Morten Andersen will likely be remembered as the most prolific kicker in NFL history and not, thankfully for him, his 1994 talk show. In this segment, Andersen comes off as patronizing and a tad lecherous as he interviews some NFL cheerleaders. Sure, I could just sit back and let you watch it without my uproarious, yet insightful, commentary– but that’s no fun for me. Let’s break it down, shall we:

0:05 Mr. Andersen’s wardrobe furnished by “Antoine’s”, Bourbon Street’s finest t-shirt stand. Check out their selection of Mardi Gras beads and alligator skulls.

0:35 I buy my shelf-paper by the waguespack, it’s more economical that way.

0:41 The Sainstsations have evolved, they have three boobs now.

1:15 “Hot chicks running in slow motion. It worked for ‘Baywatch’ and it will work for Morten Andersen.”

1:30 “No, my mother has not killed anyone on my behalf” WTF, Morty?

1:56 Right off the bat he asks Kristi if she can date players. Those European guys, always with the smooth-talk. “But you can date players from teams besides the Falcons, right?”

2:25 It’s just a coincidence Andersen went to Atlanta the following season, right?

2:48 Wow, the budget for the show’s set must have been in the tens.

3:09 Psssst, go to camera two.

3:12 “I can’t remember if I’ve seen you at road games. You are insignificant. I want to talk to the blonde some more.”

4:21 There’s no more bitter rivalry than the Falcons and Saints??? Egad, he must have eaten some tainted eel.

4:30 “No really… scratch and claw a little bit for me. Please.”

4:58 C’mon Angie, no one wants to be like Morten. Not even Morten wants to be like Morten.

5:15 Aw, hell no.

5:20 You can tell Morten is dying to ask if the trading cards also list “measurements” and “turn-ons”.

5:55 “Seriously, have you heard anything? The guys won’t talk to me because I’m just a kicker. The last time I even made eye-contact with Pat Swilling, he gave me a wedgie”

6:19 “GAWDAMMIT SAY SOMETHING BAD ABOUT DEION!!!”

6:40 Wow, that’s a lot of forced laughter.

6:50 This is a pretty complex series of maneuvers, that must be why Kristi is sitting this one out. Not because she is creeped out by Morten or anything.

7:20 Water polo? You wacky Dane!