Nonfictional Cheerleader Biography, Featuring a Fictional Addendum: Melissa!
Melissa began dancing at age 2. Over the years, as she excelled in school, her training in classical ballet found a more practical application as a member of cheer/dance groups. She went to Vanderbilt, where she was a member of the school’s dance team and graduated in 2007 with a degree in neuroscience.
Now she splits time between cheering for the Titans and assisting in neuroscience research, with a focus on Alzheimer’s, bipolar disorder, and Parkinson’s. For Melissa, decapitating rats is all in a day’s work.
Her favorite place to visit is Queensland, New Zealand, where she sky-dived for the first time. Her favorite song is the Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love,” and her favorite TV show is “Entourage,” which is unfortunate.
And she totally doesn’t have a gag reflex. SCORE!
Tags: captain caveman, fictional cheerleader biography, sexy friday, The Friday Cheerleader Posts
January 9th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
This is right up Rocco’s alley – or shouldn’t he be up her back alley?
January 9th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
SO glad I’m not the only person who hates that fucking show. And, ladies? Adrien Grenier? NOT ATTRACTIVE. He’s the Geico caveman’s understudy.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Her moles match the sequins. Or is it the other way around?
January 9th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
And she has a face like a bottle of whisky.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I bet she gives a mean handjob.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I love seeing the criticisms of women on the internet. Like 99% of the straight men who post wouldn’t sell their mother’s soul for a shot at her.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
@ Katni: “Melissa” looks more like the Geico Caveman’s understudy. Look at that face. Ugh.
/searches for a donut
January 9th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Buzz likes Entourage because he and E see eye to eye.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
I think you mean Queenstown, NZ.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Here’s the thing Goose. It’s the internet. I can see pictures of any girl I please. I don’t surf the internet to look at good looking girls and I especially don’t beat off to girls that would actually sleep with me. I need 100% hot ass. Would I sell my mother’s soul to fuck her? No, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed either.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Her face looks like the witch from Snow White and Seven Dwarves… and I am not talking about the porno.
January 9th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
@twoeightnine @Goose!: Exactly, which is why the cheerleader pics don’t do too much for me. I mean, yeah, most of them are hot, but I am a click of a bookmark away from a chick just as hot getting nailed POV style.
January 9th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I was wondering how long it would take for someone to make a comment about Rocco’s ex.
One post. Well done, people.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Wow. I didn’t realize Phyllis Diller cheers for the Titans.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
@Goose- Don’t you have a plane crash to die in or something?
January 9th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Honestly, I went to Vandy with this girl, and she was nothing special. In fact, our nickname for her was “Hot but not,” meaning, she looked great from afar, but once you got up close….
January 9th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I dated a girl who didn’t have a gag reflex, it doesn’t make you worthwhile.
Also, that chick isn’t that hot. All I can think of is Granny Cuyler from Squidbillies making a comment about how she has a lot of moles. Cause that chick’s stomach…yeah…matches the rhinestones on her “uniform”.
You guys are better than that. I expect gold from you and you give me bronze, at best.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I’m sure she’s a very nice woman.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Rocco, if you’re not going to give me your ex’s phone number can you at least get me Melissa’s? Fuck these idiots.
January 9th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
2-4-6-8, rodents I decapitate! GOOOOO COMMODOR-ITANS!!
January 10th, 2009 at 12:17 am
@ Frank Gore
We call them 50 footers. They look good from 50 feet away.
January 10th, 2009 at 3:49 am
eeeewww…………. she looks like that old puppet “Madam” done came to life…
two bagger for sure, ‘case the first one breaks…
January 10th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Butterface.
/day late and a hangover short
January 10th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
http://www.titansonline.com/team/cheerleaders/headshots/melissa.jpg
stfu.
you’d hit it.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
@Playoff Beard: The hip-hop group Black Sheep had a term for these chicks in the 90s. “Strobe light Honeys”
http://home.comcast.net/~vze26qhz/slh2.htm