With Gene Upshaw dead and gone, the NFL Players Association is now (after only five months) closing in on selecting a new executive director to cave to the demands of the ownership. Because this is much more fun than discussing the football game we should having this weekend, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Troy Vincent___________________Trace Armstrong

Number of Pro Bowl selections (as if that were relevant to doing this job)

Five________________________One

Evidence of solid bargaining tactics

Learned memorably hateful chants from Eagles fans________Met eyes with Al Davis, soul somehow intact

Can they save us from a goddamned uncapped season?

Fuck if I know_______________________Doubtful

Will push for

Perhaps not letting Goodell arbitrarily suspend players_____________Better pensions for scrappy white defenders

Reasons you probably don’t want him heading a union

He is Trenton_______________Is Marty Schottenheimer’s agent (Also born in Bethesda)

Commemorative patch after death

TV__________________________TA

Finishing move