Shit, I mean retiring. Brett Favre is retiring. I hate when I get those mixed up.
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Like I said elsewhere, I’ll believe it when the regular season starts and he’s not on a roster.
PS, this post definitely needs the “terrible quarterbacks” tag.
Well, this post just re-defined “emotional roller coaster.”
I’ll believe he’s really retired once he’s pronounced dead.
Peter King must be devastated. Favre told his agent and Ed Werder before him. Beware of fat men with lattes falling from buildings in Montclair, NJ.
Land, prepare to be worked.
Well, like most of America, I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for the conclusion of Favres’ Retirement 2: Favre Harder.
So who do you think the Jets are gonna trade him to before camp opens?
I’m comfortable in retiring and coming back….I’m comfortable with providing daily hate for most of America…I’m comfortable in Wrangler…
Beware of fat men with lattes falling from buildings in Montclair, NJ.
Nah, when Peter King decides to off himself, it’s going to be death-by-gluttony. Think of the first victim in “Se7en,” but with frappucinos.
Who’s this Brett Fav-rah you speak of? And why should I give a shit?
/heads back into cave
Shit, he’s already done the retirement thing. Give death a try this time, Brett.
I heard that Favre was picked off when he forced his retirement into triple coverage.
I prefer to think of Peter King ending it all with a shooting spree at a hotel chain screaming about coffe flavored water and cheap shampoo.
/Most enjoyable travel note of the week evah.
I’m, I’m – so broken up! I may have to retire my screen name! I’m going to my deer blind to think about it for a month or two. Maybe I’ll work the land. Please don’t make a big deal about this. I need time.
make that coffee – DAMN
@Otto Man @Warthog: Now here’s a draft I can get into–the Peter King death draft.
That sound you heard was the universe imploding.
You didn’t hear it?
But what about the blowjobs from Rachel Nichols? Favre, how can you give that up!
Wait, I’m getting deja vu or something
There will be a whole lot less dick sucking in the booth next season with Bretty boy now retired. Cue the 24 hour ESPN loop of the gunslinger in action, just out there having fun.
@ Mike Lupica
I don’t think he’ll miss those as much as he misses the ones from Tony K, Peter King, Gene Wocjiekchowski (sic) and other various members of the media
bretty and pk are going to be tony dungy’s first intervention
Brett reminds me of the chicken fight from Family Guy. Just when you think Peter has killed the damn thing, they pull the joke out and do it all over again.
That defines clutch retirement
Favre is like concrete cyanide
Haha, Favre to retire. All he cost the Jets and Mangini was the low low price of crashing out of the playoffs, Eric Mangini’s job, and Mangini’s baby’s name!
Good thing the Jets are in good shape with Kellen Clemens ready to step in as the starter…..
Farve’s reign of terror in the NFL has now come to an end.
New York Jets, you just got gun slung……..hard!
There will be a whole lot less dick sucking in the booth next season with Bretty boy now retired.
Nope, it’ll be the exact opposite. Without Brett sucking it up in real time, the announcers will be free to reminisce about his wildly exaggerated Glory Days and complain constantly how we’ll never see his likes again.
“Well, one fella came close to perfecting the QB position. Went by the name of Brett. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel: cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red, like the fires of Hell!”
time for ol’ double possum to hang em up.
Grittiest retirement ever
If only there was a new story the media could latch on to, say the return of a once bright star felled by injury. Oh, if only. It would be glorious, I tells ya.
Did you see the video of him trying to make his decision? Powerful stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_GIOceRiAU
so like a chump i turned on sportscenter to try and see the end of the Cavs and Pacers game, which i hear was pretty interesting, and i am immediately subjected to non-stop farvarro coverage. hey brett, kill yourself. and WWL, fuck you.
gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit? maybe now Ray Ray will stay in b.more!
R.I.P. Now which QB will the media obsess over?
My guesss is Roethisberger. Except, unlike Favre, he’s actually kinda good. I even heard Al Michaels say during the Super Bowl how much fun “Ben” was having out there.
That sound you heard was the collective tears drop of DBs and safeties who can no longer pad their INTs with gifts from the gunslinger.
