Ooohhh, look at the big-shot serious writer! Did you ever expect to see the name “Drew Magary” hidden amongst the schmaltz in Reader’s Digest? Well, now you can read Drew’s six-word memoir on love. Surprisingly, it’s not about pie.
I think a better one would have been “Born fat, raised preppy, jerked it.” Yours in the comments.
Tags: KSK off topic, quick hits
January 9th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Love you, but towels cost extra.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I came. I saw. I came.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
“Fuck me. In the goat ass.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Can I have some anal please?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
“Wait, what test came back positive?”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
There’s a twenty on the nightstand.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
From Uzbekistan, with love, postage due.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
You are not the father, Drew.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
No sex in the champagne room?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Put the lotion in the basket.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
“But you are not the Purple Jesus.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
“Of course I am eighteen now.”
“Don’t worry, I’m on the pill.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Are you going to finish that sandwich?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Sure, I’ve seen The Crying Game.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I went to Exeter, you know.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Where’d this damned rash come from?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Does this rag smell like choloroform?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Yes, I was in “Police Academy.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Born fat, raised fat, still fat.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
“The Lions select Matthew Stafford, Georgia.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Mmmm. I’m having pie for dinner.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Hey, are you gonna finish that?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Are you going to finish that sandwich?
Two Napkin could use a lesson in counting…
January 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Yes, I know the Vikes suck
January 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Couldn’t shit right for a week.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Sure, you can put it there.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
This will just take a second…
January 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
“Why yes, I went to Jared”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
“Young Lady Chatterly” is on again!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
When they’re too young to understand.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Getting boners at the wrong times.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Married Now. No More Man-Love.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Whatever, your sister is hotter anyway.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Running through a goddamned brick wall.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Thousands of bloggers counting on fingers.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Yes, you’re bigger than my ex.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
You cant get pregnant with anal.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
It’s not syphilis, it’s called Fordyce’s.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Sure, Pizzeria Uno sounds really good!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Thats right, I said poop shoot.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
No kissing on the mouth, hon.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
“Men With Balls, in stores now!”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
“Will fuck for Purple Jesus replica”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Coffee’s for closers, sweetheart. Get movin’.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Love you. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Sometimes I feel “not so fresh.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Fuck it. I’m throwing it downfield.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Wipes ass with poop covered towel
January 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
“I fuck on the first date”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Officer, she said she was sixteen.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
O HELLZ YEZ, HE GON’ DRANK.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
“Buy my book! Buy my book!”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
You wanna put what where? Sure!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
“Just the tip, I think not”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Thats just razor bumps I swear.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Did you want to cum too?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Forearm sore. Keyboard sticky. Bed Time.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
“You say your drink tastes funny?”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
I am FUCKING CRAZY YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWW
January 9th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
This never happens, I swear hun.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
I would totally fuck Josh Homme.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
+6 to all you facking facks!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
“Yes, I call it The Jamboroo”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Bartender, she’ll have a roofie martini.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Technically, we’re known as “Never Nudes.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Lots of guys have bread fetishes.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Was Ufford in ‘Humor in Uniform”?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
“Make one your own fucking self.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Lets introduce a duck billed platypus.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Love is leaf-like, sign this pre-nup.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Fat, Surly, Whiny, Mysterious, Offensive, Jew.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I can’t count to six.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
“my parents are gone until tomorrow”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I’d ride you like a stagecoach
January 9th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
The Patriots didn’t make the playoffs.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
“Breadwich. The way to my heart.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Take Your Fingers Out Of There
January 9th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Favorite band/position: The Hold Steady
January 9th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Cum on my Jared Allen jersey.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
You come? Huh? What? FUCK YOU!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
“Why yes, lube isn’t needed anymore.”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
lovelovelovelovelovelove
January 9th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
I didn’t have sex with that woman
January 9th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Better than hand. You can stay.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
I prefer 6 word associations…Here you go Drew:
“Morten Anderson, Nate Poole, Tavaris Jackson”
“Barry Sanders, Robert Smith, Adrian Peterson”
“Randall Cunningham, Gus Frerotte, Brett Favre”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Why you hovering over me Osi?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I want to kiss you, Suzy.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Brad Childress? Yeah, I’d fuck him.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
It looks like Mike Tice’s pencil.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I erased that tape. I swear!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Blood stains all over clown costume
January 9th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
send the nude pics now, please.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
My love of stolen porn never dies.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
And obviously seven is the new six.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Eli Manning? Yeah, I’d hatefuck him.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Brown liquor, the Marines, meticulous proofreading.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Your Sniz Smells Like Goat Cheese
January 9th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
My van doesn’t have any windows.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
“FANTASTIC bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I did not have sexual relations
January 9th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
No, there wasn’t a lump there.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
This donkey still turns me on:
January 9th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Don’t worry, pot made me sterile.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Travis Henry is probably your father.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Alleged child molester. Confirmed buffet molester.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
“Love, love will tear us apart”
January 9th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Masturbating? I am fucking INTO IT.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
“Which blond afro are you referring?”
