ANQUAN BOLDIN: Hey, Coach! Leinart just told me you’ve never seen Star Wars before. What the fuck is up with that shit?
TODD HALEY: Sir, I’m trying to call a fucking game, if that’s alright with you…
ANQUAN BOLDIN: How the fuck have you not seen Star Wars!
TODD HALEY: Quan, back off, alright? [into radio] Okay, Kurt, let’s go Double Red Right, Tango X Flush–
ANQUAN BOLDIN: How the fuck can you call plays if you never seen Empire Strikes Back? Return of the Jedi? I’ll grant you that the prequels were disappointing, but–
TODD HALEY: I DON’T LIKE SCIENCE FICTION, ALRIGHT?!?! YOU PROBABLY THINK OF ALEC GUINESS EXCLUSIVELY AS OBI-WAN KANOBI! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR HIS WORK IN ‘BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI’?
ANQUAN BOLDIN: Man, now THAT SHIT is fake! Muthafucka woulda been killed by his own troops if he was bringing that shit in real life! Darth Vader woulda cut those Burmese down to shit!
TODD HALEY: DARTH VADER IS A PUSSY!
ANQUAN BOLDIN: WHAT’D YOU SAY, MOTHERFUCKER!?!?
TODD HALEY: GET HIM OUTTA MY FACE! GODDAMMIT! [into radio] Kurt, back me up here. How many times have you seen Star Wars?
TODD HALEY: See? Kurt’s only seen it twice.
ANQUAN BOLDIN: Man, fuck all of you!
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Bridge on the River Kwai? Why not Lawrence of Arabia or Doctor Zhivago?
I believe that’s the Power of Christ coursing through his veins there.
Oh he’s being targeted by a scanner.
When Boldin is a Cowboy next year, he’ll yell at Jason Garrett for putting him on the field to run predictable, shitty plays.
@ fletch spot on. he’s done nothing but busted his ass for them, even though they treat him like shit, and to bench him like that in that spot is utterly ridiculous. breaston cant hold his jock strap. he deserves better than all the bullshit theyve put him through. i hope he’s a dolphin next year. we’ll pay him and we desperately need a guy like him
So if Star Wars is racist then why are all the Stormtroopers wearing white uniforms? But Palpatine and Vader wear black clothing and they control the Stormtroopers…. Foreshadowing of the 2008 election perhaps?
/Needs to get outside more.
@Dan from Chicago
I would of went
Plot > Boat Sails > Boobies > Hits Ice Berg > Boat Sinks > The End
Return of the Jedi was the final thing that killed Liberace. That and the super AIDS.
What’s a Nubian?
Fuck anyone who hasn’t seen Star Wars. Right up the ass with a lightsaber.
@2Port
well isn’t that true?
why would anyone compare Quan to T.O.? the cards have treated him like garbage and he is a great player and hard worker. he asked for a bigger contract comparable to what Fitzy got and they turn him down before the season. what does he do? he still plays hard. he gets KTFO and fractures his sinus (sounds like the worst thing ever). what does he do? fights through and plays without missing much time at all. then he fights back from a nagging hamstring injury for the NFC championship and they bench in the 2nd half with no explanation (while the offense does nothing for 25 minutes, mind you). he had the right to ask why he wasn’t playing, hes too good of a competitor to be sitting. him simply being out there helps fitzgerald any day.
if you haven’t seen star wars, then fuck you. same applies if you don’t chew big red.
And Jedi’s the most insulting installment. Because Vader’s beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin’ to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
@ UU – I’ll save you the 3 hours of BS, it sinks at the ending.
/Plot > Boat Sails > Hits Ice Berg > Boat Sinks > The End
//The fuck kinda plot is that?
That’s some genuinely funny shit.
Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy!
I’m proud of the fact that I’ve never seen “Titanic”
Be there and be square.
@UU: I look forward to ComicCon every year for that very reason. Instant self-esteem boost. “You know, I may be a functional alcoholic with zero friends or social skills, but at least I’m not dressed as a cartoon character in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon.”
By the way, I’ve never seen Star Wars and thought this post was genius, so screw you all.
Warner’s seen Star Wars twice. And on Super Bowl Sunday, he’s going to see his life flash before his eyes many times.
/go into the light, Kurt
//you’re going to hell for drawing Jesus
///should’ve never sold your soul for a Super Bowl trip
Is there anything sadder than seeing a grown man dressed up as a Star Wars character? No BiMonSciFiCon would be complete without one.
That was some Genuine Class, right there.
And the Star Wars movies all center around protecting the young white woman from the evils of alien hands.
Just do what I do when people ask why you’ve never seen it: claim you have ADD and can’t sit still for that long. Then resume watching 17 straight hours of televised sporting events.
If I were Boldin, I would be more mad that Haley was running single wideout formations. Oh wait…
James Harrison will introduce Kurt Warner to Family Guy. Also, death.
Todd Haley speaks the truth. Crying like a little bitch when he should be celebrating cooking all those gooks, er, aliens? Howie Long has no words, just a sigh and a slow shake of the head.
To be fair to Unsilent, the Star Wars films do have strong anti-Semitic overtones. Take Jar Jar Binks, for instance.
Unsilent has however seen “Porn Wars: Return of the Money Shot” more times then he can count.
If it will help the Cardinals beat Pittsburgh, I’ll drive out to Arizona and take the fucker to see Star Wars.
How many times has Barry Zito seen that tape is the question.
Did anyone ask Matt Leinart how many times he’s seen the Paris Hilton sex tape?
It’s Sir Alec Guinness, please.
I believe that’s the Power of Christ coursing through his veins there.
Why is there flesh-colored rope wrapped around Kurt’s forearm?
Excellent
wait…you ain’t seen Star Wars. Isn’t that anti-American?
If you say you haven’t seen the Godfather, you should turn in your balls though.
Anquan majored in Science Fiction at Florida State.