What hath Heath Shuler wrought? Tim Couch is considering a foray into that inveterate bastion of incompetence—national politics. The former waste of a #1 draft pick is considering running for the seat currently occupied by Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning (R), should the 77-year-old decide not to seek reelection in 2011. Yeah, Bunning is a crappy senator, but at least the old buzzard had some game during his playing days.
[ KyPolitics.org ]
Tags: better suited for mayor of Akron, quick hits, would bang that like a screen door in a hurricane
January 14th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Tim, who the Hell do you think you are? Former New Orleans Saints All-Pro Linebacker Pat Swilling?
January 14th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Upon hearing this news, Cade McNown will now seek the should-be vacant Illinois senate seat
/Couch is still married to Heather Kozar, right?
January 14th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH AKRON, OHIO?!
January 14th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
What? No one wants to be the mayor of Gary, IN?
January 14th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
flubby said bang!!
January 14th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Akron getting a lot of press on KSK this week. Being born and raised in that fair city, I can honestly say this is the most excited I have been since it was mentioned in an episode of Seinfeld
January 14th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
The news story makes me want to kill, but the picture makes me want to kill using the jawbone of Couch.
January 14th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
You think this is bad, wait until Leaf runs for president in 2016…
January 14th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
It upsets me that he’s married to one of the hottest Playmates ever, Heather Kozar.
January 14th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Here’s a quality Tim Couch story. Some friends and I went to a strip club with Tim. He told us about the time he brought home a Hooters girl and banged her in his marital bed. The next day, Mrs. Couch is making the bed and finds the full Hooters girl outfit—sexy orange shorts, tank top—in the sheets. She immediately confronts Tim. Tim, showing much more awareness and ingenuity than he ever did while under pressure in the pocket, said, “Oh yeah, babe, I thought we could try some role-playing.” In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees INTO it. She puts on the outfit, and Tim bangs her in the same bed.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Please tell me one of you is working on blasting Rick Reilly for doing an article on Beer Pong
January 14th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Here’s another funny Tim Couch story. Me and my friends were hanging out at a strip club when in walks Tim Couch with two playmates on his arm. He walks up to the first stripper he sees and says, “I’m Tim Couch. Let’s fuck.” Long story short, he bangs every girl in the place and asked me to videotape the whole thing. True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Didn’t he get busted for steroids?
January 14th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
If that’s a true story, that’s just sad.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
So a former football player (Couch) wants to replace a former baseball player (Bunning), but he might get challenged by the governor (Chandler), who’s the grandson of a former baseball commissioner?
Is it a requirement that all Kentucky politicians have to have a connection to pro sports? And, if so, what was Mitch McConnell’s claim to fame? Was he on the Virginia Slims tour?
January 14th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Here’s another Tim Couch story. One time I was in a bar and a pirate ship came crashing through the wall. Tim Couch jumps off the pirate ship and says, “Arrgggh, I’m Tim Couch matey.” All the women in the bar took off their clothes and boarded the pirate ship and then Captain Tim sailed away.
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I fucked Tim Couch.
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
join the club… i mean it. you should. we have t-shirts and everything! they say “sex is always better on the couch”
January 14th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
I eiffel towered futuremrsrickankiel with Tim Couch.
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Tim Couch wouldn’t fuck FutureMrs even if she stuffed her pussy with another two-year deal.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
That chick looks like the “actress” from Las Vegas in MTV’s True Life: I Want the Perfect Body.
What, nobody else watches MTV anymore?
January 14th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Looks like his ploy to ‘roid his way back into the league failed and he got off the juice because a while ago that guy was freaking huge.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
So, I am dating this Hooter’s waitress in Lexington, Kentucky. My friend, who is the bartender tells me that one night, some former UK football player living off of his college glory comes into the restaurant and sits in her section. According to my friend, my girlfriend gets all flirty with the guy, and he gets all frat boy with her. They leave together more than an hour before her shift ends. She doesn’t come home that night, and two days later, a jogger finds her naked body behind a golf course.
