An Important Chemistry Lesson From Peter King
Welcome to class today, children. Today, Professor Peter King is going to talk to you about chemistry. Now, you may have once assumed that chemistry is a science, a discipline of study that, along with physics and biology, helps us understand what the universe is made of and how everything in it works. You might think chemistry involves laws, and mathematical equations, and what not. But Professor King doesn’t subscribe to such hard and fast rules. Indeed, Peter King thinks of chemistry much in the same way a Kansas schoolteacher might think of human evolution.
For you see, chemistry is not a science to Peter King, but rather a supernatural, abstract force that cannot be explained. OR CAN IT?
Chemistry didn’t win the most exciting Super Bowl I’ve covered, but chemistry did wear a Pittsburgh jersey.
It’s number? 6.02214179 x 10ˆ23 . Did you know Santonio Holmes belongs in the Nobel dong group? You do now.
I’m convinced it played a part in what happened in the Steelers’ last-minute 27-23 win.
King, of course, is referring to David Chemistry, the replay official who refused to review Kurt Warner’s game ending fumble.
No one knows what chemistry is, or how important it is in winning.
Well then, how can you be convinced it contributed to the Steelers victory when you don’t know what it is, and when NO ONE knows what it is? And how can you be convinced it had an impact on winning when, according to you, no one knows how important it is to winning? Wait a moment, what’s that smell? Oh, I see. It seems Professor King has decided to burn a pile of his own feces in the middle of the classroom. As you know, that represents a chemical change in feces, and not a physical change in feces.
It’s one of those things you can’t define, but you can see.
So let’s sum up what King is saying here:
1. No one knows what chemistry is.
2. No one can even define it.
3. Nor can anyone quantify its impact on a game
4. BUT IT TOTALLY WORKS!
5. AND PETER KING CAN SEE IT!
And the Steelers are full of it.
“Class, I’d like you to see what happens when I combine baking soda with just a dollop of the brotherhood between Hines Ward and Nate Washington into this crude paper mache volcano I have constructed. Put your safety glasses on, and prepare to be DAZZLED.”
People, I have discovered a new synthetic element. Please open up a new space at number 104 in the Actinide series on the Periodic Table. The atomic winds currently blasting from Professor King’s anus have fused with the nitrogen in the atmosphere to create Inanium. Inanium (Pk) is a very unstable element on its own, and will immediately bind to any of the compounds listed below:
-Coffee (but not Omni coffee)
-Land
-Robert Wuhl
I’ve also learned something very special today about douchebags. You see, children. No one quite knows what a douchebag is, or even how important it is to douching. But it’s one of those things you can see, and Professor King is full of it.
The Steelers define “loose.”
But not clutch.
1. Pittsburgh (15-4). Valiant, humble (mostly), heroic, Pittsburghish.
You know, I’m getting a bit tired of every citizen of Pittsburgh being treated as if they are the fucking salt of the Earth. I’ve met plenty of Grade A assholes from the ‘Burgh. So I find the term Pittsburghish to be both nonsensical and completely fucking retarded. It’s an empty word, just like “chemistry,” which is a word that used to have meaning until Peter King undid every single one of its principles in the span of about 100 words.
“We’re a team a lot like our city,” said Troy Polamalu. Couldn’t have said it better.
I could. “Our team is a lot like our city.” See how that flows better? I’ll also accept, “Our team is very Pittsburghish.”
Ray Lewis said this week that his free-agent future is none of our business, that it’s between him and God.
Never fear. I have Ray’s conversation with God on tape.
God: And for Today I shall see fit that all of My children shall never want for food, nor shelter, nor warmth.
Ray: Hey motherfucker! (dances like chicken)
God: What do you want?
Ray: I need your guidance! Who’s gonna pay me the most? All Glory to You, fella! (dances like Pittsburgh queer)
God: Leave me alone.
Ray: I’mma give you credit no matter what! You make it happen!
God: (kills self with own lightning bolt)
Rehab, recover, rest, Jim Johnson.
Jesus Christ. SEND HIM A CARD.
Melanoma is nothing to be taken lightly, as you well know.
I did NOT know that. I thought you could cure it simply by drinking a small amount of sugar water. Two words about melanoma: Sleeper cells.
