Who is This Plaxico of Whom You Speak?
I assure you nurse, I am Harris Smith. Have been all my life. Unfortunately, I was struck by some stray gunfire in the course of my work as a collector of antiquities. These are the hazards that attend that line of work, I’m afraid. Some folks are awful sensitive about their 18th century chinoiserie cabinets. Especially if they’re located in an Applebee’s.
I meet the description of whom? Sorry, I don’t follow the tabloids much. My exposure to the outside world consists of watching a little NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, curling up and reading my Economist with some yerba mate. Maybe listen to a little All Things Considered if I’m in the mood for whimsy. I find sports mostly disagreeable, though an impromptu game of squash is a fine divertissement from the day’s labors. My friend, uh, Eeeeeeeee….Elmer. Elmer taught it to me.
Plaxico? No, I know no one by that name. That we are both towering lanky black men is an odd quirk of fate. Super Bowl ring? No, that’s my class ring. We were also the Giants. I agree it is nice for a high school ring, thank you. No, the Smith family would never give one of their own such a garish-sounding name. Plaxico. Ugh. It offends the tongue.
[Kid with a Giants hat dashes into the room]
“Hey mister. My dad says you jog through your routes when you’re not the primary target.”
Heh heh heh. Children. Such fanciful imaginations they have.
[Turns back to nurse, flashes kid the gun he has stowed in his waistband. Kid runs off.]
Yes, yes, run along, scamp. Get into more monkeyshines while you can.
Where were we?
Yes, the bullet in my leg.
Can you do something about that? It might adversely affect my career. In antiquities. Must be in top physical form to lug all that furniture around. In an Applebee’s.
Tags: Cheddar Plax, did he name himself after Al Harris?, plaxico is dumb, xmas ape
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December 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Hey, fuck you. I’m retarded. Leave me the fuck alone or I’ll go all Corky on your ass.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pm
This is just more of that trouble following him everywhere he goes. Why did he have to do something so ridiculous and blog-ready???? why god??? why must you curse him so?
December 1st, 2008 at 1:37 pm
“Plaxico? Who is Plaxico? My name is Guy Incognito.”
December 1st, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I thought his name was Ron Mexico.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Harris Smith must have been Plaxico’s Zeta Chi pledge name.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Ron Plaxico?
December 1st, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Plaxman.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Harris Smith > Ron Mexico, as far as fake names go.
Harris Smith actually could be someone hangin’ at the Applebee’s. It is a neighborhood bar, after all. Ron Mexico sounds like someone out of a Thomas Pynchon novel. I’ve met Smiths. I’ve never met anyone from the Mexico Family.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Too outstanding Plax posts in a row, I hope you all milk this thing for all it’s worth
December 1st, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Too = Two
Fuck, I’m more retarded than Plaxico
December 1st, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Plax, I mean Mr. Smith, was only there to place a bid on the Flexible Flyer whimsically mounted above the hostess stand. It reminds him of one he had as a child.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Die Fuhrer is pleased with Mr. Smith’s mustache. The rest of him, not so much.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Mr. Harris has good taste in NPR programming. I bet he likes “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”, especially when Mo Rocca is on.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:09 pm
My dad says you jog through your routes when you’re not the primary target
Listen kid, you try running up and down the field carrying Elisha Manning and having Tom Coughlin biting your ass for 60 minutes
December 1st, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Jail time is really going to cut into his wife beating time.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Re: All Things Considered
Michele Norris can eat a fat bowl of douche. Who pronounces the name Michele like that?!
December 1st, 2008 at 2:13 pm
It’s spelled Plaxico Burress but it’s pronounced Throat Wobber Mangrove.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Thank you! And Fresh Air sucks too!
December 1st, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Can Fuhrer Goodell suspend him for making the league look bad by “being stupid”.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:23 pm
“Hey mister. My dad says you jog through your routes when you’re not the primary target.”
Sloths move quicker into position for downfield blocks than Plexy.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:28 pm
No way that’s Harris Smith. I went to school with him and that’s not him. Nope, no way in hell!
