BREAKING: Dan Reeves quits Cowboys after whopping one-day tenure
This morning, ESPN’s Matt Mosley reported that Dan Reeves had begun working for the Dallas Cowboys in an as yet unspecified consulting role. This evening we learned that Reeves has already quit. This means one of two things. Either, A: Reeves works very fast and was able to resolve the Cowboys myriad issues in a single day; or B: Jerry Jones is an insufferable pain in the ass and Reeves prefers unemployment to putting with his shit. Hmmmm, let me think about that for a nanosecond…
[ thx to Lumpy for the tip ]
Tags: dallas cowboys, I always wanted to use BREAKING in a headline, yee-haw
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February 4th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
“This evening we have learned that Reeves had resigned his position. ” Wow. As per a quick Google News search, no one else seems to have this info. Either this is an example of VERY dry KSK wit, or someone just got a yuuuge scoop.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I GOT SCOOPS BABY
February 4th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Is it the Double J doesn’t listen to advice or is too old to hear or too senile to remember to implement the suggestions. I choose C: Too busy nailing local “talent” to make changes.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Nope, check that. The local NBC affiliate in Dallas has the info:
http://www.nbcdfw.com/sports/football/Dan-Reeves-Already-Out-at-Valley-Ranch.html
Double wow. Maybe Reeves quit because he found out that Tony Romo and Jason Garrett were secretly scripting the first 20 plays of next season behind his back?
February 4th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
@myself. Way to provide a link to the very story that was highlighted in the original post, douchebag.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Just as http://www.firedanreeves.com was about to become relevant again.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Can’t wait for the Jerry Jones post on this one… whodda thunk that Reeves of all people would say ’nuffs z nuff.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I was hoping Reeves would stay on until he killed Garrett with his bare hands.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
We need a Double J post now.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
He was never actually signed. It was never announced.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Jesus fucking Christ, I hate Jerry Jones so fucking much. I’d gladly skull-fuck that asshole if it meant he’d never make another football decision for the Cowboys.Oh, who am I kidding…I’d skull-fuck that piece o’ shit just for laughs.
/Seriously, the guy makes it hard to be a Cowboys fan.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
^And this rant has nothing to do with the Reeves situation. I’m just sick and tired of Jerry fucking Jones.
FUCK!
February 4th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Hmmm…one could surmise that the Cowboys are the Lions of the NFC East, what with the crappy ownership & terrible general management of both teams…yet the Cowboys win.
Gotta say, Cowboys are America’s team: spend too much, buy more house than you can afford, and the great significant other you found at the scrip club last night turns out to have a conscience in the morning and leaves.
February 4th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
J-e-dubl-f J-a-dubl-r-e-dubl-t
February 4th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
I wonder what it was that he wasn’t down wid?
February 4th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
As someone who’s in the middle of reading “Boys Will Be Boys,” I can only think that Charles Haley and his exceptionally large penis would have handled this differently.
February 5th, 2009 at 12:05 am
So I’m guessing the answer isn’t A: Reeves worked very fast and was able to resolve the Cowboys myriad issues in a single day.
February 5th, 2009 at 12:22 am
im guessing chris mortonsen was the reliable source
February 5th, 2009 at 12:40 am
*waves wand over flubby*
You’re now a real journalist!
February 5th, 2009 at 2:29 am
My team has become a PR Pandora’s Box.
February 5th, 2009 at 2:50 am
It was broken by KTCK The Ticket in Dallas.
February 5th, 2009 at 4:52 am
@5150 – ah-ah. It’s “J-E-ha-ha-double F-ha-ha-J-A-ha-ha-double R-ha-ha-E-double T”
Mick Foley said it, it must be true.
February 5th, 2009 at 8:43 am
@rep
I agree, Dan Reeves *is* a beautiful girl.
February 5th, 2009 at 8:50 am
JJ: Well Dan, what do you think after day 1?
Reeves: Jerry, you should fire yourself.
JJ: Yeehaw, I’m batshit, but not that batshit.
Dan: I quit.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Actually, I read Reeves spent the past week working with the offensive coaches. Maybe JJ isn’t the pain in the ass, maybe Jason Garrett is just an insufferable prick. Wouldn’t it be funny if two years from now, Coach Of The Future actually regrets turning down the DETROIT LIONS?
February 5th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I think Reeves quit because Jason didn’t invite him to a splendid eating that was scheduled amongst the offensive coaches.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:51 am
i planned to dislocate both his toes as initiation and that pussy quit before i could snap the second one
February 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Aw, c’mon, y’all, let’s have some sympathy for Double J. The local news is reporting that Jerry may have some trouble getting someone to pay him fuckloads of money for naming rights to the shiny new stadium. Per TXCN (which is kind of a news organization):
“It is the most expensive stadium that one team has taken on in all of human history,” said Boland. “I think right now that Jerry Jones is going to be left with a portion of a billion-dollar mortgage.” Jerry Jones declined to comment on the naming rights issue and says the lack of a deal has no impact on his ability to pay the note on the new stadium.
Whew… for a minute there, I was really worried about JJ’s financial situation.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:53 am
JERRY JONES MUST DIE!
Or at least sell the team.
Watch my reality show.
February 5th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
The cowboys have no problems to fix, therefore Dan Reeves’ skills were not required.
*bursts out laughing*
February 5th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Who really gives a rats %$$ about that Dallas crowd that USED TO BE “America’s team”
February 5th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
If Dan Reeves is the answer, someone’s asking a really fucked up question.
February 5th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
@ slash
“It is the most expensive stadium that one team has taken on in all of human history,”
And by all of human history, I guess they mean “except for the new Yankee Stadium?”
February 5th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
The part I dont understand is why Reeves ever considered working for suck ass Jerry Jones in the first place, I hope he pissed on his desk on his way out
February 5th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
RE Needs More Cheerleaders Says:
And by all of human history, I guess they mean “except for the new Yankee Stadium?”
Yeah, sorry, I don’t know who that guy is they quoted. The cost of the Dallas Cowboys stadium (located in Arlington, of course) is $1.2 billion. JJ is paying for $750 million of that, the rest is taxpayer money. Here’s a JJ quote:
“Only a small percentage of Dallas Cowboys fans will ever come into this stadium,” he says. “The majority will enjoy it through the perception of the stadium. It’s how John Madden talks about it. It’s how Al Michaels talks about it. It’s how Troy Aikman talks about it. The wow factor.”
February 6th, 2009 at 10:34 am
How did this dumbfuck become a millionaire, with the decision making skills he has. He is one of the worst owners in football. Way to go Jones for running off another great football mind, you dumb twit. My guess is that he got his millions from an inheritance. He is too stupid to be great in business.
February 9th, 2009 at 7:58 am
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