‘I Freed The What?!’
Abe Lincoln would have been 200 years old today. You know, if no one had shot him in the back of the head.
UPDATE: By popular request…
Tags: MMP, neckbeard, yeah we had nothing ready this morning
Abe Lincoln would have been 200 years old today. You know, if no one had shot him in the back of the head.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:36 am
So Mrs. Lincoln, how’d ya like the play?
February 12th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Al Davis said ‘it seems like only yesterday Abe was catching passes from me at college.’
February 12th, 2009 at 8:40 am
The original neckbeard.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:40 am
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
February 12th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Jeez Punter, that’s just… weird.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:03 am
“Yes, Brett Favre is Finished — and No one was Better” (Fanhouse, mariotti, terrible grammer)
Dear Roberto Alomar,
I will give you 5,000 American dollars if you give Jay Mariotti HIV.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:05 am
…and he would have just been signed for the Washington Redskins.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Abe Lincoln – When an unconscious person gets jizzed on their face, gets their pubes cut and applied to their face to form a beard, then adorned with a top hat.
Who is this Abe Lincoln you mention?
February 12th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Here in the South it’s a double whammy. It’s Darwin’s birthday too.
/I came from a monkey?
February 12th, 2009 at 9:12 am
“Yeah, we had nothing ready this morning” tag?
February 12th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I can’t believe you didn’t work the picture of Beaker at Lincoln’s shooting into this post.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:13 am
They have the internet in the South?
February 12th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Happy Birthday, Zipperhead!!!
February 12th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW ABE LINCOLN IS A DICTATORIAL SON OF A BITCH, AND THAT THE SOUTH WILL RIS…….OOOOOOOOH NASCAR!!!
February 12th, 2009 at 9:18 am
gritty birthday
February 12th, 2009 at 9:19 am
“Yes, Brett Favre is Finished — and No one was Better” (Fanhouse, mariotti, terrible grammer)
Dear Roberto Alomar,
I will give you 5,000 American dollars if you give Jay Mariotti HIV.
Grammar. Jackass.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Abe Lincoln is dead? When did this happen?
Just a couple years ago, I saw him give a kickass speech to my high school in San Dimas!
February 12th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Actually, he was shot in the back, not in the back of the head. Get it straight!
February 12th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Someone once said that Abe was one of the greatest Presidents of all time. Until this is confirmed by ESPN and their “Mount Rushmore” segment, I refuse to believe it.
/aren’t those wacky segments just great?
February 12th, 2009 at 9:35 am
@The Avatar
Actually, he was shot in the back of the head.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln_assassination
Get it straight.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:36 am
@Otto Man
Couple years ago? That was like 20 years ago now… Damn!
February 12th, 2009 at 9:39 am
People seem to forget that Lincoln was one of the most unpopular presidents of his day, in part because he destroyed the entire state of Georgia looking for weapons of mass destruction.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:41 am
John McCain remembers the Super Bowl where Lincoln was shot.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:47 am
@rusrus
bah, I suck.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Couple years ago? That was like 20 years ago now… Damn!
Well, not for those of us with the ability to travel through time.
Perhaps I’ve said too much…
February 12th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Pfft, popular Presidents. Eisenhower was popular and look how we remember him: a fucking pine tree at Augusta National. Oh, and for destroying National Socialism, creating NASA and the Interstate Highway system, and predicting the rise of the Military Industrial Complex. But honestly, a tree!
February 12th, 2009 at 9:55 am
You think the wife felt guilty for nagging him until he finally took her to the theater?
Mrs. Lincoln: “Oh Abe, are you ashamed of me? Why don’t we ever go out anymore? The war is over, relax a little.”
Pres. Lincoln: “Jesus tap dancing Christ and Mary fucking Joseph, nag nag nag, I’ll take you to the goddamn theater, alright!”
Mrs. Lincoln: “Oh Abe, it’ll be so grand!”
February 12th, 2009 at 9:58 am
@Warthog
The monkey denies that.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:05 am
let’s not forget that Lincoln wore a kick ass stove pipe hat.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I think I speak for everyone in saying I hope repee becomes a rapee.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:19 am
@slothtrop: The tree, and, you know, the gigantic Eisenhower Presidential Museum and Library in Abilene.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:28 am
@slothrop: And a big fucking boat that carries nuclear weapons. And a turnpike.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am
@slothrop: Any of us here would be lucky to get a goddamn tree.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am
@Otto: Abilene? That’s in Tixas, right? WHOOO BOY! MY ROMO NEEDS TO GET DOWN THERE AND LEARN TO BE A LEADER! GET HIM A LOOK AT IKE’S STARS!
February 12th, 2009 at 10:39 am
@slothrop: And lots of ghetto-ass high schools.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I hope repee gets rapeed by Roberto….and gets FBA.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:52 am
@Otto: Abilene? That’s in Tixas, right?
Nope, smack dab in the center of Kansas. It is quite literally in the middle of nowhere.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Me fail geography? That’s implotable!
February 12th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Nah, Abilene failed geography.
You’re three hours from the nearest thing even resembling a city? Go get fucked.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:05 am
SEMPER FIDELIS TYRANNOSAURUS!
You just said, “Always faithful terrible lizard”
February 12th, 2009 at 11:17 am
@Otto
I think we all can agree that Kansas sucks…..well except for Dodge City, that is if you enjoy the smell of cow shit and tacky western towns…and I DO!!!
February 12th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Beep! Beep!
What?
Beep! Beep!
What are you saying General Beaker?
BEEP! BEEP!
*gunshot*
and to think, it could have all been stopped had Lincoln only spoke Muppet.
*shakes head, walks away with hands in pocket and head bowed*
February 12th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
February 12th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
There should be a beaker tag here. :)
February 12th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
That 5 Dolla Beel is phenomenal. Good Photoshop/MS Paint work outta you.
February 12th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
That 5 flubby bill is Legal Tender- in Liberia.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Lincoln shot first!
February 12th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
@bfizzle
you forgot:
Abe: Well I guess it won’t kill me to go to the theatre one night.
February 13th, 2009 at 8:24 am
“It’s a good thing these tickets were free, Mary. This play is the shittiest thing I’ve ever se-”