Seahawks Fans: A Fanbase So Sour, It Can Only Be Safely Contained in a Magnetic Field
Because they harbor a delusion that tells them that we care, Seahawks fans are letting the world know that they would rather become the only team without a Super Bowl title in a division that includes the Rams and the Cardinals than see the Steelers win another one. Like the fellow in the video above, who went so far as to buy the hat of a division rival so that he may gain entry to the Cards bandwagon.
Not all C-Hox fans are decided, however. Regular KSK commenter J.L. White took the time to write us this lengthy e-mail (which I promise to finish reading one of these days) expressing his ambivalence about the contest. Uh, enjoy.
Dear President Obama:
We as a nation are faced with many challenges today, as we work to fix the mistakes of the past and at the same time make the future a brighter one for our children. There is no doubt that the economy, Iraq, and global warming require to be addressed both seriously and swiftly. You said during the inauguration that, “Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new.” Well sir, there is another challenge today that America must overcome very shortly, and it may require some new and creative thinking. Mr. President, I beseech you…..(pausing for dramatic effect)……please cancel this Super Bowl.
On the surface, this may sound like a heinous, almost un-American request. Did not both the Steelers and Cardinals reach t his match fairly? Are not both fanbases eagerly awaiting the outcome? Don’t millions upon millions of Americans celebrate this game not just as a championship match but as a chance to bond with their fellow man, shovel fried foods into their mouths for hours on end, and drink themselves to near unconsciousness? I say yes to all those questions, and I don’t ask this of you for any spiteful reasons (unlike what some festive primates might tell you.)
No sir, in fact I see this as an opportunity for all of America. I call not for the season to end this Sunday, but to be restarted so that we all can continue to enjoy America’s favorite sport throughout the doldrums of late winter and early spring. You also said during the inauguration that “Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life.” Do not the over 300 million citizens of this great nation deserve a chance to enjoy our favorite sport during the months we usually spend bored and waiting for its return?
Look, this Super Bow l, other than the glamour and prestige the event itself already has, is nothing special. As a basketball fan you’ll understand that the Arizona Cardinals are the L.A. Clippers of football. As for the Steelers, a grand majority of native Pittsburghers have fled the city many years ago, and most people who claim to be Steeler fans are really people who have no ties to any team, but like rooting for a team that has a cool-looking uniform and have been almost universally successful each of the past 40 years. Being one of these people, Mr. President, you should understand all too well.
Aside from these two fanbases (if you want to call what the Cardinals have a “fanbase,” that is) the rest of America will welcome a new season with open arms, even if it must be abbreviated to 8 or 12 weeks, so not to interfere with the Final Four. We will still have a Super Bowl when everything is said and done, and if these two teams make it back to the Promised Land once again, nobody should resent it. The sacrifices of a few hundred millionaire football players and the few dozen billionaire football owners should not outweigh the benefits to the rest of us. Not only will the nation’s morale improve, but more people will be employed to keep the stadiums ope n and to feed all the football fans while they root for their favorite teams. For once a truly bold initiative must spring forth from Washington, and I can think of nothing bolder than this.
During you inauguration you said, “We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers.” Well, we are also a nation of Packer fans, Colt fans, Giant fans, Dolphin fans, Seahawk fans and Cowboy fans. Instead of being divided 30 ways we can finally be united toward a single goal. This is but one example of what our imagination can achieve when joined with a common purpose. Join us, Mr. President, and carry forth that great gift of football and deliver it safely to future generations.
God Bless you and God Bless the United States of America!
Sincerely,
J.L. White
Stirring missive, J.L. Let’s see what Barry had to say.
Yep. That’s a burn. Won’t blame you. You voted for Brian Russell.
Tags: Brian Fucking Russell, c-hox, Waaaaah, xmas ape
January 31st, 2009 at 11:15 am
The response:
Dear J.L. White,
Suck it, hater!
Sincerely,
Barack Hussein Obama
President of the United States of America
January 31st, 2009 at 11:48 am
i wonder where the President stands on the Neckbeard vs. Sex Cannon issue
and, the Sea-who?
