
My favorite team lost their playoff game today. As always, they did it in a manner that was both uninspiring and depressingly predictable. There’s a chance your team lost this weekend as well, be they the Dolphins, Colts, or Falcons (Just kidding there, the Falcons have no fans). Maybe you’re sad. Maybe you feel like there’s not much in the future to indicate your team will get over that proverbial playoff hump next time around. I know I feel that way. After all, my team still employs Brad Childress, and will almost certainly relocate in 2011 without ever having won a championship in its original location. WOO HOO!
But I’m not all that sad. For one, you could see the loss coming a mile away, even if Andy Reid were blocking your view (he wears shiny black shoes to distract you from the fatness!). For another, there are still boobs in this world. And as long as there are boobs, and liquor, and more playoff football to watch, well the world ain’t all that bad. Even when Tarvaris Jackson or Chad Pennington are your team’s “quarterbacks,” so to speak.
So chin up, all you playoff losers. You can take solace in knowing that your teams played hard, and that you live in a day and age where a relatively simple Google Image search can reward any masturbatory need you may have. And that’s a real comfort, I tell you.


My God, Salma is perfect.
/grabs length of rope
The things I’d do to her…
/ties knot
Great news, fellow Vikings fans…
/stands on chair, adjusts rope
Mark Wilf said Childress is going to be back next year.
/jumps
@ TDub, Rocco
Will the Minnesota Vikings and Buffalo Bills become the Los Angeles Brahz and the Toronto Hosers? Very depressing thought.
*of
Salma Hayek nude in Desparado was cinematic genius.
/Please let the Bills move. I’m tired if my taxes going to Ralph Wilson.
@Chris,
I hate to defend our lovable purple retards, but did you actually watch the Miami game?
Dear Tracer Bullet,
We have concluded our tests and we are happy to report that you do not, in fact, have dick cancer. We agree that life is very, very good.
Sincerely,
Dr. Trask
What an abortion of a game. I think the 2008 Vikings might be the worst team to ever get a home playoff game. Horrible.
@ARR-
The Bills won the AFL championship in 1964 and 1965.
@Gino-
A buddy of mine’s bitch wife works for the Vikings and she keeps talking about how real the possibility is of moving given the resistance from the legislature. What with our bridges collapsing all around us, and with us getting this recession on, it seems people aren’t jacked about paying for a stadium!!!
So get ready for the L.A. Vikings, coming to an HDTV near you.
Salma – proof that a baby and 40+ years of life don’t have to mean a woman lets her body go to crap
Salma is the answer to all of life’s problems
Oh ya, BDD gone drank, he gone drank. And he gone hit dat Salma azz (while he’s masturbating).
You could have used a better/sexier picture of her than that, although if I weren’t in the office…
“[The Vikings] will almost certainly relocate in 2011 without ever having won a championship in its original location.”
I’m sorry, you made a mistake. You meant the Buffalo Bills in that sentence, right?
so true so true.
@ TDub,
I second that emotion. If Zygi moved the Vikings (Lord willing, he won’t), I would abandon the NFL forever- and then be forced to have meaningful interaction with family and loved ones, which is a dreadful prospect. My liver and stomach would thank me, but the liquor industry and my “green grocer” would suffer greatly.
About Salma Hayek: to borrow the words of a much fatter Vikings fan- FUCK. AND. YES.
I’m a Falcons fan. WE EXIST! Oh, how we exist…..
Secretly I kind of hope they relocate these fuckers. Sundays might all of a sudden become productivier without the fuckwad Purple around.
And we’re back:
http://www.whattofix.com/images/SalmaHayek.jpg
Just a brief break from Salma’s rack:
http://accidentalsexiness.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/salmahayek_03.jpg
Just a brief break from Salma’s rack.
http://accidentalsexiness.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/salmahayek_03.jpg
Dear Trace Bullet,
get dick cancer.
Sincerely,
Dr. Smith
Salma helps, but I spent a lot of time thinking, “Wow, Andy Reid looks like a recently shitcanned Best Buy manager, and Brad Childress looks like an accountant. Why are these guys coaches again?”
I can’t wait for next week to see what lady we pick up next…. although there is nothing wrong with sticking with a sure thing. More Salma next week? Stay tuned
I think Salma would have thrown fewer picks today than Chadwick. Christ.
Salma makes everything better, but the Vikings are still losers. As are the Cowboys. And the Patriots didn’t make the playoffs. And the Eagles just won a playoff game. And now I’m enjoying Salma Hayek’s spectacular rack. Life is very, good.
They could still host the Ravens for the AFC championship!
/really, really reaching
My favorite team’s fans are still waiting for their playoff game
/Patriots fan
//Happy to bear Patriots hate as long as Colts/Cowboys hate gets equal time
Sadly, we will not see anymore Chargers cheerleaders this season. No more home games for them, unless they make the Super Bowl.
/tear
/splooge
Ed Norton hit that.
/respectsednorton
The dolphins really shit the tank, but Peter King will help me laugh about it tomorrow. Or not, it’s 50-50 on that. But I’m really looking forward to my Favraro update of the week.
You look like someone just walked in on you while you were getting a blumpkin.
As long as they don’t move to San Antonio.
I can’t be a Packers fan, and have those purple cunts in my city.
What a weekend. Matty Ice melted. Tiny Pocket Darren grew. LT biked 10 miles, a punter (forgot his name) made a name for himself, Pey Pey pretended to be a hippy, Andy Reid gained 15 lbs, the Cardinals played some Defense….
Cant wait till next weekend !!
And of course we will still be blessed with one more week of San Diego Cheerleaders !!
But seriously, PURPLE JESUS WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN US??
Salma was probaly 60-70% of the content of the liveblogs.
*sniff / single tear*
Good going, gentlemen.