I implore you to heed this warning: The sun can seriously injure you. Respect it.
That goes especially for you, Kid Icarus!
I think it’s time for the Hall to find a new Tagliabue presenter. I’m 0-3. It’s a bottom-line business, and I deserve to be fired.
Indeed you do.
And now we come to this week’s…
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
Ladies and gentlemen, this one is aggravating on so many different levels.
Something out of Curb Your Enthusiasm happened to me down here.
Have you seen that show? Let Peter recap Season 1 for you. It’s even funnier when he summarizes it.
Because of an NBC dinner, I had to jilt a couple of SI.com pals, Donnie Brasco Banks and Andrew Perloff, at dinner Monday night at Capital Grille near our hotel, the Renaissance.
Poor Don and Drew. They missed out on having Peter talk on the phone and grope the breadbasket like an NBC page.
Swell guy that I am, and knowing there wouldn’t be much I’d have to pay for all week, I decided to pick up their dinner check.
You sir, are a hero. You define chemistry.
So I point over to the table in the densely packed restaurant and the waiter brings me a check, and I pay it.
“WAITER! FETCH ME THEIR BILL! I MAKE DREAMS COME TRUE!”
The next day, I’m surprised Brasco and Perloff aren’t pleased about their free meal.
“Jesus King, tip more than five percent, fatty.”
Then Banks tell me he paid for his meal. Perplexing.
MYSTERIOUS! Alert the press. This calls for a special ripped from the headlines episode of “Law & Order: Special Dining Unit”
So I call the restaurant. Stewart the manager investigates and finds out the waiter brought me the wrong check. This check was for the table of Merrill Hoge and Mark Schlereth of ESPN.
Those two ate a meal together? Here’s what that would be like.
Schlereth: You know, this filet is just a great steak to be around.
Hoge: I agree. I’ll tell you one thing about this steak. Eaters know where they stand with it.
“What?” I say, and I’m told because Hoge and Schlereth are in TV and I’m in TV, ipso fatso (as Ralph Kramden used to say), the waiter thought that was the table I pointed to. I said no, I had no intention of buying the dinner for those fine but well-compensated fellows. Now we were in an interesting situation.
No, you weren’t.
I’m out $175 for a dinner I intended to buy, but for different people.
$175? I’ll tell you why it’s expensive buying dinner for Merrill Hoge. Because he accidentally re-orders his entrée at least thirty times during the course of the meal. And when he gets home, he turns off all the lights in house, walks to the mirror, rubs his temples, and just keeps repeating to himself, “I’ll have the porterhouse. I’ll have the porterhouse. I’ll have the porterhouse. I’ll have the porterhouse.”
Stewart and I reached a nice compromise: With the Banks/Perloff spouses coming to town Thursday, the restaurant would pick up the first $150 of their tab. Good deal.
Why is that a good deal? You fucking POINTED at a table and didn’t specify who you wanted to eat on your dime. “Hey waiter, pick up the tab for whoever my fat finger points at, regardless of depth or your vantage point. AND DON’T FUCK IT UP. I KNOW THE SUN AND HE CAN HURT YOU.”
The dinner date takes place … and the Capital Grille picks up the entire tab. Now that is some great, grand gesture. All you corporate Capital Grillers on the main office in Restaurantville, USA, take note: You have a superb staff at the Tampa location.
And… I want to die now.
And odd story with a very happy ending for all.
Except two million readers.
Happiest, I believe, for Hoge and Schlereth. Fellas, I’ll take a Heineken Light the next time our paths cross, and we’ll call it even.
Ha! It’s just like the Gift of the Magi, only with assholes I don’t like.
a. In honor of you, Paul Zimmerman, I timed the National Anthem by Jennifer Hudson.
“These colored folk are ruining our song! I charted it!”
e. Tampa did a very nice job. Not nearly the late-week traffic mess I recall from eight years ago, though the traffic here, as I wrote the other day, is out of control.
That’s because they don’t respect the sun!
f. Just finishing up the column this morning at 6:30 in the lobby of the Renaissance when Jerome Bettis walked in. He’d been with his Steelers boys all night. Nothing crazy. “Just happy,” he said. “Sooooo happy.”
WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? Jerome Bettis is paid to be a fucking analyst, not a fucking mascot. You want to party with your boys, Jerome? You want to party with them at the club and piss in front of one-sided mirrors? Fine. BUT THEN DON’T FUCKING YUK UP MY TV WITH YOUR TOWEL-WAVING ASSHATTERY. WHY DON’T YOU GO BOWL A BOWLING BALL UP YOUR OWN ASS, TARDBUS?
h. The Jets, as I said Sunday on NBC, are going to give Brett Favre lots of time to breathe.
Don’t care.
As in months.
Don’t fucking care.
Favre and GM Mike Tannenbaum talked the other day for the first time since Dec. 29, and Tannenbaum said he was in no rush for Favre to make a decision on his future.
That’s because he DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK.
i. Doesn’t matter. I don’t believe Favre will play again.
He told me over voicemail! This time it’s real!
Good luck in Kansas City, Todd Haley, if you’re interviewed. You’ve got a lot going for you, and your players respect you quite a bit.
Oooh, Haley got the King endorsement! If he doesn’t get the Chiefs job, he’s definitely got a hosting job ready for him at the Capital Grille in Tampa.
Ken Whisenhunt deferring to start the game? Didn’t like it at all. Not at all.
Oh, you mean the game his team came within a millimeter of winning? Yeah, stupid call there. Nothing worse than having the ball at the top of the second half!
Great job, Bruce.
Who?
I was lucky enough to be on the field, and though hearing was not very good down there, the energy translated.
Oh, you mean Springsteen. I see you’re on a first name basis with him now. Another networking score for PK!
Bruce plays like Ray Lewis patrols.
He stabs people mid-song?
Finally saw Burn After Reading. I’ll give it a C-plus. A little weird, frankly.
He was hoping for a more Pittsburghish film.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, FJM style, fun with peter king, the sun deserves better treatment
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
“We’re a team a lot like our city,” said Troy Polamalu. Couldn’t have said it better.
So … players are now going to flee the Steelers for better teams as quickly as possible, but then still talk about the team wistfully 20 years later?
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Quick poll: who knows less about football, Peter King or Bill Smmons?
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
People who describe a Coen brothers movie as “a little weird” are generally retarded, frankly.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Ok, I’m done reading. Where’s King so I can get my burn on?
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I hope someday to be the winner of “fat finger PK” largesse as I sit minding my own business in a restaurant. Unlikely but as dumb as he is not out of the realm of possibility.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Springsteen arrives late, claims the songs of others as his own, then celebrates like a madman?
Also, does anyone else on God’s green earth refer to Banks as “Donnie Brasco?” Why the fuck does King do that? Because his name is Don? Why not Don “Donnie Brasco” Bebee or Donovan “Donnie Brasco” McNabb? Why the fuck does King constantly reference an 11-year-old Johnny Depp movie?
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I think physics had more to do with the win than chemistry did.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Holy shit, talk about padding a column. I had to go and check to just be sure Drew wasn’t fucking with us about the restaurant story.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Picky picky picky, UU.
Are you using logic again????
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I’m pretty sure Harrison’s performance had something to do with chemistry.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
“I implore you to heed this warning: The sun can seriously injure you. Respect it.”
This Public Service Announcement brought to you on behalf of the Mario Brothers.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Jesus Christ! Can we have one stinking post without an Avogadro’s number reference?
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:25 pm
BDD, I hope you continue to do this during the off-season for each one of that fat mental deficient’s columns. It almost makes up for his existence. My fresh off the boat 8 year old nephew has a better grasp of English than PK.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Great job, Bruce.
I immediately thought he meant Bruce Arians. You know, the guy who actually has something to do with the NFL.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
The adjective (it exists) is Pittsburgher.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Valiant, humble (mostly), heroic, Pittsburghish.
Close there, PK. Try: Out of shape, broke (mostly), poor grasp of the English language, Pittsburghish.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Also, King and Springsteen are on a first-name basis because he’s convinced Bruce’s crotchslam into the camera was meant just for him.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I actually read that assclown’s column so I get get BDD’s references. That’s the chemistry Drew and I have: I read shit so I can understand the shit he writes. Undeniable proof of chemistry right there suckas!
