“A Boy Named Kerry”

Kerry Collins’s country music career continues to bubble on the stove (via Shutdown Corner) as he works with established songwriters to help him write his own material:

Life hasn’t always been a string of wins and cheering fans for Collins, who completed rehab for alcoholism after public embarrassments in the late 1990s such as a driving-under-the-influence arrest and a bar scuffle with a teammate.

Although his personal life is now as solid as this season’s won-loss record, he mines those dark days to find creative inspiration.

For instance, the song I Don’t Need the Whiskey Anymore, about a man who trades his alcohol addiction for an addiction to a woman, contains his favorite line that he’s written: “I still get intoxicated but my head ain’t quite as sore.”

Hmmm.  Not bad, not great.  I find booze a little less frustrating than women, but to each his own.  Still, since things seem to be progressing slowly, we thought we’d write Kerry his own song. 

Kerry, you’re welcome to this.  Just thank Kissing Suzy Kolber in the liner notes.  And give us 98% of all royalties.



“Second Chance All-American”

Nashville skyline warm like cheers I’ve barely known,
Things is nice ‘n easy now, but it’s been a long time findin’ home.
Lived once as a Giant, and I’ve hardly been a Saint.
Journeyman they call me, a franchise QB I just ain’t.
But ‘sperience counts for somethin’; get hit enough, you learn to duck.
I know now to trust Bo Scaife, I’ll only buy a Chevy truck.

[chorus]
Chased outta Carolina, drowned a year in New Orleans.
Raised some hopes and broke some hearts, maybe punched some New York queens.
Took a chance out in California, but that West Coast ain’t for me.
I just need a power running game, and a home in Tennessee.

Long drive from Topeka, where I dried the whiskey outta me.
Longer drive from Thirty-Five: big game, bad memories.
Sure, I dropped the ball a lot; yeah, I rode the pine.
Maybe had some racial fights and got cut four different times.
But this old vet’s a survivor, I ain’t here to sing the blues.
Take a look at this picture, and tell me who’s still in the news:



[chorus]

Eh, it sounds better with steel guitar. And no black people in the audience.