I’ve Got to Come Clean About This Whole Retirement Thing
Some people may find it curious that I’m bothering to announce my retirement now, when I haven’t played since last year. The timing of the Saints-Falcons game is a nice touch, but not really why I’m bowing out now.
Spare me the geriatrics jokes. Yeah, I’m an old man. I still got it. But even as a kicker, it takes a lot of work to stay in football shape when you’re out of the game and waiting for that phone call.
Have to tell the press the right things. The God-honest truth is I could keep going. It’s been a good run. I’d go far as to say a blessing. And I’m not much one for religion. ‘Cause we outlawed it in Europe.
Even with the records, it’s not about a lack of motivation. I could play the game until they put me deep in the ground.
But, man, once I get my hands on that Dark Knight Blu-Ray tomorrow, I’m not doing shit for six months. Possibly not ever again. You might think that last comeback with the Falcons was to establish myself as the highest scorer in NFL history? Pfft, that ain’t nothing. I was all about cultivating my weed contacts through Ookie, and oh did I ever. My friends over in Amsterdam can only dream about the sticky I can dig up.
I couldn’t get fucked up when I saw Dark Knight on IMAX over the summer ’cause I had the wife with me and she doesn’t approve. Typical. Do you know how pretty movies look in Blu-Ray? I stuck Wall-E in the other day and never watched the movie ’cause I kept staring at the menu screen for three hours.
But a good movie? I’m done. DONE.
I wish you could see this, Ookie. It’s like they invented it for you.
Tags: fanboygasm, weed we can believe in, xmas ape
December 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
He can’t be less effective than Suisham
December 8th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Classy. Thank god he retired in his prime. Very Sanders like.
*Cue next week’s King’s MMQB dedicated to Old Man Morten*
December 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Hmm… the NFL’s leading scorer of all time is a European…
/just sayin
December 8th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Right now, somewhere out there, Jeff Feagles is awkwardly high-fiving his teammates.
December 8th, 2008 at 11:33 am
What’s Lou Piniella doing in a Falcons jersey? Is he the NFL’s Garth Brooks?
December 8th, 2008 at 11:34 am
As someone who got to see Morten in his prime…thank you. That’s all the Saints had back in the day: The Dome Patrol, Morten and Cajun-ass Bobby Herbert. And the last two went onto become Falcons, which really shat on us.
May the icky always rise in Denmark. And may Ape have to do the blogkakke from the line outside Best Buy tonight.
December 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
did I smoke out with the Dane’s weed or is PK even stupider than usual today?
December 8th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I just want to thank him for missing that field against Jax back in the day. That little playoff spark we had this year has done wonders to the fan base even to this very day. I haven’t seen the most up to date numbers as of this morning, but supposedly there is going to be like 12-18 people in attendance this Sunday versus Green Bay and only 9 of them are Packers fans! GO JAGS!
December 8th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
What’s Lou Piniella doing in a Falcons jersey?
+1000, 289. I genuinely thought that was a photo-shopping of Sweet Lou until I saw Morten’s name.
December 8th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Mort, you SUCK for going to the Falcons…and Bobby and Joe Horn, too.
However, thank for the memories. You WERE our team for so very long.
December 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Hey, TurleyGirlie, we should be over Mort’s stint in Atlanta by now. Joe Horn? Ask me again in five years.
+2 to The Great Dane.
December 8th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
That’s pretty badass that he’s still that good a kicker at his age.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Oh and Dandy…are you talking about the botched extra point by JOHN CARNEY against the Jaguars a few years back?
December 8th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Wow, Morten is looking old. I though you photoshopped it at first but,no, that’s really Mort. And notice the article is from Copenhagen. He announced it there? Because they would care or because that was news…there? He’s a legend but 48?!? amazing career, dude. HH@showoffsports.com
December 8th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Wait until he watches Gandhi baked.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
dAndy’s got it right. Jags made the playoffs in ‘96 because Andersen missed a field goal.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
@HonoluluHoo
Producing Morten Andersen is actually the Danes’ proudest achievement — apart from maybe winning Euro ‘92. That’s no joke.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
@make it snow: Don’t forget about pre-21st century Brigitte Nielsen.
December 8th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
@Make it Snow: Well fuck, then. I must have drank that memory away then.