like 20 years ago now… Damn!
Well, not for those of us with the ability to travel through time.
Perhaps I’ve said too much…
@rusrus
bah, I suck.
John McCain remembers the Super Bowl where Lincoln was shot.
People seem to forget that Lincoln was one of the most unpopular presidents of his day, in part because he destroyed the entire state of Georgia looking for weapons of mass destruction.
@Otto Man
Couple years ago? That was like 20 years ago now… Damn!
@The Avatar
Actually, he was shot in the back of the head.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln_assassination
Get it straight.
Someone once said that Abe was one of the greatest Presidents of all time. Until this is confirmed by ESPN and their “Mount Rushmore” segment, I refuse to believe it.
/aren’t those wacky segments just great?
Actually, he was shot in the back, not in the back of the head. Get it straight!
Abe Lincoln is dead? When did this happen?
Just a couple years ago, I saw him give a kickass speech to my high school in San Dimas!
“Yes, Brett Favre is Finished — and No one was Better” (Fanhouse, mariotti, terrible grammer)
Dear Roberto Alomar,
I will give you 5,000 American dollars if you give Jay Mariotti HIV.
Grammar. Jackass.
gritty birthday
I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW ABE LINCOLN IS A DICTATORIAL SON OF A BITCH, AND THAT THE SOUTH WILL RIS…….OOOOOOOOH NASCAR!!!
Happy Birthday, Zipperhead!!!
They have the internet in the South?
I can’t believe you didn’t work the picture of Beaker at Lincoln’s shooting into this post.
“Yeah, we had nothing ready this morning” tag?
Here in the South it’s a double whammy. It’s Darwin’s birthday too.
/I came from a monkey?
Abe Lincoln – When an unconscious person gets jizzed on their face, gets their pubes cut and applied to their face to form a beard, then adorned with a top hat.
Who is this Abe Lincoln you mention?
…and he would have just been signed for the Washington Redskins.
“Yes, Brett Favre is Finished — and No one was Better” (Fanhouse, mariotti, terrible grammer)
Dear Roberto Alomar,
I will give you 5,000 American dollars if you give Jay Mariotti HIV.
Jeez Punter, that’s just… weird.
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
The original neckbeard.
Al Davis said ‘it seems like only yesterday Abe was catching passes from me at college.’
So Mrs. Lincoln, how’d ya like the play?