Sex On Playgrounds: The KSK Fantasy Football/Sex Advice Mailbag
We’ve got a full sack this week, so let’s get right into it. If you want to be in next week’s fantasy/sex mailbag, email us here. Now, let’s slap your questions on the ass and take the deep plunge.
Hey guys, I’m a college freshman and there is this guy that lives across the hall from me who enjoys having sex with his door open. How do I break the news to him that it’s a bad idea to leave the door open?
Fantasy related, I’m in the first round of my fantasy playoffs, who do I start at RB considering the matchups: LT vs OAK, Hillis vs KC, Lynch vs MIA, Portis vs BAL, Chris Johnson vs CLE (3 of the 5).
-Schuffalufagas
MAJ SAYS: Take pictures.
UFFORD SAYS: Walk in and take pictures.
THE ENTIRE WORLD SAYS: Take a fucking picture.
As for the fantasy question, if you have running back depth like that, do you really need our help? Jesus. Spin a wheel, you lucky dick.
I graduated from BU and just came across this in the news about a girl I tried to get with back in college, but she shot me down.
Instead of thinking how lucky I am that it wasn’t me in her boyfriend’s position, my first thought was “shit, I probably missed out on the greatest sex of my life.” I hate myself.
My first round playoff match-up is this week and I could use some advice at QB. I have on my roster: Orton vs. JAX, Hill vs. Jets, Frerotte@Det, Schaub@GB, Thigpen@Den. QBs I can pick up from waivers include: Garcia@Car, Flacco vs. WAS, Garrard @ Chicago
-D
How could you miss out on the sex if she shot you down before? You were never in position to get that crazy love to begin with. You’re lucky she didn’t shoot you down by quite literally shooting you down. My favorite quite from that article, by the way…
“She was a feisty girl, but I can’t imagine her stabbing someone . . . She just had a definite opinion about things.”
Yes, I’d say she’s rather fervent about her stances. Start Thigpen.
Dear KSK,
I’m headed into the playoffs with a dinged-up Marion Barber, a feuding Stephen Jackson and red-hot DeAngelo Williams on my roster and two starting spots each week. At this point, DeAngelo is probably a must-start, but how should I handle this round robin, considering injuries and potential match-ups?
On a somewhat related note, my dick curves to the left. Not severely — I’d say about 25 degrees or so, although I’ve never measured it with a protractor. But that’s fine, because God made each of us unique in our own way. My question is: what is the best sexual position for me use in order to maximize the pleasure for my special lady?
Thanks,
IRONMIKE
THE HOOK! We knew a kid in prep school who supposedly had a dick that was nearly at a right angle. He practically had to stand sideways in the stall. Anyway, if you’ve got The Hook, I’d recommend you see a penile orthodontist to have it straightened out, either with braces, or the little known Invisalign: Penile Edition. Failing that, the position I’d recommend for you is the Sideways Chubby Checker. Be sure to thrust your left hip only!
Bench Jackson.
KSK,
One of my coworkers started coming on to me a few months ago. We started hooking up, which was fine and dandy, until I learned about the Seaworld fantasy. For a completely inexplicable reason, she asks me to fuck her like a dolphin and shit like that. OK, fine. But now she wants me to buy a wetsuit and flippers for the bedroom. What the fuck? I have no problem with her talking some weird shit while I Free Willy, but I’m not buying a fucking wetsuit. Am I going to have to feed her herring from a fucking bucket too?
Do I play Cassel against Seattle or that cock Laserface against Oakland?
-S. Jaffe
Is your coworker Troy McClure? How does one fuck someone like a dolphin? Do you have to shriek like a deaf person during the act? Anyway, I’d go right ahead and let her buy the flippers and wetsuit. You know much a wetsuit costs? That’s good value. And if she wants you to feed her fish, or make sonar bleeps during intercourse, or ensnare her in some sort of tuna net, go for it. Sounds fun to me.
Start Cassel.
KSK,
Just started dating this girl and she gives good (not great) head. Her technique is lacking, but she more than makes up it with enthusiasm. How do I guide her and help improve her style without seeming ungrateful?
4 player Keeper league- we start 2 rbs, 3 wrs, 1 wr/rb. I’m keeping MJD, Andre Johnson & DeAngelo Williams. My last spot is going to be either Larry Johnson or Hines Ward, who should I keep?
