Jokel: You just could no ret me go, courd you? This is what happens when unstoppable folce meet immovaberr object. You tlury incorruptiberr? You no kirr me out of mispraced sense of serf-lighteousness, and I no kirr you, because you is supell funtime. I think you and I all destined to do this follever.
Batmalard: You’ll be in a padded cell forever. A CELL PADDED WITH THE INNARDS OF LASERFACE VICTIMS! WHAT? HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU!
Jokel: Maybe we sharl padded cerr. We doubre up the late this city’s inhabitants rosing they-ll minds.
Batmalard: I can’t understand what you’re saying Charlie Chan the wide receiver. Maybe if you could go and get fucked in American, like we speak in this country, people would respect you better.
Tell my groin it’s going to be okay. Lie! Like I did!
The night is darkest just before I limp off the field nursing an injury I could play through. And I promise you, the limping is coming.
You thought we could be decent running backs with an indecent ability. But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and my diminutive backup is the clear superior. No matter how much lean meat protein I take in.
James Norvon Jr.: Why’s Batmalard running, coach?
Lt. James Norvon: Because James Harrison has to chase him.
James Norvon Jr.: He didn’t do anything wrong.
Lt. James Norvon: Because he’s the hero the NFL deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So Silverback will hunt him. Because he can take it. And because he can float the ball out of bounds or spike it at running backs’ feet. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a brash, shit-talking guardian, a watchful protector. A douche knight.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.