Always Be Covering: Fairly Decent Proposals
Welcome to a special bye week edition of Always Be Covering, where the only rule is that there are no rules. Also, no rabbit punching. Since there are no games this weekend we’re going to jump all over the always entertaining prop bets offered by Bodog. Continue after the jump for your guide to some completely inane wagers.
My picks are in bold.
How many food references will John Madden make during the game?
Over/Under 1 ½
Tampa doesn’t really have a local specialty dish for him to spotlight, so Madden should be free to talk about everything he’s eating. This number could hit 3 before the first quarter ends. Does it count as a food reference if you can clearly hear him chewing a Cuban sandwich?
Which Teams Cheerleaders will be shown more often on camera?
Pittsburgh -175
Arizona +135
Of course this line was taken down before I could liquidate my assets. I like to think that somebody at Bodog got fired for that little fuck up. If you did get money down on the Cardinals in time they’ll probably just call it no action regardless. Fuckers.
How many current NFL Players will be arrested during Super Bowl Week?
Over .5
Under .5
Pacman gon drank and smack some stripper ass, but Pacman isn’t currently under contract with an NFL team. Chris Henry’s been quiet for a while, but I imagine that Herr Goodell will have him locked in a secret bunker until the season is over.
Who will be tackled by his hair first in the game?
Troy Polamalu +375
Larry Fitzgerald -550
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE! Of course this one is bound to end in no action.
Which NBC Show will get the most Promo’s during the game?
The Office 5/4
Heroes 7/4
30 Rock 5/2
Chuck 11/2
Friday Night Lights 8/1
Jay Leno 15/1
Conan O’Brien 15/1
And it won’t even be close.
Will Jay Leno make an appearance during the Super Bowl Pre Game Show?
Yes -140
No Even
Wait, is this a serious possibility? Man, fuck NBC right in the fucking peacock.
What will the TV Rating be, O/U (Nielsen)
Over/Under 42.5
The last two games have gone over this number, and Steelers Super Bowls have always rated out pretty high overall, but they’re playing the fucking Cardinals. I assume most Steelers fans will watch the game on the big screen tv’s in the window at Circuit City while huddled around a flaming trashcan, and that can’t be good for the ratings.
What Song will Bruce Springsteen sing to begin his Halftime Show at the Super Bowl?
Born in the USA 2/1
Glory Days 2/1
The Rising 4/1
Born to Run 5/1
The Wrestler 5/1
Radio Nowhere 8/1
I’m on Fire 12/1
A truly awful bet no matter how you look at it, but if you have to bet then Glory Days seems like the natural choice. He played The Rising at the Inaugural concert, Born In the USA is a bit on the nose not going to happen, and he’ll probably close with Born to Run.
Post your prop favorite bets in the comments, be they real or the product of your imagination.
Tags: Always Be Covering, baiting Steeler fans, Gambling, sexy friday, Unsilent Majority
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January 23rd, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Born In the USA is a bit on the nose
Because when you think of Super Bowl halftime, you think of a song about a Vietnam Vet who gets fucked over by his country when he comes home.
“Born to Run” is a lock, though.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Over/Under on Springsteen stories told during halftime show.
The line is set at 1.5.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Over/under on number of dick-stiffening commercials:
275, 487
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
should read: “dick-stiffening DRUG commercials”
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Odds my wife brings up the ol’ standby “Lets have sex right now” during the Super Bowl: 4/1
Odds this is the year I actually do it because this game is so damn unappealing: Even
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:35 pm
1. Over/under on number of fat worthless Midwesterners and bible belt dummies who blubber, thinking “Born in the USA” is a patriotic song.
2. Over/under Heinz Ward is offended by Bruce talking about going to kill the “yellow man”?
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
When you say “liquify my assets” what you really mean is sell as much blood and semen as you can before passing out or cramping up, right?
No Working on a Dream in the running? Are we communists now?
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:38 pm
@Elvis: Odds that I bring up the ol’ “Let’s have sex during halftime because I’m a pinko commie bastard who fucking hates Bruce Springsteen”: 500/1
Maybe next year they’ll get somebody who appeals to people under the age of 50. And Janet and JT don’t count, because my mom listens to both of them.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
im putting it all on rosalita!
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Excuse me, but we’ll be huddled outside of Best Buy, trying in vain to see to the back of the store. Circuit City is so last year.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:43 pm
@ Microscopic Elvis: Fat midwesterners enjoying Born in the USA at a patriotic anthem is only in third place on my list of ironic/amusing misinterpretaions of songs by large groups.
Second place: Lakers fans singing “I Love LA” and mumbling past the “Look at that bum over there, man he’s down on his knees” line without a second thought.
