Let’s Go Live to Ape Headquarters for His Victory Speech
I liked the part where the announcers pretended that Joe Flacco is a decent NFL quarterback. I mean, when they make a big deal about you completing four passes in a row for the first time in three games, perhaps you need some work.
To the Ratbirds credit, they executed the “hurt the player that’s most effective against us and allow pass interference penalties to put us on the 1″ strategy to a tee. I was sweating it for a while. Credit to the Ravens for giving the Steelers three nailbiters this year. HOW VERY KIND OF TO YOU LOSE ALL THREE AS WELL!
The team should have listened to Hines. Rimas Sweed is wolst tarr leceivel evel. Maybe he should just stick to laying out Corey Ivy.
Yes, Mike. Santonio can make an awesome bong out of it.
And even though Hines got hurt early on, his Asiatic friends were still pleased with the outcome.
Finally, here’s the dorkiest shirt I saw in the inaugural rally before the game by a healthy margin.
Bring it, Buzzsaw boy. You and your iPhone.
Tags: for every ufford hate post there is an equal and opposite reaction, goodbye forever Barrack Billick, I think that settles the Polamalu-Ed Reed debate, now Baltimore can focus on finally getting to the clinic, OH APE GON DRANK, suck it h8rzzzz, THIS IS ALL WALT COLEMAN'S FAULT!, unluckiest fake unibrows ever, xmas ape, YYYYEEEEEEAAAAARRRRGGGG
January 19th, 2009 at 1:35 am
“The Buzzsaw can eat a dick”
X-Mas Ape
Sent from a Party Line telephone
January 19th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Booo, goddammit this is the worst possible Super Bowl matchup.
Fucking Pro Bowl is the only thing left looking forward to.
Shitfuck.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Leitch vs. Ape
NERD-OFF!!!!
January 19th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Howie Long says iPhones are for pussies.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:38 am
/SSB already has drank
January 19th, 2009 at 1:41 am
*sigh*
well played….
/wonders what he will watch Feb. 1st
January 19th, 2009 at 1:41 am
As a Redskins fan, do you mind if I weap tears of unfathomable sadness in this thread?
January 19th, 2009 at 1:43 am
Reed is still better then Palamalu, he didnt hav a rook throwing passes at him though.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:45 am
“Interception? Forevermore!” Quote the Raven
January 19th, 2009 at 1:45 am
Quoth! Fuck me
January 19th, 2009 at 1:49 am
shit, guess i have to root for the steelers now.
FUCK YOU CARDINALS “FANS,” ALL YOU FUCKING BANDWAGON JUMPING ASSHOLES.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:51 am
Hating Cardinals fans? That’s like hating orphans. With AIDS.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:53 am
1) How did Leitch have time to email Ape between updating his Twitter/Tumblr/NYMagBlog/Deadspin/Facebook/JiveJournal/iVillage pages?
2) Explain to me – keeping in mind I’m a Steelers fans, so please speak slowly – how Reed is still better than Palamalu [sic]?
January 19th, 2009 at 1:55 am
After watching the game, I can formally conclude that Palamalu is the fucking shit
January 19th, 2009 at 1:56 am
Fuck. “Fan”
(Insert joke about how female Steelers fans are fat and therefore my use of the plural makes sense.)
January 19th, 2009 at 2:04 am
If I had any intention of watching the Super Bowl (and I don’t), I’d really be looking forward to the exciting showdown between the teams’ mascots, Big Red vs. Steely McBeam. Thrilling.
January 19th, 2009 at 2:18 am
Cards are going to win 45-9. You heard it here first.
I just Madden’d it.
January 19th, 2009 at 2:21 am
Baltimore vs. Pittsburgh is like . . .
(A) Bills vs. Any NFC Champion
(B) A bag full of donuts vs. Nate Newton
(C) Simmons vs. the Spread
(D) Sideshow Bob vs. Bart
Discuss
/steps on rake, shudders
/steps on rake, shudders
/steps on rake, shudders
/steps on rake, shudders . . . leaves
January 19th, 2009 at 2:31 am
The was real awesome of jeem Nantz to totally snub Santonio on an interview. What, BROTHA CAN’T GET NO INTERVIEW? Nantz is totally lacist.
January 19th, 2009 at 2:53 am
Nantz is just jealous of the famous Santonio accutrement!
January 19th, 2009 at 3:02 am
Yes, I can still hate the Seahawks more, CC. You can shove the 12th man up your ass.
January 19th, 2009 at 3:14 am
What kind of douchebag hates teams that don’t win? It’d be like piling on the Lions. Total fucking dick move.
