With Gene Upshaw dead and gone, the NFL Players Association is now (after only five months) closing in on selecting a new executive director to cave to the demands of the ownership. Because this is much more fun than discussing the football game we should having this weekend, WHO YA GOT?
Troy Vincent___________________Trace Armstrong
Number of Pro Bowl selections (as if that were relevant to doing this job)
Five________________________One
Evidence of solid bargaining tactics
Learned memorably hateful chants from Eagles fans________Met eyes with Al Davis, soul somehow intact
Can they save us from a goddamned uncapped season?
Fuck if I know_______________________Doubtful
Will push for
Perhaps not letting Goodell arbitrarily suspend players_____________Better pensions for scrappy white defenders
Reasons you probably don’t want him heading a union
He is Trenton_______________Is Marty Schottenheimer’s agent (Also born in Bethesda)
Commemorative patch after death
TV__________________________TA
Finishing move
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Thanks Ape, between the fuckheads who couldn’t drive on my route home and this Homer Simpson clip, my brain is oozing from my skull.
Trace Armstrong predates stainless steel, so he can’t get wet.
/also loves that episode, but cannot think of a more contextual reference.
Hey, Coach Donovan. Can you help me get this Sugar Daddy off my back?
Best Simpson’s Episode ever.
Man…that Trace Armstrong, he just negotiates the right way! A real lunchpail type of union rep!
@microscopic elvis
Why, whatever do you mean?
/looks at pay stub deductions. “oh.”
Armstrong doesn’t go in for those backdoor shenanigans. Sure he’s flattered, maybe even a little curious…
My money’s on Zombie Gene Upshaw.
“Our demands are more salary protection, greater free agency mobility and braaaaaaaaaaaaiiiinnnnsssss.”
MSP1, maybe Springsteen will sing a song of support for one of these guys during halftime of the SB.
I got who ever Pete Seegar and Bruce Springsteen are supporting.
Vincent is a Wisconsin man, so you KNOW we’ll be hearing “to each according to his own ability” bullshit.
Say what you will about the tenets of Wiscommunism, at least its an ethos
I kept waiting for something to happen, and now I fear I may now be autistic.
Thanks Ape!!!
/Avoids eye contact
//Frighteningly runs off when approached
Fuck Uproxx, are we going to have to look at Riley’s smug face all day?
Gene Upshaw: St. Peter, I couldn’t help overhearing that you need a representative. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
St. Peter: We pay eight dollars for the day, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.
Gene: Three.
St. Peter: Two.
Gene: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage.
St. Peter: Done.
Gene: Still got it!
“Met eyes with Al Davis, soul somehow intact”
He’s got my vote.
If he wins, I wonder if Trace will keep a good dental plan, or will he rely on “The Big Book of British Smiles” to scare those ig’nant motherfuckers into taking care of their teeth?
My application to the Sex Money Murder chapter of the Bloods was rejected on account of the fact that I’m an asexual bum who’s too big of a pussy to kill someone.
Great episode!