/finds the Seatte Pigeons so mediocre and boring i used to refuse to watch them play the 49ers
//but this year, thanks to CC, i watched just to see Brian Russell fuck up. was not in vain
January 31st, 2009 at 11:52 am
no JL- there is no spiteful reason for your ridiculous rant of a letter….its just that you are showing the world that your “fanbase” is good at only one thing- whining.
And seriously- how can you poke at anyone else’s fanbase after the pathetic showing of C-hox fans at Superbowl XL? You douchebags really showed your true colors on that glorious day.
January 31st, 2009 at 12:27 pm
That is the biggest steaming pile of BS.
“Most Steeler fans have no connection to the team”
Are you shitting me? And Cards fans (if there is such a thing) do?
Every Steeler fan I know has family or friends connected to the city and has liked them for many many years.
On the contrary, most Pats/Cards/Ravens/Colts fans are less than a decade old
January 31st, 2009 at 12:30 pm
But that’s a pretty sweet shoe rack. Wonder if it has any fluffy seahawk slippers in it?
January 31st, 2009 at 12:46 pm
/disowns J.L.
January 31st, 2009 at 12:52 pm
On the contrary, most Pats/Cards/Ravens/Colts fans are less than a decade old>/i>
Actually, this is an understatement. There were NO fans of any team other than the Steelers prior to 2000-2001.
January 31st, 2009 at 1:32 pm
It’s true. Hell, football itself wasn’t played professionally until 1973!
January 31st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Cheer up, dude, the NBA season is about to heat up.
January 31st, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Supercop? Not Hero, not Ong-Bak, not Kung Fu Hustle, not Oldboy, not Iron Monkey…. Supercop.
January 31st, 2009 at 1:44 pm
‘…festive primate…’ Nice!
January 31st, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Gay.
January 31st, 2009 at 2:02 pm
“Seehock” … “Arizona Carnuls” … “Ain’t thatta gotta.” All in 18 seconds. And no stubble, nor a latte visible anywhere in his clos–er, parents’ basement, er bedroom.
Clearly, this is guy is a Yinzer trying to deflect some of the hate
January 31st, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Enough with the Brian Russell hate already. Teams and their players are a reflection of their communities, and in Brian Russell the folks in the Emerald City see someone who would probably have the courage to speak up if he saw someone walking out of a Starbucks without paying for his chocolate covered graham crackers. That’s enough for them; they’re really not into that whole “angry man of color” thing that’s an essential part of good safety play. He doesn’t have to be good, he, like his team, just has to be there so others can look good.
January 31st, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Careful, Steelers fans. Don’t rile Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend’s Tits or he’ll start posing as “Steeltown” again and make racist comments.
I’ll actually argue for Ravens fans for a change(!). Their franchise is relatively new, but Baltimore has a long history of being a football town. Boston and its surrounding area, however, do not.
January 31st, 2009 at 2:48 pm
tl;dr
January 31st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
What that town needs is a monorail!
Oh wait …
January 31st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
As a denizen of Steeler Nation, I have this is to say to the good latte-sippin’ folks of Seattle:
I’m sorry, what was the name of your team again? Were they the ones that moved to Oklahoma City?
January 31st, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Careful, Steelers fans. Don’t rile Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend’s Tits or he’ll start posing as “Steeltown” again and make racist comments.
True, you best be careful. The sad thing is, I had planned on posting as a bitter Ravens fans named “Barrack Billick” but Christmas Ape beat me to it.
January 31st, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I had planned on posting as a bitter Ravens fans named “Barrack Billick” but Christmas Ape beat me to it.
Cute. I did no such thing. Why not just own up to your own pathetic behavior without making shit up? Not my fault that Barrack Billick has gone missing since the AFC Title Game. If I were petty enough, I could go into our system and give you his e-mail and IP address. Anyway, he was a dude who only liked to talk shit when the Ravens were doing well. Though I imagine he’ll make an appearance on the site tomorrow should the Steelers lose, like a bunch of other trolls who have been quiet for a while.