January 19th, 2009 at 3:20 am
Reed is a pass covering safety and Polamalu is a run stopper, it’s a stupid comparison anyways.
January 19th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Wait, that snoozefest was a Conference Championship game….fuck. Oh well at least we have MLK Day here! Oh and Willis got KTFO!
January 19th, 2009 at 4:06 am
“Sorry, currently our video library can only be streamed from within the United States
Hulu is committed to making its content available worldwide. To do so, we must work through a number of legal and business issues, including obtaining international streaming rights. Know that we are working to make this happen and will continue to do so. Given the international background of the Hulu team, we have both a professional and personal interest in bringing Hulu to a global audience.”
See, there is a god that looks out for us…
January 19th, 2009 at 4:06 am
“I think that settles the Polamalu-Ed Reed debate”
Ed Reed is still better?
January 19th, 2009 at 4:51 am
HELL YEAH SUPER BOWL XLIII
Pittsburgh v. Pittsburgh-west
January 19th, 2009 at 5:37 am
Whether you like it…..or you don’t…..learn to love it….cause it’s the best thing going….WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Fuck the bitch ass Ravens. The only thing better than what happened would be to beat them four times this year.
January 19th, 2009 at 6:51 am
All this playa hatin’ is darling.
I have to give the Cards props. Anybody who can stick by a team with that record for all those decades commands respect. Here’s to the die-hard Buzzsaw fans. All 3 of ya.
/ One for the index finger on the other hand in ‘09
// needs work :(
January 19th, 2009 at 6:53 am
“Ed Reed is still better?”
News flash: Games are won by the best eleven, not the eleven best.
/ The Bratz can eat a dick
January 19th, 2009 at 7:18 am
I found it curious that prior to the game, Flacco was so not a rookie anymore..he had played what amounted to two college seasons, battle tested, un nerved…and then…at some point (actually right after the troy pick)
he was..ya know a rookie again…I guess he would have done better if he was playing Hofstra…but then again…
January 19th, 2009 at 7:34 am
I can’t believe people thought that was a boring game. Long, yeah, with all of the network interruptions for commercials, but it was a freaking dogfight with players getting hurt almost every other play.
So, will we see Ape & Leitch go on a road trip to Tampa, with lots of wacky hijinx along the way?
January 19th, 2009 at 8:24 am
@Ben- I’d love to agree with you but I’m not so sure that the Cardinals have fans? I think they just put up posters at ASU and told them that they moved college football to Sunday
January 19th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Doesn’t “homerism” only apply if, at some point, you had a “home” in the city in question?
January 19th, 2009 at 8:47 am
@georger
We will have non of your logical arguments here.
/penis joke
January 19th, 2009 at 9:31 am
I jumped on the Arizona bandwagon four years ago. I even bought a Cardinals PS2 controller. Yes sir.
January 19th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Here we go BUZZSAW!
January 19th, 2009 at 9:59 am
I was actually hoping it would be the Eagles, not so much for the PA-Parlay Super Bowl or the match-up, but because Daulerio had promised me over the summer that I’d cover the SB for Deadspin, but had to renege due to budget cuts. Him going there to watch the Eagles tank against Pittsburgh would have been nice.
January 19th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Here come the bandwagoners! I live in MI, and I noticed a lot of Texas Tech gear lately no doubt due their recent success. But today I saw my first buzzsaw gear. What BS. I see a lot of Ravens items at the homeless center I volunteer at. At least they stand behind their team good or bad (mostly bad). Fuck the Ravens!
January 19th, 2009 at 10:08 am
And it is on.
Do iPhones not allow iContractions? Did Apple get rid of iApostrophes in order to get the iPhone down to one button? Did Lt. Cmdr. Leitch miss his scheduled positronic neural net upgrade?
CURIOUS MINDS NEED TO KNOW!
January 19th, 2009 at 10:27 am
My favorite two Nantz/Simms-isms of the evening:
Early third quarter, Flacco has just gone 3 and out for the 2nd time in the half and was something like 3-16 passing with a pick: “You can’t say Flacco is playing shaky, but…” Why can’t you say Flacco is playing shaky? Why? Goddamn unibrow apologists.
late third quarter, after a McGahee 4 yard run to the outside: “That’s how you can run against the steelers – outside. Or to the inside.” Really? Ignoring the fact that, statistically speaking, no one could run on the Steelers at all, making the accuracy of that statement maddeningly incompetent, is there really a more idiotic attempt at commentary than that?
/misses Myron Cope
January 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Are Steeler fans really complaining about Bandwagon fans? Really? Really?
