Kissing Suzy Kolber EXCLUSIVE: Our sources say that all three members of the Holy Trinity (God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit) are rooting for the Baltimore Ravens this Sunday. Several well-placed sources confirm that if the Steelers win, it’s a sign that Satan has finally won the ultimate battle of Good and Evil, and that we will soon be minions in Hell regardless of our faith. Which is basically the same thing as life on Earth if the Steelers win a sixth Super Bowl, anyway.
Hey, don’t kill the messenger. We only report the facts as we get them.
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Only Baltimore fans would think God would want a team lead by a man who was an acsessory to murder…Double homicide in fact… to win this week. Plus the Baltimore Birdies have a male cheerleading team… I think we all know God is waiving a Terrible Towel as we speak.
Too bad this is a complete rip off of the banner that hangs at Heinz Field with Big Ben on it. Nice Try losers
I like how all my life I’ve marvelled at all of the Steeler bars I’ve seen everywhere I’ve visited and how we always had a ton of fans at our away games. I always thought we were a pretty loyal bunch, us Steeler fans. People would make fun us, say Cowher couldn’t win the big one, and tell us our best years were way behind us (the 70s), but we soldiered on.
But the minute we win another Super Bowl a few years back, we’re all all of the sudden bandwagoners!! Do yourself a favor, next Steeler fan you see ask about his connection to Pittsburgh. I bet he has one. Do the same to a Cowboys fan.
If it’s all just bandwagon fans because of the Super Bowl three years ago, why don’t other teams that have won recently have this many fans? Where is the huge, nationwide Buccaneer contingent? C’mon….
Kurt Warner thinks that portrait of God is inaccurate.
Best.Post.Ever.
My favorite two things. God and the Ravens. And I sound like a Flanders child.
Sorry about my blunder on the legal call with Ray. My friend’s dad used to make that joke whenever people brought up OJ, but it’s not really usable anymore.
Also I’m not sure what you mean about all the purple leaving the greater Baltimore area, maybe our cloaking works afterall?
At least Ravens’ fans move within the vicinity of the city, as opposed to Steeler fans who have metastasized in seemingly every suburb of the country. The only thing that separates Steeler fans and Cowboy fans is weather. Nobody denies this.
Yes, Ray-Ray did so much to help out his murdering friend that he might as well have plunged the knife himself, and he (still) deserves to be punished for it. However, Stiller fans are here right now, irradiating my soul with their douchebaggery like nuclear fallout. This thread is but a small example of that fact.
Until the day Lewis tries to stab ME, my mind won’t change. That’s right; Steeler fans are so awful that only actual murder will sway my vote. Let’s go, Not-The-Steelers!
@Ape
Except the purple camo cowboy hats… they give those to their mothers to wear as “props” for their evening entertainment professions.
DC, you got your notebook out? Sharpen that crayon, turn down the volume on Charlie the Unicorn, and write this shit down.
Well, I’m not old enough to have started liking them in the early ’70s. I began liking the Steelers in the ’80s, when they weren’t winning shit. Of course, that won’t stop Barrack Billick from hurling groundless claims of bandwaginism, but then he’s a whiny bitch. More shocking is the lack of Walt Coleman references in his last comment.
Ravens fans pretend like they have a small core of loyal fans, but all the purple shit leaves the greater Baltimore area* real fast once their fans realize a Super Bowl is not imminent.
*No Ravens fans live in Baltimore City
putting on my black and gold corspepaint
I’m in league with Steelers I was raised in hell
I walk the streets of Salem
Amongst the living dead
I need no one to tell me
What’s wrong or right
I drink the blood of children
Stalk my prey at night
Look out beware
When the full moon’s high n’bright
In every way I’m there
In every shadow in the night
Cause I’m evil in league with Steelers
Evil in league with Steelers
I’m in league with Steelers
Obey his commands
With the goat of Mendes
Sitting at his left hand
I’m in league with Steelers
I love the dead
No one prayed for Sodom
As the people fled
I’m in league with Steelers
I am the masters own
I drink the juice of women
As they lie alone
I’m in league with Steelers
I bear the devils mark
I kill the new born baby
Tear the infants flesh
@ Hakim Drops the Ball
My former boss is a Steelers fan. He’s already an asshole to begin with, but hear this: he was not born in Pennsylvania or anywhere near Pittsburgh (He’s from New Orleans) and he became a fan of the Steelers in the early 70s. That makes him a Super Asshole.
