Ravens Fans Sporting Fake Unibrows, Authentic Despair

The arms race for most idiotic stunt/promotion between Steelers and Ravens fans in the run-up to the AFC Championship has reached endgame, now that Bawlmer fans can buy fake unibrows to support Bert Flacco, as he endeavors to be the first rookie QB to reach the Super Bowl. But what of the faux Willis McGahee paternity test? The mock Ray Lewis plea bargain agreement to escape jail time? The imitation Todd Heap gimpy hamstring? The apocryphal Rex Ryan shit-eating grin? So much left uncovered.

I’m authentically surprised the anchorwoman didn’t say “The thicker the unibrow, the closer to God.” Guh. Pity Obama for having to stop in that shithole on the way to Washington.

However, little do Ravens fans know, but those things are made out of Haloti Ngata’s pubes.

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32 Responses to “Ravens Fans Sporting Fake Unibrows, Authentic Despair”

  1. Joe Says:

    if only they had piss colored hankeys to wave like a bunch of retarded monkies hopped up on drugs

  2. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    I reserve my hatred for the Bengals

  3. GoSlash27 Says:

    “So do you think he needs to get rid of it?”
    “No… I think *you* need to get rid of it!”
    / submitted by my son

  4. yournamehere Says:

    It’s like when Kentucky basketball fans all got DUIs in support of Billy Gillispie.

  5. Christmas Ape Says:

    Retarded monkeys look their noses down on Joe’s spelling ability

  6. twoeightnine Says:

    Oh come on, you know that that you had the Kordell Stewart’s Official The Dreadful Dildo in the 90’s.

  7. Flab Treesports Says:

    The guy hawking these things doesn’t appear to have eyebrows of his own.

  8. Christmas Ape Says:

    Nope, I had a fake Yancey Thigpen unibrow.

    http://www.cytats.com/capauto/images/player%20pics/Yancy%20thigpen.jpg

  9. Joe Says:

    Michael Tunison is fat!

  10. Christmas Ape Says:

    In the cock.

  11. Upstate Underdog Says:

    don’t most women in Baltimore already have unibrows? And moustaches?

  12. Major Mel Funkshun Says:

    http://www.wwe.com/content/media/video/vms/santinoscasa/2009/january8-14/9140282
    Santino willa tella you thata unibrow isa the sexiest thing arounda!

  13. geno Says:

    thanks to major mel. not being a follower or the wwe, this is my first visit to SANTINO’S CASA!!!!! bout pissed myself and did spit out the snotcase.

  14. Johnny Drama Says:

    Jason Giambi’s ’stache is crushed at this promotion.
    The Yankees are suing as we speak

  15. Man Bear Pig Says:

    I was thinking to myself, “gee, I wonder who could have written this post,” before I saw the tag.

    Honestly, I’m shocked.

  16. Christmas Ape Says:

    I don’t get it. Is the point to surprise you with which of the six of us writes each post? Is there some singular KSK voice that I must not deviate from?

  17. The Agent Says:

    Yeah, the funny one.

  18. MisfiT Says:

    It’s SOFA KING greaaatt!

  19. Boatdrinks Says:

    I wonder how clever is a man that came up with this unibrow fundraiser last week, but hey, that is me.

  20. foxxy brown Says:

    i’m stunned to read all of the recent discussion re: Baltimore and see no mention of gold teeth and/or grills . . .

    and, another thanks to major mel. that was better than any of the shit i’ve flipped past on Smackdown or Raw over the past god knows how long.

    /Undertaker’s bitch. Die already Sara

  21. Boatdrinks Says:

    ha! Santino is the best. Thanks also > Major mel.

  22. Genny Says:

    At least those aren’t a semi-permanent body alteration, saw a guy on the paper this morning with “RAVENS” shaved into his head and then something below it that looked like someone had started to shave in the mascot and run out of space. Oh, and it was dyed purple.

    And anyone who buys those are idiots. If you’re going to insist on being that retarded in your team support, all you really need is a roll of black electrical tape.

  23. porky1 Says:

    +1 for Santino’s Casa

    I stopped watching wrestling years ago, but this clip had that classic “cheap bluescreen” feel that so many of the old promo clips had.

    I miss Bad News Brown. Now that was a hateful dude!

  24. wrecking_ball Says:

    Yancey Thigpen = tits.

  25. Jay Says:

    Quite aside from the two sentiments of “jeez ape can you maybe post something not about the ravens” and “jeez ape can you post something funny to non-yinzers”, “apocryphal” is used in the wrong context. A shit-eating grin can’t be of doubtful authenticity, it’s either there or it’s not.

    tl;dr summary: jeez ape can you post something funny to non-yinzers

  26. make it snow Says:

    “little do Ravens fans know”

    True story.

  27. Christmas Ape Says:

    A shit-eating grin can be faked, when you’re making a mock-up of it like a unibrow or any other facial feature. But thanks for the pseudo-intellectual finger-wagging.

    tl;dr summary: when you read a three paragraph post and comment with tl;dr, you’re a douche

  28. Jay Says:

    Whereas you’ve been using this place as your own personal soapbox for why Baltimore is bad and should feel bad, that’s a pretty douchey gameplan in itself. Unless this is all supposed to be some kind of pastiche of real Steeler fans and you’re indulging in it as a way to mock the phenomenon. In which case it’s still pretty douchey, but now ooh it’s making a bigger point.

  29. spanky datass Says:

    Maroon Public Relations? More like Moron P.R.! Amiright?!?!

  30. D Says:

    @Joe: No, Tunison is *phat*. No one denies this!

  31. RayBuchanan'sESLteacher Says:

    Now that I’ve actually watched the clip, omfg.
    A) Timonium? Names of suburbs should not sound like radioactive isotopes.
    B) Strahan’s an NFL analyst ‘cuz he has a coin slot in his face? He’s an analyst because he needs the coin after his lady’s lawyer got done with him in court.
    C) Um, the brow goes on yer eyebrows, douchenozzle, not halfway to your receding hairline. Keyword: *brow.*
    D) Could Bawlmer have found a studio host with actual, um, endowments? Like, say, Roethlisberger?

    /leaves to search for game featuring teams that can actually score points.
    //settles for Canucks-Blue Jackets contest.

  32. bc brad Says:

    thanks Mgr. Mel for that episode of gay TV – sure shave your entire body glue some hair from your teddy bear to your brow and viola you have news… i need a rape shower. Love reading Suzy K but this…

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