-M
If she’s enthusiastic, I don’t think it should be all that hard to offer advice. If you’re just honest with her and say, “I love it when you do that, but I’d also kind of like it if you were to…” and then go into whatever you like: gravy blowjobs or whatever.
I wouldn’t keep Hines or LJ if it meant an extra draft pick. Otherwise, keep LJ, I guess.
Dir Sirs,
What is the appropriate fantasy football punishment for a commissioner who uses their League Manager status to change their roster AFTER the game has started?
Also, what is the appropriate sexual punishment for said cheating commissioner if the commisioner happens to be your wife, who you entrusted to the League Manager spot because of her seemingly rock solid character?
Thank you,
Mr. S
I don’t know any web-run fantasy league that would let you change your roster during game play, even if you ARE commissioner. But, if this is true, it is indeed diabolical. Obviously, she must be required to forfeit that week’s game. She also should be stripped of her commissioner status. As for marital punishment, some sort of hogtying is probably in order.
Dear KSK,
I am a 30-year-old married white Jewish male and I never thought this would happen to me. I have an important second round playoff game this week and I’m the underdog. A portly, hirsute underdog.
I’ve got Chris Johnson and LT as my backs and Greg Jennings and Dwayne Bowe at wideout but need to figure out whom to start in my flex spot. Most of the season I have slotted Mewelde Moore or Santonio Holmes there. But with FWP back, I’m struggling. My choices are: Moore, Darren “El Busto” McFadden, Mark Clayton or Holmes.
Also, I’m going to Vegas soon. Is it OK to go to the rub and tug after I lose the rent payment playing pai gow?
Jon G.
MAJ SAYS: The key is finding a casino where you can get a rub and tug from the pai gow dealer right at the table.
DREW SAYS: It’s not cheating if it’s with an Asian lady! Start Clayton.
Gay Mafia-
My girlfriend never seems to be in the mood to have sex at convenient times. She’s constantly exhausted at night (she’s in grad school) and wants to fall asleep as soon as she gets in bed, but she also hates staying in bed late in the morning. Which means virtually the only time she wants to have sex is in the middle of the day, which would be awesome if I didn’t work a normal 9-to-5 job. She often gets in the mood while we’re doing some inane errand during the weekends, which pisses me off because then I’m stuck buying window treatments at West Elm instead of at home having sex. How can I get her to want to have sex at a NORMAL FUCKING TIME, like when we’re in bed together at night?
Who should I start between Roethlisberger and Tyler Thigpen at QB, and Joseph Addai, Clinton Portis, Steve Slaton and Tim Hightower at 2 RB spots?
This is so beyond true. “Omigod, I wish you had been here at 2PM! I was sooooo horny!” Well, good for you, Missy. I was busy jacking it in the work toilet. Pay me a visit for lunch, dammit.
I’ve yet to find a solution for this. All I can tell you is that women are usually ready for lovin’ when they are at their most relaxed. So do everything in your power to make your lady feel relaxed at proper hours. Cook her dinner and have some red wine ready. Smoke some weed together. Nap together on the weekends and then do it when you wake up. That’s all I can offer. The classic conundrum. Stupid ladies. BE MORE TIMELY WITH YOUR SEXUAL NEEDS!
Start Thigpen, Portis, and Slaton.
Hey KSK,
Here’s the deal. I’m currently a senior in college and a couple weeks ago some friends told me that there was a porn star that goes to our school. We did the research and found out that it was Kendra Kay. So before the holiday, I ended up sitting next to her in one of my classes. So my question is, what’s the best approach to have sex with somebody who gets paid to do it on film?
For four spots I have Santana Moss, Reggie Wayne, Justin Gage, Ted Ginn Jr & Eddie Royal. Who do I sit?
Thanks,
McG
PUNTER SAYS: Pay her and put it on film. PS – Great job on “Charlie’s Angels”
Sit Gage.
Greetings, sage wizards of the bedroom and fantasy football field,
My girlfriend and I got into role playing a few months ago to spice things up a bit, but her characters have gotten progressively tougher for me to handle. She started off doing normal things like maids and nurses and what have you, but in the past month she has done a quadriplegic, a peregrine falcon, and just last night she pretended to be a nine year old. How can I let her know that I’m having trouble focusing on keeping an erection while at the same time not discouraging her?
Also, do I keep Romo in against the Steelers defense or take my chances with Chad Pennington in Buffalo?