January 19th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Ravens trailing 13-0…
Simms: “Boy, I’ll tell ya Jim, these Ravens look sharp. I’ll tell ya Jim, they have Pittsburgh exactly where they want them. And my minions…I mean the refs are doing a heck of a job keeping this game close. I’ll tell ya Jim, I think the Steelers defensive unit drank paint before coming out on the field because they just look awful out there. Boy, I’ll tell ya Jim, Mike Tomlin exhumed the body of Roberto Clemente and defiled it sexually. Boy I’ll tell ya Jim, I really wouldn’t be surprised if the Ravens pull this one out and Dan Rooney rapes and murders littleboys in his sex dungeon and then rapes them again.”
January 19th, 2009 at 11:10 am
@Simms anti-Steelers ass tattoo: I choked on my beer when Simms said, “The Ravens have this game right where they want it.” Where’s that, down by six with barely any completions and a few turnovers?
January 19th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I think the air left my lungs when the announcers said it would be the last game for one of the referees. I’m surprised he didn’t hit Roethlisberger with a 2×4 or something. Oh my god! That’s Walt Coleman’s music!
January 19th, 2009 at 11:56 am
i find it immesnely funny that the banner ad atop this article is for the soon to be released film ‘He’s Just Not That Into You” which i feel a great many KSK readers will be interested in. or, you know, none of them. Way to spend your money wisely advertising dudes.
January 19th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Congrats to Ape goddamn it…
Ah well, at least the anti-Steelers hate can go on! While Ape gets subjected to the double-sided terror of last years’ Pats fans. A seemingly inevitable championship…but what, oh what, will you do if you lose a Superbowl to the CARDINALS?
Frankly, although nothing could possibly top last year’s hater-gasm, a Cards’ SB Title over yinzer nation would be pretty gat dam close!
January 19th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
i dunno man, that movie has jennifer aniston, jennifer connelly, and scarlett johansson in it – that’s three mighty attractive ladies. could be a good one to put on mute and scan through looking for the potential three way lesbian orgy – or random cleavage.
January 19th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
@t3knomanser
I assumed Simms was being sarcastic and referencing the fact that the Ravens thought that they could win an ugly game.
Even when it was close, I never felt that the Steelers were going to blow it.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
“You will not just beat them, you will SCRATCH them! Good nieuws! Everybody in China know this! Good nieuws!”- Chinese Steerers fan
January 19th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
@ TT’s GF’s TTs
Oh no my man. Sarcasm is not part of the PHILosophy. He meant that shit. Granted, the Steelers just got pushed way back and technically (I hate to admit this), Simms was probably correct in insinuating Bawlmer was happy about the field position. However, if falling behind by 13 was indeed the first part of their master gameplan as Simms seemed to believe, I’ll suck a bag full of Ray Lewis’ dicks.
Someone should do a video of Heinz Field Jumbotron playing Busta Rhymes’ “Break ya neck” during the McGahee injury. I could even see “Here comes the BOOM” by whatever shitty band…
January 19th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Simms speaks just to hear himself talk. Nothing he says is clever or insightful or thought out enough to be “sarcasm.” If you or I or anybody had a chance to interview each key player for 10 minutes the day before, then had producers and spotters feeding stats/info into our ears we could do what he does which is repeat the obvious or tell some lame story.
It’s really no wonder the Giants won a Super Bowl with Hostetler. Simms was just an avatar that did what Earhardt and Parcells told him to. Any sort of actual analysis or ability to see the field escapes him. I can’t tell how many times he’ll say something happened then on replay you see what he said happened didn’t happen at all.
That said, I appreciate the shitty refs doing everything possible to hose the Steelers. And yet the next time there’s a Santonio-TD situations all the fans from inferior NFL cities will jump back on the “Steelers get all the calls!” bandwagon. Guess that’s the burden of being a well-run franchise.
January 19th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
What do you think the percentage is of cardinal fans that actually know they’re in the super bowl. Oh wait, that’s a trick question because there is no such thing as cardinal fans
January 19th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Well put, Chris. If I was any less stable a man, I would hunt Phil Simms Terminator style.
“I know now why Simms shits all over the Steelers, but its something I can never do…”
/ lowers self into vat of nacho cheese holding bag of black and gold tortilla chips…thumbs up
January 19th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
I hope the Steelers lose based purely on that guy in China.
January 19th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Does anyone know where I can get some plutonium? I need to mail this……box of cookies…..to Raymond James Stadium, and it needs to get there by January 31st.
/the ticking sound means the cookies are extra moist and delicious!
January 20th, 2009 at 12:59 am
phil sims: everything we’ve come to expect from 4 years of analytical training at morehead state university.