First place, and nothing else is really even close: Idiot meathead Yankee fans singing a salute to anonymous gay sex at the top of their lungs during the 5th inning grounds crew work.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:43 pm
@Animal Mother
In a perfect world we would be.
/shoots 16-year-old mother on line outside tattoo parlor listening to Akon, bitching at her mom over proper oral sex technique, drinking a latte and smoking a virginia slim, wearing feminist Obama t-shirt
/blows smoke away from barrel
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Meant to direct above comment to Doc Holliday. Sorry. I don’t read so good.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Frank–I’d kill for Rosalita but it’s a 9 minute song and the Boss only has about 12 minutes to play 3 or 4 songs….but Rosalita rules!!!
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Odds that Ape kicks Jean Gray during the game. even
I assume most Steelers fans will watch the game on the big screen tv’s in the window at Circuit City while huddled around a flaming trashcan, and that can’t be good for the ratings.
No one berates Steeler fans like the Maj.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Could we get “Land of Hope and Dreams” as a 20-1 shot for the SB? Optimistic, good beat and not overplayed.
That said, Glory Days is the perfect metaphor for Pittsburgh as a former city.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
ShamWow commercials
Over .5 <—– There is no god
Under .5 <—– Thank you God
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Oh for the days of Prince rocking out with his great phallic guitar at halftime
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
here’s to hoping bruce doesnt sing “the wrestler” ‘…have you ever seen a one-legged dog..?” NO I HAVENT PLEASE STOP COMPARING ROB VAN DAM TO A ONE LEGGED DOG.
/nerd.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
1. Rosalita is not 9 minutes long, it’s 7:04.
Number of times Kurt Warner and religion are mentioned in the same sentence – 14
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Odds of Springsteen playing “Nebraska”: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 to 1
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Odds my wife brings up the ol’ standby “Lets have sex right now” during the Super Bowl: 4/1
Just do it during the commercial break
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Also, odds of NBC comparing the game time temperature in Tampa vs the temperature in Pittsburgh: even
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
@Katni:
I feel less awful for hating the Boss now.
Odds I’ll be too shitfaced by halftime to perform anything other than sloppy cunnilingus: 5/2
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@UU: can they call a no action on a line they fucked up? There will be shots of the AZ cheerleaders, so don’t they win by default?
oh, and fuck Bodog.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:06 pm
@FozzieBear
Yes, the gay sex thing at the stadium drives me nuts. I should reiterate that not only do I hate fat dumb Midwesterners and Bible Belt dummies, but I also hate ignorant uppity Northeasterners. Oh yeah, and surly old fucking people in the south. Also can’t forget the uber-liberal faggots in California.
Ok, basically everyone.
/miserable prick
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
How many people on here bet with bodog? Good experiences?
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
The hell Tampa doesn’t have a signature food. We invented the Cuban sandwich.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Over/Under on the number of God/Christ/Jesus/Holy Spirit/Father references Kurt makes in post game interviews if the Cards win: 14
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Anyone that watches “Heroes” should just do society a favor and walk themselves into oncoming traffic
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
How many “male frequent urination” commericals with a bunch of fag guys hanging out at the public restrooms..
over/under 4.3333
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
So my wife’s not the only one who always wants to have sex during the Superbowl? What’s the deal with that. I ignore her every Sunday for 5 months out of the year, and suddenly she needs my attention during the Superbowl. Now, I’m not one to complain about easy sex, but the Steelers only go to the Superbowl every few years.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I guarantee there’ll be 10 times as many Jimmy fucking Fallon commercials as Leno or Conan.
Jimmy fucking Fallon. Unbelievable.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I ignore her every Sunday for 5 months out of the year, and suddenly she needs my attention during the Superbowl.
It’s a bullshit passive aggressive ego boost thing. She wants to think you can never turn down her advances, so she tests you during the most important time of the year for you.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I assume most Steelers fans will watch the game on the big screen tv’s in the window at Circuit City while huddled around a flaming trashcan
Shit, that made me spray water over my cubicle wall, leading to a loud and fairly surprised “WHAT THE FUCK?!” from the mellow dude the next cube over. It’s okay though, he thought it was funny too.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Yeah, that’s a total power move on her part. Kind of a lose lose unless you can tivo or possibly bang her from behind on the couch and watch the game at the same time……………TOUCHDOWN!!!!!! I would say do her during halftime, but is it worth missing BRUCE!!!!!
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I’ve always wondered something about bets like the Springsteen one. What’s stopping someone associated with Springsteen (or even Bruce himself) who knows the answer in advance from betting huge sums of money on it and raking in millions on a sure thing?
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Can we listen to Darlington County again?
