01.04.09
Fraudulent MVP Pey-Pey’s Long Hair Fails Him and Other Wild Kardkkake Moments
YOU CAN’T BEAT PEYTON WITH LONG HAIR! HE’S LIKE SAMSON! Well, after the first day of playoff games, in which the Colts are one-and-done yet again, Edgerrin James and Mike Scifres are quixotically your two standout performers. Yes, the two division winners from the weakest divisions beat out two Wild Card teams fawned over by the media in startlingly entertaining contests. We can only hope Sunday offers similar treasures.
Thanks NBC for the total paucity of crowd shots in the opening game. And for “Ice, Ice Baby” vignette with Matty Ice.
Mike Ryan, who Matty Ice appearently ruined for life in a car accident, was on hand to watch his brother’s rookie year humbling. And show as little emotion as possible while doing so. C’MON CLAP OR SOMETHING MIKEY ICE!
That taint tackle: it is brutal in its efficiency. And unfortunate bruises.
“Hey, you Cardinals break up the sodomy fest. Don’t me get the hose. Or sock you in the marbles. Or get Leitch to gently massage them.”
Marmalard is ever the generous resource of ridiculous facial mannerisms and this was the best of the night. Which is why we’re enjoying the douche for at least one more week.
Oh San Diego, you are a fine repository of impossibly bosomed cheerleaders. We’ll miss you when you’re gone.
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/09/rex-naked-150x150.jpg)
January 4th, 2009 at 12:40 am
“Gay rodeo cowboys/human broncos” is my new favorite touchdown celebration. I demand all NFL teams be forced to do this at least once. Get on it, Goodell.
January 4th, 2009 at 12:56 am
This is probably because I’m a chick, but all the blonde Chargers cheerleaders are virtually indistinguishable to me. It’s all hair, teeth, and tits.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:05 am
@Genny
They have faces?
January 4th, 2009 at 1:06 am
In all fairness to Mike Ryan, when Matty Ice threw that touchdown and brought the Falcons to within six, it cut to him and he clapped. Twice.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:12 am
@Genny
Don’t you realize that’s what makes them so appealing?
/Men are dogs…
January 4th, 2009 at 1:14 am
@genny
Good thing the brunettes are so different.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:16 am
BTW, I’m going to pretend that Marmalard’s facial expression is a result of watching the zebra fisting the Cardinal’s player in the endzone. It makes both pictures that much more amusing for me.
That is all.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Peyton might not want to ask somebody, the news isn’t good.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:38 am
The chargers’ cheerleaders should guarantee them a home game in the playoffs EVERY year. add in tiny sproles and the facial expressions of marmalard and there is no more entertaining team in the NFL. NO ONE DENIES THIS
January 4th, 2009 at 1:45 am
The fuck is Pey-Pey doing? If Tony Dungy saw him doing that, his head would have exploded…
January 4th, 2009 at 1:46 am
“It’s all hair, teeth, and tits.”
Two out of three isn’t bad.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:51 am
Another year for Peyton to have time NOT to turn down an endorsement.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:02 am
So the top two MVP vote getters and Pro Bowl attendees in Pey-Pey and Turner (without his hooch) both shit the bed completely.
Just another reason why the complete dismissal of DeAngelo Williams by voters is all the more confusing.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Apparently Sidney Crosby’s techniques are catching on.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:11 am
All the SD cheerleaders have Joker smiles.
But great boobs.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:15 am
Welcome to the offseason Colts fans. Us Cowboys fans have saved you a seat.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:19 am
@steve
I was going to say “it’s cause there’s only the one brunette” but realized: 1. I couldn’t swear to that and 2. Half those bitches (if not more) are brunette, they’ve just got peroxide addictions. That’s why I love being a red head. We stand out in crowds and get asked highly inappropriate questions regarding carpets and curtains.
Oh, and after tonight’s game Darren Sproles could totally find out the answer to that question. Twice.
January 4th, 2009 at 3:10 am
redhead,wow! does……oh nevermind,apparently youve already been asked….
polly pocket sproles tore it up,and scifres is the meast for making the ball do whatever the fuck he wanted it to (well,except for those two times when he told the ball to not get intercepted in the endzone and not to fumble at the 2)
January 4th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Boobs are always better in corsets.