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
+1 jay
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Yeah, lets be real, I’m sure he expensed that meal regardless.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
In censored rap lyrics, Pittsburghish means Pittsburgh shit
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I’m sure the manager at the Tampa Capitol Grille is going to get a nice letter from Corporate. He gave away a dinner because lumpkin’s shaky fingers (the starbucks was out of pumpkin spice lattes), weren’t sufficient communication? Oh and by the way, PK, they were just EXPENSING the damn dinners anyway. They were out of town on business. Good to see the checmistry that has developed at the Capitol Grille though.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
when has that note ever been “enjoyable”.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:49 pm
No one knows what chemistry is, or how important it is in winning.
Teacher: You do know what happens when you mix acids and bases, don’t you?
PK: Of course I do.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Anyone here see Death Race 2000 — the original? Tell me King isn’t Grace Pander!
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Spoilers, TTGT. SPOILERS!!!
And don’t try the old “It’s not in theaters anymore” line. Nobody saw that fucker in theaters.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:52 pm
The reason Peter King travels so much is that he’s on a feverish quest to find Restaurantville, USA.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
“Bruce plays like Ray Lewis patrols.
He stabs people mid-song?”
In a matter of speaking….
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/boss-nuts.gif
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@James: awesome.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@FozzieBear: +1. Well played, sir. Nothing more annoying than a displaced Yinzer who won’t shut the fuck up about the ‘Burgh, yet won’t move back there. It’s the greatest city that no one lives in.
I also would like to begin the ritual beatings for Steeler fans who have no connection to Pittsburgh or Western PA. As far as I’m concerned, you’re not better than cockroach Dallas fans.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
It’s the greatest city that no one lives in.
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/images/200902/20090203parade_5_500.jpg
well, someone does/// not me of course//but someone
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Hoge would have ordered a factorsteak.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
PK’s description of chemistry is like Nigel Tufnel’s take on the Druids – “No one know who they were….or what they were doin’”
/11
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
“Ray Lewis said this week that his free-agent future is none of our business, that it’s between him and God.” Fuck Ray Lewis. Somebody kill this self-absorbed douchebag already.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I’m assuming the next day he walked up to Banks and Perloff and said something like “your’e welcome for dinner” because how else would they have figured out what had happened. This makes him even more of a douchebag.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:27 pm
And even worse, this douchebag asshat King actually had a vote for MVP in the SB.
I’d be surprised if Favre didn’t have a vote in there. Or the hot dog vendor.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Goddammit Tits – now I can’t watch it. You probably dance like Ray.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I think the Steelers scoring more points than the Cardinals had more to do with winning than chemistry. Then again, many things are made in chem labs, so maybe PK is on to something – maybe some home chem lab chemistry had more to do with the Steelers winning……
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I don’t like Peter King.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
TTGT – that was hardcore bush league with the Burn After Reading spoiler. a Coen movie is always good for dark humor, awkwardness, and a comical unexpected twist = awesomeness. i’m not even sure PK has enough douche in him to pull that move.
PK…just.fucking.die.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
“Perhaps my movements are no mystery to the football public.” Sounds like everyone’s keeping up with his anal traits.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Capital Grille defines clutch.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Finally saw Burn After Reading. I’ll give it a C-plus. A little weird, frankly.
“Why can’t they keep making those hilarious Beethoven the dog movies? For my money, they just don’t get any better. Oh, that lovable dog! HE THINKS HE’S PEOPLE!”
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Fuck.
PK and I apparently agree on movies. Not good.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Marie Curie could define chemistry to PK. If he had paid attention on class.
Then again how do you explain such a wordsmith not advancing farther in life than sports media whore whose biggest accomplishment has been you verbally fellate a MS hick for almost 20 years?
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Hoge and Schlereth were probably like “Huh? We were just gonna expense this anyway but cool I guess”.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:14 pm
THE SUN IS SHOWING DISRESPECT
FIX YO SHIT
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
No one knows what chemistry is…
Well how did I brew up all that Meth?
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Hang on hang on.
6.02214179 x 10ˆ23
That’s Avogadro’s number.
Drew made a fucking chemistry joke.
And it was good.