Thanks,
Flummoxed in Florida
I think you have to counter her bizarre role-playing with some of your own. If she dresses as a falcon, you dress as a Rubik’s Cube. If she dresses as a quadriplegic, you dress as a Nazi storm trooper. It’ll totally throw her off her game.
Start Romo.
Does having a threesome with asian girls really count as a threesome due to their small size compared to most women?
Should I start McNabb, Ryan, or Garcia at QB?
Pete
Ask them. They’d know the math. Start Ryan.
Over the weekend I took a girl to a bar to watch the Alabama/Auburn game. It was the first time we had done anything together and I basically had gotten her to go with me by lying to her and telling her I was a huge Alabama fan. Coincidently, my father is at the same bar. She gets super hammered as do I, and during her frequent trips to the bathroom my dad asks if I’m fucking her.
I put on a guise that she’s just some girl I randomly fuck like all the time. He is impressed. Later that night, I take her home, she is hamboned, and trying to unbutton my shirt and I act like a total pussy because I’ve also gotten high at this point and am paranoid that she is going to say I raped her because I barely know her and she has already admitted several times during the date that she is mentally unstable. Consequently, I leave. Since then my dad has asked me three times if I fucked her and everytime I say yes. Should I keep this guise, and let him think I’m sweet and that she’s a sloppy drunk whore, or come clean?
Also, Flacco or Campbell for 2nd starting QB?
Thanks,
A Liar and a Pussy
My suggestion is that you get yourself a new dad. Jesus, what a pushy asshole. Flacco.
So I have a play-in game this week. I win, I make the league’s playoff. I have both McNabb & Rodgers. Both at times have been as useful as a bag of nipples. I really need to make the right choice here. Help a brother out!!
Also, what is the official KSK position on rim jobs? My wife likes giving and receiving. I feel a little faggy either way. Where do you stand?
Notjustcheese
Phillipsburg, NJ
I’ll let Robert Evans handle this one. “Baby, if it feels good, do it! I remember back in 1978 when I was having a threesome with Linda Evans and Dusty Hoffman. Sexy? You bet? Racy? Oh, yes. Anyway, halfway through, Dusty decides to play the merry prankster and tickle my testicles. Well, damned if that wasn’t just the jumpstart ol’ Evans needed! Don’t let social mores stand in the way of you liking a tongue to the ol’ Midnight Cowboyhole!”
Start Rodgers.
Assuming Marion Barber is questionable/probably for Sunday’s game, is it worth the risk to start him? Le’Ron McClain is the o’ther op’tion.
And what’s a guy to do if his girl refuses to do it with the lights on? She has body issues, but looks great and I want to see her in all her bouncy glory.
Barry
This is a good question. Men, I find, prefer to do it with the lights on. You want to see that sex live as it happens. Why just feel it when you can take a mental snapshot for later use? I suggest you compromise and buy a dimmer switch for your place. It’s light AND it’s dark!
KSK,
How long do you have to be married/committed to a girl who slows down your once awesome and frequent regular sex to barely anything (4 times a month, maybe), before you can go get an occasional piece of strange guilt free? 1 year? 5 years?
BTW, Thigpin or Favre this week?
-Fox
Guilt-free? Um, never?
Start Favre.
I’ve got Willis McGahee and Steven Jackson as my “feature” backs. Seems like it’s time to bench McGahee, if not cut him loose. Who out of my pack of injury/suspension reliant RBs should get the start in his spot this week: Pierre Thomas, Ray Rice or Cadillac?
Speaking of poor decisions in my past coming back to haunt me, I’m 27 and I live with my parents. This is presenting some serious problems when it comes to fucking. Mom’s a light sleeper, the house is old and creaky, etc… I managed a blowjob in a playground on the way home from the bar last week but that was Thanksgiving, the girl was wasted. Is there some foolproof spot in my house I’m missing that I can turn when romancing a (mildly) sober lady?
- DC
ps – My 96 Camry is parked on a back alley every night that sees some traffic, so that’s out of the question. Kind of.
Whoa whoa whoa. A blowjob on a playground? I need more specifics there. Was it on the swing? Did you use a real swing as a sex swing? Or did you use the diaper swing? Did you sit on one end of the teeter totter? God, I never realized just how many sexual possibilities exist at playgrounds. No wonder that 50-year-old drifter is always hanging out at the one near my house! He must be taking notes for when he romances a lady!