===============
Hakim, you just described 75% of the Stealers fanbase. And Cowboys fanbase. And Yankees fanbase. And 100% of Ape.
You can keep the Holy Trinity. I need to know, who is TEBOW backing?
nope…he testified against them
Yes. He agreed to testify rather than face more severe charges. So he’s a felon and a snitch. Gotta love him.
LOVIN’ the Ray Ray. HH@showoffsports.com
That’s because Ray was only involved with a little thing like murder, while Martha was fucking with the man’s MONEY. Gotta love America.
Martha Stewart went to prison for her obstruction of justice rap. Ray Lewis just got probation for his.
nope…he testified against them
He tried to help someone else get away with murder. Much better.
Christmas Ape…. how many times have you called Ray a murderer? Shouldn’t you be calling him a Justice Obstructor?
@ “Charm”Cityfan:
You mean pled down to a lesser offense. Sorry, he wasn’t found innocent.
Hmm, well Ray Lewis plead guilty to obstruction of justice, so I don’t know how wrongly prosecuted he was.
I didn’t know the discourse on this site was supposed to be high.
It’s at least supposed to be funny.
Come on, ov course God wants the Ravens to win. He’ll take a wrongly persecuted guy over a guy who beats his girlfriend
So can the Steelers just lose so all these fucktasters can go back to making brake pads and sweeping chimneys and just leave us the fuck alone?
God sure does talk to the KSK staff a lot. So is it Ape or Caveman who’s blowing all the prophets?
Get a fucking sense of humor already.
Uff, there’s nothing funny about the phrase “Ray Lewis: Two-time Super Bowl Champion”
I thought we agreed that the whole trinity involved locker room mist and a lycanthrope
Isn’t Ray the only man to lead the league in tackles and murders in a single season?
i’m an idiot, wrong post.
thanks for posting that CC, reminds me that SNL was once funny
Ray Lewis? Isn’t that the guy who was found innocent by a jury of his peers?
Arizona had the 5th best record of the NFC play-off teams, but got the 4th seed for winning the NFC West
My former boss is a Steelers fan. He’s already an asshole to begin with, but hear this: he was not born in Pennsylvania or anywhere near Pittsburgh (He’s from New Orleans) and he became a fan of the Steelers in the early 70s. That makes him a Super Asshole.
I’ll be rooting for Knifey this Sunday.
@MSP1: Why did I think they were #5? No idea. Still, all the “anointed” teams were toppled. Only the lower half of the playoff seeds made it to the championship- except the Steelers.
@t3k, Arizona is a 4 seed
…and change God’s face to O.J. Simpson.
@SL22: SRSLY. This site isn’t exactly the Wall St. Journal. It’s crude and amusing. The comment threads are a few steps above YouTube comments. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s worth noting that the Steelers are the only team seeded higher than 5 that’s still in the running. All of the “anointed” teams got upset by teams that were considered cupcakes. The Ravens are no cupcake team, and definitely could beat the Steelers with a little luck. I don’t think they’re going to get that luck in Pittsburgh. But Ray Lewis could still stab Big Ben, and that’s a real concern.
@Arlow – Dammit, that would have been good.
Someone should stab God for giving Ray the ability to come up with that fucktard dance he performs.
I didn’t know the discourse on this site was supposed to be high.
Yinzer Nation is looking forward to the weekend too much to care about a Seahawks fan who is good with pastel Photoshops.
(Really, the image is quality)
If Ray had a knife in his back hand he would look like he’s ready to stab God.
Shouldn’t God be handing a knife to Ray Ray in that picture?
is it too late to vote for t3kknomanser’s blog?