January 31st, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Just when I thought today was gonna be a good day I stumble across all you pricks bashing my team. Ok, whoever the fuck is in that video should be fucking castrated. And that email was painful to read. And I might jump off a fucking bridge if arizona gets a ring before my goddamn team. But that does leave me in a pickle, cuz there is no goddamn way I’m rooting for the fucking stealers. So I’m left to just make a bunch of stupid fucking prop bets and drinking heavily and hoping both teams shit a brick. Last but not least, all you hawk haters can Fack off!!
January 31st, 2009 at 5:15 pm
As a Seahawks fan I’ll be rooting for one thing tomorrow…career ending injuries.
January 31st, 2009 at 5:21 pm
So, why is it that Steelers fans are so obsessed with the Seahawks and their fans? Every chance they get they seem to take the opportunity to bash them, and label them as whiners. I guess it’s probably because deep down they all know they didn’t deserve that Super Bowl Championship at all. If you guys really thought you deserved to win, then you would find bitter Seahawks fans funny, instead of being instantly enraged by them.
BTW, to those who claim that out of Pennsylvania Steelers fans are not bandwagoners and are Steelers fans because they have a connection to the city, explain why these devoted Pittsburgh fans are never also fans of the Pirates and Penguins? Funny, isn’t it, how loyalty to a city you’ve never lived in only extends to the one wildly successful franchise in that city.
January 31st, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Really? The day before the Super Bowl and this is news? Aren’t Seahawks fans miserable enough already?
assholes
January 31st, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Steelers fans hate Seahawks fans (and Mike Holmgren) because they whined so much and so shrilly following SB XL that the media picked up on it, which led to all the other desperate Steelers haters, people like Dum Bunny, to continue to declare Pittsburgh “not deserving” of that title because the officiating was called into question by fans of the losing team. Because haters will latch onto anything to discredit a team they hate.
/also a Penguins and a Pirates fan
//not in the mood for a retarded rehashed SB XL debate on the eve of SB XLIII
January 31st, 2009 at 6:05 pm
But, see, the fans were right. The refs did decide that game. And yes, that’s why I hate the Steelers, same reason I hate the Pats for cheating their way to 3 undeserving championships. Of course, a fanbase made enormous by douchey frontrunners doesn’t help either.
January 31st, 2009 at 6:14 pm
I can’t begin to tell you how retarded equating cheating with a dim, unsupported perception of uneven officiating is. I just… it’s beyond me.
January 31st, 2009 at 6:30 pm
You can’t believe have the shit that comes out of your mouth can you Ape??? I’m betting that if we hooked you up on a lie detector there is no way you actually believe that the officiating in Superbowl XL was anything but shitty. But your right, we lost that fucking game because we played like shit and Jerremy Stevens shat his size 36 huggies about 5 times that game.
January 31st, 2009 at 7:37 pm
OK, no, I’m not equating the two and I dislike the Pats far, far more than I dislike the Steelers. The point is neither was deserved.
January 31st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Our President it a Bears fan!
January 31st, 2009 at 8:18 pm
See, this is why Steelers fans hate Seahawks fans. Because of their constant bitching, there are hordes of clueless people, mind you ones already predisposed to disliking the Steelers, who are totally convinced, sans any cogent argument, despite proof to the contrary (NFL defended officiating) that the refs handed the game to Pittsburgh. And we have to go through this tedious bullshit every time it comes up.
January 31st, 2009 at 8:33 pm
As a Seahawk fan, not only would I NEVER buy a division rival’s hat, but also like to invite that douche in the video to please stop referring to himself as a Seahawk fan.
January 31st, 2009 at 9:42 pm
And Lions fans continue to suffer silently…
/seriously, thanks for not picking on us too bad guys…
//may have had to kill myself
January 31st, 2009 at 10:44 pm
As a Cowboys fan I will say this to all Steeler fans {{clears throat}} GET FUCKED. That is all.
C’mon Cardinals, don’t fuck this up.
February 1st, 2009 at 1:00 am
That’s right Christmas Ape, nobody watched XL and the powerful Seahawks fans are out poisoning the minds of the young impressionable people out there. That avalanche of offended neutral NFL fans was totally fueled by the Seahawks fans, which as we all know is the largest fan presence in the NFL. And yeah the NFL defended those controversial calls, we can trust that it wasn’t just to avoid the embarrassment of colossally fucking up the biggest game of the year.