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:04 pm
As an Ode to Pittsburgh he should open with My Hometown.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
back to the male frequent urination commercials.. whats the deal with those blue hairs riding bikes with helmets. If I was that old and had to piss ALL THE TIME I would rather bike sans helmet hoping to somehow hospitalize myself due to head trauma then while at the hospital ask them to add some bladder rubber to me for extra bladder expansion.. I would then use a helmet for the bike riding
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Bruce Springsteen once had bladder trouble. He found out about it when he felt a warm stream running down his leg while he was aggressively fondling a 17-year old Jersey girl under the boardwalk in Seaside Heights. He was shocked but decided to deal with it later, and ended up raping her and bribing her to keep her “slutty mouth shut”.
True Story
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Over/Under for shots of empty streets of downtown Shitsburgh during the game: 7
Over/under of how many ‘burghers who are there without tickets but just want to hang out in Ybor City and piss everybody off: 500,000
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Over/Under References to Heinz Ward’s ethnic hertiage: 5
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
What the fuck kind of commie bitches are you guys with that want to have sex during the Super Bowl? That’s more un-American than watering down your bourbon. Tell her you can have sex with her anytime between 1:00pm (first pre-game show on NBC) and 6:30pm (kick-off time). That 5 1/2 hour window should suffice for sex, nap and food before the game. Trying to get sex out of you and getting pissed off at you if you decline her advances is so not cool.
/thanks GOD my wife loves football
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Cuban Sandwiches are a thing of God. If Madden’s eating one, you’ll know because he’ll shut up and focus on his sandwich, which will undoubtedly be more interesting than the game.
Also, y’all wanna know why your wives want sex after watching a bunch of young, fit guys run around in tight pants that are damn near see-through if white. Really? Isn’t that like a wife asking why her husband wants to have sex after she made him watch a Cheerleading competition on ESPN 7?
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Take her from behind so you can both still watch the game.
And the Office is playing an hour-long episode after the game, so it’s probably a lock for most promos.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
What’s the over under on times Madded compliments Hines Ward by calling him a “football player”?
37?
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Otto Man, FozzieBear and Doc Holiday brought up interesting points about groups of retards ridiculously-misinterpreting popular songs. Expand that into advertising and you’ve a good prop bet. Three examples of songs misused in advertsing:
Carnival Cruises using Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” (drug addict weary of the life)
Ralph Loren using CCR’s “Fortunate Son” (fake patriotism)
Wrangler using Thin Lizzy’s “Boys Are Back in Town” (returning Viet Nam vets getting in bloody brawls)
Over/under on commercials misinterpreting popular songs: 3.5
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
While Tampa is a cultural toilet, food-wise, I’m sure Madden will whip out the requisite Primanti Brothers reference.
The only player I can think of with arrest potential might be Santonio if he decides he wants to rock the ganj during SB week.
@Mo Charlo: Rosalita is about 15 minutes when played live. I don’t care what the time says on the actual album.
@librarian: Please tell me that was an attempt at sarcasm with the Ode to Pittsburgh/Hometown remark.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Bruce should open with “Wild Billy’s Circus Story,” segue immediately into “Johnny 99,” and then close with a rousing “Jungleland.” At the end of his set, he should machine gun all those phony goddamn dancers they stick on the field in front of the stage.
/hell, i’d PAY to see that on the teevee
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Over/Under on the number of God/Christ/Jesus/Holy Spirit/Father references Kurt makes in post game interviews if the Cards win: 14
That includes when he holds up the Lombardi trophy and shouts “THANK YOU JESUS!!” (like he did last time).
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
“10th avenue freezeout” always seems to make his shortset list. His new album comes out Tuesday so he might do one off that. With the fuzzy feelings over Obama he might so working on a dream. Born to Run for sure finshes it, unless he does a couple encores.
/always does a couple encores
//couple hours of encores
///don’t hate me, I’m old and white and like Mellencamp too
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Look, the cuban sandwich is pure win, but Miami makes at least as good a cuban as Tampa.
Pure Tampa food: Grouper sandwich and an Ybor Gold. Hell yeah.
But now you got me thinking: Cuban sandwich, black beans, platanos, (or tostones if you roll like that) and a big fat sweet cafe con leche.
Why the hell did we have a Super Bowl in Detroit, again?
Oh, and: My wife totally pulled that for the Rams Super Bowl in 2000. I missed the first half of the third just for some mind-bendingly good halftime sex. Hardly seems worth it.
January 24th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Odds that a questionable call will hand Pittsburgh the game: 1/30
Odds that people will complain the refs are in Pittsburgh’s pocket: 11/15
January 25th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
THE SEX CANNON LEAVES ANOTHER CUSTOMER SATISFIED
November 20th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
I didn’t read the article… all that matters is the hottie in bed, like it should be.