KSK Celebrity Pickkake: Rachel Maddow
The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in Tampa! Up next, it’s spritely lesbian TV host Rachel Maddow!
As we approach the bloated, uber-commercialized spectacle of Super Bowl Sunday, we’re constantly reminded how the culture of consumption charges apace despite harrowing economic news. Companies, reeling from layoffs and dire financial forecasts, are still doling out $3 million to air 30-second ads? Who’s running them? Henry Paulson?
[Arches eyebrow and smirks]
I don’t own a TV, so I don’t watch big league sports. To me, nothing beats a good jai alai match in the park on the weekends with a group of immigrants from embattled countries. I feel this enables me to see sports as what they are from outside the media riptide. Having never watched an NFL game, I’m not swayed by the hype, or knowing what happens during games. And man, does it help to approach things from a detached and falsely high-minded perspective.
What I do know is that this Super Bowl has more than its share of “holy mackerel” stories. I don’t speak of the tired “coach versus his old team” storylines, though there are certainly plenty of those. On one hand, we have the Cardinals superstar receiver, who’s stoppable it seems only when the mother of his child puts a restraining order on him. Then there’s a destructive linebacker, a defensive player of the year, who can’t separate the violence of the gridiron from his own home. Whichever of you guys goes to Disney World needs to take a swing by Anger Management Land.
[Sighs impatiently]
So I don’t know. If forced, I’ll go with the Steelers, being that they’re close with Obama and all. There. I’m holding my nose and vote yay on them.
Next up, I’ll devote four minutes of my show to an underreported foreign story so I look down on everyone else in the media. Back after some non-$3 million commercials.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Hahaha good try man, that’s not a chick. Oh your not kidding. Well then, someone wanna get this bitch some extensions?
January 27th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Mitch Albom called, he wants his haircut back…and his balls too
January 27th, 2009 at 11:42 am
As the only actual journalist on all the cable news networks, Maddow gets to look down at everyone else there.
Yeah, I’m looking at you, Dwarf Blitzer.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Is that Alan Thicke 1988?
January 27th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I think I see an Adam’s apple.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:45 am
I think I see an Adam’s apple.
Look again. This is Rachel Maddow, not Ann Coulter.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Definitely getting a “field hockey coach” vibe here.
/wallowing in stereotypes
January 27th, 2009 at 11:51 am
/takes breath
I have a crush on Rachel Maddow.
/wishes he posted this on HuffPo instead
January 27th, 2009 at 11:51 am
when she goes to get a haircut, she sits in the barber’s chair and simply says, “boy’s regular”.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:52 am
(door flies open)
Pat Buchanan: YA BETTER MAKE SOME WILDLY UNINFORMED, WHOLLY RACIST AND INSANE REMARKS TO SOMEBODAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!
January 27th, 2009 at 11:53 am
It’s kind of like SNL ragging on Obama… “no, dude – he’s kind of cool, and you’re kind of a douche for ragging on him”.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:53 am
MSNBC ruins the careers of legitimate journalists… uh, wait she worked for the Nation.
Sorry. My bad.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:54 am
You are so hot for her. Admit it, you want to hit up that ass.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Man that was spot on. While I enjoy her show and agree with Otto Man, that was some tasty satire.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Shouldn’t she be wearing a flannel shirt and some work boots?
January 27th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
How about starting a “Rachel Maddow with female hair” photoshop meme?
And yeah, I like her too. It’s a good show, comparatively speaking. But this is pretty much on point. The “I don’t own a TV” thing is her “Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.”
And +1 to Johnny D.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Now, Rachel Maddow … there’s a haircut you could set your watch to!
January 27th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
As samsquantch notes, that’s still some tasty satire.
I think “Arches Eyebrow and Smirks” was the original title for her show.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Rachel Maddow’s hairdo defines clutch.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
As a pinko bastard who has to do something while pretending to work, I watch her video podcast most every day, but Doc Holliday has truly ruined this for me.
She does look a lot like Alan Thicke.
…
…
Maybe a nice bob would correct that. Or me hitting my head against that metal pole a few times.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
In her defense, Jai Alai rules.
….
I mean, shouldn’t she be playing goalie for Bryn Mawr? Am I right?
/holds up hand, nobody high fives it
January 27th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
@ Doc: Rachel Maddow’s hairdo defines butch.
Close though.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
She’s too demure for softball.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Curious bout what direction the commercials will go this year during SB XLIII. Will they be more conciliatory in light of the current economic malaise or more upbeat and screwball as those commercials with the square chinned Raider hawking Chevrolets? I eagerly await the results which I unfortunately must DVR. Performing in a play Sunday afternoon with folks who rather watch Neil Hamburger than Rothelisberger on the telly. Damn theatrephiles!
There are folks still out there in America sans televisions, my girlfriend being one of them. Piquancy and romance pose as strange bedfellows at times.
I have read that Maddow was a Rhodes Scholar so the high mindedness might not be so affected as one might think.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Wow, Merril Hoge has sure lost a lot of weight….
January 27th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
There is nothing like a good Jai Alai match, and I right?
