A country radio station in Pittsburgh charged morons two bits a pop to take a sledge hammer to a (simeon) rice burner fine Amurican automobile painted up in Arizona Cardinals colors. Even though it’s all for charity, I initially thought the whole thing was pointless and silly. (“Take that inanimate object that has no connection whatsoever to the team I suddenly hate!”) But after further reflection, I’m all for Stillers fans relieving their fat aggressions in socially-approved channels. Beats domestic violence and destruction of private property.

Fast forward to the :50 second mark for the big highlight, which led to the following colloquy:

me: Peep Yokozuna.

Ape: He should replace Willie Colon.

Me: He should replace his own colon.

Maj: Mr. Fuji approves.

Me: WTF is the thing fatass picks up off the ground and shows to the camera? I thought it was a broken cell phone, but that’s not it.

Ape:Portable barbecue?

Me: Insulin pump?

Maj: Tape recorder… Note to self: remember to go to Eat ‘N Park for the midnight buffet.

Drew: If you’re going to post a transcript of this, can you work in a subtle, off-hand plug for Men With Balls?

Me: Eat a dick with your turkey chili.

My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

[ Y108 ]