Because B-More Has Too Many Dahhhhkies For Massachusetts!
From a concerned and troubled reader in a troubled city:
“It’s bad enough that I have to be a Titans fan living in fucking Baltimore city. Its bad enough that I have to see these slobbering cock-gobblers every day as I go about my business, walking around in their old, stained ravens super bowl sweatshirts and fucking-unbelievable-that-they-choose-to-dress-themselves-that-way purple camo. This is the team I most loathe (well, Patriots too, but we’re not talking about those grundle-munchers right now, are we?), and I’m surrounded by their fans. I will be this Saturday when we play. The prospect of us Kerry Collins boozing up before the game and lofting one to Ed Reed haunts my dreams and if we lose I’d rather have a bleach chugging contest with myself than see one moment of Ray Lewis dancing around in joy. But now Steve McNair, pride of the Titans for so many years but one of many to defect to these purple dog-fuckers, is hosting a Ravens pre-party in Nashville. He even denied it at first, his agent proclaiming him a Titan fan for life, but now the truth has come out. My blood boils. Then I find out its a pre-party planned by that gel-haired jackass fucking moron of a radio man whose commercials haunt my television, bringing the Ravens into the safety of my home. Once I calmed down was able to see straight enough, I looked again at their poster. Apparently the party benefits the Ronald McDonald house of Baltimore, MA. Hang on. Baltimore, MA? ARE YOU TELLING ME THESE MONGOLOID SCROTSUCKERS DON’T EVEN KNOW THE PROPER ABBREVIATION FOR THEIR OWN STATE?!?!? Then again, I’m not sure why I’m surprised. Say what you will about Tennessee (and you will), but can anyone be dumber than Ravens fans? FUCK.”
“Their website tells me they are less than 24 hours away from all heading down on a bus together to my hometown. I know you guys talk to God now and then, any chance you can get him to run that bus off the road? Into a river? And strike that motherfucker with lightning a few thousand times? Thanks so much.”
Tags: FEARSOME RAVENS FANS, quick hit, xmas ape
January 9th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
A ravens fan made a typo, lollllzzzz!!!1
January 9th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Well maybe you gourd-munching hilljacks shouldn’t have locked McNair out and barred him from your goddam practice facility. I hope Ed Reed rides bareback on Ray Lewis to the fucking end-zone and the both do a dance reminiscent of Kid N Play raping Shawn Merriman.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
you’re in my prayers
January 9th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Dude, don’t drink the bleach! On second thought, go ahead, drink the bleach. One less Titans fan is no great loss.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
“I hope Ed Reed rides bareback on Ray Lewis to the fucking end-zone and the both do a dance reminiscent of Kid N Play raping Shawn Merriman.”
I don’t even know what to think of this. Just wow.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Quick off-topic story about Nasty Nestor, the promoter of this event. I once went to a festival in Towson, MD when I was about 11 where Nasty was hosting a booth and I was with my Korean friend. My Korean friend had sunglasses on that he’d gotten from his father because his father owned several Optometry places.
Nestor:I like your glasses
Korean Friend: My Dad got them for me
Nestor: What’s you dad do? Own a Laundry mat.
Now, I’m a Baltimore homer, but seriously Nasty Nestor is a ridiculously huge cocksqueezer who had a kid when he was like 14.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
There are Titans fans?
January 9th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
@Stunnedmonkey: +10
I could so see that happening right before Kerry Collins chugs a 5th of Beam while randomly shooting players on the field.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
McNair has no class. Trying to raise money for children? From Baltimore? He should tell B-More and their kids to fornicate themselves in a vacant. I mean really, who likes to help kids nowadays?
+1 LaFarve. Titans fans suck.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
I don’t care who wins this game, but didn’t Titans management fuck McNair up the turdcutter with a barbed wire pogo stick? He doesn’t owe them a thing.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Is there a charity that helps Ravens fans stop having kids?
