Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week — Week 14
The Meast is not awarded based upon scientific reasoning or common sense. It’s two parts groupthink, one part laziness, and a dash of homerism. And that’s the way we like it.
Nonetheless, there were some remarkably measty performances this week, and I think it’s only fair to recognize the runners-up.
- Antonio Bryant: 9 catches, 200 yards, 2 TDs, and the sickest one-handed Velcro catch of the year.
- Roddy White: 10 catches for 164 yards in a tough loss. This was Drew’s vote, and White falls into the category of players whose season-long meastiness we’ll have to honor at the end of the year (see also: Boldin, Anquan).
- DeAngelo Williams, Jonathan Stewart, and the entire Carolina offensive line: You just don’t get to see ass-raping like that very often. Unless you’re a Lions fan. Or you work for Nick Denton.
- Brian Westbrook: 39 touches, 131 yards rushing, 72 yards receiving, two touchdowns. With a bum knee and ankle. Against the Giants.
- Matt Schaub: 414 yards passing and two TDs in his first game back from the knee injury. Not bad.
However, this week’s award goes to Ed Reed for his role in the Ravens’ 24-10 domination of the Redskins: two interceptions, a forced fumble, and a fumble recovery return for a TD — just two weeks after he had two picks and a record-tying return TD against the Eagles.
It’s obviously not a popular pick with our own Christmas Ape, who’s eagerly anticipating this Sunday’s Baltimore-Pittsburgh showdown for superiority in the AFC North. Ape adds his unique brand of hatred for Baltimore with an impressive Steelers homerism, calling the Ravens D “statistically inferior in every way to the Steelers D.” Just as long as that statistic isn’t a highly respected metric like DVOA.
Anyhoo, the point is: nice job, Ed Reed. Even though we hate your team, you’ve got some badass measts on that defense. And it’s your award to keep until — as Ape will point out — Hines Ward cold-cocks you with a brindside brock.
This week, we’re holding the second annual KsK Kares Kharity Drive for Fisher House, which helps build temp housing for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.
Tags: captain caveman, Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week
December 10th, 2008 at 9:52 am
… and may I nominate Brian Russel for the inaugural Yeast of the Week?
December 10th, 2008 at 10:04 am
What about Welkah?
December 10th, 2008 at 10:11 am
“Yeast of the Week?” Could that not be the Lions as a whole every week?
And I would have thought Visanthe Shiancoe was a shoe-in for Meast this week.
/see…adding more dick jokes.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I was thinking the Brian Russell Memorial Cocksucking Motherfucking Faggot of the Week Award.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Meast of the Year has to be Calvin Johnson. The guy is having a great year and plays of the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever did suck. He is the only player on the team you need to keep an eye on and he routinely gets 10 catches and gets open behind the defense for long TDs.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Ah you fawkin Sehious? White Wes Welkah comes back aftah a vishous cheap hit by that dahkie and was unstawpable against the seahawks (no one denies this, not even that fat queeah petah king), and he doesn’t get a mention?
December 10th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I guess DVOA factors in “bounties on players that kill us every year”. That must’ve pushed the Ravens over the top.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Nice to know it peeves you to have to acknowledge the Ravens. Keep the Baltimore hate thing going. It’s working so far, and hopefully will carry through the weekend (and well beyond).
December 10th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Even Baltimore hates Baltimore, bill.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I too hate the Ravens but was glad they could dismantle the Redskins like that. There was a lot of traffic beating back to the 495 beltway that night. I think you should keep up the list of honorable mentions since it seems there are a lot of great plays that should be acknowledged each week. That Antonio Bryant grab was just friggin’ sick.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:47 am
What about Welkah?
he coulda had 300 yds and 6 tds, wouldn’t have mattered. it’ll be a cold day in hell before anyone who has anything to do with the pats gets this award.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Isn’t it enough that Welkah is already a KID OF STEEL?
December 10th, 2008 at 11:13 am
And owah heero!
December 10th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I will personally cook Mike Tomlin some fried chicken, if the Steelers win this week.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:16 am
“Yeast” of the week? I dunno, yeast tends to rise. How about the Brian Russell Memorial “Least” of the Week?