/Miami’d
January 27th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
ahhh yes Olbermann’s Holy Grail.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Shes the best looking progressive since Maddy Albright.
Excuse me while I go puke.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Jon Stewart really needs to get rid of the lip gloss and plunging necklines.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
+2 Johnny D.
I’ve been missing my daily dose of Marmalard the last couple weeks. This almost made me feel better.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
/tilts nose and flutters eyes
We’re just a little more progressive.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Wait, I thought this was suppose to be CELEBRITY Pickkake. Oh, BURN!!!
January 27th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
porky1:
cracking on St. Jon? How dare you? Recall that only St. Jon can set the rules when he is to be taken seriously and when he can be “just a comedian”?
January 27th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
See, now, why’d she punch Fitzy? If women want to be equal, they should learn to take it if they’re gonna give it.
/Still won’t hit a girl, but it’s annoying having to restrain the pyschotic ones from hitting you.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
She likes girls.
January 27th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Anyone know the politically correct term for a fashion forward cum dumpster?
January 27th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
When she wears her glasses she looks like a young Jerry Lewis
/glavin’d
January 27th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
As a liberal who’s also Catholic, I’m genetically hardwired to feel guilt at all times. So should I feel more guilty for laughing at this, or for sort of wanting to do her?
January 27th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
who did she headbutt for a job.
January 27th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
+1 Johnny D
Also, I have ZERO idea who Rachel Maddow is. NONE.
January 27th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
She blames Bush for this post.
January 27th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
i bet you she works the land…
January 27th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
She doesn’t own a TV?
If she did, her ratings would double.
Ooh a Rhodes Scholar! Excuse me while I bow before the homeliness that is Ms. Maddow.
Was Obama a Rhodes Scholar? ‘Cuz he’s super smrt.
January 27th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Great Post, Ape.
Careful with that anti-Rhodes scholar vibe, Jangles, considering the next big thing coming out of the GOP is supposed to be Bobby Jindal.
Oh wait, its only a bad thing to be something when a Democrat is that something.
January 27th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Ryno:
Michael Musto?
January 27th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@Eddie Bear
St. Jon as a “comedian” still has more journalistic chops than most of the supposedly serious media.
January 27th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
“Wow, Merril Hoge has sure lost a lot of weight….”
we haves us an WINNAH!
January 27th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Truth:
Fair enough. Then why not try reporting?
January 27th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
This is perfect, but needed more condescending smirks.
January 27th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
OC
But isn’t pointing out somebody’s condescending smirks one of the evils “-ists” or “-isms”?
January 27th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I blew her.
January 27th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Isn’t her/his name Dermot? http://i.usatoday.net/life/_photos/2007/06/12/Mulroney-Keenerx.jpg
January 27th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Good to see Keith Olbermann’s son getting a tv show following his old man.
/wait, wha?
January 27th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Fuck. I’m going to the barber shop. My haircut looks too much like hers.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Oh wait, its only a bad thing to be something when a Democrat is that something.
Truer words have never been spoken. I can’t wait to see the Republicans suddenly decide they don’t like a powerful executive branch.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
She’s one handsome woman.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
LOL @ many of the comments. Upstate Underdog’s was very good.
SMH @ Mike D though. There’s nothing worse than when people brag about being ignorant.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I thought there was a 1 Olberman per news channel limit.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Needs more scissoring references.
January 27th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
She watches TV from inside the box.
January 27th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
You nailed that one guys. Is she too easy, even for a lesbian?
January 27th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
since when has julia sweeney been relevant?
January 27th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
@JakesAlterEgo
I’ll admit it: +1
January 27th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Wait a minute, what’s with the pic of Eli Manning?
January 27th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
“Truer words have never been spoken. I can’t wait to see the Republicans suddenly decide they don’t like a powerful executive branch.”
… And liberals will suddenly decide they actually do like a powerful executive. Clever of you to figure out hypocrisy exists in politics. Not many have noticed that before.
January 27th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Strange to see Uff without a hoodie.
January 27th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Meh. I’ve done much worse. She’d be even cuter with longer hair. Then again, I lived in San Francisco and had a predictable weak spot for femme dykes.
January 27th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
As I scrape 7″ of global warming off the windshield of my car tonight, I wish she could be around. That wit would melt the ice falling from the sky.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Maybe I’m just insecure, but I have a sinking feeling that her penis is bigger than mine.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Haha, there are 69 comments on this post.
/SHIT! 70!
January 28th, 2009 at 10:44 am
For a lesbian, I’ll admit she’s cute. The short hair is not a good look, except when she’s making Pat Buchanan seem like the idiot he is.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Give it up, Ape. We all you know you guys are a bunch of commie-libs. It’ll take more than making fun of MSNBC once a year to throw us off the scent.
January 28th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I’m gonna join in here and say that I have a crush on her too, and I’m not ashamed of it. My wife doesn’t mind ‘cuz she’s a lady-liker. What, you don’t like my never-to-be-requited crush? Huh? HUH?! FUCK YOU!!
Hey, you know what else this thread could use? More sexist comments.
/fine, I laughed at this post, okay?
January 28th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Her mouth appears to be coming out of her right cheekbone.