You Can’t Judge Plaxico ‘Til You Been Shot in the Ass
People who’ve never had a gun pointed at them don’t know. They live in naive La-La Land like in the IBM BladeCenter commercials with the crazy animated animals. BUT I BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT TOAD IS CARRYING A TOOL! HE READY TO LIGHT YOU UP THE SECOND YOU TURN YO BACK! THEN YOU BE THE SHOT-UP HUCKLEBERRY!
Once you been robbed at gunpoint, that gives you free rein to carry firearms the rest of your life. It may sound counterintuitive that someone who’s been the victim of irresponsible gun use should in turn get a gun themselves, but let me lay out my reasoned reply:
YOU BEEN DISRESPECTED!
YOU NOW ON A LIFELONG QUEST TO REGAIN RESPECT! Even if you do so in ways that run counter to the federal statutes and end up hurting yourself in an embarrassing fashion. Respect is not an exact science. It’s hard to gauge when you’re being properly respected. Lemme tell you: You feel the respect when you carrying a gun in yo sweatpants. THAT GUN IS A TOOL OF SELF-RESPECT! WE SHOULD GIVE THEM TO WOMEN WITH BODY ISSUES SO THEY CAN FEEL GOOD! GET YO GUN FATTIE AND FIX YO CAKE-EATIN’ MOUF!
This kid got the right idea. You goin’ a long way, junior.
Me and Plaxico, we know The Way of the Gun. We watched that movie together when we was on the Steelers. We learned some important lessons: First, that white boy can kind of act. And, second, that if you carry two pistols a la John Woo, that’s TWICE THE RESPECT! That’s why Tank Johnson the most respected man in the league. Ask anyone.
This week, we’re holding the second annual KsK Kares Kharity Drive for Fisher House, which helps build temp housing for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.
Tags: joey porter, xmas ape
December 10th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
GET YO GUN FATTIE AND FIX YO CAKE-EATIN’ MOUF!
hahahahaha….bravo sir, bravo. Joey Porter’s discertation on respect should be read in every school, courtroom and synagogue.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Man, Puerto Ricans get beards early in life.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Keep that kid out of Applebee’s.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
still shot from the new pre-prequel to Carlito’s Way?
December 10th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Plax apparently believing that he could win a gunfight is still just too funny for words. My advice? Hire Snoop.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
John Leguizamo still looks pretty spry for a guy in his 40’s.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I got the Joey Porter talking about Plax update and came straight to this site.
/d’offs his cap and bows
December 10th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
When I watched the coverage on SportsCenter about this at the gym this morning, my first thought was “oh god, KSK gon love this…”
December 10th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Benny Blanco always gets respect…..except from Carlito
/might want to rethink the overalls/flannel shirt look though
December 10th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I’m on the dance floor
and the DJ
dropped my 45
I’m so hyped
I drop my .45
and everybody just ran ran ran ran….
December 10th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
For a guy that chilled in quaint Ft Collins, Colorado, Joey sure is gangstah. Plax, from Va Beach, sure is too. it’s rough there but you think you’d get a holster or at least wear baggy jeans to tuck your piece in. duh-umb. dumb. we pay them a lot of money too…
December 10th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
@HonoluluHoo
You ever been to the Va Beach/Norfolk area? Don’t forget, the Vick brothers are from this area too.
December 10th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
If only Levi Brown followed this advice.
And dude went to CSU, but he’s originally from Bakersfield.
December 10th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
FIX YO AIM PLAXICO!!
December 10th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
The ESPN article about this opens with, “Miami Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter had plenty to say when asked about New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress’ latest troubles.” Is there any article about Joey Porter that could not reasonably be opened with “Miami Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter had plenty to say”?
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3758183
December 10th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
They shot me in Denver!
December 10th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Wow – John Leguizamo has neat suspenders.
December 12th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Is that the only picture of Joey Porter at the KSK Compound?
Isnt there another one of Him wothout a shirt drunk as shit at a club?
December 13th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Nothing like white-boy computer ninjas, breaking it down for everyone.
Yup…. you in you snuggies (http://www.quirkyjessi.com/2008/10/snuggies-wearable-blanket.html) typing away, while your mom is yelling that you should have taken the garbage out like she asked because mommy wants to watch her “stories” before she microwaves that weight watchers steak.
Bravo. Maybe you will get shot and stop being such a fucking pussy.
December 24th, 2008 at 12:11 am
The Best Plaxico Shirt on the Freakin’ Interweb:
http://www.phatpimpclothing.com/hi/phatpimp/get_plaxico_burress_gunclub.html