Ravens Fans Sporting Fake Unibrows, Authentic Despair
The arms race for most idiotic stunt/promotion between Steelers and Ravens fans in the run-up to the AFC Championship has reached endgame, now that Bawlmer fans can buy fake unibrows to support Bert Flacco, as he endeavors to be the first rookie QB to reach the Super Bowl. But what of the faux Willis McGahee paternity test? The mock Ray Lewis plea bargain agreement to escape jail time? The imitation Todd Heap gimpy hamstring? The apocryphal Rex Ryan shit-eating grin? So much left uncovered.
I’m authentically surprised the anchorwoman didn’t say “The thicker the unibrow, the closer to God.” Guh. Pity Obama for having to stop in that shithole on the way to Washington.
However, little do Ravens fans know, but those things are made out of Haloti Ngata’s pubes.
Tags: FEARSOME RAVENS FANS, LAME ASS RAVENS FANS, seriously fuck baltimore, xmas ape
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
January 17th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
if only they had piss colored hankeys to wave like a bunch of retarded monkies hopped up on drugs
January 17th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I reserve my hatred for the Bengals
January 17th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
“So do you think he needs to get rid of it?”
“No… I think *you* need to get rid of it!”
/ submitted by my son
January 17th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
It’s like when Kentucky basketball fans all got DUIs in support of Billy Gillispie.
January 17th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Retarded monkeys look their noses down on Joe’s spelling ability
January 17th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Oh come on, you know that that you had the Kordell Stewart’s Official The Dreadful Dildo in the 90’s.
January 17th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
The guy hawking these things doesn’t appear to have eyebrows of his own.
January 17th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Nope, I had a fake Yancey Thigpen unibrow.
http://www.cytats.com/capauto/images/player%20pics/Yancy%20thigpen.jpg
January 17th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Michael Tunison is fat!
January 17th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
In the cock.
January 17th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
don’t most women in Baltimore already have unibrows? And moustaches?
January 17th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
http://www.wwe.com/content/media/video/vms/santinoscasa/2009/january8-14/9140282
Santino willa tella you thata unibrow isa the sexiest thing arounda!
January 17th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
thanks to major mel. not being a follower or the wwe, this is my first visit to SANTINO’S CASA!!!!! bout pissed myself and did spit out the snotcase.
January 17th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Jason Giambi’s ’stache is crushed at this promotion.
The Yankees are suing as we speak
January 17th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
I was thinking to myself, “gee, I wonder who could have written this post,” before I saw the tag.
Honestly, I’m shocked.
January 17th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
I don’t get it. Is the point to surprise you with which of the six of us writes each post? Is there some singular KSK voice that I must not deviate from?
January 17th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Yeah, the funny one.
January 17th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
It’s SOFA KING greaaatt!
January 17th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
I wonder how clever is a man that came up with this unibrow fundraiser last week, but hey, that is me.
January 17th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
i’m stunned to read all of the recent discussion re: Baltimore and see no mention of gold teeth and/or grills . . .
and, another thanks to major mel. that was better than any of the shit i’ve flipped past on Smackdown or Raw over the past god knows how long.
/Undertaker’s bitch. Die already Sara
January 17th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
ha! Santino is the best. Thanks also > Major mel.
January 17th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
At least those aren’t a semi-permanent body alteration, saw a guy on the paper this morning with “RAVENS” shaved into his head and then something below it that looked like someone had started to shave in the mascot and run out of space. Oh, and it was dyed purple.
And anyone who buys those are idiots. If you’re going to insist on being that retarded in your team support, all you really need is a roll of black electrical tape.
January 17th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
+1 for Santino’s Casa
I stopped watching wrestling years ago, but this clip had that classic “cheap bluescreen” feel that so many of the old promo clips had.
I miss Bad News Brown. Now that was a hateful dude!
January 17th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Yancey Thigpen = tits.
January 18th, 2009 at 12:07 am
Quite aside from the two sentiments of “jeez ape can you maybe post something not about the ravens” and “jeez ape can you post something funny to non-yinzers”, “apocryphal” is used in the wrong context. A shit-eating grin can’t be of doubtful authenticity, it’s either there or it’s not.
tl;dr summary: jeez ape can you post something funny to non-yinzers
January 18th, 2009 at 1:12 am
“little do Ravens fans know”
True story.
January 18th, 2009 at 2:39 am
A shit-eating grin can be faked, when you’re making a mock-up of it like a unibrow or any other facial feature. But thanks for the pseudo-intellectual finger-wagging.
tl;dr summary: when you read a three paragraph post and comment with tl;dr, you’re a douche
January 18th, 2009 at 3:20 am
Whereas you’ve been using this place as your own personal soapbox for why Baltimore is bad and should feel bad, that’s a pretty douchey gameplan in itself. Unless this is all supposed to be some kind of pastiche of real Steeler fans and you’re indulging in it as a way to mock the phenomenon. In which case it’s still pretty douchey, but now ooh it’s making a bigger point.
January 18th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Maroon Public Relations? More like Moron P.R.! Amiright?!?!
January 18th, 2009 at 11:15 am
@Joe: No, Tunison is *phat*. No one denies this!
January 18th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Now that I’ve actually watched the clip, omfg.
A) Timonium? Names of suburbs should not sound like radioactive isotopes.
B) Strahan’s an NFL analyst ‘cuz he has a coin slot in his face? He’s an analyst because he needs the coin after his lady’s lawyer got done with him in court.
C) Um, the brow goes on yer eyebrows, douchenozzle, not halfway to your receding hairline. Keyword: *brow.*
D) Could Bawlmer have found a studio host with actual, um, endowments? Like, say, Roethlisberger?
/leaves to search for game featuring teams that can actually score points.
//settles for Canucks-Blue Jackets contest.
January 19th, 2009 at 11:12 am
thanks Mgr. Mel for that episode of gay TV – sure shave your entire body glue some hair from your teddy bear to your brow and viola you have news… i need a rape shower. Love reading Suzy K but this…