I’m in class and I laughed rather loudly at this headline. Now everyone thinks I find Appollonius’s Conics very funny.
That’s not true. Everyone knows Brett Favre was an eight foot two ton monster who could palm a medicine ball.
I can’t wait for the first time Brett decides to visit the MNF booth and Tony Kornheiser gets fired for masturbating on the air. That way, at least, some good will come of this whole thing. Unil they replace Kornheiser with Brett Favre.
Now, we’ll have Peter King drinking too many lattes to death, but what about the real victim. Favre’s oldest fan, Mr. John Madden. What’s he going to do, death by Outback and Turducken?
I am with Otto, they will immediately start a petition underground on who will replace Favre, with lashings of Favre love and then flame wars between those that say present QB’s are as good, and old geezers who say Favre was the best.
We will all of course cry, in the fetal position, after drinking heavily. And commenting of course.
Actually, Madden has been dead for years. The gutteral noises he makes are just the sounds of gas escaping his many, many folds.
Que post of Brett speaking in the Favrarian cajun language you can only understand when stoned.
@ Otto — nope. actually, Ol’ Brett’s the king of the harpies! KING OF THE HARPIES!!!!
Actually, Madden has been dead for years. The gutteral noises he makes are just the sounds of gas escaping his many, many folds.
Frank Caliendo does a hilarious impersonation of those folds.
Oh sweet Jesus, PK already has the expected column up. Here’s a gem: “many of you don’t believe [Favre's retired], and won’t believe it, until August rolls around and Favre is a a 39-year land baron in Sumrall, Miss.”
Now he’s a fucking land baron? I thought he worked the land. Tell me, Pete, did your recent trip to see slave quarters make you even the slightest bit aware that being a ‘land baron’ in Mississippi has some, shall we say, negative connotations. God he’s dumb.
Ol’ Brett’s the king of the harpies! KING OF THE HARPIES!!!!
Bretty-boy hasn’t been able to cut it, man-wise, for some time, not that any woman would want the stench of gin and sour defeat pressed against her.
He buys land, works it for a while, is eventually scared off the land by a developer in a scary ghost costume, and then returns to the NFL.
so is Kellen Clemens the new Aaron rodgers?
Yeah, see you in June when he tries to use ESPN yet again to engineer a move to the Vikings again. He still needs to get his revenge on Ted Thompson.
@Otto — i <3 that episode above all others over the past 20 years
Apparently, it was Peter King who talked Farvey into going to the Jets:
King says: I told him, “Why don’t you at least give the Jets a chance? Maybe it won’t come to anything, but you don’t want to look back some day and say, ‘I should have given the game one last try.’ ”
Watch my reality show. Seniority.
@Slothrop: The serfs will be so glad to see him again. Now they can have food!
My guesss is Roethisberger. Except, unlike Favre, he’s actually kinda good.
Haha, that was funny. I needed a good laugh.
hm I’m betting on Farve II-Electric Bogaloo
on second thought, just die
“Land, prepare to be worked.”
And fun, prepare to stop being had out there.
Brett Favre’s zombie would still be a douchebag
“I’ll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbert.”
hasn’t anyone learned their lesson the last 2 years?
When Favre goes to the Vikings and plays worse than Tarvaris Jackson, can we get invites to Drew’s funeral? I’ve never been to a closed casket service after someone literally blows their brains out after going on a mass killing spree.
Favre going to the Vikings = source of incredible comedy for KSK next year (although the acid reflux Drew would get would be epic).
BRETT FAVRE IS DEAD!
. . . DEAD TIRED OF ALL THE TALK ABOUT HIS RETIREMENT!
Boy Jim, I’ll tell ya, I did not think Brett would hang ‘em up this year. He still throws the ball so HARD! Apparently, Ben Roth…Ro… Big Ben will be celebrated as the newest gunslinger even though he averages around 150 yards per game on a good day and loses most games in which he throws more than 25 times. Also, he’s a hermaphrodite, Jim.