+100000000000000.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:20 pm
BDD defines clutch. or chemistry. if i knew what it was. but i dont. no one does. except for elite flyers.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
*snickers at the mole joke*
/nerd
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
The stupid, it burns! Gah!!!!
I know this has probably been asked before, but it bears repeating: how does Peter King type from so far up inside his own giant ass? Fuck. He drops more names than everyone on the E channel.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
i guess pks fat- ass was too busy not learning anything in chemistry to get drew’s lesson on bullett points
though i guess information on bretty cannot be contained with just one letter:
h. The Jets, as I said Sunday on NBC, are going to give Brett Favre lots of time to breathe.
i. Doesn’t matter. I don’t believe Favre will play again.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
@Deux, @Fletch Lives
My apologies, but it does not take away from the plot at all.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Hoge would have ordered a factorsteak.
+1
How the fuck does Peter King delude himself into thinking that accidentally paying for the wrong table makes for a compelling story?
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Peter King is the Dane Cook of “sports writing”.
I’m just waiting for him to bring up Twitter in a column, and when that day comes I’ll just fly a rocketship directly into the Sun.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Wow… we have how many months of this kind of nonsense to suffer through? I’m a huge baseball fan, so that will keep me going, but there’s no baseball site quite like KSK.
I’ve been studying up on my commentator drafts for this summer too. Be warned.
/will slightly miss the PK teardowns
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:58 pm
King does his column in the offseason, Rob. As long as he does it, the feature stays.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Anybody else note that this moron was WRONG about the Favre/Jets thing?
http://www.newsday.com/sports/ny-spjets0202,0,4512452.story
Also, even if PK is right, he doesn’t see anything wrong with that? Favre stringing along a team through the combine and draft that has no clear second option at QB? That’s fine to you, you fucking douche?
/Jet fan who hopes Favre retires to work the land and takes this dipshit with him
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:58 pm
@ TTGT
but it does take away from the WTF moment and the hilariousness of it. i’ve already seen it, but i’m defending other people’s right not to get earfucked with a spoiler Rosie O/Fight Club style. worst.episode.ever.
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Not to defend TTGT (I missed it, and looks like it was removed), but what’s the accepted moratoriam on spoilers? The movies been available on DVD for a few weeks now, and is On Demand for cable/Dish peeps…
Seems that at some point it has to be fair game.
@Drew… outstanding. Not that I read PKs columns, but I really enjoy the teardowns. Bravo.
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:03 pm
@ Ditmas – To PK, Favraro literally can do no wrong. Stringing along the Jets when they have no evident other options at the position? GUTSY. Throwing eight interceptions to doom them to finishing 3rd and firmly out of contention for the playoffs? FAVRE-ESQUE. Double-teaming Mary Beth King with Pacman in the most scruple-free of Vegas’ unanimously unscrupulous strip joints? COFFEETASTIC. If Jesus returned to Earth tomorrow and Favre killed him out of fear that he was a Skrull, PK would applaud that as a “gritty piece of decision-making, so like Brett”.
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:08 pm
What’s Peter King’s atomic weight?
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:17 pm
@ Gino: Infinity
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Don’t worry everybody. PK questioned Marvin Harrison’s HOF credentials, he’ll be shot by the end of the week.
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:56 pm
@Ditmas:
Did you see the poll results? Jets fans apparently have some common sense — unlike PK and Packer fans.
/Glad I’m not the only one sick of Favre’s douchetasticness
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Wow. What a Super Bowl to take in. What an amazing game, and yes, I still say it’s the best ever … but let’s examine the quality of the officiating, the quality of the game and then Ben Roethlisberger’s performance for the ages:
• The Kurt Warner fumble with five seconds to go actually was reviewed — and upheld. There is no question that, cosmetically, replay assistant Bob McGrath, sitting upstairs, should have called for a booth review and let Terry McAulay see the play down on the field. But understand the mechanics of the way this process works — and understand the process was aided by a penalty call on the field.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/02/03/wrapup/index.html?eref=T1
he is the gift that keeps on giving BDD, he has updated///how do you keep up with the man, the myth, the douche?
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm
What. The. Fuck.
What did Randall Gay do that he had a mic and was yelling during the victory celebration? And why the fuck was he in red and black? Is he functionally retarded or something?