December 10th, 2008 at 11:21 am
G.G., that’s awesome.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Ed Reed is a cheapshotting piece of shit of a man. He is dirtier then dirt and leads with his head more then Jenna Haze.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:38 am
“Statistically inferior in every way to the Steelers D” sounds like the ol’ Bears Superfan argument.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Mmmmm…. Jenna Haze…
/I can has beej?
December 10th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
DVDA?
December 10th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
You do a list of honorable mentions, and you leave off Kelvin Hayden’s 2 picks, including an 85-yard pick 6? I realize they were against the Bengals, but he’s still measty!
December 10th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I saw DVOA and immediately thought Double Vaginal or Anal.
December 10th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
My meast of the week: Patrick Willis. 6 tackles, 1 count of manslaughter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8haEXIsEF8
December 10th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Ladies, ladies please. Enough with all this “I hate Baltimore TOO waaa” tittering and sundry sniveling.
You don’t really hate the Ravens…you FEAR the Ravens. Differentiate! Sort out your true feelings. You
only wish your assorted also-ran SheTeams were as meastly as the charmers from Charm city and naturally
I don’t blame you. Now go comfort yourself with a pixellated zoom of Shiancoe’s shank and keep pretending
that come Sunday Big Bum isn’t going to get hobbled like James Caan in “Misery.”
Word to your missing mothers!
/smug preening=100%
/yinzer baiting=26%
December 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
*chugs non-alcoholic beer*
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EDDY
*changes into purple camo pants*
FUCKING YEEEEEEEEEAH EDDY MAKES THIS D-FENCE GO
*clips off sideburn, glues to forehead in attempt to look like Flacco*
December 10th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Hey, Barrack Billick is back for the first time since the Ravens got their dicks knocked in the dirt against the Giants. That’s as good a sign as any!
December 10th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Baltimore loves the Ravens. And you love them too, whether you realize it or not. And fuck Christmas Ape. He can lick my taint and say it tastes like brown sugar. I feel like Rodney Dangerfield when I say no respect. Cuz no one respects the Ravens. I feel sorry for you low-brow dick tickling idiots. Hope your team plays the Ravens in the playoffs, cuz they are going to be licking the white dog shit with all due respect to Step Brothers. All I’m trying to say is, Steelers fans can teabag their mothers, the terrible towel is yellow cuz the Ravens collectivley pissed all over it, and Baltimore is going to destroy your team in the playoffs/Super bowl, because they basically can shit all over your team. So I guess I will go ahead and wrap this up by saying fuck the Steelers, and it will be good raping the division title from you fucking cumswapping faggots. By the way, fuck Pittsburgh. Thank you, and goodnight.
December 10th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Oh and I forgot, fuck that cheap shot fucking chink ass Hines Ward. I’m going to laugh when he blindsides Ed Reed like he loves to do cuz he is a fucking pussy and then Ray Lewis pulls a shiv out of his sock and stabs him in his fucking slant eye, then Bart Scott drags him kicking and screaming into a phone booth where every player he has ever bitch-hit will kick him in the nuts till both testicles rupture, and afterwards, just as the EMTs are loading him onto a gurney, Keith Rivers mumble something no one understands cuz his jaw is in more pieces than a jigsaw puzzle, and piss all over Ward’s stabbed eye. And then Rivers will get hit by a bus. Cuz fuck Cinncinati too. Damnit.
December 10th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Just as long as that statistic isn’t a highly respected metric like DVNO.
/fixed
December 10th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Ape, Bart Scott is going to slather more “hot sauce” on Big Bum than Mark Malone
did to your mom’s gaping grill at his bachelor party many moons ago.
Now THAT is a lot of hot sauce, young man!
December 10th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Don’t mention hot sauce around Rex Ryan. Might take Bart Scott, Terrell Thuggs, Ray-Ray From Around the Way and WholeLotta Ngata just to haul that fat fuck off the field after you induce a infarction in that goofy-looking mountain of a ‘tard.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Desperation is a stinky cologne…
December 10th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
On second thought, I think Bart might be too busy drawing another game-killing unsportsmanlike conduct penalty to bother with Ryan. Priorities, you know.
December 11th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Cuz no one respects the Ravens.
I don’t respect them because my team spanked them like a red-headed stepchild in week 6.