Kissing Suzy Kolber EXCLUSIVE: Our sources say that all three members of the Holy Trinity (God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit) are rooting for the Baltimore Ravens this Sunday.  Several well-placed sources confirm that if the Steelers win, it’s a sign that Satan has finally won the ultimate battle of Good and Evil, and that we will soon be minions in Hell regardless of our faith. Which is basically the same thing as life on Earth if the Steelers win a sixth Super Bowl, anyway. 

Hey, don’t kill the messenger.  We only report the facts as we get them.