Step right up and win some crap!
02.13.09
The Falcons are trying to trade Mike Vick, who’s due to be released from the cross-bar hotel right around the time training camps start. Here’s a look at some of the responses Atlanta has received thus far:
* some old jumper cables, four bottle caps, and a marble
* Brian Russell
* an AOL CD from 1997 (1045 hours free!!!)
* Mike Vick rookie card
* two first rounds picks (Snyder, you dumbass)
* uncomfortable silence, followed by derisive laughter
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He’s gonna get picked up for league minimum by somebody. Remember Lawrence “I like to beat on my chick” Philips, who is now doing time for driving his hoopdie through some guys after a neighborhood pickup football game? Yeah, St. Louis gave him his 3rd shot at the NFL. In fact, SF and StL are looking at Vick, again, for league minimum. It’s a joke that Atlanta thinks someone will pick up his contract at $54M. HH@showoffsports.com
McGruff the Crime Dog is really interested in a deal for Michael Vick.
Matt Millen has offered Costas, Bettis, Collingsworth and NBC’s 1st round pick in order to get Vick.
Hell, let the Falcons keep Vick as a backup. If there’s anything that the metro Atlanta area needs, it’s more racial tension. Keeping Vick would definitely bring things to a boil.
One slightly-used pouch of Fun Dip, minus sugar stick.
THIS JUST IN: Detroit trades Calvin Johnson for Michael Vick.
The ford family figured Vick was likely very good at avoiding tacklers in prison and can simply run the offense on his own.
The entire Air Bud series on DVD, stolen from the library.
Proposed three-way trade:
Knicks send Stephon Marbury and Allan Houston’s contract (still 2 years and $35 million remaining) to the Cowboys.
Cowboys Terrell Owens to the Knicks, and a seventh-round draft pick in 2012 and the rights to Drew Henson to the Atlanta Falcons.
Atlanta Falcons send Michael Vick to the Cowboys.
* Vick’s VapoRub
I’ll give one dollar AND NINE CENTS for him.
+1 Chin-Strap
I think it speaks volumes about Michael Vick that the fact he intentionally gave some bar skank herpes doesn’t even make the top five of his douche-bag resume.
@EEC
Please, why would you give a strong and mobile but inaccurate quarterback a playbook that suits him? Nah. We need more tricky complicated routes.
I’ll throw in a big cup o’ herpie-cream.
That’s right…herpie-cream.
@ Randall Gay Hearts Visanthe Shiancoe’s Madison Hedgecock
Just dust off the Chad Pennington playbook.
So, at what point did most people apparently forget that Michael Vick sucks? I mean, he’s not a good quarterback. And he’s a convicted felon. Double J, you sure you don’t want a crack at this guy?
p.s. OMG, I saw Jamal Anderson sucking some cracker’s wang at seriously,no one goes to your fucking website because you spam on here.
Oh, .com.
BREAKING NEWS: The Jets offered a Keyshawn Johnson jersey and three used condoms for Michael Vick. Owner Woody Johnson explained the trade, remarking that, “Hey, it worked for Thomas Jones…” A team source informs us that Brian Schottenhiemer, upon hearing that the trade may take place, began furiously putting together a playbook for a quarterback with a weak but accurate arm and no mobility, so as to completely misuse Vick. The Jets had no comment on this development.
Straight up for Darren Sharper’s hyperbaric(sp?) chamber. And fine… throw TJack in, too.
On an unrelated note, I will be adjourning myself for a 3 night stay in Las Vegas. My nephew, a certified goddamn war hero after two full duties in Iraq, has not been to Vegas since he was 12. I promised him during his last visit that when he got out I would be offering my services as life consultant, Hoo-ah specialist and all around escort kinda guy. We have 3 nights, including Valentines Day in VEGAS!. Rooms and flight are paid for.
First of all, to be honest, I want to be the first one laid. I love him and all but a drought is a drought. Secondmost, yes I have done Vegas often for the past 25 years but as I get older, the more the doubt reaches in. You know..Am I young enough? Am I too old? When does a comb-over become a comb-over? You know that type of shit. Can I ever eat a plate of hot wings again without throwing out a perfectly good pair of boxer-briefs?
But I digress..
I can play some blackjack and oh, yeah, WE GON DRANK!