Jesus is too busy playing baseball to care about these games.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBU5e2HqcrA
Tommy from Quinzee himself couldn’t lower the level of discourse on this site faster than the comments that come when Ufford calls out Yinzer Nation.
@DC – you forgot to mention that CC’s mother’s choice of footwear is of a military design
I was just down in the shop and I asked Jesus myself about Baltimore or Pittsburgh. All he said was ‘no habla ingles’
@whowillsexmutombo?: It’s a superpower. A sexual ultra-function.
“Are you okay? I came as fast as I could.” (http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1390)
The existence of King Dickhead, Ray Lewis, on this earth (and in a Ravens uniform) makes this avowed Steeler-hater very conflicted about who to root against Sunday. Fuck!
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Seeing Ufford break out over the past month has been a sight to behold. It’s like watching Koufax in ’61.
@t3knomanser:
He debates like you fuck.
Ohhh, shit! I accused you of being a premature ejacultor! Now what?
@MSP1: if he had not conceded so rapidly, I most likely would have added that deprecation to the list, while commenting on the fact that being gay is of no real consequence, since he’s impotent and incontinent and can’t even get cock at a gloryhole.
But he conceded quickly, rendering such additions utterly superfluous.
I kind of hope the steelers keep winning just so caveman can put up more posts about it and get into fights with more readers. becuase that’s entertainment.
FIX YO SOUL
vs.
Amend the smithy of my nothingness…
Ravens v. Eagles in the Crabsteaks Bowl
@Ape, the knife is there you just can’t see it. Ray-Ray is hiding it in his pants.
We Hindus also have a female deity who carries a sword in each of her 8 hands and rides a tiger. I think she’s a Steeler fan.
@t3k, you forgot to call CC “gay”. that really would have been an awesome comeback.
Pfft, I’m the only one to ever properly burn CC.
Let me do this.
CC, you cheer for a team that I believe is inferior in every aspect to the team I diligently root for. You may also consider that my teams star player is more deserving of an award that pundits theorized is more apt to be given to your teams star player. And your father is of questionable hygiene.
Also, Kurt Warner is disappointed in you.
“Get a fucking sense of humor already.”
Baby steps. Let’s work on running water and literacy today, and jokes next week.
Ufford forgot to Photoshop the knife in Ray-Ray’s right hand.
Santa hates the fucking Steelers too. He isn’t quite sure how to feel about a Xmas Ape.
I’m sorry, but that photoshop doesn’t look anything like what Kurt Warner showed me God looks like.
So…are we finally at the point where we miss the Patriots? They could stop the Steeler apocalypse cold.
@Johnny D: Packing their Welker jerseys away until next fall. Of course, the injury to Brady and the departures of Pioli and McDaniels might justify a look at that surprisingly plucky Arizona team. If they beat Philly and shock the world in the Super Bowl, then all bets are off.
Me, I’m just hoping that that Coach Singletary is for real. And that the new OC (whoever he is) sticks around for more than one year.
@ape: I heard Jesus modeled nude for Warner that night. Kurt used charcoal, which I think is a bit pretentious.
Plus Jesus will be too busy partying with Kurt Warner after the NFC Title Game to concentrate on the late game.
These ‘ufford photoshops’ keep getting better and better
Shouldn’t t3knomanser be in study hall?
@Captain Caveman: I’m glad you can appreciate my savvy and cunning rhetorical victory. Well met on the field of battle, and all that.
Good thing they blurred out Ray-Ray’s frontspiece
“Get a fucking sense of humor already.”
That costs cash money, homey, and cash is scarce around the confluence.
Oh snap!
Oh, you slept with my mom and my penis is small? And I’m funny looking? Oh that is a BURN. Well played, my friend.
@Hop Union: I’m not nearly that cool. But then again, what is as cool as the Techno Viking?
Is the “t3knomanser” related to the techno viking?
@Captain Caveman: I do. I’m funnier than you are, or at least that’s what your mom told me last night. It was hard to tell, she was laughing so hard telling stories about how your penis never really grew in during puberty. It might have been that I’m funny, and you’re funny looking.