December 1st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
So no more Sean Taylor but this… this… fucking paragon of retardation still breathes my air?
December 1st, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Ape, you’ve outdone yourself yet again. Also, best KSK Photoshop since Brady Queen from a few weeks back.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I knew Harris Smith, I served with Harris Smith, Harris Smith was a friend of mine. Plaxico, you’re no Harris Smith.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Oh, indeed, Deez. I thoroughly enjoy Mo Rocca, that irrepressible rapscallion, but I most enjoy the work of Roy Blount Jr. His droll southern witticisms do set me guffawing most uproariously.
– Harris Smith.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Harris Smith, Phillips Exeter c/o 94, Colby c/o 98
December 1st, 2008 at 2:55 pm
“This bullet, it lodged in my leg and I can’t get it out!”
“Hey, don’t worry. You don’t have to make up stories here. Save that for court!”
Haha shut your mouth about Fresh Air! Terry Gross rules!
December 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Somewhere in France, Rod Benson is catching tons of shit and doesn’t understand why.
December 1st, 2008 at 3:01 pm
“Michele Norris can eat a fat bowl of douche. Who pronounces the name Michele like that?!”
Well, she is an african american woman, so all bets are off when it comes to the first name pronunciation.
It’s racist but true.
December 1st, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Sorry to focus on irrelevant minutiae, but how exactly does she pronounce it? Mish-a-lee? Muh-shelly? Mitchell?
December 1st, 2008 at 3:13 pm
“mee-shell.”
It’s awesome.
December 1st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
NPRFlaWa!
December 1st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Sounds like Ignatius J. Reilly.
Nice
December 1st, 2008 at 3:17 pm
But that’s just the French pronunciation. It’s not as fucked up as DeepFriar led me to believe. I am disappointed.
December 1st, 2008 at 3:22 pm
how exactly does she pronounce it?
LaMishellawanda
December 1st, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Welcome to No Things Considered here at KSK
December 1st, 2008 at 3:36 pm
+10 Maj
December 1st, 2008 at 3:46 pm
One good thing to come out of this, in prison he’ll learn how it feels to be the beaten wife.
December 1st, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Ok Plax we get it, you don’t like to practice. I just think you are taking this malingering thing to an unhealthy level.
December 1st, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Whatever guys, Renee Montagne… WOWOWEEWAH!!!
December 1st, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Renee Montagne? I’m guessing that Thomas Jones was on the waiver wire in your league too.
December 1st, 2008 at 5:06 pm
nah Renee Montagne: http://www.krwgfm.org/images/rm2_web_clr.jpg
though whenever I hear her voice and in my mind, she was a lot sexier. oh well..
December 1st, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I rest my case.
December 1st, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Grouch glasses are comedy gold. Bravo.
/clap
December 1st, 2008 at 5:28 pm
On the plus side for the Giants, new cap space!
December 1st, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Groucho glasses are comedy gold. Bravo.
/clap
December 1st, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Well, Plax did make Al Harris his bitch…now he’s stealing his name.
December 1st, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Rachel Nichols told me that central booking is not a desirable location to be. Jesus, I didn’t know that! Did she and PK go to the same School of Obvious Facts Told in Breathless Tones?
December 1st, 2008 at 6:15 pm
This thread went in a different direction once the NPR elitists took hold.
You guys and your tweedy impertinence.
December 1st, 2008 at 6:19 pm
there’s no excuse for fake names
-Andre Rison
December 1st, 2008 at 6:37 pm
When’s the geography quiz?
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:30 am
You guys he had just SHOT HIMSELF IN THE LEG. When I shot myself it was very difficult – nay impossible – to piece together a plausible excuse while in the taxi going to the hospital. Get real, people.
December 2nd, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I would have gone with Hercules Rockafeller or Rembrandt Q. Einstein if I was going to make up a fake name for myself to someone who sees my face in the news every day. It may have at least gotten a chuckle out of them.