Steelers and Cowboys Meet For a Rare Non-Super Bowl Football Game
With no Marion Barber, Romo will have to keep his throwing pinkie warm, as the expected wind chill at kickoff in Pittsburgh is going to be in the neighborhood of 7 degrees. In the meantime, I’d like to extend a hearty fuck-you-in-the-pants to NFL Network for playing Super Bowl XIII on loop all weekend, you jinxing assholes.
So how are Dallas fans dealing with yesterday’s news that Barber will be absent? Cautious optimism tempered with wisdom and restraint?
I love you, dipshit Cowboys fans. Don’t ever change.
Somehow this is only the third meeting between Steelers and Cowboys since Super Bowl XXX. Reading the chapter in Boys Will Be Boys about the game exhumed some rather unpleasant memories. But the most embarrassing for me was the fact that I bet our school’s equivalent of Jimbo, Dolph and Kerney $100 straight-up that Pittsburgh would win that game, knowing full well they weren’t gonna give me shit even if I won the bet. I was tired of being taunted that there was no way the Steelers were going to win and wanted the stupidest way possible to show I had faith in my team. Well placed, of course!
You stupid sexy, sexy kid!
Then two months later, I contracted Bell’s Palsy (Just like Jim Ross!) and had to spent the next five months getting electroshock therapy on my face to clear it up.
Fuck, I hated 1996.
Tags: hate, i'm gay for james harrison, i'm gay for lamarr woodley, Romo's pinkie, sundays are for homerism, xmas ape
December 7th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
From Wiki:
the herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) was identified in a majority of cases diagnosed as Bell’s palsy
Way to go Ape!
December 7th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
OH, HI AMERICA.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Chicks dig guys who’ve had electroshock therapy. It’s “edgy”.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
So how is it that Troy Aikman is calling ANOTHER Cowboys game?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
I vote to convert this open thread to live blog
December 7th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Nice shirt. Is that a coot?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Romo has problems with the jersey color thing and Polamalu Island does it again.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Here comes armored Ben. CLANK CLANK CLANK.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Somebody needs to tell Romo about Troy
/or not
December 7th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Heinz Field hosted a couple highschool football games and a rodeo this weekend.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
One of the football games was followed by the Pennsylvania 4A slip’n’slide championships.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
…and that little boy who nobody liked grew up to be–Roy Cohn.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Why is there a cum stain on your jersey?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
“No, that wasn’t me. That was Mitch Kumstein.”
December 7th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Wade with the puffy jacket – Michelin Man or Staypuft?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
is that the Stay-puff marshmellow man or Bibendum coaching the Cowboys?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I believe Wade has stashed a whole turducken and drunk Berry Switzer in his jacket.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
@ ac:
violet beauregard
December 7th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Hahahah you went to white oak I went to Francis Scott Key.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
going for a long field goal at Heinz is always tougher the day after they reenact the sinking of the Bismark.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I won’t get tired of Beyoncé’s “Lemme Lemme Upgrade”. She gets a rare pass.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
MDMidlSclFlaWa.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
DeMarcus Ware likes guys with big colorful balls on their chest.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
@Gino,
What did you think about TJack’s appearance?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I lost my middle school id in middle school.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ape- You reported that Cowboys post, right?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
MDMidlSclFlaWa
PYLE RULES, YOU CANNOT DENY THIS!
December 7th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
MDMidlSclFlaWa
Montgomery Village Middle School ’till the day I die, son!
December 7th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
@ TDub
I’ve always been a TJack Booster. He’s got big talent (that’s for sure) but he has fucked up big in games (that’s for sure) but maybe this second shot will be the launching pad. As for the Vikes- they didn’t so much win as they failed to lose, but I’m happy anyway. I think Detroit’s going to run the table in reverse this year.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Injury-kakke
or loser’s limp one of the two
December 7th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
@ Gino,
I am in total “agreeance” with you. I have always been a Tj apologist, but we will see how this shakes out… Gus has fucked up a TON the last few games so maybe this is a blessing.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Why don’t O-linemen jump on purpose whenever a defender jumps offsides? Easy five yards.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
@Old Gregg,
One thing I learned from my football days: O-Lineman are like 300 pound retarded children.
Ask them to do something other than stand in the way and you’re in trouble.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Ape, there’s a douchebag on FO who is convinced Tomlin is the worst coach in the league. Your thoughts?
December 7th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Can the steelers stop with the fumbles damn it
December 7th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Who put vaseline on all these balls in Pittsburgh? I’m looking at you Troy Aikman.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Ben get owie, need holmes cock taco in mouth, fucking douchee
December 7th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
haha, now cmon steelers score a touchdown, damn if i lose my fantasy game cause of the dallas defense
December 7th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
BEN NO LIKE STUDY.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Hines no smirre.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Revealing this much about your tormented childhood is a desperate cry for help, Ape.
