Welp, that was the first week in about four months with no NFL games to look forward to in the approaching weekend, and we made it okay. Just as long as there’s a holiday and a watershed moment in American history every week between now and September, this offseason should be a piece of cake.
Steel Prepare yourselves for a whole lot of meaningless chatter next week, as the media will look to create genuine animosity where there is none. By Thursday afternoon 40% of all commentators will be trying to convince viewers that Arizona is a dangerous opponent for the Steelers. And along the way we’ll get to watch the Yinzer throngs swell and dull our intellects. Guhhhh.
We suppose you’ve already been supposed to the meat bikini fiesta that won the Internets today, so let us instead direct you to Gunaxin’s guide to the Miss America contestants. For perhaps the first time in my life, I’ll be rooting for Arkansas. Longest odds: Miss Kansas, who’s trying to become the first-ever Miss America to rock the old-school Brenda Warner.



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What a shock, Miss Maryland has a gunt.
What’s so special about this girl? She got bacon flavored tits or what?
….
Oh, I see.
@genny have you tried the one piece? it worked for miss idaho
/stabs potato into eye
God Save The Twins
I for one am okay with my home state sending a decent looking chick to Miss America. For too long Indiana has been tainted by the fact that none of the major universities or sports teams can seem to come up with decent cheerleaders.
@Genny:
Pics or it didn’t happen.
For the males:
Lucy Pinder reveals that she is in fact a mammal:
http://www.nuts.co.uk/48e4ee7a37611/lucy-pinder-topless
And if the phrase “Lucy Pinder topless” didn’t clue you in: NSFW.
@elvis grbac’s blue suede shoes – Glad to hear that out of all of my features, my love of bacon is the one most likely to land me a man.
But seriously, I’m hotter than at least half the girls on that Miss America list and I don’t get to photoshop my pictures. What the hell, country? Are these competitions really becoming about personality, because we all knew you were lying when you said that and we were totally ok with that. I had to play a bass to get my scholarship, some other chick has to walk around in a bikini, we all do what we’re best at, but if I’m better at walking around in a bikini then it doesn’t make sense anymore.
Ms. Iowa either has an enormous balloon knot, or she is carrying.
Either way, pass.
CA, GA: Clearly don’t expect to win. Have already chosen porn names.
DC: How did Tori Spelling get in here?
MA: Nawt even Tawmee thinks she’s hawt.
/Wonders if being from “Short Gap” will help or hurt Miss W.Va.
//Leaves to plan move to AZ
Miss Texas shames my state, but I’ll be sure to ride the coattails of Miss Indiana. She’s so hot, yet she looks like she could rape me in a back alley.
/pitches tent in pants
//popular bookmark tab
///xvideos.com
Tennessee gets my vote. That chick is hot.
But South Dakota might get my vote because I am scared she’d find and kill me for not voting for her. She looks like a Terminator.
Rocco: Miss Colorado, Miss Michigan, Miss Nebraska, Niss Nevada, Miss New Mexico, and Miss Wisconsin. 6 of your finalists.
I think I’m starting to detect a larger pattern here. You might want to get your vision tested.
Is Miss Nevada part fish? Or can a human actually have their eyes located on the side of their head like that?
*checks pic* Wow–Miss Iowa DOES appear to be packing some heat, now, doesn’t she? Wonder if she’s got a concealed weapons permit hidden in her bra…As Jim Carrey so tactfully put it once, “Your gun’s digging into my hip.”
/native Iowan
1) “Cooked bacon is also superior in that it makes an excellent pre OR post-coital snack.”
–Genny, you’re my kind of lady. If I wasn’t in a serious relationship right now…or if I actually knew you in person…
2) “Herm no longer plays to win the game. /end threadjack”
–Why? It’s so good, don’t stop now! This is the best news KC’s had in weeks. Now we just need to find out which NFL airhead (Adam or Chris) is right about Shanarat coming to Arrowhead. Fuuuuuuuuck me, sideways.
3) “Brodie Croyle = Player-coach?”
–I hope Santa takes a dump in your stocking next Christmas for even suggesting that, even as a joke. A big, greasy one too.
Missouri looks like a tranny to me. D.C. and NY look serious, that would be a fun night. Virginia has a Lee Ann Womack look. They are all going down.
Ms. Colorado doubles as a Donkeys cheerleader:
http://www.denverbroncos.com/page.php?id=117&contentID=7716
My favorite bit of her bio:
Q: Two people you would like to have dinner with?
A: Jessica Simpson and my family
congrats for finding the one black girl in Georgia…wait…..scratch that……
congrats to the pageant for finding the one black girl in new hampshire.
I don’t know what sounds better: cooch-flavored bacon or bacon-flavored cooch.
/definitely the latter
//don’t care if the bacon is uncooked
///probably should care; don’t want e. coli
////or the clap
Why did Florida promote a pitbull?
Miss Iowa looks like she’s smuggling salami in her bikini pic.
I find it hard to believe that Miss DC is white and Miss Minnesota is black
mmm Lucy Pinder…my favorite, you shouldn’t have
Ick at Miss Arkansas; I see a dozen hotter each day at the U of A.
Oklahoma and N. Carolina caught my eye (zipper).
Ms. North Carolina has my vote (and my boner)
Brodie Croyle = Player-coach?
Herm no longer plays to win the game
/end threadjack
Love the Crime Fighter pose on Miss Vermont!
slim pickins in alaska obviously.minnesota apparently found their only black girl.kansas AWFUL.arkansas and TENNESSEE on point,with a side of georgia dark meat…..for the most part very disappointing. i look forward to the day we can have the “miss america-cum dumpster edition”,so we can get a more thorough inspection of the merchandise…..
what happened to the miss america pageant. i honestly think i could go out and round up 50 girls that are WAY hotter in all aspects than those girls. I would need a bag for roughly half of them, and would tolerate the other half’s faces becasue their assets make up for it.
/as a kansan, i can’t say anything except sorry.
Nice Chesticles !!
I agree with Squirmin’. Miss Kansas’ head shot looks like she’s the happy middle-aged captain of an annoying star ship.
Bacon Fiesta Girls vs Miss America Girls:
Whose self-esteem has been crushed enough to have sex with a KSK reader?
I’ll be stalking Miss Delaware.
Should’ve strung together cooked bacon. Uncooked bacon just looks like strips of flayed flesh, gives a very “Silence of the Lambs” tone to the occasion. Which is great if you’re into that sort of thing.
Cooked bacon is also superior in that it makes an excellent pre OR post-coital snack.
Nevada and New York have the crazy eyes. Texas is older than Al Davis.
Miss Kansas must have one o’ them fancy Dominican birth certificates. Ain’t no WAY she’s under 30.
@ Rocco:
Who are six women who couldn’t do a crossword puzzle with an answer key?
Miss Colorado, Miss Michigan, Miss Nebraska, Niss Nevada, Miss New Mexico, and Miss Wisconsin. 6 of your finalists.
Lucy Pinder shits on all of those Miss America contestants. In a sexy way.
From the bacon bikini thing. Not my bag, baby. Now a nice strip steak bikini, that I might be able to do.
I just threw up.
Ask, and I shall receive…. thank you Sexy Friday!