Use the Camry or do it on the floor. The floor always makes less noise. And pick up Thomas.
Photo from reader CCP, who tried to convince one of the girls was his girlfriend. Sure, buddy. And my name’s Cock McLongington.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, jungle gym of love, ksk fantasy sex advice mailbag, pai gow, sick fathers
December 4th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Failing that, the position I’d recommend for you is the Sideways Chubby Checker. Be sure to thrust your left hip only!
/vomits
December 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
And my name’s Cock McLongington.
Dammit! How do people always end up guessing my name right?!!
December 4th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
” the hook” can also be referred to as “angle iron”
December 4th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
See, a boyfriend that went to RPI “flirting” with another girl is a bit of a stretch. I think “D” got away lucky. RPI is MIT lite, making a large proportion of the population nerdy. So flirting is not an inherent skill. Or desire.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Great stuff as always! How exactly do you fuck a chick like a dolphin?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
RPI is 75% male and the guys there have worse game than pedophiles. And please don’t ever refer to it as MIT lite; RPI is an above average school at best, nothing special.
Also in my league the commish can change any roster at any time… I think it’s basically a standard feature in yahoo leagues
December 4th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
to the kid who sits next to the porn star – expecting her to fuck you is like expecting a doctor to perform pro bono brain surgery on your bong addled gourd. in class. when you’re a professional anything, you stop wanting to do it for free.
to the married guy ho thinks getting laid once a week is “next to nothing” – fuck. you. welcome to gritsville son, be thankful for what you have. some of us husbands (cough) endure with less. get a hobby.
also – this bit is as entertaining as the jamboroo.
double also – who can you not like weezer drew? so make believe was a little touch and go, i agree. but they’re not lenny kravits bad. jesus. you spent money on that shit? ugh.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
You didn’t answer Barry’s question.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
@dANDY,
I think you stab her in the back of the neck and screw the blow-hole.
/didn’t Bale do this in American Psycho?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Did nobody else have the “notify the authorities” alarm go off in their heads upon hearing of a 27-year-old man who still lives with his mom getting BJs in playgrounds?
/sick mind
/Yes, Mr. McLonginton, that is my wife.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Is she dressing as a falcon or The Falcon. Because if it’s The Falcon, I’d go with She-Hulk. Or Captain America. I ain’t here to judge.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
@Porn star’s classmate: Chances are, you’re not hittin’ that. In the off chance that you do, don’t forget to suggest making a video since she’s obviously totally up for it. And in the very high likelihood that you don’t, comfort yourself with the idea that it would probably have been like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Also, where the hell did ya’ll find that pic? I love my squad and damn if I wouldn’t enjoy combining my passion for the Eagles with my passion for self-abuse.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
What’s with all these guys moaning about their chicks wanting to do weird outfits and ‘different’ roleplay?? We’ve been asking women to play to our fucked up male turn ons and dress up in all sorts of twisted shit for years. What, you don’t think they deserve a bit of that good stuff too?
Just go with it you fucking queers.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
you have a better chance seeing Big Foot than you do a hot girl that goes to RPI
December 4th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I’m with Pax… as good or better than the Jambaroo.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Oh and to Flu in Fla, come on genius – a paraplegic, a falcon and a nine year old – she wants to you to control her/take advantage of her. She wants to submit to you. Seriously, if that freaks you out then I’m on the ropes waiting for the tag buddy…
December 4th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@UU She was a BU student. I have no comment on BU populace, let FMRA handle that! He (poor attacked BF) was RPI boy or alum. One of those boys hitting on a woman successfully? When they have a girlfriend? Just seems fishy to me, I say.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I suggest DC and A Liar and a Pussy exchange parents. That way, Liar and a Pussy would just be a Pussy, which DC’s mom would love. And Liar and a Pussy’s dad could get the vicarious pleasure from DC’s actual pleasure.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
@Sanchez: shouldn’t you wait for visual confirmation before jumping into the ring, if you know what I mean?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@CCP: That’s a very good point. You never know how much he’s been feeding that falcon…
Wait a minute, ‘feeding the falcon’ – did I just create a new euphemism?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
She’s constantly exhausted at night (she’s in grad school)
Unless it’s finals week or she’s in med school, this girl is full of shit. Dump her ass. And for the love of god, stop buying window treatments at West Elm if she’s not DFW.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
of all the pornstars someone could go to school with, kendra kay is a bit of a downer. please tell me she looks better in person, ’cause she doesn’t even look great with cum on her face.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Re: Mo Charlo:
Yeah, you didn’t answer the football part of my question. I can strangle the bishop anytime, but I need a win this weekend to make it into the playoffs!
