Last I checked, our division got as many wins as those northeast liberal elitist commie perverts in the NFC East, but you don’t hear nothing about some homespun footbaw from real America in the NFC South. Cain’t turn on my yakbox without hearing a great hollerin’ about some all-Jew York Super Bowl. Bet that’d be a challah of a game, huh? Heh, I got that from the long e-mail chain letter sent to my AOL account.

Hell, those homos in Tampa Bay got a chance to be the first team to play a Super Bowl in their own stadium. Don’t hear nothin’ ’bout that. But watch the Jets win a game and those Yankee queers cheer like they done killed Jesus again. Not a lick of fairness in the whole thing.

[Sets up three Nativity scenes on front lawn]

Gonna be fun when it’s a good-ol’ southern Super Bowl with Panther Pride and some Tennessee faggots. Then it gonna be us again’ our old quarteeback. I do miss some Kerry Collins. Like the cut a’ his jib. Always have. Caught some flak here for making some un-PC remarks about some of his shiftless teammates. ‘Course they railroaded him then shipped him off to a PC re-education camp in the Big Pinko-Not-Protecting-the-Sanctity-of-Life-Apple. BUT MY KERRY TOO STRONG! HE GOTS PRIDE!

[Pats Jesse Helms campaign button on his jacket]

A shame we gonna have to deny him a ring again. S’ok, Kerry, we got a spot for you in the Congress if you wanna come run against this no-account pinko Heath Shuler.

I cain’t wait. We gonna name Psycho T Super Bowl MVP and party until a relatively decent hour and not get too uppity about it ’cause we genteel southern gentlemen.

WOO HOO! PASS THE AMMUNITION AND SWEET TEA! ‘Cause there never was anything finer than a North Caroliner!