KSK Celebrity Pickkake: Dan Hesse, CEO of Sprint
[Prelude of Bach's Cello Suite Number 1 overlay]
It’s no surprise that Super Bowl spots are getting more expensive these days.
Hi. I’m Dan Hesse, CEO of Sprint.
Given how much companies are pouring into these commercials, wouldn’t you think they would make the ads more appealing than dragging out their CEO and giving him a false sense of gravitas by filming him in black and white with classical music swelling in the background?
You would think that, wouldn’t you? You probably don’t even have the Simply Everything Plan.
If you did, you would realize what truly amazing things these devices can do. Look, they even have cello music as a ringtone. And they can accurately predict the outcome of the Super Bowl.
You just hit, uh, this one. Nope. Hmm. Seems to not be working right now.
Anyway, I don’t know who’s going to win the Super Bowl. I do know that the wireless revolution is afoot. And that my ads will run exactly five hundred fucking thousand times during the broadcast. So I guess the winner is me.
I also think you’ll enjoy a half-naked Florio storming the field with Sprint tattoos covering his body. Because security probably won’t. Stay clear of James Harrison, Mike.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:55 am
I could (and have) watch that clip a hundred times in a row.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 am
“Technology is great only if you know how to use it”
No wonder I can’t rent any more Beta Max tapes – I couldn’t get 12:00 to stop flashing…….if only I could have done so – perhaps I could have saved an industry…..
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 am
In about 6 months Dan Hesse (with a hard e) will be wondering what happened as he sips from his brown bagged bottle of MD 2020 while sitting on a park bench, in clothes he’s worn for a month, across from Sprint headquarters.
At least I hope that’s what happens.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:36 am
I want to see the second part of the commercial when he tries to clear up problems with his bill with a Sprint customer service representative. That’s when the cello music turns into Pantera.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:43 am
Could you have EVER IMAGINED IN A MILLION YEARS THAT PHONES WOULD BE ABLE TO DO WHAT THEY DO TODAY?!?!?!?!?
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:54 am
Hi. I’m Dan Hesse, CEO of Sprint, and I am an alcoholic.
(People gathered around in a circle): Hi Dan.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 am
Nightmare fodder:
“I also think you’ll enjoy a half-naked Florio storming the field with Sprint tattoos covering his body. ”
Ick.
/slight belch of vomit in mouth
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:59 am
When I hear that wonderful cello playing I imagine myself reading the paper, smoking a cigar and cutting a check for Clarence Beeks.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
“For one low monthly price…”
When the fuck did 99 dollars become a low price?
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:13 pm
The Florio reference takes the cake.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
/Wipes tear from eye …
Getting Florio involved was priceless.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Hi. I’m Dan Hesse, CEO of Sprint. I have never eaten in a “Diner”. What an age we live in!
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I have a feeling The Buzz…..er, Plastic Knife That Is Will Leitch would be the first tackler if Florio was to actually go through with a stunt like that.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Die in a fucking black and white fire, Dan Hesse!
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
If the uncanny ability to stroke a Steeler while on a completely unrelated topic was a super power, Ape would be Captain fucking America.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
For what it’s worth, and in the spirit of the “Someone on the internet is wrong” XKCD… that’s not Bach’s first Cello Suite. I dunno what it is, but it’s too shitty to be Bach. NO ONE DENIES THIS
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:11 pm
85, it’s the first example I could think of of a player taking out a fan. And it connected to the game. Lighten up.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
“Hi, I’m Dan Hesse. Can you believe we still call this a phone? I can take naked pictures of the waitress after this commercial is over, and email them to the CEO of Verizon! All on a fast, 3G network! And for one low price.”
Sprint sucks. KSK fantasy sex advice question: Does the waitress from the sprint commercial count in my celebrity five?
January 24th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
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January 25th, 2009 at 3:31 am
Go fuck yourself, Doug.