01.05.09
“That’s good, but I asked you to draw Godzilla.”
Far be it from me to mock anyone’s irrational beliefs, I have plenty of my own. But this video of Kurt Warner drawing God made me feel a little awkward on his behalf. But then, who am I to question whatever it is that makes Kurt’s mojo work? After all, if Carolina is foolish enough to get drawn into a shootout Saturday night, Warner is a game away from going back to the Super Bowl.
While Warner’s gridiron bona fides are above reproach, his drawing is short of divine. First of all, he starts out drawing God, but then he says he is really drawing Jesus. C’mon dude, pick one! I conducted a Kwick KSK straw-poll to determine who Warner’s drawing really looks like. Here are the responses I got:
• Chuck Manson
• Osama’s pubes
• Creepy Jesus
• Davendra Banhart
Conclusion: As far as artists go, Warner makes for a good rapidly-aging quarterback. Our good friend LSUfreek has another idea about the source of Warner’s greatness:
January 5th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
All your guesses are wrong. That’s fucking Chuck Norris, my friend.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I guess Kurt wants to be a pirate, with that shirt.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
“You heard God, Super Best Friends! We’ve got to make a giant stone John Wilkes Booth!”
January 5th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
That’s pre-op Brenda, folks.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
I. am. afraid.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
You mean to tell me Kurt Warner thinks Jesus had a beard and wore long, flowing clothing? Where would he get such an idea???
January 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
That’s not Jesus, that’s Clapton!
January 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I’d like to think Warner always falls asleep to the sound of his own screams.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
If it weren’t skinny, I’d say it was Andy Reid.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
More importantly, what’s going on with that shirt? pink with black polka dots? really??
January 5th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
his nose isnt jewy enough.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I drew Clapton too!
January 5th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
i love that shirt.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Brenda made him wear that shirt. God does not approve of flamboyence, though.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
But what would God look like if Matt Lienart drew him?
January 5th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
More importantly, what’s going on with that shirt? pink with black polka dots? really??
Let’s review the evidence.
Agressively public expressions of Christianity. Older mannish hag of a wife. Flamboyant fashion choices. All-male working environment. Free time spent doodling pictures of his dreamy fantasy men.
Make your own conclusions, people.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
That’s not Jesus, that’s every white bum that’s ever asked me for spare change.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
“Shit! I drew the guy from Kings of Leon AGAIN!”
/crumples up paper
January 5th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
No really, draw God however you want, but that shirt is fucking sacreligious.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
The falcon about to suck a dick and saying ‘Nom, nom, nom’ is truly the highlight of my Monday.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Wait until he draws his picture of Muhammad…
January 5th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Otto Man: are you implying he might be one of those homosexuals I’ve heard so much about?
January 5th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Looks just like Ted Nugent. Yeah, that’s about right. Of course Jesus looks like Ted Nugent.
I do agree that the shirt is highly suspect, but his wife probably bought it for him, he has to wear it. So he’s whipped. Which may be just a step above gay. You all can be the judge of that.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
It also looks like Chris Robinson, lead singer of the Black Crowes. So basically, our lord and savior looks like a rock star. That’s what makes him better than anyone else’s lord(s) and savior(s).
January 5th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
What a terrible drawing. David Koresh looked nothing like that!
January 5th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
@Otto Man: are you implying he might be one of those homosexuals I’ve heard so much about?
As I said, make your own conclusions.
But to paraphrase Jack Donaghy, that shirt is definitely bi-curious.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
@Otto – Also Tony Dungy really really hates Kurt Warner…
January 5th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
“You might remember my other artwork, including the popular ‘Mike sucks dick’ from restaurant bathroom stalls”
January 5th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
@Slash
So, you’re saying that our God is an awesome God?
January 5th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
A very awesome God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjpuMWQRXAM
January 5th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Looks like Beyonce with booty shorts on.
January 5th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
It’s not just the shirt, it’s the way he wears the shirt.
January 5th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
DC Talk gave him that shirt for Christmas.
January 5th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Or was it Benny Hinn?
January 5th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
@CR: I don’t think Otto Man is implying a damn thing
January 5th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
That is the worst looking picture of Purple Jesus I have ever seen. He’s not even fumbling in that picture.
January 5th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Wait, is Kurt giving the Holy Spirit short shrift here? That’s the drawing of his I want to see.
Also, I shouldn’t have been drinking water when he said, “Obviously, Jesus is younger than God.”
January 5th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I’m sorry, but everyone knows that Morgan Freeman is GOD. I mean really, a white guy with long red hair? Pffft. Don’t any of you watch movies an’ stuff?
January 5th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Apparently Kurt doesn’t know about Raptor Jesus.
January 5th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Save me, Jeebus!
January 5th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Raptor Jesus is the best Jesus, though Plastic Jesus is pretty nice too.
January 5th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Not sure what God looks like, but LSU Freek is definitive proof that He wants us to laugh.
January 5th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
That’s fucking Chuck Norris, my friend.
Chuck Norris is God.
January 5th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
That’s one of the guys in the Black Keys, I’m pretty sure.
January 6th, 2009 at 5:37 am
i don’t know how to react to the fact that ksk knows about devendra barnhart.
January 6th, 2009 at 8:58 am
I figure God would have consummate V’s for angry eyebrows and teeth, fire coming out of his mouth, and stronger biceps.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Needs more Purple.
January 6th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I like to imagine Him as a mischievous little badger.