Always Be Covering: Wildcard Weekend
Welcome to a special Wildcard edition of Always Be Covering, the internet’s premier resource for shitty gambling advice and blond cheerleaders. Seriously, you can’t get this shit anywhere else.
I’m back at it after taking off for Week 17, because if I had wanted to bet on games in which David Carr and Jim Sorgi were prominently involved I would have done so back in August. As you undoubtedly know this week all four road teams are favored, and if you’ve been paying attention you know that I am a total fucking sucker for a road favorite. They’re all so good, how can they not cover a single score?!?! God damn I’m an idiot. With that in mind, on to the picks!
Philadelphia -3 at Minnesota
Hmmm. It appears that Drew and his good pal Rolf the Nazi Shark are in agreement on this one. But that should come as no surprise to those of us who know their secret. That’s right, Drew is Rolf the Nazi Shark!
So Drew if you really want to eat more Jews you can start by eating me. Although I must warn you that I am extremely high in cholesterol and as I understand it your blood is already 15% egg yolk.
Miami +3.5 vs. Baltimore
Because one of these borderline playoff teams has to cover, I’ll take the one with the biggest spread and the only quarterback to win two Comeback Player of the Year awards by the AP and Tiger Beat (Rawr!). On a sidenote, all of the Ravens do have a legitimate alibi for this.
Atlanta -2.5 at Arizona
I’m sorry, but there is zero fucking chance that I’m betting on the Buzzsaw to win a playoff game. Sure, Warner and Boldin have been replaced with machines, although I’m pretty sure that their offensive and defensive lines are still composed of flesh, blood, and suck. Now I don’t want to get too analytical here with these prognostications, but John Abraham is gonna fuck shit up.
Indianapolis -1.5 at San Diego
San Diego +1.5 vs. Indianapolis
Well I was going to pick the Colts, but have you seen their cheerleaders? No fucking thanks, Indianapolis. That shit would have absolutely ruined the image at the top of this post. Even searching for images of them on google and flickr made my balls shrivel.
Enjoy the games, and be sure to drop in on our live blogkakke over the weekend.
Tags: Always Be Covering, degenerate behavior, Gambling, Making fun of Drew, really bad MS Paint, sexy friday, Unsilent Majority
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Does Drew use a gas oven when he cooks Jews?
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Heh, these picks are exactly the opposite of those made by Simmons.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Really? Well that’s fantastic.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
And we’ll both go 2-2
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I’m already trying to figure out which team is gonna fuck my 4-team, 6-point teaser. Since they are playing last, probably the Iggles.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Well I was going to pick the Colts, but have you seen their cheerleaders? No fucking thanks, Indianapolis.
Surely there are some good ones.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Yes, that is at least one good one.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Oh, and Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes.
/Obvious I have a thing for blonde cheerleaders, yes?
//Don’t let me marry another one.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
anyone who tries to say cheerleaders from indiana can compete with cheerleaders from san diego is out of his/her mind. not to mention the charger girls are in the discussion for top three hottest squads in the NFL. your one picture of an asian cheerleader simply does not compare.
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I’m as rabid a Colts fan as you’ll find, and even I don’t pretend to defend our cheerleaders. It’s really pretty odd, since Indiana University (my alma mater), is known for having the hottest girls in the Midwest. Although IU’s cheerleaders suck too. I guess it’s just a Midwest thing.
However, Marmalard is going down. Hope you didn’t put money on that one.
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Center alignment? The fuck is, Poetry Appreciation 201?
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
@DeepFriar – should have thrown a “this” in there, Einstein
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Agreeing with Nazi shark has me worried but can Tavaris Jackson really handle the Eagles blitz?
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Worst. MSPaint. Ever.
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Jesus, you guys are really reaming Drew this week. Did he get another book deal?
January 2nd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
I’ve met one Colts cheerleader in my ramblings across this land. She was a mind-numbingly hot redhead, who was generous with the sticky-icky.
However, a sample of one does not the conclusive study make.
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:40 pm
I can think of one Colts Cheerleader I’d like to meet:
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/01/nfl-cheerleader-fictional-biography.html
January 2nd, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I get the feeling I am the only Ravens fan who visits this website. God I feel lonely.
January 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 pm
When did the ‘08 Falcons morph into the Vince Lombardi Packers? Everybody’s picking them to win and to cover. Don’t you people realize its the Falcons? Arthur Blank’s team? I know it’s the Cardinals, but sheesh, it’s the FALCONS!
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Drew better watch it, Tom Cruise might see that and think, Valkyrie II.