Welcome to a special Wildcard edition of Always Be Covering, the internet’s premier resource for shitty gambling advice and blond cheerleaders. Seriously, you can’t get this shit anywhere else.
I’m back at it after taking off for Week 17, because if I had wanted to bet on games in which David Carr and Jim Sorgi were prominently involved I would have done so back in August. As you undoubtedly know this week all four road teams are favored, and if you’ve been paying attention you know that I am a total fucking sucker for a road favorite. They’re all so good, how can they not cover a single score?!?! God damn I’m an idiot. With that in mind, on to the picks!
Philadelphia -3 at Minnesota
Hmmm. It appears that Drew and his good pal Rolf the Nazi Shark are in agreement on this one. But that should come as no surprise to those of us who know their secret. That’s right, Drew is Rolf the Nazi Shark!
So Drew if you really want to eat more Jews you can start by eating me. Although I must warn you that I am extremely high in cholesterol and as I understand it your blood is already 15% egg yolk.
Miami +3.5 vs. Baltimore
Because one of these borderline playoff teams has to cover, I’ll take the one with the biggest spread and the only quarterback to win two Comeback Player of the Year awards by the AP and Tiger Beat (Rawr!). On a sidenote, all of the Ravens do have a legitimate alibi for this.
Atlanta -2.5 at Arizona
I’m sorry, but there is zero fucking chance that I’m betting on the Buzzsaw to win a playoff game. Sure, Warner and Boldin have been replaced with machines, although I’m pretty sure that their offensive and defensive lines are still composed of flesh, blood, and suck. Now I don’t want to get too analytical here with these prognostications, but John Abraham is gonna fuck shit up.
Indianapolis -1.5 at San Diego
San Diego +1.5 vs. Indianapolis
Well I was going to pick the Colts, but have you seen their cheerleaders? No fucking thanks, Indianapolis. That shit would have absolutely ruined the image at the top of this post. Even searching for images of them on google and flickr made my balls shrivel.
Enjoy the games, and be sure to drop in on our live blogkakke over the weekend.
I want more like this!
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