And doing so in a blog post is like doubling down on the sadness.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Just got home, out being helpful to humanity. *Yea, I know it sucks, I did get beer and cheddar stout soup though*.
Soo, I need one sentence on the Philly game and one sentence on Pittsburgh game so far. Challenge!
December 7th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
We’ve secretly replaced Ben Rongrastname with Marmalard. Let’s see if anyone notices.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Ike Taylor sez no man is an island unto himself, Polamalu!
December 7th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Romo is such a hero isn’t he, PK?
December 7th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
@ Boatdrinks: The Eagles win when Reid remembers Westbrook is the most dangerous individual in the NFL.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Dick LeBeau. Nice
December 7th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Thank you FOX for filtering this shitstorm of a game into SoCal! And no, I ain’t buying Joe Buck’s “all-time defense” spin.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Wade Phillips in his Cowboys parka and hat make him look like that friendly, outgoing retard on public transportation who always singles you out for conversation. You have to play ball and entertain him, and everybody else is glad for your sacrifice.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
@Gino…
That guy apparently works at the McDonalds drive-thru near my house as well. Funnily enough, he seems to be 200% more competent and efficient at his job than any fast-food worker I’ve ever seen. He even knows what all the buttons on the register do. He just will…not…stop…talking. Ever.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
haha you went to white oak. does that make you a paint branch or blair kid?
oh. and fuck the cowboys.
/blair kid.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Nice flying pigeon jersey, good lord I am so glad those are history. What’d you go with, Marebear? Jags? Or the ever classy blank jersey like I had, which caught on fire in my dryer in high school and almost burned down the house.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Scandrick (?) tackling Roethlisberger: looked like a mongoose tackling an ox.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Boatdrinks said:
Soo, I need one sentence on the Philly game and one sentence on Pittsburgh game so far. Challenge!
1) Giants vs. Eagles: The Giants can be beaten, and Brian Westbrook should always have two opposing players watching him, even if he’s just walking to his car.
2) Steelers vs. Cowboys: defense kicks ass.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
@ porky1
It’s just like a conversation with Emmit Smith- you don’t know what the hell he’s saying, but he’s so enthusiastic, so you just smile, nod and say “yeah” or “that’s great!” and pray for it to end- and it’s probably ending with a hug.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
bwahaha thats how you do it ben
December 7th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
“…my quata-back. My teen-mate.”
December 7th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Man Big Ben is a white Donovan McNabb
December 7th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
They are booing at Heinz field down by 7 halfway through the third quarter. Awesome.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
They’re booing because the offense is playing like shit and the punter is blasting 25-yarders like they’re going out of style
December 7th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
As a Pats fan, I am just delighted by them scoring field goals and giving up touch downs. To Ufford’s Seahawks.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
PEW PEW PEW
December 7th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Fucking yinzers deserve it. Makes me laugh.
Except that the fucking Cowboys are winning, which pisses me off…
/finds more things to hate
December 7th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
WADE vs. BEN: CRIPPLE FIGHT!
December 7th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
What, no comments from Ape?
December 7th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Brad Smith just got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Hey Toronto! Still want the Bills?!
December 7th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
WELKAH!
December 7th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
That’s fucking hillarious!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Your fucking Steelers are killing me, Ape.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Fuck I hate when Joe Buck is right. And he gloats, bastard.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
For the 3rd time some cat in the ESPN ‘Streak for the Cash’ nonsense contest is one pick away from a million bucks, and once again he/she is going to fall one win short. Smells fishy.
But damn, kudos to these people for making 24 straight picks. Even in my wildest dreams I couldn’t give you 10 straight picks.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
My Seahawks will not be denied in their quest for the 3rd overall pick. Out of our way, losers!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
not so fast, Mike T, Seneca Wallace didn’t get the memo.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Can a steelers for the love of God score a fucking a touchdcwn against this defense pleaseeee
December 7th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Ok, that might do it, Mike.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
And right on cue, Wallace gets sacked. F__K! ‘Tommy from Quincy, you’re on the air.”
December 7th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
So how about that Choice smoking the Steelers’ D?