/checkbook out
January 9th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Actually, the flier is correct. The benefits go to the Ronald McDonald House of Baltimore, MA. It’s the greatest Ronald McDonald House ever.
Unfortunately, Baltimore, MA is also home to the most uncomfortable Ronald McDonald House ever. Those poor kids…
January 9th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Dear God,
Is it really too much to ask for a blimp explosion?
Thanks
January 9th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
@BigDaddyDrew
There are a couple of Titans fans out there, and one happens to be my shithead of a brother who has been betting me $20 every year since Eddie George put on their jersey that “this year the Titans will win it all.” And every year he refuses to pay up when the suck a fat one. So this year, looking at the Jags and Colts in their division, and the rest of the stacked AFC and said fuck it – he’ll never pay anyways, but let’s make it $100 that the Titans don’t even make the playoffs. flash forward to an 11-0 Titans and it was as if my brother was channelling the TAWMSTAH himself…”I told you! I knew Vince Young would almost committ suicide and a racist, drunk old codger would lead the Titans to the playoffs this year. I just had a feeling.” Congratulations fuckstick, 1 out of 11 ain’t bad.
oh, and the ass-hat has the nerve to ask me to pay up…WHAT? HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU!
January 9th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I hope Ed Reed rides bareback on Ray Lewis to the fucking end-zone and the both do a dance reminiscent of Kid N Play raping Shawn Merriman.
So, basically like every Tuesday morning at the Ravens’ practice facility?
Btw, that article is some powerful hate.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I will be this Saturday when we play. The prospect of us Kerry Collins boozing up before the game and lofting one to Ed Reed haunts my dreams
He’ll be playing this Saturday? Or he’ll be grundle munching?
January 9th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
This is the kind of matchup where I yearn for a terrorist incident.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
“I know you guys talk to God now and then, any chance you can get him to run that bus off the road? Into a river? And strike that motherfucker with lightning a few thousand times?”
That’s a little extreme, isn’t it? After all, these people already have to live in Baltimore.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
pride of the Titans for so many years but one of many to defect to these purple dog-fuckers
If by “defect” you mean “was locked out of the Titans training facility and then traded for a forth round pick”, you got that right.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Not to rain on the hate parade, McNair said he was only doing it for charity, because Ronald McDonald House benefits no matter what the team. He went out of his way to make sure people knew he wasn’t doing it for the Ravens.
But yeah, fuck McNair. And fuck Tennessee while we’re at it. “Omigawd Bawlmer sucks” you live in fuckin’ Tennessee, there’s very, very little to be proud of.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
the little mutant on the bottom left has SARS. stay the fuck away fromt that disease-infested pile of shit charity function.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Except Jack Daniels. Bitches.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
steve mcnair flip-floppin,sayin he wasnt going to do this,now saying he is,blahblahblah,who cares. he has the luxury of getting a free ride with whichever team wins to go to the superbowl. (unless the titans lock him out of the plane too)
January 9th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
The Ravens have to thank him for all the playoff wins he got in Baltimore.
Oh wait.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@ Big Daddy Drew
There are Titans fans?
naw…they’s ‘jes Vol fans lookin for sumpin to get ‘em outta goin ta church on Sunday
January 9th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Baltimore, MA
*sighs deeply*
*contemplates briefly*
At least Baltimore fans are literate enough to make typos. And the name “Maryland” does feature both an M and an A. In my view, this proves that our school system is preforming beyond anyone’s wildest imaginations.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
At least Baltimore fans are literate enough to make typos.
Zuh?
January 9th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
@Xmas Ape: Yeah, I don’t know. Didn’t quite come out the way it sounded in my head. Apologies.
January 10th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Well, you toothless hillbilly, too bad you live in Baltimore where your team seems to get their asses pounded every time they need to win an important game against the Ravens. Go back to the hills and make some more babies with your brothers and cousins you classless hoe.