I could go for a cup of pizza!
“Step right up and win some crap!”
I see someone else was watching the Jerk today too.
Hell, I’ll throw in my Sega Saturn. Ever play Panzer Dragoon…on WEED!
I’ll put up a mini disc player for the rights of Michael vick
I would be one of those “oh please, not my Raiders” types except that the team stinks so bad, this could only serve to make things interesting. Bring in Vick as a Wildcat QB and spot receiver. If nothing else, there would be Raiders highlights on Sportscenter again.
Especially after Vick’s first foray across the middle that ends in a crushing hit. Back, and to the left…
Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what’s in this box.
THE BOX! THE BOX!
/Simpsons did it first, eat my nuts Family Guy
//And by ‘it’, I mean parodying Let’s Make a Deal
// Both nuts
“I’m surprised there’s no trade value at all in a guy who can be compensated almost entirely in bud and legal help. Think of the cap savings”
just Raiders, baby!
/49ers, you fucking better not even think about it
So Ape is playing basketball right now in the NBA All-Star Celebrity game…
* a short stack of McDonald’s napkins found in the glovebox of your mother’s Buick Riviera
The Panthers offered Jerry Richardson’s old heart
As if the Seahawks would give up Brian Russell for so little.
The Panthers have offered the rights to Fred Lane
At least get the secret to reanimating the dead so we can unleash the Zombie Gene Upshaw.
Sorry, Punch Rockgroin, but the Crypt Keeper is probably working on getting some kind of Plex-Pacman-Vick package deal as I type this.
I’d trade Tomlinson’s post season resume for him.
pleasenotraiderspleasenotraiderspleasenotraiderspleasenotraiderspleasenotraiderspleasenotraiderspleasenotraiders
Vick for Tarvaris Jackson? To borrow the words of a much fatter Vikings fan: Fuck. And. Yes.
What no TJax offers, people?
PLEASE BE A JET, and get farve to mentor him for a year
I’m surprised there’s no trade value at all in a guy who can be compensated almost entirely in bud and legal help. Think of the cap savings!
I’ll give Aurthur Blank 40 bucks a week if he sends Vick over to cut my lawn. (He’ll go for it cause he’s a —- JEW!)
ESPN would trade for him and then put him on live TV offering hourly free shots at him.
This isn’t relevant, but as I type this, Tony Kornheiser is wearing a Snuggie on PTI.
Jets trade Favre rights for Vicks rights and Vicks old house, so he too can be a land baron
Here is our offer Atlanta. You can have the boat or the Mystery Box.
A boat’s a boat, but a mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat. We’ll take the Mystery Box.
@Charlie:
Rae is “untouchable”, but you could probably get that “#1 Dad” mug he uses to drink prune-o out of in jail…
No “Brian Fucking Russell” tag?
*Cadillac Williams’ healthy MCL. No, the other one.
How about straight up for Rae Carruth? Anyone? Anyone?
AL Davis ain’t old enough, Jerry Jones ain’t crazy enough, but Daniel Snyder just might be dumb enough to trade for Vick.
Lil Wayne Chrebet is Woody Johnson’s commenting name.
Fuck me, but I kind of would like to see him play for my Jets. If so, I promise to tape over Namath’s name on my Jets jersey with R. Mexico when I go to training camp. I’m already giddy about it.
*straight up for Marcus Vick.
THE HEAD OF JOHN THE BAPTIST
/Herodias’d
Alright, you can have Michael Vick for $8, but the Atlanta Falcons get to keep this old birdcage.
*A free DVD bundle of Queen Latifha movies.
Why would the Falcons try to get rid of Vick?
As a Jags fan I would trade Garrard for him skraight up right the fuck now!
Jerry Jones is furiously putting together a package of draft picks to complete this trade.
Jerra Jones offer: a BUCKET-O-CRAZY and a bag of dicks.
I’ll trade him for my beagle, keep my pit bulls and he can sleep in the pen with them in a tasteful sirloin 3 piece suit.
How ’bout a few shares of PetsMart stock? They’ve been performing well lately.
How about straight up for the Sussex?
Al Davis might be willing to trade the secret of reanimating the dead.
another offer..
*Vick’s dignity.
You forgot one….
*free puppies.