Could you assholes be anymore jealous of the man. Good family, hot wife, SB ring, MVPs (plural), money, money, and more money and lets not forget the most sincere admiration of non-other than Peter fucking King. I think it must really suck hard being Brett. Really fucking A.
All right! You know, lately I’ve been thinking “I haven’t seen a sappy bullshit Brett Favre segment on ESPN in days.”
@ John Daly’s Hangover: I love how everyone mistakes “hate” for “jealousy”. I’m pretty sure this is just pure hate: hate that he pissed off his old team by “un-retiring” and acting like he should have been welcomed back with open arms, hate that he decided to play for the Jets for one pointless (and playoff-less) season leaving them twisting in the wind at season’s end, hate that he really just did it for the media attention, hate how ESPN fellates him on a daily basis . . .
You get the idea.
Personally, I loved how he gave J-E-T-S! fans false hope, and he went down slingin’!
@RhymesWithSalmon: You obviously are seeing it from the side of a “fan” who watches espn and takes them seriously. ESPN has done Favre a greater disservice than anything. It seems that some folks following this “saga” haven’t been following this from day one when once Favre wanted back and then the quote ” train left the station”-Coach McCarthy. What the Packers did to dissuade Favre from playing for them by first offering him a buy out then hiring fucking Ari Fleischer (jew fans applaude) to spin this shit after they essentially kicked his ass out speaks in spades to what is really at the heart of this issue and that is the ego-maniacal attitude of Ted Thompson and fellow management. TT and MM will both be on their asses next year if their record doesn’t improve. Then again they will scapegoat their new 3-4 defense on being their hang up next year, buying them time to scout new positions elsewhere. Take it to the bank.
Good for Favre for sticking it out one more year and bringing the Jets a much needed winning record. Woody Johnson are the Jets main problem not a QB.
You know, it’s not that I hate Brett Favre so much as I hate his fans. They simply enjoy drinking his cum too much.
If the fucker ever were to die, that would automatically become the greatest National Holiday ever. Like ten times the fourth of july.
I’m feeling a lot of misplaced PK hate here.
@John Daly’s Hangover:
Brett Favre, 2008: 22 TD, 22 INT, 3472 yds, 81.0 rating
Chad Pennington, 2008: 19 TD, 7 INT, 3653 yds, 97.4 rating
Yeah, Pennington-to-Favre was a huge upgrade.
A TYPICAL FAVRE FANS’ RESPONSE TO THE 2008 STATS:
But you have to, uh, look BEYOND the numbers…uh, ah, INTANGIBLES!…And, uh, LEADERSHIP!…He’s a GUNSLINGER! HE’S HAVING FUN OUT THERE!…THROWBACK…His Dad died and then Brett had a great game! His wife is a cancer-survivor! He mows his own lawn in Kiln, Miss…He tells his team “I love you guys!” in the huddle…Gritty…Determined…Defines clutch!
/Wheezes heavily throughout
//Has fifth heart attack
///Revives himself with home defibliator kit kept in living room
Well, “defibrillator” anyway.
The point is that if you’re a Favre fan, you’re probably also morbidly-obese. (See Packers, fans of; King, Peter; Madden, John)
you and http://www.drivewaysitups.com have pretty much the same opinion of the guy
Phil Simms: I’m…I’m jealous…
@John Daly’s Hangover: This is a bit, right? You’re not really that fucking stupid, are you?
@ Duke of Madness: In all honesty I do hope Brett stays gone this time. But on the same token the whole “I hate player X because sports commentator X hugs his nuts” is just as played out and stale as Brett’s retirement seesaw act. Montana did the same thing but I wouldn’t expect most of the viewers on this site were privy to those days. Plus Montana wouldn’t have dreamed of working the land the way Favre will once he’s back on the farm.
/looks to the future and predicts Brett Favre signature series garden tools.
Ed Werder must me the happiest man on the planet. ESPN will now run complete 24-hr per day coverage of the Cryboys without any of that pesky Favre bits every 30 seconds
You really make it appear really easy along with your presentation but I to find this matter to be actually something that I feel I’d by no means understand. It sort of feels too complicated and very vast for me. I am looking forward for your next put up, I will try to get the grasp of it!
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