Sayyyyy, nice truck you got there. What is that, a V-8? Oh, only a V-6? Well, I suppose that’s okay. As long as you don’t need your truck to do anything MANLY, like carry heavy shit uphill. Heavy shit made out of metal, because that’s the kind of heavy shit REAL MEN need to haul.
But no, it’s a good truck. You get good gas mileage? Yeah? Well gas mileage is for pussies. My truck here gets about two gallons per mile. You know what else gets mileage that bad? A fucking TANK. That’s how I know my truck kicks ass.
That’s a nice color for it, too. What is that, “red”? It looks good. I seen some real pretty flowers that color. Me, I don’t need to paint my truck. Primer’s good enough for me. If I had paint it would just get in the way of me doing MANLY SHIT, like driving through explosions in the desert and speeding past giant machines swinging other trucks at my truck. But red’s good, too. Probably looks really nice in the parking lot when you pick your son up from ballet practice.
But I like yours. Who made it, Tonka? I’ll bet it plays your Jonas Brothers CDs pretty loud while I’m fucking your wife. Pussy.
Oh hey, I notice you’ve got a little– what is that? A “man ramp” to get up into your truck’s bed? No, no — it looks good. Must come in handy when you want to help a dainty little man into the back there. So you can hold his hand and have sex with him and ask him to stay the night, because you’re a needy little bitch. It works for you.
Whatcha got in the forward cab, huh? Scented Kleenex and Barbies, I bet.
(peers in through window)
Well well well. Looky here. Seatbelts, huh?
(makes wanking motion)
No, don’t take that the wrong way! Seatbelts are great for women and babies in little cars. And trucks for men with tiny little limp dicks.
Listen to me, jabbering on like that. I should let you go. You’re gonna be late to yoga class or book group or your… your Cocksuckers Anonymous meeting. You can park that bad boy next to the hybrids.
Gonna drive with the windows up, huh? Pffft. Faggot.
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thank you for your nice post
I found a very good website
Close tag fail. Ugh.
driving through explosions in the desert and speeding past giant machines swinging other trucks at my truck
Aren’t those parts of Ram and Tundra commercials, not Chevy?
Great post. Howie is a little too smug and condescending for a guy selling an inferior product. If anybody has been screwed it is the Chevy brand, reputation, and market cap.
Oh I’m sorry, sir, but that truck is, uh.. for gays?
Hateful, childish and ignorant. Yes, you closet queens must leave no doubt that you are not closet queens. Can you say OVERCOMPENSATION? “Me thinks she complains too loudly.”
i drive with my windows up. i’m pretty sure i’m not gay.
“I’ll bet it plays your Jonas Brothers CDs pretty loud while I’m fucking your wife. Pussy.”
Fantastic!
No matter what kind you drive, if you drive a truck, you have a small penis. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
/hops into Nissan Maxima
+1 OzoneRanger – I’m going to Peter King all over the thought of that commercial now
Firestorm just might be the greatest movie ever!
When we don’t like something, we condescendingly trash talk it… make fun of the owner of whatever it is… leading to the inevitable gunplay involved when someone DISRESPECTS our person, mate or goods.
This is OUUUR COUNTRYYYY.
+1 Rook. Marmalard: YOUR TRUCK SUCKS! HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU!
Can we get Marmalard to do these commericals?
Howie Long and Bill Cowher could have sex and it would somehow be the most hetero display ever. Peter King and Tony Kornheiser would shed a tear as they jerked it in the corner.
Naturally I find the clip after posting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvOGQFm1Xvc
Hines Ward (sounding a lot like Long Duc Dong):
“Automobeeeeeeeeerrrrrraaaaahhhhh?”
There is not enough attention being paid to the fact that this post was awesome.
Howie is dumb enough to call Chesty Puller a wuss. Because only girls go by the nickname Chesty.
I enjoyed watching Fox’s Ford F-150 Pregame show right after I saw my first Howie-v.-manstep commercial. Nice.
