The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in Tampa! Up next, it’s the cockweasel from the ShamWow! ads.

Hi, it’s Vince with ShamWow! I’m here to tell you about an amazing new product called the Arizona Cardinals. This team can do it all, and all for a low low price you simply have to see to believe. Whether you’re looking for thrilling trick plays, an opportunistic defense, or a scrappy underdog they have everything you need in a rooting interest for this year’s Super Bowl. I mean come on, think of the alternative!

Just look at those Terrible Towels, THE NAME SAYS IT ALL, PEOPLE! Would you trust some overpriced threadbare cloth to absorb all of that thigh sweat? It can’t work wet! What you need for a job like that is an officially licensed Arizona Cardinals ShamWow!

Is that robo-fluid leaking out of Anquan Boldin or is he just crying on the sidelines? Don’t even worry about it, because the Arizona Cardinals ShamWow can suck them up like a vacuum.

Now keep in mind, this piece of high performance engineering is made in Germany, so you know it’s gonna be awesome! Much like fascism, the Germans didn’t invent the sham, but they certainly gave it the WOW! factor that you’ve been looking for in a multi-purpose Super Bowl novelty towel.