January 4th, 2009 at 5:12 am
I’ll take Charger Girl #2 myself. Man, what a wonderful place San Diego must be where even the Asian girls are stacked.
Also, I did notice that during the first game there were exactly ZERO shots of either the crowd (unless you count Brother Ice) or the cheerleaders. Meanwhile, they’d cut to a closeup of a Charger Girl every time a SD player so much as fielded a punt.
Therefore, one can only surmise the women in Phoenix are off-putting and unattractive.
January 4th, 2009 at 5:36 am
Ladanian is a bitch, didnt Ronnie Lott chop his leg off to play in a game? yet year after year the fake LT comes up small when it matters most. good thing they always hav a good backup for him.
cant wait to see him sit out next week.
January 4th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Actually I thought I spied a brunette Chargers cheerleader with real boobs, meaning they weren’t squished together trying to make one good one. It gave me hope for humanity, although I am continually amazed at the amount of makeup NFL cheerleaders wear. At a Ravens game some of the cheerleaders were walking around the stadium before the game and out of curiosity I asked one heavily-painted girl how long it took to get her makeup on. She told me an hour “and that’s short compared to some of the others.”
And as a redhead–okay, auburn-haired–myself I also get the carpets/drapes question.
January 4th, 2009 at 8:58 am
Ahhh, waking up to cheerleaders in the morning. I knew you guys would come through.
January 4th, 2009 at 9:22 am
when will we get the cards’ horseriding td celebration in animated form? :]
January 4th, 2009 at 10:18 am
@ Genny,
Well brunettes are fine man
And blondes are fun
But when it comes to getting a dirty job done
I’ll take a red headed woman
A red headed woman
It takes a red headed woman
To get a dirty job done
Well listen up stud
Your life’s been wasted
Til you’ve got down on your knees and tasted
A red headed woman
A red headed woman
It takes a red headed woman
To get a dirty job done
Tight skirt, strawberry hair
Tell me what you’ve got, baby, waiting under there
Big green eyes that look like, son
They can see every cheap thing that you ever done
Well I don’t know how many girls you’ve dated, man
But you ain’t lived til you’ve had your tires rotated
By a red headed woman
A red headed woman
It takes a red headed woman
To get a dirty job done
-Bruce Springsteen “Red-Headed Woman”
/maybe he’ll play this one at SB?????/
January 4th, 2009 at 10:22 am
For the Record:
The above depicted Blondes & Brunette are just fine by me
/wonder if they can cook
//who gives a shit if they can cook
January 4th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Poor Redheads. I should post something supportive (possibly in haiku) which paints me as sympathatic to their plight but it really is logical they keep getting asked the carpet/drape question. In my extensive study of women, through hours and hours of magazine, porn, and strip club reasearch, I’ve learned a natural redhead is a lot rarer a find than a natural blonde. I’d say 1 out of every 5 blondes comes from a peroxide bottle but it’s closer to 1 out of 9 for redheads.
Of course, this is all rendered moot if you’re one of them dirty girls who embraces the whole pre-pubescent look.
January 4th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Jeebus H Krishna do you people stay up all night jacked up on Speedballs and redbull or something?
January 4th, 2009 at 11:50 am
“Man, what a wonderful place San Diego must be where even the Asian girls are stacked.”
they don’t sell implants where you live?
and, Filipina is not “Asian”
/redheads no less attention whores than blondes. i’ve been both
January 4th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
i actually prefer the smooth linoleum floors as opposed to having carpet.dont care what color the curtains are
January 4th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Pey-Pey was done in when somebody switched his Herbel Essences with Suave. Everybody knows that Herbel Essences gives him his strength; Suave is his kryptonite.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I bet Pey Pey couldn’t pull through in this one because he felt it necessary to head up to Chicago for a hippie jam band concert last tuesday (I can vouch for this, I was there). Interestingly enough, Neck Beard was also in attendance, and he was getting the fuck down the whole show.