“Sure, its nice if your truck has anti-lock breaks…if you’re into that type of thing. Me, I like my breaks locked and forcing my car into a dangerous fish-tail spin. Real men cause roadside collisions.”
These guys all pale in comparison to the Budweiser douche “Oh it’s 3 o’clock that means budweiser is testing their beer at the brewery NO OTHER BREWERY DOES THIS you ladies probably want to return that beer you’re holding….the stuff that actually has more flavor than the aluminum can we put it in.”
Calling something a “man-___” implies that the ___ term is inherently effeminite. Such a man-purse or a man-nurse. Since when the fuck did a “step” become a female object? And what if Ford put it there to appease the midget tough-guy market? What? Huh? FUCK YOU!
Sorry Howie, I’m not buying your obsolete by 2010 truck.
Go home and enjoy some of that Terri Hatcher poon and know that the Bald-Headed Country Yokel is having his way with Jillian Barberie.
Ah, Firestorm. Cinematic masterpiece.
Howie’s still quite dreamy.
Well can YOUR truck can tow a boat up and down some wild seesaw contraption O_o ??
Hey Howie, does your shirts say CONTRACTOR or MILITARY or COWBOY?
No? Well, I guess that’s okay. As long as you weren’t planning on peeing standing up.
My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it.
whoops…meant for Steeler haterade….I’ll go there.
Can you guys STOP POSTING PICTURES OF YOURSELVES!
I’d like to remember you as Gods and not of the kids who used to get beat up by the girls basketball team at lunch.
Wow, since when does the Taliban post comments on KSK?
Yes, unless I drive a John Deere combine to work, the terrorists have won.
Eli Manning drives a Kiamino.
@bam33
Since we abandoned Afghanistan. Plus Teri Hatcher thinks it’s cute that Howie Long still thinks he’s a man when all she ever remembered of him was his penchant for wearing panties at their Radio Shack shoots. Oh, and the shemales he use to bang during the dry spells.
@all you pussies
Wow, since when does the Taliban post comments on KSK?
One American auto company is still trying to push the masculine bullshit on a market that demands hybrids and fuel efficiency, the other is owned by the same guy that let Millen spend eight years raping the Lions like a prison bitch. Yep, I feel very good about this industry’s ability to turn itself around.
Please don’t forget…
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonerrrrroooooooo!
That dude must have bought the Canyonero F-Series. Telltale sign is the lipstick holder where the cigarette lighter should be.
Howie’s TV mugging ass making fun of someone getting manicures reeks of hypocrisy…you know that fucker gets them daily.
@Mario Barrio — check back in in the morning
Stupidity aside, Howie is right that steering wheel warmers are for homos.
Can you name the truck with four wheel dirve
Smells like steak and seats thirty-five
Canyonero
What happened to Ape’s CounterpoCENSORED…
Damn RSS Feed.
Say GM, hows that AUTOMOBILE business working for you?
“While I’m sure your truck is capable of… injuring certain small animals, or decrepit medium sized animals, it’s no comparison to my squirrel squashing, deer smacking driving machine.”
/hums “Canyonero” every time she sees a Hummer
Chevy: Since our product sucks, we’ll just resort to making fun of the competitors!
I’m so glad that some of the money from the Auto Bailout is (I guess) going to Howie Long, so he can call me a homo for not drive some outdated, gas-guzzling truck.
At which point, Howie slapped the shit out of Teri Hatcher for being so annoying in those Radio Shack commercials.
During the commercial breaks in the Ravens game yesterday, I got sucked into a show on the History Channel, called Shootout, about recent firefights in Afghanistan. It told me that our tanks get a half mile per gallon. Figures… they’re made in America.
anoder tipical bidder seahox fan not givin the stillers the respect dey deserve. dis post is an affront to yinzers everywear!
/the comments section on the last post makes me want to murder puppies
I came here hoping for some relief from sitting thru the Globes that my girlfriend is obsessed with – to get just a little satisfaction. I was hoping for am 3rd blog, but then I realized ya’ll are probably too drunk at this point.
I’m surprised you put up a new post, Ufford. I didn’t think you would want to divert attention from the Steeler haterade.