December 4th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I’m so confused by the falcon roleplay I don’t even know if euphemisms can be made from it. I mean just plain logistics here — does one partner hang from the ceiling fan and fall upon their lover with outstretched hands while screeching and — no, on second thought let’s just leave the whole thing alone.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Dude. Am I the only one who’s taken a good look at the legs of the chick on the right? I’m fairly certain she’s paralyzed from the waist down.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
quadriplegic, a peregrine falcon, and just last night she pretended to be a nine year old
Jesus Christ the more I read these things, the more I feel like an 11 year old home-schooled Mormon.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
@fmra, meow
December 4th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
We’ve got a full sack this week
Blue balls? Those can hurt.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
How do I break the news to him that it’s a bad idea to leave the door open?
I disagree with the take-a-picture chorus. Two words, my friend: fire extinguisher.
And then take a picture.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Oh, I was actually being serious… They just look… off somehow. Plus, why is there a jersey on her lap?
Could just be a shitty airbrushing job, I guess.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
To the rim job guy: Rimmers feel fantastic! They’re fun and just a little dirty and you can get your partner to make all kinds of fantastic sex noises. They’re also an awesome way to give yourself tonsillitis, says the girl who tonsillitis so many times this year I had to have a tonsillectomy. Baby wipes, people. Baby wipes.
To the guy who lives at home: If you’re willing to drop a bit of coin, your local no-tell motel is a godsend.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I thought you guys were supposed to filter out the obviously b.s. questions?
Between the perregrine falcon and the murderer, my bullshit meter started pegging.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Whose dad constantly asks their kid if they fucked some skeezer they took home from a bar? Is your proud papa culling material for his latest attempt for Penthouse Forums? Creepy fucker.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
@FMRA – it’s fitting. Eagles jersey and Andy Reid doesn’t like to run the ball anyway, so who needs legs?
December 4th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Sorry, I have to reiterate: peregrine falcon! What does she do, divebomb your cock at 200 miles an hour?
December 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
cause she doesn’t even look great with cum on her face.
You take that back! You fucking TAKE THAT BACK!!!!
December 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I think she’s the falcon and he’s the handler. He pets her and gives her treats; he’s in control but he has to be careful while he tames her… otherwise she might bite him. I’m pretty sure it’s a control thing.
/sorry for getting serious there…
December 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
To the rim job guy: Rimmers feel fantastic!
In other news today, traffic to the website http://plunkchutley.wordpress.com/ shot up by an unprecedented 987 trillion percent today, for no reason that we can easily discern.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
The anticipation of seeing tits drives traffic through the roof. That and getting Brad Lidge’s grizzly adam beard rides.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I thought you guys were supposed to filter out the obviously b.s. questions?
Not if they amuse us, we don’t.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
A rimjob will now be known as a Chocolate E-Clare.
/didn’t know rimjobs cause tonsil infections
December 4th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I guess it does take sending in pics to make it. Either that, or an actually decent real email, or a witty and funny fake one. Neither of which I can offer.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
@Rocco: Ouch! I sent in what I thought was a decent real email and a real pic.
/batting .500
December 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
The anticipation of seeing tits drives the economy, all science and technological breakthroughs and every blogger and website creator to write a book.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Rimjobs can also give you pink eye, depending upon your level of commitment. Little known fact.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I wrote the question about my commissioner wife using League Manager status. Apparently, in ESPN.com leagues, the League Manager can change rosters after a game has started.
Now, with your permission, I’ve got to find some rope to tie up the wife and let her have it.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
@SonOfSpam: The more you know *ding*
December 4th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
There has to be prettier coeds than Kendra Kay…just because she throws for money doesn’t mean you should be getting on that. Ryan is the no brainer to start over McNabb or Garcia. Why on earth would that be a question? Also, loved the ‘Laserface’ nickname. HH@showoffsports.com
December 4th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Update, today my father e-mailed me offering his free $80 LL Bean gift card because he “couldn’t use it”. Nothing like a creepy old man award from a creepy old man. Also, Drew, should I give my new father or my old father the copy of “MWB” I bought him?