Thank God, I finally have closure. And a Tim Couch story.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I taped Tim Couch having sex with the city of Akron
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
So he says to me, “Gunga. Gunga la Gunga”
January 14th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
@claude: Good thing Couch played for Nebraska.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
@ Otto – yes a connection to pro sports and all related to each other some how, some way
January 14th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I think you are thinking of Eric Crouch.
Funny coincidence, Eric Crouch strangled my first wife.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
+2 to claude balls. One each for those comments.
January 14th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
You are correct, the moral of the story is not to trust people whose last name sound like ouch.
January 14th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
@captive: +1 per ball
January 14th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
@cc: +1 per ball
January 14th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Touche, Punter.
PS: I sincerely hope you’re reading this comment while on a steamy, 5-hour-long bookstore date.
January 14th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
I heard Tim Couch pronounces it “COOCH”. That’s what a stipper told me. True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
One day my wife couldn’t find her uniform for work. She goes “I don’t know where it could be.” I’m like, “Bitch, cable’s gonna get cut off if you don’t find it and go to work.” She goes, “I have no idea where it could be. Try Tim Couch’s house.” I go over there and ask the lady of the house if they have a spare Hooters Uniform. She goes, “yeah, but you can’t have it, my husband bought it for me for role playing.” Then she slammed the door in my face. Then our cable got cut off. True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I agree, if we have to name a winner of the thread, Claude Balls is it.
January 14th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
futuremrsrickankiel Says:
I fucked Tim Couch.
True story.
I have the video of it
Long Story, but a good one
January 14th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Heather Kozar is from Akron, fwiw.
January 14th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I think it’s another Tim Couch that is considering running for office. Believe it or not, there is a Tim Couch from the same area of Kentucky as the train pulling QB Couch, and he is a politician. Look into it.
January 14th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
One time I was in a bar and FMRA came in wearing a Hooters outfit. My real name is Tim, so FMRA said “Are you Tim Couch, because I want to fuck you”? I lied and fucked her. She left the hooters unifom in my bed. I’m not married so no one found it, but I wear it myself sometimes when I masturbate. It’s so hot!
January 14th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
One time, Tim Couch walked on to my favorite football team and was cut in the preseason because he couldn’t beat out Craig Nall and J.T. O’Fucking Sullivan for Favre jock-fluffing duties. He fucking sucks and means nothing.
True story.
(Must have a gigantic penis or something. I just can’t figure it out otherwise.)
January 14th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
One time, Tim Couch ran Hal Mumme’s chuck n’ duck offense, putting up impressive numbers while losing most games 45-38. The Cleveland Browns were stupid enough to think this would translate into NFL superstardom and wasted a #1 overall pick on a guy whose college playbook consisted of three formations.
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
One time, Tim Couch led the Cleveland Browns to the playoffs.
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Playoffs?!?!!!
/Jim Mora’d
(which, btw,…True Story)
January 14th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
I was hooking up with this chick who was so hot, then she wanted to do ME with a strap on while I wore purple camo pants. Said she did her husband this way all the time! Come to find out it was the Mrs. Couch!
True story, honest.
Check this out, you are welcome in advance.http://www.sweb.cz/beauty2002/heather/heather1.html
January 14th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
i think its “gunga ga lunga”
January 14th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Sorry I suck so bad at putting links into my comments. Needless to say it’s about forty pics of Mrs. Couch naked. Maybe all the moonshine and incompletions made his cock huge. Who cares, he gets it with a strap on!!!
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
tim couch is my dad.
true story.
January 14th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Tim Couch was one of the most prolific high school and college quarterbacks of all time.
True story.
January 14th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
I do not give a flying shit flinging orangutan about anything that truly happened to Tim Couch.
True story.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:10 am
Tim Couch is the last cylon.
Science fictional story.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:42 am
Tim Couch has acquired weapons of mass destruction.
true story
January 15th, 2009 at 2:58 am
I think “Tim Couch…True story” is going to be my entry into the Fantasy Football Names List.
January 15th, 2009 at 10:16 am
@colonelstoli: How about a NSFW warning, before the 2nd comment.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Tim Couch is the last cylon.
You know, that DOES explain a lot.
…
no it doesn’t. Fuck.