December 7th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
The audio just cut to static. I guess not even DirecTV can handle the annoying whine of Joe Buck.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Reed banks it in. Someone’s gettin’ shirtless at a dive bar tonight!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Tashard Choice = Taster’s Choice for mental defects
December 7th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
@Otto – Jello shots on Jeff tonight!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
No thanks, Chris. With Reed, the Jello shots are always literally on him.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Ben will look to secure the go-ahead choco-taco.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Well at least Jeff has the decency to shave his chest.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
no smirre.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
CATCH THE FUCKING BARR, HINES!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I could really use a TD by Wald here for fantasy purposes. That’s it.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Mike Tomlin is offended by the pussiness of that spot.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Fuck you, Buck! Don’t give me that “all we could have asked for” bullshit! This game has been and will forever remain shit and nothing but the whole shit, so help me God!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Omar Epps is not amused by that spot.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
And again, Mike Tomlin is offended by the pussiness of that spot.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I can’t wait to see how the Steelers fuck it up this time!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Wow, I am old. I graduated high school in 87. By 96 I had a toddler. I think I might win oldest commenter.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Does this officiating crew suffer from chronic shyness? “Um … touch … down??”
December 7th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Touchdown! – Ben go CLANK CLANK CLANK
December 7th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Chuck Noll would’ve gone for it.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
So no mention of Hamlin trying to do the crocodile death roll to nate washington’s knee?
December 7th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
As far as I know, the Steelers are the only NFL team to have players (in this case, Mean Joe Greene and Rocky Bleier) appear in an SCTV skit. Advantage: Steelers.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Does Wade know there are ties in the NFL?
December 7th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Old school= no offense whatsoever.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Romo’d!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I think Ape just came with that pick 6.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
bwahahahahahahahah.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
holy fucking shit!!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
It is a mighty fine day to live in the Commonwealth. Thank you, Stillers.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
His favorite player really is Favre, isn’t it?
Also, Tomlin is a Woo Girl.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Romo for MVP.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Mike Tomlin is my new favorite coach.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Romo ain’t leading the league in smiles this week.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
LOL TONY HOMO 3 PICKS LOL
December 7th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Advantage: Steelers
Man, these Big Dude Dinners are heavy.
Yeah, heavy with goodness.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
He got Romo!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
If only he could have forced the ball to TO a little bit more!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
hahahahahahhahahahhaahaaaa
PS, Older than deafjeff. Sigh.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Btw, as someone said before, a Steelers win = some dude winning a million dollars on ESPN.com.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Only four guys tackled Williams?
“Pawns jump the queen!”
December 7th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Take your time Dallas O-Line….
December 7th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Double J’s wrath upon Sir Fat of Ass shall be swift and without mercy.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Romo must be scared by all those towels. They’re terrible!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Ohhhh. The Jest lost too!!!!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Is Tomlin really doing the “whoop whoop” arm wind?
December 7th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Wade is going to hitch a ride back to Dallas with a Mennonite.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Doesn’t Romo know that fingerbanging Jessica Simpson isn’t considered rehab for a broken pinkie?
Yes, I’m saying she’s wide.
/depressed that she will comfort Romo tonight
December 7th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Christ, that last pass almost knocked Witten out.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Wade ‘n’ Jerry is going to be EPIC, this week. EPIC.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
WTF is Owens wearing around his neck? Was that a choke collar?
December 7th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Next Sunday: Bitter, pissed-off Cowboys vs. pissed-off, under criminal investigation Giants. That should be fun.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Wade – Gosh darnit your defensive played a heck of a game Mr. Tomlin.
Mike – Shut up cracker.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Can we put an end to these Toyota commercials?
They took this truck and tried to kill it…but after they fixed it, it was no longer broken /cut to footage of tailpipe spewing smoke
Yeah, put me down for one of those….
December 7th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Wade Phillips in his Cowboys parka and ski cap looked like the kind of guy the United Way might feature in their commercials.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Coach Tomlin is a wild nigga
December 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Choice will smoke the Steelers on that crappy field and the Boys will go on to miss the playoffs!
December 7th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Ahmad’s Bradshaw is a bitch. And the Steelers win. Neither is a surprise.
December 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
From Cowboys fans everywhere…
May you be mounted by a rabid dog. You are lower than rat excrement.
December 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Haha…Wildcats Unite!
I’m surprised you still have yours!
December 8th, 2008 at 1:07 am
too many cowboys fans at heinz tonight – we gotta put a moratorium on that shit. i had four fat mexican dudes in dallas jerseys behind me flippin out in pidgin english all afternoon.
December 8th, 2008 at 1:52 am
@Boatdrinks: How much older? Class of ‘82, myself.
/Please, God, let him be older…
December 8th, 2008 at 6:43 am
OMG that Cowboy fan wasn’t serious. Like I could only imagine what world he is living in. I bet you his dog is name Star, and he eats cheese grits while watching football tape, so he can study teams to have evidence, to prove such strong predictions. He might even have a PHD in game theory you never know. Either way I bet you he listens to Dolly Parton, while jerking it to Randy White Highlight tapes in his room!