December 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
@Clare
I’m sure the Boomerang Kid is willing to put the scratch down on the hourly room rental, he just doesn’t have it after gassing up the Camry and pumping drinks into the gal he’s looking to take home, what with living with his parents and all.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Apparently, in ESPN.com leagues, the League Manager can change rosters after a game has started.
That’s so fucking stupid. Why would ESPN let the commish do that? What fucking purpose does it serve other than for blatant cheating?
December 4th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
“How long do you have to be married/committed to a girl who slows down your once awesome and frequent regular sex to barely anything (4 times a month, maybe),…”
4 times a month? Barely anything? That’s a good YEAR in my house…
December 4th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I feel like you just married the wrong women. I’ve been going out with the same chick for 7 years, and we do it at least thrice weekly. Maybe it’s the living together thing that kills it?
All I know is if I have 4 times/month to look forward to when I get married, my internet porn addiction will be upgraded from mind-boggling to life-threatening.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
@ Big Daddy Drew
I have no idea why ESPN would do that. Under the league manager tools, you can edit the roster of any team. It says that “When performing moves as the LM, transactions will take effect immediately, regardless of league locking rules.”
In other words — “The commish can feel free to edit their own roster at will, especially right after someone like McGahee or Willie Parker doesn’t start.”
December 4th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
27, lives w/parents, lives in their basement, probably works part time, spends his money on computer equipment and blogs about sports.
And yeah, the whole playground thing is kind of creepy….
December 4th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Drew:
You might want to rephrase “Men, I find, prefer to do it with the lights on.”
Or do you?
December 4th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
@Gino: If you remove the commas, Drew’s statement makes more sense.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Drew would put in a colon, if ya know what I mean.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
@ Goocher –
Seven YEARS and you don’t share a place?!
It’s a good thing you don’t live togethe – you’d be common-law by now! And nothing kills a woman’s libido like being told she’s inadvertently been wed.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I’ve been married for over 15 years, so once a month is a stretch at this point. It’s a good thing I like to jack it, or my balls would have exploded long ago. Also, having kids hanging around, knocking on the door at the wrong time doesn’t help matters.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
@BDD
It may have something to do with being able to manipulate rosters during drafts. During our ESPN live draft this year a couple of guys left the keyboard to fellate eachother or something and autodrafted themselves 8 QBs. Our commish had to stop the draft and remove the tossers (QBs).
December 4th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Let’s make it to where 289 and Aye, Doc are not allowed to post links, or give me strength to not click that mother fucker. God damn it.
December 4th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
@Ocho Cinco Fan Club
Your simile “like throwing a hot dog down a hallway” made no sense when I first read. Then, suddenly, about 10 seconds later, lightbulb: O. My. Frickin’. God.
Gross. As well as causing me to spit diet Coke out my nose. Hey. Loose just means the germs have to travel a greater distance in order to give you an infection.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
@Vince Young Sausage: You’ve never heard that phrase? Clearly you’ve never banged a cougar.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
@CCP: Sorry bro, that wasn’t meant as a dig at you. I fall into the “used to constantly bang my hot fiance then it stopped a few months after getting married” category. My email didn’t make the post, guess I need to throw in a slutty pic next time. I swear, she’s an ex-Arena Football cheerleader.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I can’t understand if this whole “women don’t like sex after being in a committed relationship for awhile” thing is exaggerated or not, but if it’s accurate, I just don’t get it. I’ve been in a committed relationship for a long time and get really disappointed at anything less than twice a day… and if he’s too tired to play at night, I pout for weeks at a time afterward…
Seriously. Women love it just as much as men do, if not more…
December 5th, 2008 at 12:11 am
“Take a fucking picture?” My wife disagrees: Video and YouTube.
And “The Hook” can also be referred to as “The Pitching Wedge”. Never “the short iron,” though. Unless, you know, the guy has a small dick.
December 5th, 2008 at 6:13 am
…enjoys having sex with his door open.
That’s an open invitation to join in.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:54 am
@smurphette – She’s getting a masters in nursing. Does that count? And I don’t want to dump her. So any other suggestions you can make are much appreciated.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
There’s a wee bit too much bitching from guys who are actually getting laid. And christ that dude has too many QBs. Whatever. I call shenanigans on being able to change rosters after game time. And that picture almost made me puke.
“Cook her dinner and have some red wine ready.” Wow. That would be a sure bet…if it ACTUALLY HAPPENED.