Who the fuck do those Seahawks fans think they are? Being pissed about being cheated out of the only Superbowl in the franchises history. Then Hasselbeck fucking up that awesome pick 6, fuck that guy. I’m glad they flagged him for not being cool.
February 1st, 2009 at 1:25 am
Way to seize on the one wrong call against the Seahawks. The Hasselbeck clipping call after he already threw a pick. Darrell Jackson pushed off Chris Hope in the endzone in front of the back judge. Sean Locklear tackled Clark Haggans. What other calls were wrong, then? Hyperbole aside, you have no argument.
February 1st, 2009 at 2:11 am
I don’t like the Steelers, but “bad calls” go both ways. The time for the Seahawks to beat them was in SB XL and they couldn’t get it done.
February 1st, 2009 at 2:43 am
Well the back judge didn’t throw the flag until the Steelers started complaining, and I still don’t think that was pass interference. Jacksons arm did extend, but that was not pushing off. And I’m pretty sure Locklear wasn’t holding, but I am sure Haggans was offsides on that play. Then there was Big Ben’s phantom touchdown. These blaring fuck ups changed the game entirely and even though the right calls wouldn’t mean a guaranteed Seahawk victory, it’s the being cheated out of the chance that still pisses me off all these years later
I know this is all moot and nothing is gonna convince us that the other guy isn’t retarded though
February 1st, 2009 at 3:20 am
All Pitt fans are white trash.
February 1st, 2009 at 3:39 am
boooooooooooo – what a bunch of bitches you all are.
February 1st, 2009 at 4:48 am
Dear Seahawk fans,
Please grow a pair of testicles at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
-The rest of us.
February 1st, 2009 at 9:13 am
As a Seahawk fan, I’m rooting for Michael Lander and his blimp.
February 1st, 2009 at 9:56 am
I call for a congressional investigation. Obviously, Dan Rooney has bought Obama’s support with his large campaign donations.
February 1st, 2009 at 10:44 am
All Pitt fans are white trash.
Oh, and Seattleites aren’t? Seattle is the Baltimore of the west coast — a trashy, midwestern-type town that doesn’t really belong on the coast.
February 1st, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Seattle’s Rad! RAWK AND ROLLLLLLLL!
Go Hox.
February 1st, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Pitt is a terrible place to live
http://www.blujay.com/?page=ad&adid=2633910&cat=6030600
February 1st, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Have people still not realized that this guy is actually a Stealer fan? C’mon guys.
- Oh, and Seattleites aren’t? Seattle is the Baltimore of the west coast — a trashy, midwestern-type town that doesn’t really belong on the coast.
That doesn’t even make sense.
February 1st, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I grew up in Baltimore, and now live in Seattle. Seattle doesn’t hold a candle to the sleezyness of Baltimore.
/homesick
February 2nd, 2009 at 7:54 am
Seahawks fans calling me a douchebag? I won that hat with a receipt that came with it, I’m trading it for a Seahawk hat and I was mocking the “bandwagoners” of the Cardinals fans. I’d rather see the Cards than the Squeelers win SB43
February 2nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
I’m a steelers fan win or lose have been for years.The steelers won that game nobody gave it to them.
February 2nd, 2009 at 10:20 pm
If Arizonia thought that call was bad they would have fought that.Thier not going to give up the fucking Superbowl of all games.
February 3rd, 2009 at 11:46 am
One comment from a lifelong Seahawks fan, for what it’s worth: the whole “how can you be so bitter you root for a divisional rival” argument doesn’t hold up because the Hawks spent the majority of their history in the AFC West. I grew up hating the Raiders and the Broncos, and I still do. The Cardinals? Are you f***ing kidding me? I can barely take them seriously, much less hate them…
February 3rd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Yeah that was me the Seahawk fan in that video wearing a Cardinals hat. I did wear a Cardinal hat rooting them to beat the Steelers. I will be hating the Cardinals during the regular season unless they help out my Seahawks and if your a Seahawk fan wanting to call me out feel free to e-mail me cuz there is more to the story than this video.