‘What The F–k You Mean You Never Seen Star Wars?’
ANQUAN BOLDIN: Hey, Coach! Leinart just told me you’ve never seen Star Wars before. What the fuck is up with that shit?
TODD HALEY: Sir, I’m trying to call a fucking game, if that’s alright with you…
ANQUAN BOLDIN: How the fuck have you not seen Star Wars!
TODD HALEY: Quan, back off, alright? [into radio] Okay, Kurt, let’s go Double Red Right, Tango X Flush–
ANQUAN BOLDIN: How the fuck can you call plays if you never seen Empire Strikes Back? Return of the Jedi? I’ll grant you that the prequels were disappointing, but–
TODD HALEY: I DON’T LIKE SCIENCE FICTION, ALRIGHT?!?! YOU PROBABLY THINK OF ALEC GUINESS EXCLUSIVELY AS OBI-WAN KANOBI! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR HIS WORK IN ‘BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI’?
ANQUAN BOLDIN: Man, now THAT SHIT is fake! Muthafucka woulda been killed by his own troops if he was bringing that shit in real life! Darth Vader woulda cut those Burmese down to shit!
TODD HALEY: DARTH VADER IS A PUSSY!
ANQUAN BOLDIN: WHAT’D YOU SAY, MOTHERFUCKER!?!?
TODD HALEY: GET HIM OUTTA MY FACE! GODDAMMIT! [into radio] Kurt, back me up here. How many times have you seen Star Wars?
TODD HALEY: See? Kurt’s only seen it twice.
ANQUAN BOLDIN: Man, fuck all of you!
Tags: anquan boldin, the buzzsaw that is the arizona cardinals, Unsilent still hasn't seen it
January 20th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Anquan majored in Science Fiction at Florida State.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:25 am
wait…you ain’t seen Star Wars. Isn’t that anti-American?
If you say you haven’t seen the Godfather, you should turn in your balls though.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Excellent
January 20th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Why is there flesh-colored rope wrapped around Kurt’s forearm?
January 20th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I believe that’s the Power of Christ coursing through his veins there.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:32 am
It’s Sir Alec Guinness, please.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Did anyone ask Matt Leinart how many times he’s seen the Paris Hilton sex tape?
January 20th, 2009 at 11:37 am
How many times has Barry Zito seen that tape is the question.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:38 am
If it will help the Cardinals beat Pittsburgh, I’ll drive out to Arizona and take the fucker to see Star Wars.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Unsilent has however seen “Porn Wars: Return of the Money Shot” more times then he can count.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:43 am
To be fair to Unsilent, the Star Wars films do have strong anti-Semitic overtones. Take Jar Jar Binks, for instance.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Todd Haley speaks the truth. Crying like a little bitch when he should be celebrating cooking all those gooks, er, aliens? Howie Long has no words, just a sigh and a slow shake of the head.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:46 am
James Harrison will introduce Kurt Warner to Family Guy. Also, death.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:54 am
If I were Boldin, I would be more mad that Haley was running single wideout formations. Oh wait…
January 20th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Just do what I do when people ask why you’ve never seen it: claim you have ADD and can’t sit still for that long. Then resume watching 17 straight hours of televised sporting events.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:56 am
And the Star Wars movies all center around protecting the young white woman from the evils of alien hands.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:56 am
That was some Genuine Class, right there.
January 20th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Is there anything sadder than seeing a grown man dressed up as a Star Wars character? No BiMonSciFiCon would be complete without one.
January 20th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Warner’s seen Star Wars twice. And on Super Bowl Sunday, he’s going to see his life flash before his eyes many times.
/go into the light, Kurt
//you’re going to hell for drawing Jesus
///should’ve never sold your soul for a Super Bowl trip
January 20th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
By the way, I’ve never seen Star Wars and thought this post was genius, so screw you all.
January 20th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
@UU: I look forward to ComicCon every year for that very reason. Instant self-esteem boost. “You know, I may be a functional alcoholic with zero friends or social skills, but at least I’m not dressed as a cartoon character in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon.”
January 20th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Be there and be square.
January 20th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I’m proud of the fact that I’ve never seen “Titanic”
January 20th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy!
January 20th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
That’s some genuinely funny shit.
January 20th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@ UU – I’ll save you the 3 hours of BS, it sinks at the ending.
/Plot > Boat Sails > Hits Ice Berg > Boat Sinks > The End
//The fuck kinda plot is that?
January 20th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
And Jedi’s the most insulting installment. Because Vader’s beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin’ to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
January 20th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
why would anyone compare Quan to T.O.? the cards have treated him like garbage and he is a great player and hard worker. he asked for a bigger contract comparable to what Fitzy got and they turn him down before the season. what does he do? he still plays hard. he gets KTFO and fractures his sinus (sounds like the worst thing ever). what does he do? fights through and plays without missing much time at all. then he fights back from a nagging hamstring injury for the NFC championship and they bench in the 2nd half with no explanation (while the offense does nothing for 25 minutes, mind you). he had the right to ask why he wasn’t playing, hes too good of a competitor to be sitting. him simply being out there helps fitzgerald any day.
if you haven’t seen star wars, then fuck you. same applies if you don’t chew big red.
January 20th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
@2Port
well isn’t that true?
January 20th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Fuck anyone who hasn’t seen Star Wars. Right up the ass with a lightsaber.
January 20th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
What’s a Nubian?
January 20th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Return of the Jedi was the final thing that killed Liberace. That and the super AIDS.
January 20th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@Dan from Chicago
I would of went
Plot > Boat Sails > Boobies > Hits Ice Berg > Boat Sinks > The End
January 20th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
So if Star Wars is racist then why are all the Stormtroopers wearing white uniforms? But Palpatine and Vader wear black clothing and they control the Stormtroopers…. Foreshadowing of the 2008 election perhaps?
/Needs to get outside more.
January 20th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
@ fletch spot on. he’s done nothing but busted his ass for them, even though they treat him like shit, and to bench him like that in that spot is utterly ridiculous. breaston cant hold his jock strap. he deserves better than all the bullshit theyve put him through. i hope he’s a dolphin next year. we’ll pay him and we desperately need a guy like him
January 20th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
When Boldin is a Cowboy next year, he’ll yell at Jason Garrett for putting him on the field to run predictable, shitty plays.
January 21st, 2009 at 11:39 am
I believe that’s the Power of Christ coursing through his veins there.
Oh he’s being targeted by a scanner.
January 21st, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Bridge on the River Kwai? Why not Lawrence of Arabia or Doctor Zhivago?