I thought it was the pain meds this morning when I saw it, but now I just saw it again on Sportscenter. It was douchetastic.
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:11 pm
@Fletch
Point taken, I guess I wasn’t thinking. Seriously, sorry.
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I haven’t seen No Country for Old Men yet and am going to watch it sometime in the next few days. Are there any twists someone can spoil for me?
/Truly feels bad
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:59 pm
The fact that Peter King likes Pittsburgh validates my hatred of Pittsburgh.
/gonna go rent Burn After Reading now
February 3rd, 2009 at 7:20 pm
PK’s first example of team looseness was the African-Korean-American dude making fun of the old guy, calling out the tired towelhead (towrhead?) stereotype. I think its funny as hell to have all of those jokes in one, but PK probably just thought is was cute story, oblivious to the implied jokes or racial-insensitivity. I’m sure Hines loves that his towelhead joke to a senior citizen led a PK article.
So, we can we get an installment Hines smirring at the towrheads? Tellolists no make me smirre…
February 3rd, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Inanium is developed for the purpose of adding it to KitKats, so they wont melt in plains.
February 3rd, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Drew – I love you, but exactly how do you earn a living? You are an “ad man”? Did you do the ad for the Snuggee? Shit – your shtick is as old as Simmons and Berman. Do a Teen Wolf post next! Wait, I know – you are on disability because of your back.
P.S. didn’t read the post yet – just know that you crossed over to Buzzland.
February 3rd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
One of these days, Peter King is gonna hit the brown note in his column. And after reading that story about the restaurant, I wondered for a moment if he was channeling Jay Mariotti.
February 4th, 2009 at 12:43 am
How is no one else incensed about this?
The next day, I’m surprised Brasco and Perloff aren’t pleased about their free meal.
“Jesus King, tip more than five percent, fatty.”
Then Banks tell me he paid for his meal. Perplexing.
This means that fat tub of shit picked up the tab, then fucking asked them about it the next time he saw them. Nothing says “class act” like begging for complements when you give someone a gift. “Hey gang! Wasn’t it keen how I paid for your meal? I like helping out journalists who are less fortunate than I am. It’s because I’m a super guy!”
Get fucked, four-chins.
February 4th, 2009 at 1:32 am
Josh Brolin dies.
/You asked for it
February 4th, 2009 at 2:33 am
I never even noticed how much I hated Peter King before. Now I despise him more than anything else on earth (except any asshole associated with the patriots and that fat fuckin asshole bettis for thinking he was good). THanks KSK
February 4th, 2009 at 3:00 am
@Sancho: Considering you say yourself you haven’t read the post yet, what in the holy fuck are you talking about?
February 4th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Man, when I slogged through that painful steak story this week, I couldn’t wait to read the KSK interpretation. What a cock. “When I was enjoying my $600 meal [there's no way that PK got out of there for anything less], I decided to spend more of my ridiculous salary on luxuries for others… BUT THE PLEBS FUCKED IT UP”
February 4th, 2009 at 9:07 am
@folksy racism
….tell me you’re talking about “Into the Blue”
February 4th, 2009 at 10:05 am
i would like to know what size blackberry pk has that his fat fucking fingers can type on? maybe they built one for elite flying superstar sportswriters that buy everyones food. i hope someone pushes his fat ass in front of the train from montclair to new york.
February 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Drew -
Don’t listen to Sancho. He’s cut from the PK douchebag cloth. Dude is a fuckstick of the highest order.
February 5th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
I just read this now, I know it’s old, but holy shit did that column make me want to die. I just wanted to die inside. This guy gets paid millions of dollars to brag about how nice of a guy he is by picking up the check for two people he big-timed? Then assuming the waitress he summoned made the mistake because OBVIOUSLY she recognized him from tv? Then being the chinciest fat fuck in the world and calling the restaurant and demanding his friends get the meal? He probably got the waitress who made the “mistake” fired for it. But at least everyone in America know what a “great guy” Peter King is! Makes me want to vomit on my keyboard.
Also, how is that anything like Curb Your Entusiasm? Curb Your Enthusiasm is funny. That story just stirred me into a homicidal rage.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Asshaberdashery?