January 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I could do this all day.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
You don’t make friends with salad.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
My tits are bigger than yours.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Reverse cowgirl? I didn’t even ask!
January 9th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I’ll have another, make that two.
Five dollar, five dollar foot long.
@futuremrs
“O HELLZ YEZ, HE GON’ DRANK” is technically only one word.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
You. Me. Back of dad’s van.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Eating mayo straight from the jar.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Shrimp Pad Thai. Diet Doctor Pepper.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
That was amazing! AM I RIGHT?
January 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Charles Haley, my long lost lover
January 9th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Trig Palin 35 years from now.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
It gets bigger, baby, I promise!
Wait! Please come back! Stop laughing!
January 9th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Heaven must be missing an angel
January 9th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
The Cuervo Gold. The Fine Columbian
January 9th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
What were we talking about again?
January 9th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Number 1 fan of Shiancoe’s cock
January 9th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Salmon polo brings out the chins
January 9th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Whitlock’s stomach is of supreme comfort.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Will write blog posts for food.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Did we have sex? You sure?
(Nice Steely Dan reference there, Friar. From Gaucho, no less.)
January 9th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Small and brief. Bad for me.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I think… yep, I just came
January 9th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Another douche writing for Reader’s Digest.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
I was really thinking about Marmalard.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
That Dora bedspread is very distracting.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Yes, I’m Master of my Domain…
January 9th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Rubbing one off to Barker’s beauties.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Brothers don’t shake! BROTHERS gotta HUG!!
January 9th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Welcome to To Catch A Predator…
January 9th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
First love: Sears Catalog, Ladies Underwear
January 9th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Fat, drunk, stupid? My kinda man.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
A little late for the party on this one, but thanks Smello for describing me.
Let’s go with Feed Me. Suck Me. Fuck Me.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
DREW IS FAT! HARF HARF HARF
January 9th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Peyton’s telling me I’m queer!
January 9th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
“Yes! Give it to me daddy!”
January 9th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
*meant fat, not queer. Oh, wait…
January 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I’m a grower, not a show-er
January 9th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
My arm tingles. Having heart attack.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Do I get paid for this?
Yes. You get paid. For this.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
[Door flies open]
Herro Lound eye!
January 9th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Season Ticket Holder for Detroit Lions
January 9th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Tits or get the fuck out
January 9th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Many KSK fans typing one-handed.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
“yeah. i have a trust fund.”
January 9th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Daddy, please say I was adopted.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Get the fuck out of here. And no, that is not my 6 word soliloquy. It is my response to all the retards who needed to write their 6 words and to the even bigger retards who posted more than once.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Barren Rodgers, you will die alone and unloved. Good luck with that.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Lets do coke, kill more trannies.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Can’t you just leave me alone?
January 9th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Mostly I pray she don’t die
January 9th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Nothing a big dick won’t fix.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Please, how could I miss this?
Fuckity fuck fuck, you fat fuckhead.
January 9th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Darren Sproles is hot. No homo.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
I swear, the condom won’t break.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Pew Pew Pew, Boom-Boom in pants!
January 9th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Pey Pey chokes in big games!
January 9th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Just this once, use some vaseline.
January 10th, 2009 at 1:04 am
Yeah, suck it like your mother.
January 10th, 2009 at 7:19 am
You know, at Exeter, the chins are a big part of this
January 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Comes equipped with, BIG JIM SLADE!
January 10th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
You love football? Here’s some dick.
January 10th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Suck me, you beautifully plump cockbucket.