A Quick Warning To Pat Bowlen
The Rocky Mountain News has reported that Broncos owner Pat Bowlen is considering Bob Stoops for the team’s now vacant head coaching position. If I were Mr. Bowlen, I might be wary of a coach who fashions his work ethic after Steve Spurrier. Bob Stoops works about as hard as a French union laborer. I recently got a copy of Stoops’ daily coaching itinerary. Suffice it to say, it is somewhat lacking in intensity.
9:00AM – Wake up. Cuddle with children.
10:00AM – Leisurely breakfast. Read four newspapers in their entirety.
11:00AM – Report to Barry Switzer Center. Tuck in drunken Switzer.
11:30AM – Watch game film of typical Big 12 defense. Enjoy long, hearty guffaw.
12:00AM – Congratulate Sam Bradford on winning Heisman and getting eventual Top 10 draft pick money for throwing the ball many times to receivers who are 30 yards away from any given defender.
12:30AM – TEAM PICNIC!
2:00PM – Practice. Cut practice an hour short to take team Go Kart racing. COACH STOOPS IS THE BEST!
3:00PM – Pick kids up at school.
3:30PM – Switch to “afternoon visor”
4:00PM – 18 holes. Hey, Venables brought Michelob! Score!
8:00PM – Pep speech to team: “You guys are doing awesome. Keep doing that thing where you score 60 points a game! SCORE EVEN HARDER!”
9:00PM – Fall asleep on giant pile of taxpayer money.
Look out, Jonny Gruden. You have met your workaholic match.
Tags: bob stoops, broncos, IF YOU COACH IN THE NFL YOUR FAMILY MUST BE DEAD TO YOU
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
He learned from the best!
http://sportsmed.starwave.com/media/pg2/2002/0307/photo/a_spurrier_i.jpg
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
You’re giving the Switz too much credit. He hasn’t slept in a bed in over a decade.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Yes, but how well can he take a D-battery to the skull?
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Apparently Bob wants the one job that has more job security than his current one.
If Lizard Face lasted 12 years, Bob will last until 2035!
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I didn’t know they had newspapers in Oklahoma, or that they could read there.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Hey Cock Gobbler, funny joke about Oklahoma, no one has ever used that one before.
I’d rank Stoops chances at succeeding in the NFL about as high has Monte Kiffin’s in college.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
as*, not has
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Also included in the itinerary was a stop at the grocery store to pick up orange slices and drinks for after practice.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Tomahawk, to be fair you wouldn’t know by reading the Daily Oklahoman.
*OU Grad.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:55 pm
The cheese, I also graduated from OU and while part of me is wishing nothing comes of these rumors, I also believe Stoops doesnt have the right personality (not even close) to be a successful NFL coach. I think there’s only about a 10% chance he entertains the offer at all.
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
I think Denver mentioning Stoops and Garrett are just pellets in the shotgun blast of a press release. Teams with crappy front offices won’t be able to find the Bronco’s favorite in the pattern.
/dick joke
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Why do NFL teams keep thinking Stoops and Carroll will leave their highly successful college programs to go coach for ?
Hmmm, let’s see. Win 95% of your games every year because your athletes are simply better than 99% of all other college’s athletes, while being buried in hot college poon and make 6 million bucks for your troubles?
Or, coach a team of guys who won’t listen to you to a 4-12 record while owner, GM, press and fanbase blast you mercilessly, and make 7 million for your troubles?
I’d stay elbow deep in college poon too.
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:31 pm
that ? was supposed to read “Insert Dipshit Team Du Jour Of The NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE?”
Apparently fake shit you put in html tags still gets treated as actual html? Who knew?!
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
@NMC because thesse winning douchebags will always think they are better coaches than they really are. They won’t accept the fact that they have far better talent than the teams they play. See Saban and Spurrier. although Carroll has already crashed twice in the NFL, so I think he knows he should stay at USC.
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Bob Stoops works about as hard as a French union laborer.
Slow clap, as I chow down on my Freedom Fries.
January 2nd, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Hey Floppy Dick,
hahahahahaha. They can’t write either.
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Bobby Petrino doesn’t think this was funny.
[/runs back to purgatory on Earth known as Arkansas]
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Noon is PM
January 3rd, 2009 at 2:31 am
…Tuck in drunken Switzer…
Was I the only person who read this as ‘turducken Switzer’ the first time? And subsequently became very hungry?